by Bobbi Smith
"Yes?" She waited expectantly.
"I guess I'd better start at the beginning...."
"That would help."
And Brandy did. She told her mother how she'd met Rafe on the Pride, and how attracted she'd been to him. She told her how he'd saved her from the drunken Jones and how she'd returned the favor by rescuing him from Lottie Demers. Libby laughed heartily at that story.
"I don't know what happened after that night. I had liked him up until then, but as I was leaving his cabin, he accused me of being in on the scheme and asked me what I wanted out of him."
"Rafe did?"
"Oh, yes. I told him I wanted nothing from him, and the next night when he came down to gamble, I was determined to beat him."
Brandy paused as she remembered her humiliation.
"What happened?"
"I didn't beat him."
"You lost?"
"Badly."
"How badly?"
"Thousands."
"Brandy!" Libby gasped.
"I know. I had a decent hand. I thought I had him beaten. I didn't, and I didn't have enough money to pay him what I owed him."
Libby's eyes were wide as she whispered, "I always worried that you'd be hurt that way some day. How did you get the money?"
Brandy drew a strangled breath as she prepared to tell her mother the ugly truth of their marriage. "I arranged to meet with him the following morning, in hopes that I could borrow the money from Ben. But Ben had only a portion of what I owed, so I had to go to Rafe and offer to make payments to him until it was all paid off."
"What did Rafe say?"
Brandy swallowed nervously. "He refused to let me pay it off a little at a time. He made me a counteroffer."
Libby nodded, waiting.
"He said that he would forgive the debt if I would marry him, bear him a child and then leave. He said he had no need or desire for a wife, but that he'd always wanted children and this seemed the perfect way for him to get what he wanted."
"Rafe couldn't have said that!" Libby was completely taken aback. The callousness of his offer seemed totally at odds with the man she'd come to know and love there at Bellerive. Rafe was a good man, a loving man. Surely, this couldn't be true.
"I'm sorry, Mama. But that's the truth of how we came to be married."
"And you agreed to those terms?"
"What else could I do? I owed him money - a lot of money."
"But to agree to leave your own child..."
"I never planned to go through with it. I had hoped to find a way to earn back the money before I got pregnant. That way I could pay him off and be free of my debt. But it didn't work out that way. You know the night he came back early from New Orleans?"
"Yes. I went to bed early that night."
"And it's good you did. You missed what happened. I had already realized I was pregnant, and I knew I had to do something fast. I made arrangements to be the hostess for a poker game. Rafe wasn't supposed to be home for days, and yet he showed up that night just as I was getting ready to leave."
"That was when he moved you into this bedroom, wasn't it?"
"Yes. He was furious. And then yesterday, when he discovered I was pregnant... Well, it was awful, Mama."
Libby stood up and went to her daughter, gathering her in her arms and holding her close. "I'm sorry, sweetheart. I'm so sorry. I never knew. I realized that you two seemed tense around each other, but that's normal in marriage. There are always things that have to be worked out. But I never suspected that it was anything like this.... It just doesn't make sense, his acting this way." She was still having trouble trying to reconcile the Rafe she knew with the man Brandy had just described to her.
"I understand why he's doing this." At her mother's questioning look, Brandy quickly told her of his parents' tragic marriage and the hurt he'd suffered at the time. "But it doesn't make it any easier for me to accept. That's why I'm telling you this. That's why we have to leave here, now."
"But Brandy, think about what you're saying. Do you really want to leave Rafe, to just walk away? He's the father of your child."
"I have to, Mama. He doesn't love me. He doesn't even want me. All he wants is our baby, and I cannot, will not, abandon my child."
"There's one thing you haven't told me yet," Libby said quietly.
"What?" Brandy couldn't imagine what it was. It seemed she'd poured her heart out about everything.
"You haven't told me what your feelings are for Rafe. I can't help believing that you care for him. I know you would never have agreed to his marriage terms if you'd had no feelings for him."
Brandy was forced to face the truth of her emotions. It hurt, but she did. "I love him, Mama. I love him so much, but he doesn't love me. He never has, and he never will. He made it plain from the start that he didn't want a wife. He only married me for convenience's sake after his encounter with the Demers girl. I made things easy for him, and providing the baby was just a bonus for him. He would get exactly what he wanted without the complication of having to deal with a wife, for I'd be gone, my debt to him forgiven."
Tears were streaking down Brandy's cheeks as she finished relating the truth of her feelings for Rafe, and Libby held her even closer, trying to absorb her pain, wanting to ease her heartbreak.
"What do you want to do?"
"I have to leave here now, while he's gone. I can't let him have this baby. It's my child, too. I don't want my child to be raised by a man who cannot love."
Libby nodded. She knew what had to be done. "All right. How soon do you want to leave?"
Brandy looked at her mother in surprise. "I know how much you love Rafe. I thought you were going to argue with me and try to convince me to stay."
"I do love Rafe, and it's almost impossible for me to reconcile the man you've told me about with the man who's been so kind and loving while we've been here. But you are my daughter, and this is my grandchild. We have to leave soon, if we're going to leave at all. Do you have any money?"
"Just a small amount."
"Where did you plan to go?"
"I thought if I found Ben, he would help me. But I don't know when he'll be in town next. Trouble is, we only have about ten days before Rafe is due back. Whatever I do, I have to do now."
"We'll leave today. Have the servants bring around the carriage and tell them we're going to take a short trip downriver to visit some friends."
"Let's just take a few things with us, so no one is suspicious. When we get to Natchez, we can catch a steamboat upriver and wait for Ben in another town. That way no one will know where to look for us."
"Good. I'll be ready to go when you are." Libby had enjoyed living at Bellerive, but comfort meant nothing next to her daughter's happiness and her unborn grandchild's welfare. Things would be difficult for them, but somehow they'd manage. She was sure of it. They'd done it before.
"I'll meet you downstairs. I want to leave a letter for Rafe so he understands why I've done this."
Libby nodded, knowing Rafe deserved at least that much from them. "I'll go tell George about our little trip and have him get the carriage."
Alone in her room, Brandy went to the small desk and took out paper, pen and ink. It took her a long time to write that final missive, but she did it. When it had dried, she folded it and slipped it into an envelope, then took it into Rafe's room and left it on his nightstand. She hoped he'd understand, but somehow she knew he wouldn't. She was glad she was going to be far away when he read the letter.
Brandy and her mother acted normal and appeared happy as they left Bellerive in the carriage with just a few bags. They did not look back.
The ride into town was nerve-wracking, for Brandy feared every minute that Rafe would return unexpectedly, as he had from New Orleans, and her escape would be foiled. When they reached the levee, they dismissed the carriage, then checked on Ben's schedule and departures that very day for upriver.
As it turned out, Ben was only one day behind them. They used almost all their money
to book passage on a steamboat leaving that afternoon for Memphis. Brandy knew Ben's family lived there, and he would be heading home next. They could meet him in Memphis. She hoped he could take them somewhere where they could start a new life.
It was late that afternoon when their steamboat pulled out of Natchez. Libby stayed in their cabin, but Brandy went out on deck and watched until the town had disappeared from view. She wondered if she would ever see Natchez again.
"Brandy? Libby? What's happened? What's wrong?" Ben asked as he hurried into the room at the inexpensive hotel where Brandy and Libby were staying in Memphis.
"I'm so glad you came," Brandy said as she went straight into his arms to give him a hug. "I was afraid you might not get our message."
"They gave it to me as soon as I docked. I haven't even been home yet. Why are you here?" He looked past Brandy to where her mother sat quietly in a chair by the window.
Brandy looked up at him, ready for him to know the whole truth. "I've left Rafe. I had to."
"I thought you were going to be happy...."
"Sit down. This is going to take some explaining."
Ben took a chair by Libby and listened attentively as Brandy began to talk, telling him everything from the very beginning on the boat.
He was scowling when she finished. "I thought something was wrong between you. I had a feeling..."
"I know. I wanted to believe I could figure a way out of this by myself, but now that I'm pregnant, it's too late. I have to think of my baby."
"I understand. What do you want me to do? Name it and it's done."
Brandy had tears in her eyes as she gazed at her dearest friend. "We need a place to live where Rafe can't find us. I'll be able to get some kind of work. Surely, there's a maid's job somewhere that I can take until I'm farther along in my pregnancy. I'm going to pay Rafe back a little at a time. I owe him, and I will not run from the debt. It's just that I cannot give him my child. I can't-"
"It's going to be all right," Ben promised with certainty, already thinking of the best place for her to stay. She needed to be where she could get lost in the crowd and not be noticed when her pregnancy was advanced. "I have friends in St. Louis who own a boarding house. I'm sure we can get you a room there."
"But St. Louis..." Brandy looked nervous at the thought of returning to the place of her marriage.
"It's a big town. It wouldn't be easy for Rafe to find you there."
"Thank you."
Both Brandy and Libby were more than grateful for his friendship in this, the greatest hour of their need.
"I'm due to stay in Memphis overnight and leave tomorrow late afternoon. Why don't you come home with me for dinner?" he invited them, knowing his family would be glad to see them again.
"We'd love to." The thought of being surrounded by friends appealed to them both.
Rafe was not in a good mood as he made the final leg of the trip back to Bellerive. Brandy had been in his thoughts the entire time he was away, and it annoyed him that he could not forget her. He told himself that he only had to deal with her for a few more months and then she would be gone from his life. He had thought that the prospect of a life without her would please him, but it didn't. His mood turned even blacker as he rode up the drive to the house.
"Welcome home, Mr. Rafe," George said as he met him on the veranda.
"Hello, George. Where is everybody?"
"Everybody, sir?"
"Brandy and Miss Libby."
"Why, they're not here, sir."
Rafe stopped and stared at him. "Where are they?"
"Miss Brandy and Miss Libby left the day after you did. They said they were going to visit some friends downriver."
"What friends?" As far as he knew, they had no friends downriver.
"They didn't say, sir, but Miss Brandy did leave a letter for you in your room."
Rafe walked past him without another word. He mounted the stairs and stalked into his bedroom to see the envelope on his nightstand. He muttered a vile curse under his breath as he grabbed it and ripped it open.
Dear Rafe,
If you are reading this letter, then you already know that Mother and I have gone. I am sorry I had to leave this way, but I could not bear to stay on at Bellerive with the way things are between us.
I know that I still owe you a debt, and I give you my word that it will be repaid. However, I cannot and will not repay that debt with the life of my child. The debt is mine, not my baby 's. I could not leave my child to grow up as you did, believing it was unloved and unwanted by its mother. I want my baby. I love my baby already, and I cannot even consider a life without this child.
Please do not try to find me. I do not think it would be wise for us to see each other again. It would be too painful for both of us.
I will see that the money is sent to you as I earn it. It may take some time, but I will repay every cent.
I wish you happiness.
Brandy
Fury filled him as he read and then reread the missive. Brandy had gone. She'd actually run from him.
"George!" he bellowed.
The servant appeared in the doorway of his room.
"How long ago did she leave?"
"The day after you did, sir."
Rafe again swore violently under his breath. "Have my horse saddled and brought around."
"Yes, sir." He hurried off to do Rafe's bidding.
Rafe stood in the middle of his room feeling totally lost, and that didn't sit well with him. He headed down the hall to Brandy's room and went in to find that all her new clothes were still there. She'd taken nothing with her that he'd bought her. Not even the jewelry box. He started back downstairs and happened to glance into Libby's room to see her shawl folded neatly on the bed. Sadness and a terrible sense of loss filled him. They were gone. He was alone.
Coldly furious, Rafe knew where he had to start his search. He would go first to Marc and Claire and see if they had spoken to Brandy or seen her in the last week. He hoped they had. Brandy had such a headstart on him now that it could prove next to impossible to find her without some kind of lead. But find her he would. She was having his baby. He could not let her go.
When his horse was brought around, he mounted and rode across country to Marc's. He made the trek in record time. His horse was lathered as he reined in before the house, but he didn't care. He had only one thing on his mind finding Brandy.
"Rafe? What are you doing here? Is something wrong?" Marc asked, meeting him at the door.
"It's Brandy. Have you seen or talked to her lately?"
"No, I haven't. Why?"
Claire appeared at the top of the steps with the children. "Has something happened to Brandy?" she called down worriedly.
"I just got back from St. Louis to find that she's gone."
Claire knelt down to speak with Merrie and Jason. "Children, why don't you go play while I talk with your Uncle Rafe for a minute, all right?"
"Sure!" Jason and Merrie raced off, delighted to have a break from their studies.
Claire quickly went downstairs to join the two men. She knew she was only an employee in the household, but this was different. Brandy was her friend.
"You don't know where she went?" Claire asked as she saw how grave Rafe's expression was.
"No, that's why I came here. I thought you might have an idea where I could find her."
"How long ago did she leave?"
"Over a week ago."
Claire pressed him. "Why? You were so happy together."
Rafe looked from Marc to Claire and decided to tell them everything. "I think there are a few things you need to know both of you."
Marc suggested they go into his study to talk. When they'd settled in, Rafe told them the whole story.
"You blackmailed Brandy into marrying you?" Marc stared at him in disbelief.
"It seemed like a good idea at the time. After all, you were the one who said she'd make me the perfect wife. But I thought by marrying Brandy th
is way, I could take care of all the Lottie Demers who were pursuing me and have a child, too."
"But you wanted Brandy to go after she had the baby," Claire said, looking at him sadly. "Surely you must have realized how cruel that was."
"Now I do, but then.. .Most of the women I'd had contact with were just like my mother-selfcentered and vain. My mother left us when I was young because she didn't want me or my father. When Brandy agreed to my terms, I thought she was the same way. Now, I realize I was wrong...about a lot of things."
"What are you going to do about it?"
"I'm going to try to find her."
"But why?" Claire interrupted the two men. "If you don't love her, why do you want her back? Why don't you just leave her alone? Hasn't she been tortured enough? You forced her into a marriage she didn't want. You were trying to take her baby from her. She's given you her word in her letter that she'll repay your money in full. So why don't you just let her get on with her life?"
Rafe stared at Claire, hearing the painful truth in her words. He knew he should do what she asked of him, but there was one problem.... He couldn't.
"I can't just let her go, Claire."
"Why not?" she retorted, wanting to force him to admit the truth.
Rafe lifted his tormented gaze to hers. The words were wrung from him, "Because I love her, and she's going to have my baby."
Claire's smile was bright. She realized what his confession had cost him, and she admired him for being strong enough to acknowledge his true feelings. "It's wonderful that you love her. It's just a shame that it took you so long to recognize it. Have you told her how you feel?"
"No. I had intended to when I got back from New Orleans, but that was when I found her dressed as Miss Brandy again, ready to be the hostess at a poker party. She told me that night that she was doing it because she wanted to earn enough money to get out of the marriage."
"Of course she would say that, especially if she'd just found out that she was pregnant and didn't want to be forced to give up her child."
"Things deteriorated after that, and now..."
"Now you have to find her so you can tell her that you love her."
"I know. I just hope it's not too late."
