Jesus, he was getting hard again. No woman had ever aroused him like this. Much as he wanted to blame celibacy alone, he had a sad feeling his attraction had as much to do with the woman herself. She was smart and quick and perceptive. Talking with her was the best foreplay he’d ever experienced.
“I must have gotten used to being in pain these past couple years to insist on torturing myself like this,” he said to Charlie. “I’d be better off walking the dog than indulging in useless fantasies.”
Barking his agreement, Charlie tore off toward the foyer. Nick did his best to keep up, his back aching with each step. This kind of pain, however, he could handle. Physical pain could be managed. Or it could be pushed to the point where he collapsed in oblivion. Either way, the results were better than thinking about a woman who clearly found him abhorrent.
“As long as we stay out of the woods,” he called ahead. If he wanted to keep thoughts of Jenny at bay, last thing he needed was to return to the scene of the crime. “We’ll stay near the garden.” Being Saturday, no one would be arriving to surprise him.
Charlie was already rolling on the Persian carpet. In less than twenty-four hours, he’d turned the priceless object into doggy central. Cyrus was furious. Nick considered it an apt reward.
“Come on,” he told the terrier. “You can dig up the mums the gardener planted yesterday.” Grabbing a wide brimmed hat to protect himself from the sun, he opened the front door only to come face to face with the woman he’d been thinking about.
The hat slid from his fingers.
Chapter Five
“Hey,” she greeted.
She stood on the threshold, bright and gorgeous, the sunlight crowning the top of her head. Desire and tension overtook his tired limbs. His fingers itched to comb through her hair, to feel the golden strands as they slid like silk through his fingers while his blood pulsed hot and needy in his groin. Why was the universe doing this to him? Sending him another woman to want, unrequited? What did he do to deserve such torture? He glared straight into her eyes, waiting for the inevitable pity to flash in their depths. Instead…Was that a blush?
“Are you heading somewhere?”
“Taking Charlie for a walk,” he replied, not trusting what he thought he saw. “Since letting him roam free has branded me irresponsible.”
He could tell from the way her eyes widened his comment surprised her. “My injuries left me with physical limitations early on. I wasn’t able to walk him myself, and there wasn’t always a staff member available.”
“So you let him loose, trusting he’d come wandering back.”
“On the contrary, I figured he’d find someplace better.”
“Why didn’t you say something yesterday? Oh.” Understanding broke across her face.
“In my position, the fewer people who know my limitations, the better.” Crossing his arms, he leaned against the doorframe. That she looked as appealing as ever annoyed him. Today’s outfit was more layered than yesterday. Baggy beige cardigan over a heavy brown turtleneck sweater and ankle-length skirt that looked like she was trying to blend with the fading foliage outside. Unfortunately for him, Nick knew the bulk hid a sweet set of curves. He’d mapped them with his hands.
“How did you get past security?” he asked her. The guard at the end of his driveway was the one employee he hadn’t given the day off.
“Lowell,” she replied. His scrutiny must have been getting to her because she wrapped the cardigan tighter. “Your guard. I had his son for twelfth grade English.” She offered a half smile. “Kid wouldn’t have graduated if I hadn’t given him extra credit. He owed me. Please don’t be angry with him,” she added.
The pleading in her brown eyes was too much to bear “Lord, you really do think I’m a monster, don’t you?”
“No,” she rushed. “Not at all.”
“Nice recovery. Don’t worry. Lowell’s not in trouble. I’m sure you charmed him quite admirably.” No doubt, using her wood sprite features without mercy. “I’m afraid your efforts were for nothing. I took care of your veterinarian bill this morning. Instructed Dr. Roth’s office to send any further bills directly to me.”
“I—Thank you.”
“It was obvious from last night that Charlie and Lulu are mates, and I always live up to my responsibilities. Now, if you don’t mind, Charlie and I were on our way out.”
“I think Charlie beat you to the punch.”
Sure enough. The foyer was empty. Dammit, he couldn’t even count on his dog today. “Then if you don’t mind, I need to catch up with my dog before he winds up at your friend’s art studio.” He stepped forward, hoping she’d take the hint, but to his surprise, she stayed put.
“Actually,” she said, “I’m here about last night.”
Nick refrained from letting out a sigh. Since Jenny had stayed her ground, his movement merely closed the distance between them. He stood close enough to smell her floral soap.
“From where I stand, there isn’t much to talk about,” he told her.
“You’re angry with me.”
“Me? I’m not angry with you.” It was true. He felt a lot of emotions: frustration, hurt, self-admonishment. If he felt any anger at all, it was toward himself for being stupid enough to buy into his own fantasy. “You didn’t do anything that other people haven’t done before.”
“Does that include your fiancée?”
Nick winced. Megan was the last person he wanted to talk about, especially with Jenny. Since it was obvious she had some point she needed to make, he folded his arms and leaned against the threshold. “What do you want?”
“I—” She started to fidget. Never a good sign. Fidgeting implied discomfort. The toe of her shoe traced patterns along the base of the doorframe. Her gaze seemed immensely focused on this activity as well, unless it was simply an excuse to avoid looking at him. Habit made him want to shrink back into the shadows so she’d be more comfortable.
To hell with her comfort, he decided. She saw him last night, she could look at him in the light of day. “Do I make you nervous?” he asked, leaning forward, challenging her.
“Yes.” To her credit, she looked him in the eye when answering. Score one for honesty, even if her words punched him in the gut.
“I see.” He backed away.
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t.” He held up a hand. “I don’t want your sympathy, apologies, or explanations. I would, however, like you to leave.”
“No.”
“No?” Yesterday, he’d found her stubbornness amusing; not so this afternoon. Every second she hung around reminded him what a mistake it had been to kiss her. Especially since he really wanted to kiss her again.
“You don’t understand.” Her hand reached out to touch his arm. He pulled away. “I know you think I ran because of your injuries, but that’s not the case.”
“It isn’t?”
“No. Sure, they shocked me at first, but you act as though you’re some repulsive monster.”
Wasn’t he? Megan had said… No, he didn’t need Megan’s mocking words to know how awful he looked; the mirror told him every morning.
And yet Jenny hadn’t looked away. Her eyes remained locked with his, emotion swirling behind the moistness. Nick studied the depths. To his amazement, he saw not pity or fear, but regret.
“I didn’t run because of how you look,” she told him. “I ran because of how you made me feel.” She cleared her throat. “How you make me feel.”
…
That she got the words out at all amazed her. She thought she had her apology all worked out—Lord knows she practiced enough on the drive over—but then Nick had opened the door and she’d found herself yet again pinned down by his sapphire gaze. He was trying his best to glare but the hurt bled through, muting the chill he was working so hard to cast.
In the light of day, she had a better view of his injuries. The darkened skin was raised and brownish pink, the scar a shade lighter. Both traveled below his co
llar. She realized the eye patch didn’t matter. His remaining eye was brilliant enough to compensate. In fact, the Internet pictures failed to do him justice. What the fire hadn’t touched was more than unblemished—it was perfection. Jenny grew weak in the knees.
She knew her comment wouldn’t make sense to him. Sure enough, he folded his arms across his chest and waited for her to continue.
Swallowing hard, she tried. “Last night, w-w-when you kissed me, I…” God, this was more difficult than she thought. “I lost control. I shouldn’t have. People in town see me, that is, I have a reputation. If my students—not to mention their parents—thought that I went around… well, I’d lose all their respect.”
“I see.” He shifted his weight. “So you ran away because people might gossip?”
“Yes. I mean no.” She was handling this badly. “Do you think we could do this somewhere besides the doorway?” Talking might be easier without him glowering over her like a sentry.
“What about Charlie?”
Jenny wasn’t sure if he was kidding or being sarcastic. Hard to tell from his expression. “I’ll take responsibility if he shows up downtown,” she said. “Please.”
A couple seconds ticked by, and then Nick stepped aside. “We can talk in the library.”
He escorted her down the corridor opposite the one she travelled the day before. This time, the artwork and décor passed by unnoticed. Jenny was too focused on what she would say when they reached their destination.
The ‘library’ she discovered was not unlike Nick’s office, only instead of a desk, an oversized sofa dominated the room. He motioned for her to take a seat before walking over to a small bar set up in the corner. “Water or stronger?” he asked.
“Whatever you’re having is fine.”
He grabbed two water bottles. “So,” he said, handing one to her, “you’re worried about your reputation.”
“Not really. Sort of. It’s complicated.” She set her water down, bottle unopened. Where did she begin? “Last night, in the woods, you made me feel things I hadn’t felt in a long time. Things I didn’t want to feel.”
“Go on.”
“When I came to Chandler’s Cove, it was to be a certain kind of person. I wanted to be in control of my life again. Things had gotten chaotic in Chicago.”
“What do you mean, chaotic?”
“I mean I was out of control.” She looked to her lap so he couldn’t see her shame. “My father took off when I was in first grade. One day he just disappeared. My mom use to tell me it was my fault.”
“I’m—”
She held up a hand to cut him off. “You didn’t want sympathy, and neither do I. What happened, happened. Anyway,” she took a deep breath, “long story short, I developed ‘issues’. I took affection from wherever I could get it. Whoever. I wasn’t always discriminating in my choices.”
She heard stirring and the sofa sagged next to her. Nick had moved closer. Exactly what she didn’t want, because even when she was filled with shame, his proximity stirred her awareness. Skin burning, she turned her face away. “By the time I graduated college, I’d lost track of how many nights, how many false promises. All I wanted was someone to hold me and make me feel like I was wanted. So long as I didn’t spend the night alone.”
“Jenny…” Tenderness had crept into his voice. Her stomach ached at the sound. Kindness had been her biggest downfall. A few kind words, and she was done.
“I had a health scare.” She blurted the words out fast as she could.
“A scare?”
Jenny nodded. No need explaining. He was smart enough to figure it out. “Fortunately, it was only a scare but it was enough to make me realize how messed up my life had gotten. I promised myself then and there I would change. That I would stop being some needy, desperate creature who let men use her.
“So I moved here and I reinvented myself. It was hard but I created a new kind of life. For the first time in my life, I had real friends. Supportive, female friends.” Gabby, Marney, and Mia didn’t know it, but they’d been her lifeline. She grew stronger because they were in her life.
“Do they know about…about your life before?”
Now who thought who was a monster? Jenny shook her head. “No. I buried the old me when I left, never to be resurrected again.”
“Then why—”
“Because I owed you an explanation for last night. I couldn’t let you think my fear was your fault.” Why she gave him such a lengthy explanation, however, she didn’t know, any more than she understood why she had to rush here to confess. Who knows, maybe it was his scars that made her feel like she should share her own in such detail.
Or maybe this was another example of how easily he could affect her behavior.
Having heard her out, Nick rose and walked to the fireplace. He stood with his back to her, staring at the unlit hearth. Jenny prepared to leave.
“So when we kissed last night, it reminded you of Chicago?”
“Yes.” There was no reason to say more. He’d been in the woods with her, saw how she reacted. “I swore I would never go down that road again.”
“What road?”
Did he really expect her to explain?
Of course. Lost in her shame, she’d forgotten the purpose of her confession was to soothe his demons. He was looking for reassurance that her fear wasn’t because of him. Taking a deep breath, she plunged forward. “I promised myself I would never get so caught up in physical pleasure that I forgot reality.” She convinced herself lust equaled love one too many times. Another reason last night scared her so damn badly. The arousal that kissing Nick awoke inside her was stronger than anything she’d ever felt before.
Nick turned and though he was trying to hide it, she caught the spark of pride in his eye. Had it been someone else, she’d been furious, but knowing his own fear of rejection, she couldn’t fault him his small satisfaction. To his credit, he blinked the reaction away as quickly as possible.
“I’m sorry,” he said.
“I already told you, I’m not looking for your sympathy.”
“Then why did you tell me?”
“So you’d understand.”
His mouth formed a thin line. “In other words, out of sympathy for me.” He stared at the floor for a second before crossing the room and perching himself on the coffee table. A long, thick-legged piece that looked created for that exact purpose. The new position placed them knee-to-knee. His pants leg brushed against her khaki skirt, the contact somehow reaching through the material to touch her skin.
“You didn’t have to say anything, you know,” he said. “You could have gone your separate way and never said a word. Let me believe whatever I was going to believe. I wouldn’t have known.”
Instead, he would have continued to see himself as a repulsive monster. “It wouldn’t have been fair to you.”
“Who says life’s fair?”
His words were eerily similar to ones he’d said the first time they met. Was that really only yesterday? It felt like they’d known each other so much longer. “You’re right, life’s not fair.” She knew that as well as anyone. “All the more reason to right the wrongs we can. I know what it’s like to feel unwanted. I couldn’t allow another person to feel that way when it’s not true.”
“I can’t imagine anyone not wanting you,” he said softly.
“I’ve got a long list that would prove you wrong.” Too long a list.
Jenny’s eyes burned. Throughout the entire conversation, she kept her tears in check, refusing to embarrass herself further by crying as she confessed her past. She had the situation under control; By God she would act like it.
At least she had it under control until Nick chose to cup her cheek with his hand. “Thank you.”
She raised her eyes to look at him. Even with the burns and scars, he remained one of the most handsome men she’d ever seen. What could he ever want with someone as broken and used as her anyway? A tear slipped out and made its way
down her cheek. Nick swiped it away with his thumb. The gesture was simple yet so comforting. She could feel her body melting toward him. “I should go,” she said, forcing herself to break the contact.
“Do you have to?”
Did he have to speak with such a sultry whisper? “Yes.” If she stayed, she’d only compound last night’s mistake. From the way her heart raced, she was already in danger of falling too deeply.
That is, if she hadn’t fallen already.
Chapter Six
Nick wished she would stay, but walked Jenny to her car without protest. As he watched her car disappear down his drive, he mentally replayed her confession. Frankly, her story left him unsettled. Shouldn’t he feel relieved that he hadn’t been the cause of her running? Why then did his chest still feel like there was a hole in the middle of it? Certainly, her story answered some of the questions he’d had. He now understood the reason behind the baggy clothes and purposeful plainness. She was hiding herself, same as he was. She was as damaged as he was too, just in a different way.
Perhaps that was the reason for the aching sensation—his heart recognized a fellow sufferer. It humbled him that she shared her history with him. Filled him with shame as well. He didn’t deserve her kindness. Jenny believed him to be a wounded soul. She had no way of knowing his wounds were punishment for the vain, arrogant bastard he used to be. Maybe even still was, because after everything Jenny told him, one thought kept coming back again and again: she’d wanted him.
Jesus, was he any better than the men from her past?
Someone was sniffing around his feet. “Stuck close to home, did you?”
Charlie didn’t answer other than to look at up at him expectantly before trotting toward the back yard.
Nick followed. “What do I do now?” he asked. The decent thing was to shove his own ego aside and pretend he never heard her admit her attraction. That, of course, meant ignoring the damn kiss. Pretty near impossible. Even the most passing memory had him hard as a rock. What kinds of idiots were those men who had treated her so poorly? Didn’t they realize they’d been given a goddamn gift? A woman worth savoring? Worth holding on to? Imagining a naked Jenny sprawled across his bed, her lips puffed and eyes glazed, he groaned. God, he wanted her so badly, one fantastical image had him ready to come.
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