by Robin Janney
Craig’s eyebrows rose sharply. “Don’t just sit there eating pie. You’ve piqued my interest, Angela. You have to tell the story behind that comment.”
What had she just opened the door to? Crap. She pushed a piece of pie around in the melting ice cream. “Derek and I dated during my senior year of high school. We’d been friends since…I think it was the third or fourth grade. He was a couple years older. At senior prom, he asked me to marry him and I told him no. Mom scolded me, but Dad knew stuff and said I’d made the right choice. I liked him, always had, but it never turned into love.” She shrugged indifferently. Her pie no longer interested her. “Besides, we had different plans for our lives and he didn’t like mine. He wanted more of a mindless concubine than a housewife.”
“You know that for certain?” he asked lightly.
His face was flat, and she couldn’t read his expression. Unsettled, she turned her eyes back to the pie and melting ice cream. “He told me so. Not in those words, but his meaning was clear. I wasn’t supposed to go to college at all. Don’t get me wrong, Craig. I’d love to be a wife and mother someday. But it’s going to be with someone I love and someone who loves me for who I am, not his version of me. I have a lot of ugly things inside me that my imaginary husband will have to deal with. And I need someone who truly is what he seems to be. Derek put on a good show, but a show is what it was.”
Craig nodded and made a disgusted face, though she didn’t see it. “He fooled a lot of people.”
“He did.”
She felt his eyes on her before he said, “I won’t ask you what you would do if your imaginary husband wanted what Derek did, because I don’t like to think there could be another like him. But, what if your future husband wants you primarily as a housewife? To give up your dreams.”
“I would sacrifice everything for the man I loved, but if he loved me – I don’t think he’d ever ask me anything that extreme.” Angela was glad to have the dessert to focus on, because she didn’t want to look at Craig right now. After all their progress, he was talking in riddles again? She couldn’t make sense of it either. What was he really asking? A different face popped into mind, and she sighed. “Pastor Mark would probably be like that. He’s said before he has no problem with a college education, but a woman shouldn’t work if she’s married wife because that’s a job in and of itself. At least that was during a Sunday school lesson and not a sermon.”
“What does he do to cause you anxiety attacks?”
“He just doesn’t get the message. I keep telling him ‘no’ whenever he invites me for dinner. He holds onto my hand too long, even if I’m trying to pull free. I swear he stares at me, even during sermons. He calls me if I deviate from my normal schedule…like if a class was canceled and I’m home early. I know he talks to my parents, though their stories don’t always line up…and I tend to believe my parents’ version. I just don’t like how he touches me.” Angela paused, gathering her thoughts. Because she wasn’t looking at him, she was unaware of the hardness of his face. “Mom used to want me to consider him, but I never could. I don’t think he holds the same kind of surprises Derek did, but I wouldn’t marry him…ever.”
“Has he hurt you?”
Why did he sound angry? She still wasn’t willing to look towards him. “Which one?”
“Either of them.”
Angela wasn’t sure how to answer him. “Pastor Mark has never touched me in a way that anyone other than me would consider threatening. Sometimes he stands too close or sneaks up on me. Derek…” This wasn’t going to be easy, but she’d opened the door, and if they were in a relationship, then he deserved to know at least as much as she did. “I let him get away with too much stuff when we were dating, so when he wouldn’t take ‘no’ for an answer – it got physical. At least I was finally able to remember my black belt and put him in his place.”
“Good,” growled Craig.
She looked at him, startled. The smile he gave her looked chagrined, and was short lived.
“Because you were able to defend yourself. Did he rape you?”
“He tried.” Angela nodded, glad he’d understood what she couldn’t say. “And he didn’t walk right for a week.” She looked back down at her dessert. The pie rested in a sea of melted ice cream. “Could you never mention it to my mom? I’ve never told her because I don’t think she’d believe me.”
“Why do you think that?”
“She’s told me so. More or less. There were a few times I tried talking to her about what was going on, but she couldn’t see through his good boy persona. I was supposed to be more submissive.” The pie didn’t even look good to Angela anymore. She didn’t want to cry anymore, but she could feel sorrow welling up inside. “I haven’t been able to confide in Mom in a really long time, Daddy’s always been the one I could go to. My mom thinks I’m a slut.”
“She doesn’t think that.”
“I acted like one until I was seventeen. I’m not surprised no one believes me when I say I’m a virgin.” She shrugged and sniffed.
Craig made a quiet sound of disgust. He moved from the chair to sit next to her on the bed. Taking the bowl and fork from her, he set them on the stand next to his lukewarm coffee. As she watched him, he took one of her hands in both of his. “Angel, we’ve talked about this before. Your actions were that of a child crying out for help, and no one knew how to help you. They still don’t. You’ve never told me how your world fell apart, and right now it doesn’t matter. I know that it hurt you. Deeply.
“You were an unbelievably young girl, faced with something you couldn’t handle. I almost wish I could have known you then. In my pride, I like to think I could have helped you. I think I still can. I don’t know what I could have done, or even what I can do now. I know I can’t fix anything for you, I’m not that naïve. But I will do whatever I can to make it easier for you. Will you let me try?”
Angela hesitated, swallowing hard.
“I won’t force you to share beyond what you can.” He reached out, tucking hair behind her ear. “I just want to be here for you.”
She looked at him for a moment, then took a leap of faith and nodded. “Okay.”
“So that’s settled.” He wiped at the tears which escaped her eyes when she blinked. “Why don’t you finish your pie, and then we’ll get on the road. I know it’s not far, but last I looked it was snowing pretty hard.”
“Better late than never.” She accepted her dessert back when he passed it to her even though it meant having to let go of his hand. She took a bite. “Still good. You…you don’t have a problem with my studying to be a vet, do you?”
“No. I’ll always support your goals.”
She smiled in relief. “I’m glad.”
C raig longed to ask her if she loved him. He thought she did, but sometimes he wasn’t sure. Would she once she found out he’d been present at the accident which had claimed her brother’s life? That was one question he was afraid to find out the answer to. Somehow it had replaced his fear about her reaction to his sexual abuse.
Finishing the pie, Angela swirled the fork around in the melted ice cream. “I think I’ll pass on the ice cream.”
“Mmm, yeah I would too. Do you want to fix your hair before we go?”
“My hair?” A hand flew up and she discovered the tangled mess. “I’ll meet you downstairs.”
She shoved the bowl and fork back to him and hurried from the bedroom. Laughing, Craig left his seat on the bed and grabbed his mug from the stand. He hadn’t thought her messy hair detracted from her beauty at all, but he had suspected she would think otherwise. And he’d been right.
He returned the dishes to the kitchen, spoke briefly with her parents. It wasn’t long before Angela appeared, and goodbyes were being said.
“Craig,” Maude was saying. “There’s a loaf of banana bread in Angela’s box of food that’s for you. It’s not much, but I hope you’ll like it.”
“Is it the same as what was passed around at din
ner?”
The older woman smiled. “It is.”
“Then I will. Thank you.”
“Now you two take it easy going home,” advised Philip, giving his daughter a hug. “And be careful going to St. Joseph’s tomorrow.”
“I will,” Angela told him.
As they walked out to his truck, Craig shifted the box he carried. It was hard to not be distracted by the real snowflakes catching in the gentle waves of her hair; she hadn’t placed the decorative ones back in her hair. Talk about a fairytale moment. Not even his high school girlfriend had provoked such romantic notions. “Angela. We’ve been through Thanksgiving and Christmas, what’s Easter like?”
The young woman pulled her coat closer around herself. “Easter starts with the sunrise service on top of Sawyer’s Peak, then breakfast at church. Afterwards there’s a service; it used to be just a celebration. Singing, testimonials. Pastor Mark likes to preach though.”
“I bet. Is there a dinner here?”
“There is.” Angela opened the passenger side door, stepping clear of snow as it fell away from the door. “It’s later in the day, closer to three. And not quite so much family. Just Aunt Sylvia and Uncle Jon.” She climbed into the truck and moved her feet to the side as he slid the box onto the floor. “Want to come?”
He looked up at her. “I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”
29
A fter Craig and Angela had left, a thought struck Philip as he helped himself to another piece of pie.
“Maude?” he began as he entered the living room and sat in his recliner. Jared and Cassie were still up, though there was no sign of his mother-in-law. “What are the standing plans for New Year’s Eve?”
“Maeve invited us to their New Year’s Eve gathering.” Maude sounded tired, but then it had been a trying day for them all. Cassie sat on the couch next to her mother, leaning into her shoulder. “I’d like to go, even though it runs past midnight. If you ask me, it’s time for a change.”
“I agree. What do you kids want to do?” Philip took a large bite of pie. This one was cherry. Blueberry desserts never lasted long in their household.
“I wanted to go to the party at Chad’s house,” answered Cassie. “Mom said she was thinking about it.”
Philip looked back to his wife who was nodding her head.
“Chad Howle,” supplied Maude. “He and his family go to the Methodist church in Sawyersville. I talked to his mother Tracey, and she said they were going to be present for the party.”
“Good enough,” Philip decided. It was a change from the boys Cassie usually dated, having followed in her sister’s footsteps so far. Was she unconsciously copying her older sister now? He could only hope. “Jared, how about you come along with your mom and me? You might have fun.”
“Can I hang with Angela and Craig if they decide to hangout with each other?” The boy sat up from his spot on the floor where he’d been laying on his stomach writing in a notebook.
“I know you love your sister, but I think it’s time we let Angela have a chance to be alone with Craig more often.”
“But I’m their chaperone! So people don’t think they’re having sex!”
“That must be your grandmother speaking.” Philip looked down at his son over the rims of imaginary reading glasses. “From my understanding, the two of them are often alone in the store after closing. If that’s not starting rumors, then your absence Sunday afternoons isn’t going to change anything.”
“Some people have taken notice,” said Maude, as she put an arm around Cassie. “But no one thinks they’re having sex. Flo still seems to think he’s gay.”
He rolled his eyeballs before returning his gaze to his meddlesome son. “Now, what is this I hear about you calling people asking for prayer for Angela and Craig?”
Jared shrugged. “They need it. So I asked Maeve, Grandma Pearl and Michelle to pray for them.”
“But not your own parents?”
His son looked embarrassed. “I didn’t think you’d approve because Craig doesn’t go to church.”
“Well, you miscalculated. Especially since it’s your grandmother with that problem.” Philip leaned back in his recliner, but didn’t kick the footrest up. “It’s settled then. You’ll come with us to the New Year’s Eve thing and you’ll start coming home with us after church too.”
“But Dad!”
“Nope, there’s no room for argument.”
His son sighed. “Fine, whatever.”
“I think it’s time you kids were in bed,” said Maude before he could reprimand his son. “Especially you, Jared, before your father scolds you for your attitude.”
“Good idea.” The boy grabbed the notebook he’d been writing in and took off. “Goodnight!”
“You too, Cassie.” Maude rubbed the girl’s arm, but she didn’t move.
“Can I ask something first?” Cassie leaned forward, looking at both parents.
Philip sat his empty plate to the side. His daughter had colored her hair red and green for the holidays, and even her mother was secretly amused at her color choices. “Sure. What’s up, Cass?”
“I was around front with the kids, so I didn’t see what happened. Did Angela try killing herself again?” His daughter’s hands clasped and unclasped in front of her.
“Oh no, sweetheart.” Maude leaned forward, her arm going around their youngest daughter again. “We were watching from the window. She had her tantrum, and it looked like she was trying to cheer herself up afterwards. The ice breaking was an accident.”
Cassie sagged in relief. “I was so worried. I mean, she’s been so happy recently. Don’t tell her I was worried though.”
Both parents chuckled.
“We won’t tell her you care,” said Philip.
“What happened anyway? I haven’t seen her like that for a really long time.”
“It was a combination of things,” explained Maude. “First your grandmother interrupted what would have been your sister’s first kiss with Craig. I don’t know everything Grandma said upstairs, but she slipped up and said Randy’s name.”
Cassie took a moment to take this in. “I hope she ends up getting her kiss.” The teenager yawned. “She makes me angry sometimes, but I like how she’s been recently.”
“Why don’t you go to bed now?” Maude kissed her daughter’s temple.
“K. G’night.” Cassie kissed them both on the cheek before heading up the stairs for bed.
Blessed silence filled the house. Philip loved the holidays, but he was just as glad when they were over.
“How’d you know it would have been their first kiss?” Philip asked his wife. “Did Angela tell you that?”
“Oh, heavens no!” Maude laughed at the notion. “Mother told me what she witnessed, and how Angela said it was the first time she’d even been in his arms since Princess was hit. It doesn’t take a genius to do the math.”
Philip nodded in agreement. “Where’d your mother get off to anyways?”
“She laid down in Cassie’s room. I think she feels bad about what happened.”
“We all do.”
T raveling in the snowstorm was slow, mostly because Craig wasn’t in a hurry. The cab was warming, and the radio played a soft country Christmas carol. Despite the emotions of the day, in this moment he was content.
“So,” he started off with, “What were you and your mother arguing about? Must have been pretty big to argue after everything else today.”
Angela yawned. “The usual stuff. I’m working too hard, not taking care of myself, my virginity. She doesn’t think the farm is worth saving. Or that I’m just working too hard. I’m not sure which.”
“That’s quite a mix,” he agreed.
“Some of the happiest times of my life were on the farm. And some of the saddest. I don’t want the family cemetery to fall out of our hands either.” Angela sighed, and he could hear exhaustion despite the hours she’d slept. “This farm is precious to me, Craig. We wanted
so badly to be in the country when we lived in the city. We got so tired of playing in the park all the time.”
We. He’d bet it referred to her brother and her, and not her parents. It could be hard talking around an incident he turned out to be present for. Would it hurt her? “Have you thought maybe it’s time to let go of the past and make new memories? We all have to leave behind places and people we love.”
She made a sad sound as they turned in Simmons Crossroads. “Sometimes. It’s just…if I ever have children, I want to be able to bring them back here. Craig, I just can’t let the farm be sold to some city slicker who wants to try his hand at farming because he’s going through some kind of mid-life crisis.” She leaned her head against the side of the truck. “I don’t give up on the things I love.”
“So I’ve noticed.” Craig glanced over at her. “Come here.”
“Hmm?”
“Slide across the seat and lean against me. It’ll be softer and probably warmer.”
“Oh.” Angela unbuckled and slid across the bench seat. Leaning against him, she inhaled deeply. “You smell so nice.”
He chuckled. “So do you.” Craig smiled, grateful for the darkness. If it weren’t for the weather, he would have slipped an arm around her. “How the heck did your virginity get mixed into everything? I don’t see how it has anything to do with how hard you work.”
“I was telling Mom about some of the nice memories, trying to explain why the farm is so important to me. I made the mistake of mentioning my first kiss being under the maple tree by the barn. One thing led to another.”
“I see.” He remembered his first kiss. It hadn’t made his heart race like the close encounter they’d had today. “Tell me about it.”
“Tell you about what?”
“About your first kiss.”
“You can’t be serious.”
“I am.” Baby steps, he reminded himself. “I was thirteen when I first kissed a girl. It was awkward at first, but Katie said she liked it.” Craig could feel his face warming at the memory of Katie. He hadn’t thought of her in years. She’d been so hurt when he’d dumped her after Veronica had raped him, but he didn’t regret his decision; especially since she’d ended up pregnant before the end of their senior year. It had brought him to this place, to this woman beside him. “I kind of liked it too, even though her braces got in the way. Your turn. How old were you?”
