by Sara Arden
Only it wasn’t her normal happy smile. It was her I’ve-got-a-plan-smile. The smile that had told him since he was a toddler that shit was about to hit the fan in a big way.
“Of course I do. I wouldn’t want to be a bother, though.”
“You’re no bother. It would be good for him, too. Don’t you think, Hayden?” She turned the full weight of her attention on him.
Suddenly, he was nine again and had gotten caught with his hand in the cookie jar, but he wasn’t sure if he was supposed to put the cookie back or take another one.
What he wanted was being handed to him, even though he knew it was wrong. This could only end badly. Except he said, “Sure, I’d love to.”
“It’s settled then.” Allison handed him a lemonade as well. “Why don’t you two come back to the barbeque when you’ve finished your lemonades?” She didn’t wait for an answer, but closed the door on her way out.
“I… you totally don’t have to. This friends thing includes being honest. If you don’t want to do something—”
“I want to.” He really did.
“If you wanted to, you’d have suggested it.”
“Ha! See, there’s something you didn’t know about me.” This was the rare time he didn’t enjoy being right.
“What is that?”
“I don’t reach for everything I want.”
“Why not? The world could be your oyster, Hayden. You just have to reach out your hand.” She started to reach out her own hand, as if to show him.
“But what if someone else gets burned?”
“We’ve been over this. They make their own choices. The only thing that you actually control is yourself.”
“Don’t let me hurt you.”
“You can count on that. I don’t need saving anymore, Hayden.”
He wasn’t so sure about that and there was part of him that didn’t know how to interact with her if she didn’t need him to play hero. If she didn’t need saving, then what? “So, we’re friends?”
“Yeah.” She put the glass down on the nightstand. “Friends with the option for more. Don’t you want to see where this goes?”
He should say no. He knew he should say no, but he couldn’t make the words come out. All he could do was agree. “Starting with going back to the barbeque?”
“Give me just a minute and I’ll do just that. I really need to have some of your Grammie’s fried chicken.”
“I’m sure my mother already made you a plate.” He’d have to corner her later and ask her just what exactly she thought she was doing. Hayden didn’t need her to meddle. He could screw it up enough on his own.
“And hopefully leftovers. I hate cooking.”
“Me too.” He was glad to have something safe to talk about. “It’s why I come home for dinner when I’m not at the station.”
“Don’t lie. You know your mom stocks the fridge at the station, too,” she teased.
He smiled. “Yeah, she does. Wait until Christmas and she goes on a baking bender. Those gingerbread men that Granny’s Bakery sells? Those are my mother’s.”
“Really? There’s already a waiting list for those.”
“I’m sure you could move yourself right to the top if you asked her. It would make her happy to know how much you like them.”
The silence between them was suddenly awkward, the air thick and heavy. He wanted to kiss her, and the way she was looking up at him, her lips parted, her body angled toward him, she wanted to be kissed.
But she was right. Attraction was easy. They both wanted more than that.
“I’ll let you wash up. The bathroom is in the hall on the right. I’ll see you outside when you’re ready.”
He made a quick escape.
Once he was outside in the sunlight again, watching all of his friends and family eating, laughing, and living, he wondered why not him, too?
Why couldn’t he have these things?
Why couldn’t he have them with Sophie?
Then he saw why not. He saw Livie Dodd sitting next to Noah. She came to these things, was part of the Lucky Seven family, but her eyes were always haunted. Even when she smiled.
Livie looked up, saw him, and waved. She pointed toward the front of the house where her truck was parked. That meant she’d brought the keg and wanted someone to carry it in.
He gave her the thumbs up and went to find Royce. He’d carry it by himself first because he could, and second because he didn’t mind impressing Livie.
“Hey, Liv’s here,” he said when he found his brother in the kitchen gulping down the lemonade like it was hard liquor. He was doing shots.
“Yeah, I know. And she’s over there with Finnegan.”
He knew exactly what his brother’s problem was. “She’s with him because Finnegan is safe.”
“I’m not safe?” Royce snorted and threw back another gulp of the lemonade.
“Probably not, no. Finnegan is just another pretty face. She can talk and laugh with him all day and he doesn’t want anything from her.”
He put his cup down and looked away from the window to Hayden. “Am I that obvious?”
Hayden shrugged. “I don’t know that’s it obvious to everyone, but I see it.”
“Since when did you get all wise?”
“Since I spent some time alone with Sophie, like you suggested.” At his brother’s expression, looking like a fox in a henhouse, Hayden held up his hand to stop him in his tracks. “Not like that. We talked.”
Royce smirked. “I wasn’t going to suggest anything of the sort. I’m glad you talked it out, though. That was years coming.”
“We’re going to pretend we just met. No baggage.” He shrugged. “Saying it aloud makes it sound like the worst idea in the world.”
“Not the worst. But hey, the great thing about baggage is that it has a handle. Which means you can pick it up, or you can choose to put it down. Maybe it really is that easy.” He looked out the window again.
Hayden didn’t think so, but he found he couldn’t say no to anything Sophie wanted from him. “Maybe. So hey, you gonna bring in that keg?”
“You gonna help, little brother?”
“Hell no. I wouldn’t want to steal your thunder.”
“No, you want to watch me throw my back out trying to carry that thing by myself.” Royce rolled his eyes.
“Whatever. You carry those tractor tires when we’re training. Those are at least four hundred pounds.” Hayden wasn’t even about to pretend like he could a tractor tire like his brother could. Well, he could do it once or twice, but flipping that thing down a football field? Nope, that was out of the question.
Royce looked pleased with himself. “Well, yeah. I need to be able to move that kind of weight. So do you. You should get yourself in the gym with me.”
“Who says I haven’t been?” He worked out all the time.
Royce snorted. “Me. You said you don’t want to steal my thunder, but you’d snatch it like the last piece of Halloween candy if you could.”
“Maybe I’m saving it.”
“Also not likely. But I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt. What do you say we do the tower with an empty keg? Loser buys the beer for the next month.”
The tower was aptly named. It was ten flights of stairs that went nowhere. They used it for training purposes to work on their cardio, to practice carrying the hose, and safely negotiating people who couldn’t do it themselves up and down those stairs.
“You got it. I hope you’ve been saving your pennies.”
A hand clamped down on both their shoulders. “Don’t count your old man out yet, boys. I’ll see that bet and raise you dressed in all your turn out gear.”
“Dad, you know we have to let you win or Mom will never let us hear the end of it,” Royce said.
“I know.” William “Bill” Cole said with a wink. “But you know, she could probably beat all three of us.”
“Probably,” Hayden agreed easily. His mother had been a firefighter bef
ore he was born and she took care of herself. She was nothing short of fierce.
“Where’s that pretty girl you brought with you?” His dad asked, looking around for Sophie.
“She had to lie down for a minute.”
“Sun still a little much? I feel that.” Bill rubbed his forearm through his shirt. “Docs say that sensitivity is in my head. It’s been twenty years, but the sun still bothers it sometimes.” He grinned. “Didn’t let it stop me and it won’t stop her. That girl is a fighter. Did you get her some lemonade?”
“Mom did,” Hayden supplied.
“Oh really? She must really like her, then. You better watch yourself. She’s going to have you married before next year.” Bill grinned.
Hayden snorted. “That’s not part of my life plan.”
“I dare you to tell your mother that. Out loud. To her face.” Bill obviously took great joy in that dare.
Hayden was a grown man and he’d admit, his mother did spoil him. But there were just some things that a son didn’t do. At least not Allison Cole’s sons. Or really anyone who wanted enjoy life at Lucky Seven. His mom was kind of a tyrant. Her ferocity was amazing when it on your side, but if you incurred her wrath? Nah, that wasn’t how he wanted to go out.
“Let’s not get crazy. No reason to upset the woman. She starts baking in the fall. If I’m going to make her mad, it’s best to do it right after Christmas,” Hayden demurred.
Royce grinned. “Sounds like you’ve got a plan, brother.”
He had nothing of the sort. “Your lady is waiting on you to bring in the keg,” he prompted.
“Leave it to the grown folk, son.” Bill Cole headed for the truck and came back in carrying the keg.
Their mom was grinning like a teenager when she saw it. Even though she said, “Why aren’t you boys helping? That man is going to wreck himself.”
“I got it, Allie. I have to keep in shape to do this saving lives thing.” Bill carried it out the back door.
“You’re just showing off,” she called.
“You like it,” he called back.
“Yes, yes, I do.” Allison sighed, watching her husband out the window.
“He wants to do the tower challenge with kegs,” Royce added, ever helpful.
“No one likes a snitch.” She patted Royce’s hand and went back to her task at the counter.
“Yeah, Royce. No one likes a snitch,” Hayden repeated.
“No one likes losers, either. So you better start training,” Royce went through the back door.
Damn. Hayden hated it when Royce got the last word.
5
Apparently, insanity worked for her.
Once her mouth opened, everything she’d been feeling, everything she wanted had erupted from her like magma from a volcano. Everything, but the confession about what really happened that night.
She’d thought for sure that what connection they did have would go up in smoke. That he’d say he wasn’t attracted to her, that he didn’t think about her like that.
But he didn’t say that.
Of course, he hadn’t responded the way she’d prayed he would in her most secret fantasies, either, but she supposed that’s why they were fantasies.
He’d confirmed some of her fears, but that wasn’t the heartbreaking experience she’d thought it would be. It validated the reasonable voice in her head, while silencing the one that told her she was never good enough. That she’d never be anything but a girl who should’ve been left to burn in the ruin of a house, in a ruin of a family.
He had made her into some kind of talisman, some kind of touchstone.
Now, more than ever, she knew she should tell him the truth, but Sophie had just gotten him to see her as a whole person. As something more than his failure.
As selfish as that was, she wasn’t ready to give that up.
Coming down the stairs, she saw Hayden’s dad carrying in the keg and Allison watching him, as if he were her whole world.
She realized that she was guilty of the same crimes as Hayden. She’d made this family into her ideal, too. Whereas her mother watched her father with nothing close to this sort of devotion, they treated her like she was an inconvenience at best, she’d thought all families were like that, until she’d met the Coles.
Now, seeing Allison and Bill, it gave her hope that love like that wasn’t just for books. It was real. And maybe it wasn’t for her, she wouldn’t be so naïve as to believe she could have that with Hayden, but even to pretend, just for a little while, it would be more than she ever thought she could have.
“Sophie! So glad you’re feeling better. I knew my lemonade would perk you right up.” Allison put an arm around her shoulders. “The sun is still pretty high, so why don’t you help me in the kitchen?”
Without glancing at Hayden, even though she desperately wanted to gauge his reaction, wanted to look at him and see that what had been said in cool shadow was still real under the bright afternoon sun, she said, “I’d love to. How can I help?”
“The veggie tray is running low and I’m thinking we can use up the rest of these carrots and cukes from the garden.” She handed a tray to Hayden. “Take this outside for the table, please.”
Sophie washed her hands and then set about helping to prepare the vegetables. She liked the task. She found it soothing to clean the carrots; gently scraping the outer layer and watching all the imperfections peel away.
“I remember you when you were a tiny thing, you know,” Allison said.
“Really?” She didn’t have memories of her, not until after Hayden rescued her.
“Even then, you toddled after Hayden. Where he went, you went. I have a picture of you two at City Park feeding the ducks on the lake. He was so worried you were going to fall in, and you would have, too. If he hadn’t held your hand on the dock.”
She wished with all her might she could remember that. “I don’t remember that at all.”
“You probably wouldn’t. You were maybe four?” She started slicing lemons for more lemonade. Her hands made quick work of the task.
Sophie had been chasing Hayden Cole a lot longer than anyone realized.
Except his mother. “I knew then that someday you’d be part of our family.”
Sophie coughed. “What?”
Allison stopped slicing. “You love my son, don’t you?”
With all her heart, she wanted to say yes. “There are things you don’t know, Mrs. Cole.”
“Allison. Call me Allison. Or Mom, if that’s comfortable for you.” She went back to slicing lemons. “I know everything I need to know. See, in a way, my son died the day he saved you.”
Those words were a punch to her gut. Tears burned the back of her eyes and she was determined not to cry. “I…”
“No, honey. That’s not your fault.”
Oh, but it was. She couldn’t bring herself to speak.
“He got it into his head that if he saves himself, he won’t have anything left for everyone else. He chose everyone else. My son is a good man.”
“I know that,” she whispered.
“Of course you do,” Allison said, matter-of-fact. “You can have everything you want, if you’re patient. After all, you’ve got me on your side.”
“I don’t think you’d feel that way if you knew everything,” was all she could bring herself to say.
“We all have our faults. Our flaws. Our crosses to bear. My job isn’t to judge you. It’s to love you.”
Sophie was embarrassed to admit that she was perilously close not just to crying, but to outright bawling. She hadn’t heard those words from anyone since she was… she couldn’t remember how long it had been.
“The hordes are getting restless. Do we have a—Why you crying, Soph? Mom getting pushy?” Royce asked her.
She just waved him away. She couldn’t explain it to him.
Allison, for her part, was still cutting lemons. “It’s just the lemon juice. Like onions, you know.”
“Don’t
let Mom push you around, kid.” Royce nudged her.
“That’s all well and good for you to say, but when push comes to shove…” Allison eyed him.
“Everyone in this house knows what’s good for them. I’m not ashamed to admit it.” Royce grinned and snatched a carrot, popping it in his mouth. “Need me to carry this outside?”
“Yeah,” Sophie managed. “I think it’s ready.”
Royce took it from the counter and went outside. The scent of smoked meats wafted inside and her mouth watered as her stomach rumbled.
“You haven’t eaten anything yet? Our talk could’ve waited until you were full. Never let it be said I let anyone go hungry in this house.” She opened the window. “Noah. Quit flirting with Livie and bring a plate inside for Sophie.”
“I’ll come flirt with her, then,” Noah called back. “Maybe you, too.”
“Not my mom, dude.” She heard Royce say.
“Your mom is hot.”
“I’m going to end you,” Royce’s tone was conversational.
“You boys know I can hear you,” Allison said.
“Yes, ma’am. I do.” Noah came through the door with a plate. “If you want, Sophie, I could carry you outside to the tent. I’ll wrap you up vampire style so you don’t burst into flames.”
Sophie found herself laughing. “No, it’s not that serious. I could probably manage.” She saw fried chicken and pulled pork on the plate, as well as home fries. “Did you make these too?”
“Bill did a whole mess of those fries in that turkey deep fryer. I thought it was going to explode, but hey, who better to play with explosives than those of us who are trained?” Noah grinned and stole a fry.
Allison slapped his hand. “Son, you need keep your paws out of this child’s plate. She’s hungry and skinny as a rail.”
“I’m a growing boy.” He patted his hard stomach.
“You should probably get in on this tower bet that Bill and the boys have. Running those stairs will be a must if you keep that appetite up.”
“Oh, the tower bet.” He nodded. “Wait, what’s that?” Noah stole another fry.
This time, Sophie slapped his hand. “Next time, I’ll bite.”
