The Farmer's Daughter: The Dragon Dream: Book One

by Robin Janney

  Her skin still burned at the memory of Craig’s touch. She still wanted it. She couldn’t even process it all. He’d started making love to her…but had stopped…and she didn’t understand why.

  She was still sitting in the middle of the couch looking at the evidence of Craig’s hasty departure when the phone rang. “Oh God, no…not now…” Tears were leaking out of her eyes. She doubted it was Craig. Not this soon after. She waited for the answering machine to pick up.

  It was the same heavy breaths, but the caller didn’t wait long before speaking in his altered voice.

  “Hello Angela. I know you’re listening to me. Tell me, how does it feel to have something started only to have it ripped away from you because the other person is a sniveling little bitch? Oh wait, you were the one who stopped it last time…you’re the sniveling little bitch sitting on her couch now because her boyfriend remembered what a slut she is. I could come in, I could finish what he started…but then you would never remember this feeling…and I want you to remember…”

  Panic rose up in Angela. How did he know she was on the couch? Holding a hand to her chest, she stumbled into the kitchen. Standing in the open doorway, she looked out into the dark night. There was nothing out there except cold and snow. A few houses still had their Christmas lights turned on. Her caller continued to mock her.

  “Trying to find me?” The caller laughed. Altered as it was, it sounded truly evil. “I spy with my little eye my ugly little bitch in the doorway, holding her chest because she’s a scaredy-cat. It’s a lovely outfit, Angela…not quite as much as you used to show. Remember how you used to wear those shorts that crawled up your ass? Those crop tops which showed your lacy bra straps…when you bothered to wear one. Mmm, I miss those outfits, but I guess you don’t want him to think you’re too eager…oh, but he left anyway didn’t he?”

  Snapping, Angela picked the receiver up. “Please,” she sobbed. “Just stop…okay? I’m sorry…But I can’t keep doing this…”

  “Oh, we’ll keep doing this, Angela…it’s so much fun. You’re not going to be able to stop me the next time I sink my teeth into that pretty neck of yours. Happy New Year’s.”

  The caller hung up, and she slammed the receiver back down. She stood there, gasping and crying. What if he decided to come in like he threatened? She was frightened, and she didn’t even know if she had a boyfriend who cared if she was scared.

  With trembling hands, she maneuvered a chair under the door handle. She couldn’t even call her father. It was one thing to tell him how Derek had tried forcing her. How would this conversation go? ‘I said yes, but he changed his mind’? Somehow it was even more humiliating. Humiliating enough she never thought to call her father to let him know her caller was indeed Derek…and had just threatened her.

  Angela stumbled to her bathroom, desperate to stop the emotions tripping over themselves inside her. Turning her shower on as hot as she could stand it, she stripped and climbed in.

  “God, why?” It was almost a wail. She turned her face into the hot stream, but it wasn’t working…it just seemed to encourage the tears. “No, no, no…” It wasn’t Craig’s hands she was feeling now, but Derek’s. Craig’s touch was a distant memory as the older memories forced themselves forward. She could feel teeth sinking into her skin again, fingers poking her and she clawed at herself trying to stop it.

  His proposal hadn’t taken her by surprise, but his reaction to her answer had. He’d taken her to the top of Sawyer’s Peak after prom and in the moonlight had pulled a shiny ring out of his pocket. He hadn’t gotten down on one knee, but he’d made a nice speech standing there in the moonlight. She should have said she’d think about it, just so he would have taken her home. But no…she’d just said no. What had she been thinking? He’d been violent before, but it had still surprised her.

  He had backhanded her hard enough to knock her to the ground. She’d had no time to recover before he’d been on top of her. He had rolled her over…clawed at her, ripping her dress…his nails drawing blood…

  “No, no, no…” But the memories wouldn’t stop, even though she clawed at her own skin in an attempt to make the sensations go away. Her neck hadn’t been the only place he’d bitten her. There had been no kissing, no softness. Mom had even teased her about the bite mark on her neck the next day, something about telling Derek to be gentler. She’d barely been able to say they’d broken up.

  Once it faded away, Angela found herself sitting on floor of the tub, not remembering having sat down. She wished she could drown in the water flowing over her, which was now cold and hugged her knees to her chest. She’d only found the strength to fight him off after he’d made a crude comment about her brother, about Randy. It had been such a long walk down the mountain, especially with one shoe missing. Daddy, can you come get me? Bring a change of clothes…something warm, I’m cold…don’t tell Mom…I don’t want anyone to know…

  She’d never told her father how bad it had been, didn’t want him hurting Derek despite all he’d done. After all, she’d taken care of it, hadn’t she? No one needed to know.

  “Angela?” There was a pounding on the wall between her apartment and Maggie’s. Her neighbor’s muffled voice was asking, “Angela? Are you okay?”

  She’d woken Maggie. Had she been screaming? Her throat felt like maybe she had. How long had Maggie been pounding?

  “Angela? I’m coming over…”

  She had blocked the door, but Angela couldn’t move. She couldn’t even speak yet. In moments, she heard the chair in the kitchen breaking. Maggie Witherspoon came rushing through into the bathroom shortly afterwards.

  “Angela! Oh my God, are you alright?” The plump woman reached in and turned the water off. The usually clumsy woman was suddenly not, moving with a precision the hurting woman couldn’t process. “Did he hurt you?”

  “No…he…” Her teeth were chattering as she tried to answer her neighbor. Maggie grabbed a nearby towel and wrapped it around her shivering shoulders. “Craig left. He didn’t want me.”

  “Oh Ange, I’m sorry. Come on, get out of the shower and dry off. I’ll make you some tea while you get some clothes on and we’ll talk.” Maggie waited for her nod. “Come out when you’re ready.”

  Climbing out of the shower, Angela looked at herself in the mirror above the sink. She’d been clawing herself again, trying to stop the memories. Red streaks ran down her neck, across her breasts, down her thighs. At least she hadn’t drawn blood this time. She ran the towel over her body, over her face. She braided her wet hair without drying it well. Twisting the braid into a tight bun, Angela stabbed hair pins in mercilessly, not caring how tight it was wrapped or how the pins dug into her scalp.

  Using the door to the bedroom, Angela found a pair of flannel pajamas in her dresser and put them on. She didn’t feel any warmer. When she entered the kitchen, Maggie was placing a steaming mug on the table.

  “How bad is the chair broken?” Angela asked, sitting in one of the remaining ones.

  “Nothing a little wood glue won’t fix,” the other woman said. She looked at Angela and gave a little gasp. “Don’t tell me he didn’t hurt you! Look at those scratches! Let me call the police!”

  “No!” Angela pulled the collar of the pajama top up higher. Was Derek still watching? She cringed at the thought. Where was he watching from, how could he see her? “No, Maggie…I did this. It wasn’t Craig. I just…”

  Maggie sat in the chair next to her, placed a soft hand on her shoulder. “Angela, tell me the truth. Don’t protect him just because you love him.”

  “I am telling you the truth.” She was crying again. “Someone called me, after Craig left…and he reminded me of the night he tried to rape me, a long time ago. And it all came back. Sometimes when that happens, I scratch myself.”

  Letting out the breath she’d been holding, Maggie relaxed. She began rubbing Angela’s back. “Have you ever gotten help for those memories?”

  Angela shrugged, taking the c
up of tea her neighbor had fixed for her into both hands. “I talk to Dr. Evans sometimes. Sometimes Maeve.”

  “But nothing regular?”

  She shook her head and sipped at the steaming tea. The warm liquid slid down easily. She tried to sound calmer than she felt. “I’ll be okay, really. I’m sorry I woke you again.”

  “That’s alright. I’m just glad you weren’t hurt tonight. I take it Craig started something and didn’t finish?”

  “Yeah. I guess he’s been hurt worse than I thought. Either that, or maybe I’m just not pretty enough. I don’t know. There wasn’t a lot of conversation when he left.” She sniffed.

  The other woman laughed. “Angela, even if I was straight, I’d still think you’re pretty.”

  Even in her despair, Angela chuckled at that. “Thanks.”

  “If I go back to my bed, are you going to be okay?”

  “Yeah, I will. I don’t have to work tomorrow so I’ll probably just pop a sleeping pill and sleep it off.”

  Maggie gave her a one-armed squeeze. “If you ever need to talk, I’m right next door. You remember that.”

  “I will. Thanks Maggie.”

  The silence after the large woman left threatened to overwhelm Angela. It was all she could do not to call after Maggie and ask her to come back.

  She contemplated putting another chair under the doorknob, but if it hadn’t been enough to stop Maggie, it wouldn’t be enough to stop Derek. What was the point? Rising from the table, she crossed the room to the drawer where she kept her knives. Picking a small paring knife, she flicked off the kitchen light and grabbed her tea.

  In her bedroom, Angela slid the knife under her pillow. Sitting on the edge of the bed, she pulled the bedside drawer open and found her sleeping pills. Dr. Evans wanted her to wait longer, but technically he had cleared her Friday. And technically, it was Sunday now. She poured all the pills into her hand.

  Take them all, whispered a seductive voice. What do you have left to hope for? Craig doesn’t want you. And no one needs you to save the farm. No one wants you to. You’re a burden to them, Angela…lift their burdens and end your pain…

  The proof of that, was in the fact she had no one to call right now. She couldn’t admit her shame tonight to Michelle, and if she called her father at this hour she’d wake the entire household up. She couldn’t call Craig, she had no idea what was going on with him right now anyway. And she could feel Derek’s hands on her again…

  End it…you know you want to…How many times are you going to chicken out? Just swallow the pills…

  “No,” she whispered to the darkness. She returned all but one pill to the bottle and put the bottle away. Swallowing the pill, she washed it down with the herbal tea. “I need to save the farm for me. Then maybe you can have me.”

  As the pill pulled her into slumber, she thought she heard the darkness whisper back as imaginary shadows twisted in her room.

  Deal?

  “Deal.”

  33

  T he phone was ringing. Why? She had nowhere to be today. Unless she had slept through until Monday, but that hadn’t happened in years.

  In a haze, Angela reached for her phone. She almost dropped it but managed to get it to her ear. Something clattered to the floor, but she wasn’t sure what. “M’yeah?”

  “Angela?”

  Craig’s voice caused something inside to tremble. But she couldn’t get her thoughts to form a straight line. Why didn’t he want her? Was she ugly after all? Or just not pure enough? “Expecting someone else?”

  “Are you okay?”

  “No. What day is it?”

  “New Year’s Day,” answered Craig, his voice patient. “When you’re more wake, can I come up and talk with you?”

  “No.” Just the thought made her heart hurt. And her stomach. “I don’t want you in my apartment right now.”

  “I guess I can understand that.” There was a silence, but she sensed he wasn’t done. She was right. “Would you be willing to come down to the store then? I really need to talk with you.”

  So – he didn’t want her in his home either. What should she do? What was there to say? Could something like this even be fixed? How long had she been silent?

  “Please Angel.”

  He was still calling her Angel. What did that mean?

  “Later,” Angela decided. “I’m going back to sleep.”

  “Alright. I’ll see you later then.”

  She didn’t respond, saw no need to repeat herself, and hung up without another word. And then laid there, thinking about blowing him off. Thought about walking away from it all. She could finish her education anywhere, and not even her mother wanted the farm to stay in the family. Michelle would help her start over. How much money would it take to get to California?

  But Craig had called her Angel.

  And she knew she wouldn’t be able to go back to sleep. With an exaggerated sigh, she rolled out of bed. The sight of her paring knife on the floor gave her pause. Hadn’t she put that under her pillow? She bent over and picked it up, wondering if she was remembering correctly. Having no ready answer, she carried it with her to the bathroom as she carried out her morning routine.

  Once at the store, Angela headed straight back to Craig’s office. It was somewhat against protocol, even if she was the boss’s girlfriend, but she was beyond caring. If he wanted to fire her, she’d find work somewhere else. Not bothering to knock, she opened the office door and stopped in her tracks. He and David were deep in discussion, and it was obvious she was interrupting. For some reason, it fueled her low burning anger.

  There was an awkward moment of silence.

  “Sorry,” said Angela, her voice hard. “I’ll come back later.”

  “No, come in,” replied David. He rose from the wooden chair – no doubt having felt the tension in the room skyrocket. “I was…just leaving.” And he did just that.

  Leaving the door open behind her, she stepped into the room. She didn’t know whether to say anything. ‘Hello’ seemed so trivial at the moment. He rose from his chair, offering it to her like he had many times before. It was a gesture she couldn’t handle right now and just stood there looking at him.

  “Could you shut the door?” he asked.

  His voice was quiet, and if she had been able to hear, laced with pain.

  She may have shut the door harder than necessary. She walked the few steps to the wooden chair David had vacated and sat in it, back straight with her hands folded in her lap. And waited.

  Craig sat back down in his chair, looking at upside down paperwork. It was obvious even to her that he didn’t know where to start. “About last night…”

  “What if I don’t want to talk about it?” Angela demanded, every bit as angrily as she’d intended. He hounded her for her secrets but wasn’t willing to share his. He could touch her, but she couldn’t touch back. It wasn’t what she had meant back at Christmas when she’d told him no pressure.

  He glanced at her. “I would have to ask: why?”

  “I think you made yourself perfectly clear. What would be the point of further discussion?” He looked at her long enough now to make her finger the thick turtleneck around her throat. She hoped none of her self-inflicted scratches showed. She didn’t want his pity. Was he still her boyfriend?

  “Because we need to.” He fidgeted with the items on the top of his desk, and she thought she saw the corner of a sketchbook. It was just another secret he kept from her. He rolled his shoulders, and said, “I need you to understand why it happened, so we can put it behind us and move on.”

  “So I’m just supposed to forget about it? Just like that? Pretend it never happened?” She slapped an open palm on his desk, causing him to jump. “Craig, I liked what you were doing, and I didn’t want you to stop!”

  “But I wasn’t ready for it!” His pain began to be replaced with anger. “Besides, you’re the faithful Christian. You should have told me to stop.”

  She wanted to snap back,
but she knew the truth of what her church taught. And it pissed her off to have a man who professed disbelief to call her on it.

  Craig continued, anger growing in his voice. “How hard can it be for you to forget about it if I wanted you to? You forgot all about those boys in high school, didn’t you?”

  Did he just call her a slut? Had Derek been right about that after all? The thought was devastating, but she clung to her anger so she wouldn’t dissolve into tears. “Excuse me?”

  “You did say once you never let them go farther than you wanted. Considering how far you were willing to let me go, I was just wondering how far you really let them go.”

  “How dare you!” She was on her feet without realizing it, her fists clenched by her sides. “For your information only one boy ever got past kissing me, and if you recall Derek limped for a week after. No one…” She had to leave, before the panic at saying his name brought on a full attack, before she felt his hands upon her again. “I have to go.”

  She was halfway down the hallway when her boyfriend caught up to her. His hand caught her at the elbow, firm enough to pull her to a stop.

  “Angela, wait. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that. I’m trying to apologize, and you won’t let me. No one’s ever what?”

  She couldn’t look at him. Unwanted tears were flowing down her face, and he was so near…but she felt so far away. “No one’s ever touched me like that, Craig. No one’s even kissed me like that.” She pulled her arm away. “I’ll be in for work like usual tomorrow, but once the store closes, I’ll be going home. I’m sorry. I just can’t right now.”

  “Angela, please…”

  But she was gone, leaving him standing there alone.

  34

  “A

  ngela, you’ve been coughing for a week now,” said Becky, lowering her tired bulk into her folding chair in the quiet deli. It had been a full minute since a customer had been seen and she felt safe enough to rest. “Don’t you think you should see a doctor?”