“This is your chance, Sofi, not ours. Don’t kid yourself. Felix is buying out your contract so you can get out now. But he’s doing that for you, not for the rest of us. They’ll expect the three of us to just carry on without you. It’ll be worse for me, not better. And that’s not even the worst thing. You agreed to a fucking solo contract, without telling me, without really discussing it with me. Can you imagine how stupid I feel right now?” Maddie leaned forward, looking at Sofia, her eyes full of sadness. Sofia almost couldn’t bear it. “I thought we had something special, that we were in this together.” She faltered. “I let you in. I know you know that I worshipped you.”
Sofia hated hearing Maddie using the past tense about them. It terrified her.
“You always made me feel so special, but now…” Maddie waved a hand into the space between them as if to suggest that, whatever it was, it was gone.
Sofia got up onto her knees, leaning toward Maddie. She took her hands. Maddie tried to shake her off, but Sofia held on to them tightly and Maddie relented.
“I’m not leaving you, Mads. I’m not. I know it’ll be hard at first because we’re used to being together all the time, but it’ll be better for us I promise. We won’t have to deal with the hypocrisy of them telling us we can’t show each other the smallest amount of affection because the fans are ‘too young to handle it,’ while making us pretend to have boyfriends they want us to be hanging all over. This way, we can do and be what we want, without the record company saying it’s against the terms of that fucking contract we signed when we were too young to know any better. I want to write and sing my own songs, but I’m also sick of them controlling our lives, and I know you are too.” She looked at Maddie, wanting her to believe it would be better, that it was a start and not an end for them.
Maddie pulled her hands away, but Sofia didn’t move. She put her hands on Maddie’s knees, needing to be touching her somehow.
“You didn’t talk to me about it, Sofi. That’s not what people in a proper grown-up relationship do. And it makes me feel like a fool to have trusted you.”
“I told you as soon as I decided to do it. It’s just all happened so quickly. Felix is mad that I told you at all. He wanted me to wait but I couldn’t.” She wanted it to count for something. “You can trust me, you know that. I will never hurt you and I will always love you.” It was time for her to lay it on the line. “I love you, Maddie. So damn much. I did this for me—of course I did—but I honestly did it for us too. You have to believe me. Tonight when you didn’t come, when you didn’t call, was the most unhappy, the most heartsick I have ever felt. The idea of losing you is terrifying.” Sofia rested her head on Maddie’s knees, letting the tears fall finally.
Maddie tensed beneath her, and Sofia waited for her to push her away. But then she felt Maddie’s fingers in her hair, stroking her head gently, soothing her as she wept. Sofia felt the relief in her body replaced with arousal as Maddie’s fingers moved from her hair to trail across her bare neck, across her bare shoulders.
“I was always gonna come. I think we both know that.” Maddie’s voice was barely above a whisper. “I don’t know how to be without you.”
Sofia’s breath caught in her throat as Maddie’s nails raked down the top of her spine, feeling like someone had plugged her into an electric socket. Jolts of arousal pulsed from Maddie’s fingertips and landed between her legs. Maddie’s fingers kept moving, overloading her senses. She lifted her head to look up at Maddie. Her brown eyes were almost black, her lips full and red. She stared at Maddie’s mouth. Normally, she didn’t wait, had never waited, to be kissed by Maddie. It was her favorite thing, and every moment they had alone meant Sofia would go to her, claim that mouth, kiss those lips. But as Sofia knelt in front of Maddie, her face tilted upward, she understood that, this time, she had to wait. Maddie’s gaze moved from her eyes to her mouth and back again, and Sofia was mesmerized by it. Then, briefly, Maddie closed her eyes. When she opened them, she seemed to have decided something because she reached one hand to the back of Sofia’s neck and the other to the small of her back, pulling her closer and capturing her mouth in a hard, possessive kiss.
Sofia moaned, heat coursing through her body at the taste of Maddie’s lips, the feel of her tongue, the urgency of the kisses. She could taste tequila and coffee mingled together in Maddie’s mouth and it was the sweetest thing she had ever tasted.
Maddie pressed Sofia closer to her, pulling her in between her knees, the kisses hard and passionate, and when Maddie used the arm around Sofia’s waist to lift her up from her knees and pull her into her lap, Sofia let out a soft moan of desire. She had her hands in Maddie’s hair and moved her lips from Maddie’s mouth to her neck, tracing kisses down behind her ear, and biting her neck softly. Maddie shifted underneath her, letting out a soft curse.
She worked the buttons on Maddie’s shirt and pulled it open, dipping her head to place kisses across her shoulders, across her collarbone, stopping only when she felt Maddie’s hands slip under her tank and her nails scratch slowly down her back. Sofia arched her back toward the touch, feeling herself get more and more aroused. When Maddie stopped, looked at Sofia for a few seconds, and then lifted off her tank top and tossed it on the floor, Sofia took in a breath at the anticipation of Maddie’s hands on her breasts. As Maddie caressed them, softly at first and then more roughly, pinching her nipples, Sofia whimpered with want. She clamped her eyes shut, her ass grinding into Maddie’s lap, feeling as if she was on fire. She wanted this, needed Maddie, didn’t want her to hold back.
Maddie took a nipple into her mouth, and Sofia moaned, feeling the sensation of arousal travel down her body to her center, now wet and throbbing with need. She took hold of Maddie’s shirt and tore it open completely, revealing Maddie’s breasts in a low cut, deep purple bra. She clumsily helped Maddie out of the shirt, wanting her own hands, her own mouth on those breasts at least as much as she wanted Maddie to keep tasting her own.
“You are so fucking beautiful, Mads. I don’t have the words right now, but please know that you’re everything to me.” Sofia tried to say what she was feeling. Maddie was silent in response. No smile, no words, just a look of utter wanting.
“Take off your shorts.” Maddie’s voice came out low and hoarse, and Sofia got up from her lap immediately.
Sofia took them off and kicked them across the floor, not once taking her eyes off Maddie’s face, seeing her eyes widen as Sofia stood in front of her naked now. She felt all the blood, all the heat in her body rush between her legs. Maddie’s gaze was so intense and all Sofia wanted was Maddie’s hands on her to give her the release she needed. In the past, she might have grown uncomfortable under such scrutiny, but tonight, for reasons she couldn’t untangle, Sofia wanted Maddie to look at her, wanted to be seen. However their management and their families treated them, they were grown ass women who knew what they wanted, not children who needed to be constantly told to stay away from the fire. And right now, Sofia wanted to stand close enough to Maddie to be burned.
Without taking her eyes off Sofia, Maddie stood and then reached out a single finger to stroke it gently across Sofia’s naked shoulder as she slowly walked around her.
“Maddie, please.” Sofia wanted Maddie to touch her properly, to kiss her, to lay her down and fuck her. Maddie’s response was to trail the same finger upward until it rested on Sofia’s lips in a silencing gesture.
Maddie continued to move slowly until she was behind Sofia. Sofia could no longer see her, but she could feel Maddie’s breath on her neck. In seconds, Maddie was pressed against Sofia, gently brushing Sofia’s hair to one side so that she could kiss Sofia’s neck. As soon as Maddie’s lips made contact with Sofia’s skin, Sofia gasped slightly and pushed herself backward to increase the contact her body had with Maddie’s. As Maddie snaked a hand around to lay it flat on Sofia’s stomach, pulling her even tighter into the embrace, Sofia’s body tensed in expectation as Maddie’s other hand reached around Sofia’s
body to close over her breast. When the hand on her stomach moved so that Maddie had both hands on Sofia’s breasts, Sofia closed her eyes, losing herself to the blind arousal now coursing through her body as Maddie caressed both breasts, pinching the nipples between finger and thumb. Every touch of Maddie’s hands sent currents of pleasure to her center, making her wet and ready.
“Please.” Sofia made no attempt to disguise how desperate she was. When she opened her eyes, Sofia saw that Maddie had turned them both and they were in front of the large mirror. Sofia was surprised to see herself standing there naked with Maddie’s chin resting on her shoulder and Maddie’s hands on her breasts. She watched as Maddie glanced down to the area between Sofia’s legs, before looking back up at her. For a second, she felt exposed and vulnerable, but then she locked eyes with Maddie’s reflection, and the arousal written across her face sent sparks of desire to Sofia’s already molten core. She nodded, unable to form actual words. In response, Maddie stopped caressing Sofia’s breasts and moved a hand slowly down her body, over her ribs, past her navel, pausing to trace light feathery patterns along the dark stripe of hair covering Sofia’s aching wet center. The anticipation of what was coming made her close her eyes. She had never wanted Maddie’s fingers inside her as much as right then.
“Open your eyes.” Maddie whispered the words into her ear, and she found them impossible to ignore. She opened her eyes and looked past herself to Maddie, her arousal matching Sofia’s own, her eyes the darkest that Sofia had ever seen them. She was breathtakingly beautiful.
“Watch.” The single word came out of Maddie with a rasp. She cleared her throat. “I want you to watch.”
Sofia couldn’t have said no to Maddie in that moment, whatever she’d asked, and she couldn’t stop looking at Maddie’s hands on her body, the fingers of one hand softly stroking her between her legs, and the other closed possessively over Sofia’s breast. The sight was intoxicating.
“Uhhh.” Sofia’s thoughts were interrupted by the feeling of Maddie turning her body to capture her mouth in a hard, wet kiss at the same time as she entered her with her fingers. Maddie’s tongue pushed into Sofia’s mouth and she pulled Sofia closer to her. Sofia rode her fingers, the thrusts making Sofia cry out with pleasure. Maddie encouraged her with soft murmurs into her mouth. Her world, her whole world, was reduced to the feeling of Maddie’s fingers deep within her. She had no words, her vision had gone, and she couldn’t even tell if her feet were on the floor. The only feeling was the consuming blackness of the desire, the desire to be filled over and over by Maddie, to never be without her, to have this, to have them, go on forever.
Sofia felt Maddie sink her teeth into her neck and she shivered at the feel of her skin being marked and then she tensed, close to the edge. She wanted the release, but she didn’t want Maddie to stop. Maddie’s hot breath was on her ear as she began to move her thumb in short soft strokes across her clitoris. It was all it took to push Sofia over the edge, and her orgasm came with a burst of color and light, her whole body shuddering as wave after wave of pleasure moved through her. Her legs felt like liquid and only Maddie’s arms around her kept her from sliding to the floor.
“I love you.” Sofia found the words to go with the cry that she let out, and then swallowed, as the orgasm hit. Her muscles had tensed around Maddie’s fingers and Maddie waited before gently withdrawing them, not moving away but holding Sofia close until she came back down to earth, stroking the goose bumps on her arms and pressing Sofia to her, nuzzling her neck, before kissing her lips over and over, sweet, soft kisses now, much less demanding.
Sofia’s eyes were still clamped shut as she waited to be reunited with the rest of her senses. When she opened them, the intensity of the way Maddie was looking at her almost made Sofia step back. Then Maddie gently turned her around so that they were both facing the mirror, in the position they had started in.
“Look at yourself, Sofi.” Maddie put a finger under Sofia’s chin, tilting her face upward, making her look at herself in the mirror. Sofia, released by the orgasm from the grip of her desire, was now embarrassed at standing there naked. She hated her body. The constant comments about her weight had gotten inside her head.
“You are so fucking beautiful. I want you to look at yourself and see yourself the way I see you and never forget how beautiful and perfect you are, no matter what anyone ever says to you. Or whatever you might think about yourself.” She tapped Sofia’s forehead. “I would not change a single thing about you.”
Sofia began to speak, but Maddie gently clasped a hand over her mouth. “Not a single fucking thing.” She moved her hand. “Okay?” She smiled at Sofia and the smile made her feel that, despite what she’d done, Maddie still loved her.
“Okay.” Sofia nodded at Maddie’s reflection before turning to her.
“Now take off your clothes and lie down on that bed. It’s my turn.” She put out a hand to push Maddie backward toward the bed where she had been sleepless and full of sorrow just fifteen minutes ago. Maddie had come back and it was all going to be okay.
* * *
Maddie’s left arm had long since gone numb under the weight of Sofi’s body, but she didn’t want to move, didn’t want to wake her. Their desperate lovemaking of the past two hours had wiped them both out. Maddie flushed now at the memory of it all. Sofi had always driven her wild, her appetite for sex was almost endless. But this time had been different, more intense, and more desperate. The two of them holding nothing back, not being careful with each other at all, and Maddie ached all over, with a couple of new bruises on her neck that she’d need help covering up before they performed in Portland tomorrow.
The thought of having to keep rehearsing and performing and pretending everything was fine while knowing Sofia was leaving the band was not a good one. She fought to stop herself from panicking. Maybe she wouldn’t lose her straight away, because maybe Sofi meant it when she said she intended for them to stay together, but if her schedule was anywhere near as hectic as the band’s, Maddie just couldn’t figure out how they would ever see each other. The band had brought them together, enabled them to fall in love, and without it she feared they’d fall apart.
“You’re awake.” Maddie looked down to see dark eyes gazing up at her, Sofi’s voice thick with sleep. She started to shift position, but Maddie reached down to stop her.
“No, don’t.” The words came out sharply. “I mean, it’s fine, stay like that, it’s nice. You’re keeping me warm.” She tried for a laugh as she said the last few words, but it came out more like a soft sob.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” Sofia reached up and stroked Maddie’s cheek softly.
“This, whatever you say, it feels like an ending.” Maddie shrugged. “I don’t think we can survive you leaving the band.”
“That’s not—” Sofi started to speak. Maddie cut her off.
“Sof, listen to me. You’re a good person, but you’re naive sometimes. It’s one of the many reasons I’m in love with you, but…” Maddie didn’t want to finish the sentence, “when you go solo, it’ll be impossible for us to see each other. We never get time off as it is, but if you’re not in the band, we won’t even have this.” She gestured around the room. She hated the way they had to sneak around, but the idea of not seeing Sofi at all was much, much worse. “You’ll be building a new career, trying to attract a new set of fans. They’ll work you into the ground. I doubt if we’ll ever be in the same time zone, let alone the same hotel. I don’t know how we can have a proper relationship if we never see each other.” She sighed deeply. She felt fearful, could feel actual dread in her stomach.
“I won’t work as hard.” Sofi gazed at her. “I already told Felix that I need more freedom, that I’m not just going to write my own songs but I’m going to want to be in charge of my scheduling. I’ll make sure I can have time off to see you. And, if you go solo too, you can ask for the same freedom. It can work, I promise.” She smiled a shy smile. “I even told him that, this time,
I need to be able to date, be in a relationship with, whoever the hell I want and they won’t be able to prevent it.”
Maddie was surprised to hear Sofi say it. She had always been the private one, the one who had been scared of showing their relationship.
Sofia climbed on top of Maddie and put her hands on either side of Maddie’s face. “I love you, Maddie—so damn much—and if you don’t want me to leave the band I won’t. I’d choose you over my first solo Grammy any day.” She leaned in and planted a soft kiss on Maddie’s lips. “But when we finally go solo and one of us is Grammy nominated,” Sofi raised her eyebrows, “I’ll expect to go with you and show everyone that I’m the luckiest woman in the world for being able to walk the red carpet with you. I’m proud of loving you, and I don’t want to do any of it without you.”
Maddie opened her mouth to Sofi’s kisses. She traced her tongue alongside the inside of Sofi’s bottom lip, marveling at the feel of Sofi on top of her. She lifted her hips off the bed and pushed against her as she continued to claim deep, warm kisses from the woman she loved. Sofi pulled her mouth from Maddie’s and moved it to her ear, nibbling softly and then stopping.
“I can wait for a solo career until we’re both ready. I’ll talk to Felix today and tell him.” Sofia moved her head back up to face Maddie and peered at her waiting for a reply.
“Let’s sleep and talk about it later.” Maddie wasn’t sure it’d be that easy now that the genie was out of the bottle. She pulled the covers over them both, settling Sofia’s head back on her chest, willing the awful churning feeling in her stomach to settle.
Chapter One
Five Years Later
Sofia stood with a towel around her neck, her hair damp and her face flushed. She tossed the water bottle she’d just finished into the trash and went to get another.
“Why doesn’t this place have a cooler? It’s ridiculous. I mean, look at all those empty bottles. I feel bad, but I have to stay hydrated so what can I do?” She waved a hand in the direction of the trash can.
Not This Time Page 2
