by Aubrey Cara
HANK
Life is fucked up. I’m fucked up. Candi…Candi is definitely fucked up. Jesus, for such a smart girl, she gets stupid when it comes to Dylan.
I think I might be pretty stupid too because I can almost understand why she didn’t turn in Cody. What I don’t understand is why she didn’t say anything to me. I would have thought she knew she could talk to me.
“Do you hate me now?” she asks in a small voice.
The bar is closed. We’re sitting in the back room on the old couch, side by side. I didn’t want to have this conversation at John’s. My old man had been pissed as shit when he found out one of his employees had gotten shot at his bar. Luckily Kat is going to be all right. The bullet just grazed her ass, but still, it could have been much worse. And Candi could have prevented it, if she’d turned in her dumbass ex to begin with. I can’t deal with John’s anger right now. I’m barely processing my own. I’m not sure if I can take her back to my place and not wring her little neck.
Seems I’m not sure how to deal with Candi at all right now, because we’ve been sitting in silence for ten minutes. Her words, however, snap me out of my thoughts. Do I hate her? No, but I’d like to spank her. And not just a little spanking. I’d like to tie her up and make her scream and cry and beg for me to forgive her. Just another way I’m fucked up, because after everything she’s been through, all the things I want to do to her would break her.
“I don’t hate you.” I hate myself. She’s broken and needs me to be gentle, but I don’t know how to do that. She’s been creeping around every night like a ghost, not sleeping, and I don’t know what the hell I’m supposed to do. I’m gentle with her, I make her eat, go see a therapist, try to get her mind into the present, but it doesn’t seem to be enough. “I’m disappointed with you,” I hear myself say.
“That’s worse,” she says in a small voice.
“I don’t know how to help you if you won’t tell me. I’m getting the feeling like you don’t tell me anything about what’s really going on with you.”
“Why would you think it’s your job to help me?” she asks but her voice is thick with tears.
“Why do you think it’s your job to protect your brother?” I’m so sick of her putting herself in danger because she’s appointed herself Dylan’s savior. I may understand why the hell she’s doing it, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t piss me off.
“It’s not the same,” she says picking at a loose thread on her shirt. “I’ve always had to protect Dylan. He’s all I’ve got.”
Her words slice me to the bone. “If that’s what you really believe I guess we’re done talking.”
Candi looks up at me in horror, grabbing my hand when I stand up. “Hank, please, I didn’t mean it like that.”
“I think you did, princess,” I snap. “You don’t trust me, or think of me as someone you can rely on.” I thought she’d been growing to love me, but I mistook dependency for love.
“But I do trust you, I really do.”
“I made you move in with me and maybe that was wrong.” I wanted her close. I wanted to be able to slay her dragons and take care of her, but it was a mistake. “I’ll help you find your own place. Not that shit house your dad rented out. That place is a pit. We’ll find you a decent apartment.”
“What? You want me to move out?”
“I’m not a masochist. I’m not going to beat my head against the wall. I’ve tried to help you. To love you. You’re not in the same place. I get it.”
“It’s not you Hank. I’m messed up right now. I should have told you what’s been going on with me, but I was scared.”
“I understand.” I take her hands and pull her up, and kiss her forehead. “I can’t help you. I thought I could, but obviously you don’t want that from me.” I shrug like it’s fine, but I want to punch a hole in the wall. It’s anything but fine. “Why don’t we go home?”
“No, we still need to talk, I’m not ready to go home.”
“I’ll sleep on the couch tonight.”
“I don’t want you to sleep on the couch,” she says shaking her head.
“Then why don’t you tell me what the hell you want, because I’m not a mind reader and all the signs I’m seeing are pointing to a girl who doesn’t want to be in a relationship.”
Her mouth opens and closes and I turn to leave. “Come on, let’s go home.”
“I want you to punish me,” she says in a small voice.
I don’t think I heard her right, but one look at her face, full of pain and anguish and I know. “Do you really think you’re ready for that?”
She nods her head. Taking my hand, she puts it to her cheek. Kisses my palm. “I feel this numbness creeping in. It’s getting worse. Sometimes I feel like it’s going to wrap its arms around my throat and choke me to death.
“Every time I close my eyes, I’m in that warehouse again...” Tears track down her face, but she only holds my hand like a lifeline. “And I know not turning in Cody was wrong, but I couldn’t deal with that. Not after everything.
“Kat’s never going to forgive me. Which I don’t blame her. I don’t think I’ll ever forgive myself for knowing what Cody had done and not speaking up, but if you could forgive me…I need you to forgive me. Forgive me for not trusting you. Forgive me for keeping things from you. Help me forgive myself, ‘cause how I feel right now…I’m so empty.”
“Candi,” I start, then pause at a loss for words. She’s not just asking for forgiveness. She’s asking me to punish her. Push her. Drive the demons from her head. I rub the back of my neck to help release the tension building up. I thought I’d been helping her slay her dragons, but I’ve been going at it all wrong. By being gentle with her, it seems I’ve failed her.
“Please, daddy,” she whispers, her face so earnest. So beautiful. I’ve been holding back. But I won’t be holding back much longer.
Pulling her to me by the back of her neck I take her mouth with all the rough desire pent up inside me, until she’s pushing back, gasping for breath. She’s looking up at me her eyes full of desperate longing for the kind of relief only I can give her.
I run a thumb over her already swollen lips. “Don’t worry, baby girl. Daddy knows just what you need.”
I just hope it will be enough.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
CANDI
When I was fifteen, my older brother Robby taught me how to drive. I rewarded the kindness by stealing his car. It was a 1993 Pontiac Firebird, and his pride and joy. I took it out on the back roads and felt like I was flying on top of the world. Then I hit a patch of gravel and spun out of control. My joy turned to terror as I spun, round and round through a field, having no idea when I’d stop.
That’s how I feel now. Like I’m spinning out of control. The only thing keeping me from crashing is my hand in Hank’s. I’m hoping to come out of this unscathed, but when I’d eventually stopped spinning and returned Robby’s car it had been scratched to hell and the exhaust had been caved in. Even when you don’t crash and burn, unscathed is a long shot.
We walk into his apartment and he doesn’t turn on any lights. The car ride here was quiet. His face is hard and I can’t tell what he’s thinking, but his eyes…the spark of fire that’s been missing is back.
It’s that fire that fills me with hope that everything is going to be all right, and he really does know what I need and is more than willing to give it to me.
The inside of his bedroom is as plain as his room at John’s, but instead of cream walls, he has the white walls of an apartment. And instead of a double bed, he has a king. In the corner sits a low backed wooden chair with a heart cutout on the seat and backrest. It looks like something he got at a country flea market. He calls it the naughty girl chair but I haven’t seen him use it thus far for anything other than sitting when he’s putting his boots on.
He lets go of my hand and rummages around in the closet. He throws a pile of things on the bed and before I can take a full inventory he
grabs my face, forcing me to look up at him. “Eyes on me. Take your clothes off and kneel at the foot of the bed.”
I’m suddenly reminded of when I had to strip for Dom and wonder if I should be sexy. My hands are shaking and I don’t think a strip tease would be appreciated at the moment. Shirt, skirt, bra, and panties all get thrown in a pile before I sink down at Hank’s feet.
“I said eyes on me, young lady.” He lifts my chin forcing my gaze to his again. His voice is cold but the way he looks at me is anything but. His look alone warms me. “So my little princess wants me to punish her?” he says, running his thumb over my bottom lip again.
Hearing him say what I want out loud makes me wonder if I’m crazy. “Yes, daddy.” My voice is a shaky whisper.
“Hands behind your head.”
I lift my hands and watch as he picks up a length of rope off the bed. I spy nipple clamps before he jerks my gaze back up to his. “What part of eyes on me, did you not understand, young lady?”
“I’m sorry, daddy.”
“Oh, you will be,” he says binding my wrists together behind my neck. The rope is soft and I startle when he wraps a doubled up strip around my neck as he secures my wrists and my panicked gaze shoots up to his.
His smile is feral as he runs a finger down my cheek. “I know how my baby girl likes choking on daddy’s cock. I thought you might like this,” he says the last part running the pads of his fingers over the length of rope across my throat.
I experimentally pull back my wrists and feel the ropes tighten on my throat, instantly constricting my breathing, and I feel my sex flood with wet heat even as my heart feels like it’ll beat out of my chest with fear.
“This is going to be more than anything we’ve ever done before, princess. Are you ready for that?”
I almost nod my head and think better of it. “Yes, daddy.”
“If things get to be too intense you put up two fingers, and I’ll stop everything. Ropes can come off. We can be done for the night. I won’t be disappointed with you.”
“Two fingers. Got it,” I say, but I won’t be doing any kind of safeword or signal. I need this more than he knows.
Fisting a hand in my hair he makes me look up at him. “I mean it Candi. I’m your daddy, I’m your Dom. I will stop everything if I think you’ve had enough and you’re not making the call. Then I really will be disappointed with you. Is that understood?”
“Yes, sir,” I let out on a rush. It’s been so long since Hank has been like this it’s taking me off guard. I forgot how scary he can be.
“Now beg me,” he says, his hand still tight in my hair. He grasps my nipple in his free hand, pinching and twisting so hard it steals my breath. Tears come to my eyes, and I try to move back, but I’m trapped. “Beg me for what you want, princess.”
“Please, please daddy,” my mind blanks as he moves on to my other nipple with the same rough treatment. Pinching and twisting it to a throbbing point.
“You’re so pretty when you beg, baby girl. I need more than that.”
“Please daddy, please will you punish me?”
“Why?”
His question throws me. “Because I need it,” I say honestly.
“Can anyone else do this for you?”
“No, only you.”
“Remember that the next time you think you can’t trust me, that you have no one else you can rely on.”
I’d hurt him with my thoughtlessness. I’ve been pushing him away when I should have been telling him what was going on with me. “I’m sorry.”
“I know princess,” he says, his jaw tight. “Now that’s enough talking for you.” He puts a strip of cloth over my mouth tying it tight at the back of my head. He helps me stand and leans in whispering in my ear, “I wouldn’t want the neighbors to hear you screaming,”
My eyes go wide and he smirks picking up nipple clamps joined by a heavy looking chain. My nipples are still pulsing points when he secures one clamp to my left nipple. I have to fight to hold still as little metal teeth bite into my nipple. Every turn of it, cranks it tighter, sending surprising zings of sensation to my clit, that’s throbbing in aching awareness. When one clamp is securely fastened into my skin he does the other, letting the chain drop between my breasts. The action steals my breath.
I try to yank back and only succeed in choking myself. The pain makes my head swim and I panic. A stinging smack to my outer thigh makes me jerk my eyes open.
“Settle down,” he says, holding my waist as I steady myself. As my breathing calms the overwhelming pain from my nipples settles, sending out ripples of liquid heat to my core. “That’s my girl,” he says. “I think you’re ready for more now, aren’t you, princess?”
I don’t answer and he doesn’t wait for a reply. He steers me around and bends me over the back of a chair. I whimper as the nipple clamps swing forward with my breasts. The thick chain adding extra tension.
Kicking my legs out wide, he secures my ankles to the chair legs. “You really do have the most beautiful pussy, princess.” I can feel his words puff against my aching sex. I know he’s right there, but no touch or lick is forthcoming. The air shifts and I wait, tethered and tied down. I’m not sure what he’s doing. I don’t have long to wait before a stinging strike slaps down on my ass. Not his hand and not his belt. The fiery sting this implement creates comes after each strike.
Again it smacks down covering both cheeks and I squeal, jumping. I choke myself and my clamped breasts swing. My body is swamped with sensation as I try to be still and take each strike, but he makes it hard. I can’t predict when the next stinging smack will happen.
By the time he stops I’m a sweaty, panting, drooling mess.
“You’re doing so well, baby girl.” He moves around to the front of the chair, pushing away hair clinging to my wet face. “Are you ready for more?”
I don’t even hesitate as I nod, being careful not to choke myself.
“Okay then, I think we can be done with these.” He reaches down, quickly releasing one clamp and then the other from my breast. I bow my back squealing behind my gag as blood floods my nipples in throbbing waves.
When my breathing calms he slaps one breast then the other until I’m screaming behind my gag and fighting my restraints. When he stops I deflate, lying limp over the back of the chair while he strokes my hair until my breathing calms once more.
“My, my, my, baby girl, you’re all wet.” He runs a finger down my slit and flicks my clit, making me jump and choke myself. I feel more moisture spill out of me as he pushes a thick finger into me. In and out his finger glides, pushing down against my g-spot but moving too slow and lifting pressure right before I can get any relief. It’s torturous.
This is part of the pain. Part of the punishment. I’m not going to get to come.
I know this and still I try to move my hips and chase his fingers. I want to beg, beg for more, beg for release. When I feel something cold and metal push into me I want to cry. I’m about to be plugged, that doesn’t stop my inner muscles from clamping down on the plug trying to find the friction I need.
“Nice try,” he says taking it out and leaving my poor pussy grasping at air. “Jesus, princess. Your punishment may kill me.” I think he may be looking at me there, wanting to be inside me where I’m a wet, swollen, throbbing mess. The part of me that’s screaming to be filled.
I tense all over as he pushes the plug at my rosette and he swats my tender ass. “Be a good girl and open for daddy.”
It’s been so long since he plugged me, it causes the same burning stretch it did the first time. Only this time, Hank pushes it straight into me without mercy. I swear this plug is bigger. I feel splayed wide and the ache is sending pulses of heated confusion through my body.
I’m still adjusting to this new sensation when a strike sears across my ass, making me clench up and cry out. The belt. The strap of leather licks out, welting my abused ass on contact. I try to hold still but I can’t help but struggle in my bind
ings as I cry out behind my gag.
He comes around to the side of me and pulls up the bindings on my wrists effectively cutting off my air supply. My body stills its struggles. The belt bites across my ass and black swims across my vision before he relaxes his grip on the ropes binding my throat. I gulp in air and he does it again, and again, until I get into a rhythm of taking a breath before the rope pulls tight and lightning strikes over my skin.
My world calms, hazes until I’m floating out of the darkness that has been surrounding me. Flying.
All the while he lectures me, praises me. I can’t process his words. Tears are running down my face, but all I can feel is relief.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
HANK
I’ve never seen a woman hit subspace, but I know what it is. I know that’s where my princess is flying right now. As I release her bindings a euphoric glow is pulsing through my veins, and I’m pretty sure I’m in Domspace.
My foot screams in protest as I lift Candi into my arms and carry her to bed. I wrap her up in my comforter like a burrito before grabbing water and a snack from the kitchen for when she wakes up. Stripping off my clothes, I crawl into bed and wrap her in my arms.
I never knew I could feel this content. At peace.
She blinks her big, blue, sleepy eyes up at me. This girl I wanted nothing to do with who is now my world. She runs her fingers over my beard. I can never shave it off because I fucking love when she pets me like this. “Never leave me,” she whispers her plea, and my chest aches that she would have to ask.
“Not for anything, princess.”
“I love you. I didn’t think I’d ever love someone the way I do you, but I do.”
“I love you, too,” I say, but her eyes are closed and I’m pretty sure she’s already asleep.
I spend the next hour just watching her slumber, more peaceful than I’ve ever seen her before. Her chest rises and falls heavily. Hopefully this time she’ll sleep through the night. As I watch her I can’t help but feel triumphant. She may still have bad nights. Days she wishes would just end. But for now I’ve slayed her dragons.
