by Alina Banks
“No. When it gets locked away like that, I know that not even the witch who did it is able to feel it. It’s likely she knows she did it, but not exactly when, because of how old she was at the time. Our memories from that time are always quite fuzzy, and it wouldn’t be until she was given them back that she would have realized what she did. That’s likely to be something Madeline did on purpose. She knew it would lead to something like this. Lilah…I think there’s a lot she’s been hiding from you and from Becca, ever since it became obvious how strong you are. Now that she’s accepted her position, she doesn’t want to be the weakest link, but her choices are what led to this, so she’s angry with herself - and like she always did before, she’s taking that anger out on other people. She used to do it with her mom, a lot.”
“This could lead to her death.”
“It could, and she’s the only one who can walk a different path now. You’ve done what you could, Becca’s done what she could, and Will’s done what he could. If Lilah isn’t willing to listen, then there’s nothing else you can do. She has to make her own mistakes, and if it goes as badly as you think it will, then that’s on her. Not on you. She has to make her own mistakes, the same way you will.”
“Do you know how much I hate that?”
“Yes, I do.” Alice smiled. “I know what Lilah’s like. She was a friend before we all knew what we were, probably because our moms spent so much time together. I definitely know how stubborn she can be. We all found out we were witches at similar times. As hard as it was, we found a way to be able to learn more about the magic that was a part of us, while she didn’t want to know. She pushed us all away for a while, before she started to accept that we could still be a part of her life, but even then, things weren’t the same way as they were before. She didn’t understand why we were so happy to be what we were, not understanding it wasn’t that we were happy - it was more that we were finding it easier to accept our differences than she was. Clinging onto her normality was something she did throughout her teen years, and there was nothing we could do to make her see that it was probably a mistake.”
“Jessie told me she saw you last night.” Damien looked at me. “What did she say?”
I shrugged. “Nothing I wasn’t expecting her to say.” Hopefully, it wouldn’t be long before either James or Sabrina joined us, so I’d be able to avoid conversations about anything I didn’t want to talk about. My eyes met his for a moment. “I’m pretty sure you already know what she said, too, so there’s no reason for you to ask.”
“Honestly, Ana, I was hoping she wouldn’t. It means things aren’t going to be as simple as I hoped they would be.” He shrugged. “Jessie and I…sometimes things are okay between the two of us, and sometimes they aren’t. I know she made decisions she regrets now, back when she first became a vampire. We all did, really, but hers affected her for a long time after that, and I know Madeline was worried Jessie wouldn’t be able to do what we all thought we had to. The demon made it obvious back then that he had certain expectations, and if we didn’t do what he wanted…I think if he could have, he probably would have created another group of vampires if we didn’t follow his orders. Even now, defying him isn’t easy. I made that choice due to who I was before, and I know that Jessie doesn’t believe me when I say all I want is to be human.”
“Why would she?” I shook my head. “Why would anyone? You’re immortal, Damien, and most people would give up anything for that.”
“Yeah, they would, and I did. Even though it wasn’t a choice I made. Maybe, had I been asked, I would have made that decision, but I wasn’t. And now that I’ve been a vampire for this long, I understand why this isn’t something anyone would want. Everyone around me, apart from three other people, is mortal. The people I get close to are all going to die. At times, they might even die due to my family believing it’s for the best, as I’m getting too attached, and we don’t have any way to turn others into vampires.”
“Violet died.”
Nodding, he raked a hand through his hair. “The cemetery, because of the magic, isn’t somewhere I can go, but I did come by here when I heard the news. I left flowers outside the cemetery, hoping that would be enough. I…she never truly believed me when I told her I wanted to be human, but she still did everything she could to help me. I never told her we were family. To be honest, I don’t think it would have mattered to her. She was doing what she thought was best. It got to the point that I didn’t think I’d ever meet someone with the strength to be able to cast the spell she created.”
“There are no guarantees I can, either. I am strong, but that doesn’t mean I can free you from the curse. I’ll do my best because I can’t imagine what it must be like, but there are no certainties.”
“I know. Even just a chance to regain what I lost is better than nothing.” He sighed. “I can’t go back to who I was before. I’m never going to be able to forget what I did or why I did it, or what it’s been like to have to drink blood in order to survive.” He shook his head. “I wish I could remove those memories before I become mortal again, but I don’t know how much damage that will do. I’ve seen how bad it can be if one of us tries to change too much.”
“Madeline was still willing to try that on Mom.”
“She’s the best of us at working with memories. I know we wouldn’t have done something like that if we didn’t have Madeline around, because none of us are skilled enough. She’s much more gentle than we are, which is part of the reason she was able to give Delilah her old memories back. If it had been any one of us, there’s a chance they would have been gone forever. If I could ask her to take my memories, I would, but that would mean for her to find out the truth, and that’s not what I want right now.”
Every day that passed got us one day closer to the end of the week. I wasn’t sure exactly when Mom was planning on making her move on the vampires, but I did have Sasha out watching her, in the hope that I might be able to stop whatever it was she was in the middle of. Only, I had a feeling I wasn’t going to be able to stop her. That the last time I would see her was going to be my final goodbye.
As I sat there in the sanctuary, I couldn’t help wondering if I’d ever actually known her or if I just saw her in the way she wanted me to see her. Being a parent was easier for her when we were far away from Clermont, and she couldn’t be certain I was a witch. Being a witch and being as strong as I was had complicated everything. I saw it back when we were dealing with the demon and his minion the first time. Mom wanted me to take a step back. She didn’t want me to accept who I was, maybe because she’d never truly accepted who she was.
What I wanted was someone I could talk to who was my age, a witch, and understood what it was like to have a parent like Mom. Only that wasn’t going to happen any time soon. All I could do was come to terms with it all alone. No one had been through what I had…unless I went back to the last time the coven splintered. Miss Cane had mentioned it before, and she talked about how the calling spell had been created back then. It was the last time the vampires had been in Clermont, which was after Violet had died.
Slowly, thinking, I went through the journals that came after Violet. My own journal was in my room, and I knew the time would come when it would join the other Conway journals, so others could see what things had been like for me. If I was really lucky, I might be the last of the Conway witches to have to deal with the demon. Nibbling my lip, I found myself wondering if it was truly possible to force him away from our world for as long as he existed. I had a feeling the time would come when he’d return, but far in the future, maybe when the coven had forgotten everything about him.
Finally, I found what I was looking for. A journal, written in handwriting similar to my own, by a young witch who was going through something similar to me. With it in my hand, I stepped over to my comfy chair. Only, like before, I heard yelling from the house, which was the last thing I’d been expecting. Just as I was about to leave the sanctuary, Sasha appeared. I knew for cer
tain that Mom was back, for some reason. For a moment, I stayed where I was, not certain I really wanted to deal with her, before stepping out into the garden. There, I could hear the yelling more clearly, and there was no doubt in my mind it was Mom. Following the yelling was Dad’s voice, seemingly doing his best to calm Mom down. It wasn’t working, but then again, that didn’t surprise me all that much.
“Mom, why are you here?” My voice, at least, stopped the yelling for a moment, as Mom looked at me. Her eyes met mine for a moment. Then she shook her head. “It’s nice to see you, but coming here and yelling at Dad really isn’t fair. He’s doing his best.”
Laughing, Mom turned back to Dad. “I take it she’s chosen your side then.”
“Okay, I’m right here. Don’t talk about me like I’m not standing right in front of you. I haven’t chosen any sides, Mom, because as far as I’m concerned, there aren’t any. You might see things otherwise. I know you’re going through a lot right now, and I want to help you, but I can’t if you won’t let me.”
“Really?” She shook her head. “That’s why you did so much to help me when my memories were stolen, right? You could have found a way to give them back to me, but you chose not to. Was it easier for you when I wasn’t around? No more worrying about the weak link.” She glared at me. “I know William told you I’m the reason you’re so strong, and yet you still treat me like I’m an idiot. Like I’m not the leader of the coven.”
Chapter Twenty-One
A tear trickled down my cheek. I scrubbed it away, not really wanting to cry. Thinking of Mom and the way she’d acted hurt more than I really wanted it to. She wasn’t herself. That was why she was acting so strangely, and we were going to be able to find a way to fix it, preferably before anything happened to her - although there was this voice in the back of my mind asking why I was bothering. It wasn’t so long ago when she was doing everything she could to keep the truth from me. She didn’t want me to know I was a witch. Was she always jealous because I had more power than she did? I shook my head. Did it really matter why? What mattered was the fact that she’d kept that truth from me for as long as she could, even though other people tried to convince her to tell me, and then she said it was because she’d never wanted to be a witch, so she thought accepting the truth would be just as hard for me as it was for her. Only it wasn’t. That was her assumption.
Stepping into the hospital, I found myself walking almost as though I was on autopilot to Miss Cane’s office. It wasn’t somewhere I would normally have gone, but she needed to know how badly things had worked out. Mom was going to make her move on the vampires without us because that was what she believed was right, even though I tried to convince her it would be better for everyone if she made a different choice. One in which I didn’t have to worry that the next time I saw her would be when she was dead. Fortunately for me, Miss Cane was right where I hoped she would be, sitting behind her desk. When I stepped into the room, she looked up at me.
“Lilah?”
Nodding, I slumped into the seat opposite her. “She dropped by this evening.” I shook my head. “It’s a mess. I have no idea what to do next, but Mom…she’s not who she was a month ago before the Easons turned up, and I know it’s because of what they did. I just don’t know if it’s because they gave her certain memories that have led to this, or if it’s just due to the fact she was given old memories she never wanted to get back. Like the one where she wanted to be normal so badly, she managed to push her magic away before it had even really become a part of her.”
“Your dad might not have told you this, but Lilah did hand in her notice of resignation a couple of days ago. She doesn’t want to work here any longer. I think she’s gotten to the point where she really doesn’t want to be around anyone, and from what I can tell, it is due to her memories coming back. I don’t think the Easons left anything they shouldn’t have done. I might be wrong, but this is how I remember her being not long after her mom died. She knew that meant she had to be the leader of the coven, but that wasn’t what she wanted. I know I was the only person she told that she was leaving with Will and not planning on returning, because I’d be the one who had to take over for her. When she came back, I was happy for her to be the leader once more. Now, she thinks I never wanted her back, and I know that was what she feared. She thought I wasn’t going to be willing to let her take her place back because I’d been in it for so long, but it wasn’t something I wanted either. Having it was nothing more than a horrible weight on my shoulders.”
“For some reason, she’s furious with me, and I’m pretty sure it’s because I ‘took’ her magic, when in actuality, it’s pretty obvious she gave it to me. I think she thought once I learned the truth, I’d offer to give it back. There is a part of me that wants to, but I know better than to do something like that right now. If she wasn’t acting like a petulant child, then she’d remember why it wouldn’t be possible now too.”
“This will fade. I just don’t know if we have enough time before she does something that can’t be undone.”
“Can I speak with you for a moment?”
Hearing Madeline’s voice sent a shiver of emotion down my spine. Turning, I did my best to seem at least civil, because she was technically my boyfriend’s mother. Even thinking that was weird. Damien being my boyfriend wasn’t something I’d ever get used to. “I need to be heading home soon, but I have a few minutes.” I tried to smile. “What did you want to talk about?”
She gestured for me to follow her, so I did. Then she stepped into her office, and that…I took a moment before stepping into her office too. When she closed the door behind me, I looked at her. She looked back at me. “Damien said you’re important to him. I wouldn’t be surprised if that really is the situation we’ve found ourselves in. He thinks we’ve forgotten that you’re family to him, and therefore, he cares far more about you that he truly should, but it is what it is. I’m not going to push Damien to be someone different. That is something my partner is far more likely to do because he has a very specific image of how we should all be, and if it wasn’t for me, Damien would be in a very different position than the one he’s in right now. He doesn’t entirely understand how much I care about him.”
I raised an eyebrow. “Is that all you wanted to talk about?”
“No, but I want you to see the full picture. We are what we are due to the demon.” I blinked at her. “Honestly, Ana, I’m not going to pretend you don’t know what we are. I know you’re not an idiot. From the beginning, you knew there was something strange about us because of what you are, so let’s just be honest with each other. It’s going to be so much easier than beating around the bush.”
“You aren’t wrong about that.” I sighed. “I know what you were doing when you chose Mom.”
“We’re on different sides. That’s just how things are. She, however, is foolish enough to throw herself into a situation she doesn’t truly understand. You aren’t.” Madeline smiled at me. “You’re taking the time you need to learn about us, knowing the time will come when we have no other options. I think you’re the one who should have been the coven leader, but that, sadly, isn’t how things work. If they did, then everything would be different right now. However, I wanted to assure you that anything Delilah does will not be held against you in any way. She is going to make certain choices that she will regret, but there’s nothing we can do to stop that now. We did as we were asked. We gave her memories back. It’s not our fault she didn’t want them as much as she thought she would, because she’s reminded of the person she really is.”
Dad was waiting for me when I got back. I sat down opposite him. “Are you okay?”
“As okay as I can be right now.” His eyes met with mine. “How are you?”
I shook my head. “No idea. Everything’s a mess right now, and I don’t know how any of it’s going to work out, but on the upside, the Easons won’t blame it on the coven if Mom does something stupid.” I glared at the wall. “What I don’t
want is for Mom to make any choices she can’t undo, and I know that’s not going to happen because she’s angry with everyone right now… mostly due to the choices she’s made. Nothing about any of this makes sense.”
“That’s because you’ve never been in your mom’s shoes. Neither have I. However, I remember being around back then, and she…for a long time, she was disconnected from everyone. She didn’t want anything to do with any of us. It took her a long time to choose to open up to anyone because she resented all of us for different reasons. Those of us who didn’t have magic, she resented because we were normal. Those who did, she resented for being able to accept what they were. Being able to let go of that took her a long time, and I don’t think she truly came to terms with being a witch. She hated everything about it. When she talked to me about it, there were so many reasons why she hated it, but part of it was because of how weak she was. If she had more power, things would have been easier. Or, at least, that was what she thought. Finding out she inadvertently gave up on that power…it’s hard for her. I understand why she’s acting the way she is, but that doesn’t excuse her choices. I’m not willing to forgive her for anything she’s done recently until she at least apologizes. Treating us the way she has been isn’t fair.”
“She’s getting angry at me for being the one to take her power when that wasn’t something I did. She was the one who pushed it away. Maybe she would have made a different choice if she knew, but I don’t think she would have, because she didn’t want to be a witch. Having more power wasn’t going to change that. That’s how she was able to shove it all away in the first place.” I shrugged. “She did something she regrets now, and she’s making the decision to hit the vampires when she knows she isn’t strong enough. The choices she’s making right now…I just don’t know how we’re meant to get through this. I don’t think we can. Not if she does make her move on the vampires.”
