by Shayla Black
He rubbed at the knot at the back of his neck, staring at Macen. “If you care about her at all, put her needs first for once. Tell me what has her rattled.”
“I didn’t take any liberties, so stop busting my balls.”
“I don’t care about your balls. I’m here to protect Raine.”
“Yeah?” Hammer gave him a hard glare. “You don’t seem too worried. Do you know how many days late her period is? I sure as hell do.”
There was the proverbial punch in the gut. Raine’s monthly was late…just as he’d suspected. Liam closed his eyes, damn near crippled where he stood.
Hammer knew the answer to the question Liam had asked Raine many times. No matter how Liam had tried to wrest it from her, she’d danced around the truth, as though possibly being pregnant by another man was none of his goddamned business.
What else was she keeping from him? Time to pry Raine open and find out.
Liam turned away and opened the door.
“Wait,” Hammer called him back. “I want you to know that night with Raine was the only time I haven’t gloved up since Juliet. I’m clean. She really is just scared and lashing out. It’s how she copes. Don’t take my mistake out on her.”
Liam didn’t turn back, just curled his hands into fists. “Fuck you.”
Chapter 2
Raine paced, wringing her hands, her head a tangle of a thousand thoughts. Damn it, she always let Hammer push her buttons. Why hadn’t she gotten him out of her system? She bit her lip. In three days, he was going to force the truth on her, and it terrified her.
What if she was pregnant? God, did she even know how to feel about that? On the one hand, blessed. She loved kids. She loved Hammer. She loved the idea that her six years of unrequited love for him might bear fruit. On the other hand, if she was carrying the child of Liam’s former friend, she didn’t expect the man to stay. Despite his assurances, why would he?
As she fingered her collar, Raine felt her expression crumble. Crying wouldn’t change the fact that she loved two very different men for very different reasons. If Liam left her... Well, she had no one to blame for her stupidity but herself.
Suddenly, the door opened, and she spun to face him, bracing herself for the confrontation she’d desperately tried to avoid. He looked somewhere between somber and furious. Her heart sank. She had no doubt what he and Hammer had discussed. Today she’d gotten the message loud and clear that Macen wanted to separate her from Liam. One topic could do that very quickly.
Raine ran to him and threw her arms around his neck, all too aware that if things turned out as she feared, this might be one of the last times she held him. She clung and inhaled his musky scent. He was all man. Her rock. Her greatest comfort. Her most tender lover. And he was slipping through her fingers because she was an eternal fuckup.
“Liam...” She pressed her lips to his, willing him to kiss her back, lower her to the bed, and forget about everything else.
He cupped her face and studied her. The dark eyes that usually caressed her with such caring now dissected her with a razor-sharp stare. “We need to talk.”
Panic seized her heart as Liam led her toward their bed. Though Raine knew she owed it to him to discuss her problems, that only made them more real.
As she sank to the mattress beside him, she looked into his beloved face. His stormy eyes wrenched her heart. She’d done this to him, taken this strong, gorgeous man and turned him inside out. Guilt crushed her.
“Can’t we talk later?” She caressed a hand down his chest, letting it drift lower and lower... “I’ve missed you.” Her eyes teared up. “I’m begging.”
“There’s nothing I’d enjoy more than to bury myself between your thighs, love, but you can’t distract me from this. Stop trying.”
If they had this conversation now, it would only end in disaster. “There’s nothing to talk about. Hammer and I got into an argument. We were discussing the menu for Thanksgiving and—”
“Thanksgiving?” He scowled. “Did you make plans of your own, then?”
She blinked in confusion. “Not plans of my own. I just assumed... I always cook for Hammer.” Immediately, she saw that Liam had taken her words the wrong way. “What I mean is, I always cook so that he can host a Thanksgiving dinner for the ‘orphans’ of Shadows. You know, the people with no other family and nowhere else to go. They’ll spend it alone if I don’t fix this dinner, and it’s too late to hire a caterer now.”
Liam cursed. “And when were you thinking of telling me? Am I even invited?”
“Of course!” Dismay spread through her. He looked angry. But worse, he looked hurt. “I assumed you knew about the group dinner. We have it every year, but…” Oh no. A fresh wave of worry overcame her. “But you haven’t been here long enough to know. I’m so sorry.”
His expression didn’t soften one bit.
Raine swallowed. “Really. I’ve been so…” Preoccupied. “Busy. I didn’t realize that I’d never mentioned it.”
“I had a special surprise planned just for the two of us.”
Shit, she just kept digging herself a deeper hole with him. “I didn’t even think that you might want to do something else. Next year...”
Raine couldn’t finish that sentence. Next year, if nature had taken its course, she’d have an infant, and Liam would be long gone. Even the thought filled her with terror. Still, what else could she do? Hammer and the others were counting on her. Serving this meal every Thanksgiving was one of her greatest pleasures.
“If we can do whatever you had planned on Thursday night, I’d be thrilled and honored to go with you,” she ventured.
And maybe, if she was lucky, Liam would have her somewhere else on Friday so she could avoid Hammer and the doctor appointment he’d threatened. Yes, she was putting off the inevitable, but she just couldn’t face the future now.
He glared at her, his face forbidding.
Raine rushed to reassure him. “Thursday night, I’ll be done with my responsibilities here and I’ll be all yours again.”
“You’re not all mine now, sub?” He rose to his full height. “Am I only your Sir when it’s convenient for you?”
Oh, shit… “That’s not what I meant. Of course I’m yours.” Liam usually wasn’t much for protocol and honorifics, but she couldn’t mistake his demeanor. Raine resisted the urge to shrink back against the headboard. “Sir.”
The title had almost no impact on him. He still glared at her with dark eyes full of disapproval. “Don’t forget it.”
“No, Sir.” God, she hated feeling unworthy, like she never did anything right.
“The private Thanksgiving I had planned for us? I’ll flush that down the fucking toilet.”
Her dread soared. “I feel terrible about disappointing you, especially on Thanksgiving. I want to enjoy what you planned, but I can’t let twenty-five others down. How can I make it up to you?”
“By telling me how late your period is.”
She felt the blood drain from her face. “I told you last week that I wasn’t late.”
A dark brow jetted up. “And this week?”
“Liam…”
“What did you call me?” He glowered, tangling his hand in her hair, pulling just enough for her to feel the sting.
“Sir.”
“Better. Now answer me. Hammer apparently knows exactly how late your period is, while I have no bloody clue.”
Damn Hammer for not keeping his mouth shut. “I didn’t say anything. He’s been counting days. I’ve tried not to upset you—or anyone—until I knew something for sure.”
“You must have some idea whether you’re pregnant, Raine.”
“How should I? I’ve never worried about this.”
Liam whirled away and stormed into the adjoining bathroom. After the rustle of plastic, he returned a moment later, carrying a box. He slammed it on her nightstand.
A pregnancy test.
Her heart stopped.
“I bought this for you
last night. Let’s end the worrying.” Liam crossed his arms over his chest. “Take it.”
She backed away. “Don’t make me. Please…”
Her pleading did absolutely nothing but make his expression colder.
“I’ve been patient.”
He had been, just like he always was. She had no right to expect more. But she needed it so badly.
Raine shook her head. “I can’t. I’m too scared to pee on that stick and find out for sure. I’m afraid the truth will drive you away.”
That was as honest as her courage allowed.
His mouth turned down in a disapproving scowl. “Is that why you and Hammer fought?”
She nodded. “He threatened to take me to the doctor on Friday if I still haven’t started.”
“And you wanted to avoid that so badly, you were going to ‘let me’ take you away Thursday night, after dinner at Shadows?”
“No, I really do want to be with you,” she choked. “I’m sorry. About the test, Thanksgiving…” She tried, but nothing would stop her tears. “About everything.”
“I don’t want you to be sorry. I want you to be honest,” he shouted. “Open up and tell me what’s bothering you. Your fears. Your insecurities. What the fuck you want for dinner. Whether or not you’re pregnant. I’m sick to death of being in the dark. I won’t be treated like the bloody wanker you find ways to dodge.”
“You’re not, I swear. Liam…I’m scared.”
“I know you are, but if you won’t face the truth or trust me to help you…” He gritted his teeth. “Then my hands are tied.”
Shame engulfed Raine. She knew she didn’t share things with Liam the way she should. He’d stripped her soul so naked once before, and she’d cowered behind her walls since. They couldn’t have a genuine exchange if she continued this way, but anxiety drove her to shut him out.
“I’m trying.” She couldn’t make the tears and the sorrow stop. “You may not believe me—”
“I’d believe you if you’d take the damn test.”
Raine crossed her arms over her chest, every muscle in her body shriveling. “I’m not ready. I can’t face it. Not yet.”
“How long do you need? How many days is enough? Or will you still be burying your head in the sand when you’re giving birth?”
“How long should it take me to accept that my whole life could be changing and I could lose everyone who means anything to me?” she shouted back, tears streaming. “I know you’ve been patient. I know I’m being illogical. I know you’re pissed off. I’m trying.”
“No, you tried when I had you alone at my lodge. You opened up that night. The minute I brought you back here to ‘help’ Hammer because he so desperately needed you…” Liam rolled his eyes. “You stopped. You’ve fed me nothing but shit since. Clearly, I overestimated your desire to submit to me.”
“You didn’t. Not at all.”
“Then what the hell is your problem? I’ve told you time and again that I’ll stand by you, no matter what. But I might as well be talking to a brick wall.” He tossed his hands in the air.
“Because no man has ever lied to a woman?”
“When have I ever lied to you, Raine?” Mouth flattening into a grim white line, he released her hair. “I’ve nothing else to say now.”
Liam turned his back on her.
Shock blanched her system, followed by an icy drench of guilt. He hadn’t lied to her—ever. Her father had. Hammer had. And she’d accused Liam of their sins.
Raine stood, looking at the tense set of his broad shoulders, his muscled back, his clenched fists. She forced herself to approach him. “That was unfair. I’m sorry. Liam… You’re right. You’ve always been wonderful. I don’t know how I could possibly deserve you.”
No apology or verbal bridge-mending was going to reach him now. Raine wanted to tell Liam how much she loved him, but saying it now would seem disingenuous. And making herself that vulnerable to him petrified her.
God, she was like a yo-yo, swinging between revealing the vulnerability he coaxed from her and shrouding herself behind her barricades like a coward. Raine knew she couldn’t keep holding out like this, but years of fears and insecurities didn’t melt away overnight.
And that test on the nightstand—the elephant in the room—only magnified everything.
“I don’t know what to say,” she admitted. “I always manage to screw up everything good that happens to me. And you’re the best.”
She worked up the courage to reach for his shoulder, but he jerked away. His rejection hurt like a physical blow.
“Please don’t shut me out.” Raine sniffled, dying inside. “I want to open up and share everything with you... I’m trying to trust and believe you. But I’ve never done that with anyone. Honestly, I’m lost. I’m not trying to be a bitch.”
He whirled around with narrowed eyes. “Did you just swear at me?”
Raine winced. “It slipped. Sorry.”
She just kept fucking up the words. He was too angry to hear them now anyway. Time to show Liam how much he meant to her. She only knew one way to do that.
With shaking fingers, Raine peeled off her lacy tank, shimmied out of her short skirt, unclasped her bra, then removed the last of her barriers, her thong. With shaking hands, she folded everything at his feet and sank to her knees, bowing her head. “Punish me, Sir. I’ve earned it.”
“You’ve more than earned it.”
As the weight of his words settled over her, Raine felt his stare rake her, scorch her. She couldn’t stop trembling.
“Love?” A hint of coaxing warmed his voice as he hooked a finger under her chin and lifted it. She had no choice but to meet his gaze. “Are you afraid of me?”
Despite his size and strength, Liam was gentle at heart. Of course, he’d punished her before, but always in a way designed to make her think more than hurt. Right now, he was all big bad Dom. Though she’d never seen this side of him, he didn’t frighten her. In fact, as anxious as she was, his power was like a beacon. She was deeply drawn to it.
“No, Sir. Never.”
“Then present.”
Her tummy knotted as she leaned forward and skimmed her palms along the rug until they stretched above her head. Ass lifting from her heels, she arched up in offering to him and rested her forehead on the carpet. Then Liam knelt beside her.
“Look at me.” His too-controlled tone sent a chill down her spine. She forced herself to comply, bracing for the worst. The heat of his body surrounded her. His warm breath fluttered over her ear. “I know you’re scared and worried about the ‘what ifs.’ But I’ve told you over and over that I expect you to share everything with me. You’re not doing that.”
Her heart wanted to. Her head hadn’t yet gotten the memo.
“Five days.” Her voice shook. “I’m late by five days.”
Liam sucked in a breath like she’d punched him with her words. Raine closed her eyes.
“I told you to look at me.”
She swallowed hard and did as he’d commanded, wishing he wouldn’t force her to see his disappointment.
“Are your cycles often irregular?”
“Not since I lived with my dad. I think stress caused it. I’m under a lot of pressure now.”
“Finally, some bloody honesty. Was it really so hard for you to tell me that?”
She bit her lip. “I didn’t know how to start the conversation. ‘Hi, honey. I’m worried I might be pregnant by your best friend.’”
“Take the test.”
“I’m scared the results will disappoint you. I hate that.” Tears flowed again. “So much.”
The silence dragged on. Pain and frustration filled his face. God, she just kept hurting him. Maybe it would be better if she left. She hated to stay where she only made matters worse, and the urge to escape now pressed down on her chest until she couldn’t breathe. But he and Hammer were both right; she always ran. She couldn’t honestly say that she’d done her part to hold the relationship toget
her if she left now.
“Say something. Please...”
Liam sat back on the bed, his face closed. “Put yourself across my lap and spread your thighs for me. Show me your cunt. I want to see what’s mine.”
Raine rose from her knees and stepped closer, knowing any display of uncertainty would only make the punishment more painful—not physically. She wasn’t concerned about that. But mentally? Emotionally?
She tried to snare his gaze, but he looked right through her. Disquiet filled her all over again. Still, she dredged up the courage to sprawl across Liam’s lap.
“Tell me your safe word.”
“Paris,” she breathed.
Liam gave her a sharp nod. “Count until I stop.”
Raine drew in a rough breath, knowing he’d light into her ass at any moment. Instead, he made her wait. She twitched, wondering when he’d get on with it. The seconds dragged into minutes, which seemed like days. Still, he did nothing for a long, silent while but stare at her vulnerable bare backside. She resisted the urge to fidget.
Finally, he smacked her ass, his hand branding her with the feel of his palm and each finger. It burned into her like fiery, oozing lava. And it was oddly soothing.
“One.” She sobbed.
He kept going.
Today, he didn’t warm her up and he didn’t hold back. Each slap stung like a bitch. Pain sizzled over her skin, burned down into her flesh. He scorched her through and through. She focused on the sensations he gave her and welcomed them.
Slowly, with each rhythmic smack, the cacophony of thoughts all yelling through her brain quieted. Suddenly, there was a blessed peace, broken only by the whoosh of his hand, the slap and its echo reverberating through the room, the high-pitched sounds of her crying out the count, his heavy breathing...before the cycle started again. Somewhere along the way, she lost count and lost herself, fading out to a lovely place where she began to float away from all her problems. From everything but Liam, her anchor. Her love.
