Maddie could have told Sofi that she was lactating and sleepless to the point of exhaustion when she and Danny worked on the video and that the connection between them had been nothing but friendly, but she didn’t know whether Sofi cared enough to want the explanation.
“Did you try?”
“What?” Sofi looked confused.
“To talk him out of the matchmaking.” Maddie wanted to know, wanted to believe Sofi still felt a little jealousy.
“I just didn’t think he was doing it for the right reasons.”
It wasn’t a yes but it wasn’t a no.
Sofi squeezed past her carrying the huge bowl of salad at the same time that Maddie moved to put down her beer. They bumped hips and the contact between them sent Sofi off balance. Maddie shot out her hands, grabbing Sofi to steady her. Sofi put the salad on the counter and turned to her. They were face-to-face, not very far apart.
“My fault, sorry.” For some reason, Maddie hadn’t dropped her hands from Sofi’s waist.
“Don’t be. You saved the salad.” Sofi gave her a shy smile.
The air was heavy between them. Maddie gazed at Sofi’s face. She wasn’t smiling now. She had her bottom lip caught between her teeth and her eyes were dark and serious. Maddie felt herself being pulled in.
“I’m so glad you’re coming to Paris.”
“Me too.”
“I have a lot of good memories of being there with you.”
“Me too.” Maddie could barely form words, being this close to Sofi, talking about Paris, the city where they had finally let themselves become lovers, was dangerous. Her body was telling her to pull Sofi closer, to taste those beautiful lips, but her brain was sounding an alarm. Sofi shifted a little closer, putting her hands over Maddie’s, holding them in place as if realizing that she was about to pull away. Maddie’s insides turned to hot liquid, and she felt a pulsing between her legs.
“I’ve never been able to go there and not think about you. Of all the places we went together, it’s the place that most reminds me of us. When you suggested it as a setting for the video, I hoped that maybe you—” She didn’t finish, but her expression told Maddie everything. They were playing with fire being this close.
Before Maddie could respond, the doorbell rang and they both dropped their hands and moved a little farther apart.
“Saved by the bell.” Sofi picked up Maddie’s beer, took a long pull, and then handed it to her with a rueful smile before crossing to answer the door. As Maddie watched her move, she let out a soft breath, her body resenting the intrusion while the part of her that was still capable of rational thought offered up a thanks that they had been stopped from doing something they shouldn’t in full view of a team of caterers. She needed to keep her distance until she could get her feelings under control. She drained her beer and looked at the empty bottle. She also needed to try to stay sober.
Sofi came back into the living room with a group of mostly young women, all looking like they’d dressed for an evening at the beach. Maddie watched as they exchanged hugs and kisses and handed over bottles and bunches of flowers. As Sofi’s hands got full, Maddie moved across to help her by taking some of the gifts and placing them carefully on the table.
As she turned back to the group, there was a familiar face grinning at her. She had barely a second to react before being wrapped in a tight hug.
“Madison. No fucking way. So great to see you.”
“You too.” Maddie hugged Tanya back happily. She had played guitar as part of the band that toured with them back in the day, and they had been close. But Sofi had persuaded Tanya to jump ship when she went solo so she was another lost connection, another person forced to choose sides. Maddie had been sad to lose Tanya. She’d gotten drunk with her more times than she could remember.
“Girl, you look good.” She looked Maddie up and down and let out a soft whistle. “Sofia did not tell me you were coming.” She held up a bottle. “But I brought tequila anyway. Maybe the universe knew I’d run into you.” She winked at Maddie.
“And you’re looking five years younger not five years older. Maybe I should drink more tequila.”
“Thanks, babe, you always were a charmer.” Tanya nudged her and smiled.
Tanya was a relentless flirt, but during all the times they’d gotten drunk together in the past, she had never once made a move. She was one of the few people they’d toured with who knew about Maddie and Sofi’s relationship and she’d understood that they were both off-limits.
Maddie took Tanya to the kitchen to get a drink. Sofi was doing the same with the other women. She introduced them to Maddie. They were all singers and dancers from the show. As Sofi chatted with them, Maddie watched her. She seemed tired. She’d done her best to conceal the dark circles under her eyes, but the shadows were still visible. And her movements seemed rushed and a little exaggerated. To Maddie, she seemed stressed and strung out.
The doorbell rang again as Sofi was opening a bottle of wine. She held it up and mouthed a “can you get it” in Maddie’s direction with a shrug.
Maddie moved to the door and swung it open. Noah, Danny, and three other men she didn’t recognize stood staring back at her.
“Are you seriously opening the door for her now?” Noah didn’t even say hello as he strode past. “There’s, like, twelve photographers outside. Do you want them wondering why Sofi’s former ‘bestie’ is more at home here than I am?”
“Maddie.” Danny nodded at her and lifted an eyebrow as he walked by, clearly embarrassed by Noah’s unpleasantness.
She followed them into the living area and couldn’t help her jealous reaction to the sight of Noah’s arm around Sofi’s shoulders, minutes after she and Sofi had been so intimate. That she still felt the trembling of desire in her body while Sofi was now with Noah made Maddie feel miserable. It helped a little when Noah tried to pull Sofi into a kiss, and she pushed him away, giving him the dirtiest of dirty looks. They still didn’t seem to be in a very good place.
“Hey, babe, it’s been a while. How you doing?” Danny moved back to her side with a beer in his hand. “And how’s little Mateo?”
“He’s good. Growing. You wouldn’t recognize him now.”
Danny nodded.
Maddie couldn’t take her eyes off Noah and Sofi. Sofi was on the edge of a group chatting happily with Tanya while Noah was watching her possessively. She was biased—she couldn’t pretend otherwise—but Noah’s appeal was impossible to understand. She supposed he was handsome, but his personality was disgusting. Even if he was jealous about her friendship with Sofi, there was no need to be so hostile. He had Sofi, she had chosen him. It should be enough.
“Is he always such a jerk?”
Danny laughed. “He’s not always that bad. I think you push his buttons.”
Maddie gave him a quizzical look. “I’ve barely said five words to him.”
“It’s not anything you’ve said or done. It’s just that you’re here, back in her life. He’s very possessive about her. I tell him constantly how ridiculous it is, y’know. For kinda obvious reasons.” He seemed to be waiting for her to say something, but when she didn’t respond, he simply continued. “But it doesn’t stop him from being jealous. He knows about before. He thinks you two are getting close and he’s threatened by it, y’know.” He shrugged.
“That’s crazy.” Maddie offered up the denial even as she remembered how close she had come to kissing Sofi earlier, how much she had wanted to. The look in Sofi’s eyes suggesting she wanted the same thing. They had a lot of history and they were getting close again. Maybe Noah was right to want her to stay the fuck away from his girlfriend. Maddie told herself for the hundredth time that month that she needed to be grateful that the tour would put more distance between them.
“And how’s Sofia doing?” Danny asked. “I can’t believe I was chatting with her that day, a few minutes before she did the falling over collapsing thing. I had no idea. She seemed fine.”
Maddie looked at him closely and could see only genuine concern.
“She’s okay I guess. I think she hides it well. Personally, I think she still needs more time to recover, but I guess that’s easy for me to say. I don’t have to worry about her album sales.”
“It is easy for you to say. And, oh yeah, let me think, absolutely nothing to do with you.”
Maddie hadn’t realized Noah was standing close enough to overhear.
“Noah.” Danny said his name like a warning. “Be nice, man.”
“I just think it’s amazing that someone whose own career was such a shitshow thinks she’s qualified to give any kind of career advice to Sofia.”
“I’m not giving her career advice, Noah. She collapsed a month ago and she’s about to go on tour for four months, and I might not have a right to say it, but I just wanna know she’s fit enough.” She could feel the anger building in her chest. “And maybe having a boozy send-off is not what she needs right now.”
“Okay, boomer.” Noah sneered at her. “You’re not looking after a toddler now. Some of us can manage to stay up past nine o’clock, have a few drinks, and still function. She’s not fragile, and she doesn’t need another mother.”
Maddie didn’t want an argument with Noah. For Sofi’s sake. She made herself stay silent in the face of his hostility. It took a lot of effort.
“She’s a fucking pop star and you probably don’t remember, but pop stars have to tour their records, meet their fans, and sell their albums. It’s that simple. So we’re gonna have a few drinks, take some party photos, and show the world that Sofia is better and ready to slay. And if she gets tired or needs anyone to care for her, I’m here.” His voice was already slightly slurry. He must have been drinking before he arrived.
Maddie looked at Sofi across the room. She was busying herself handing out drinks to a new group of arrivals. She felt the desire to go to her, to help, to be by her side. Whatever Noah said, she couldn’t help but think Sofi needed her.
“Why are you even here anyway?”
Maddie blinked, realizing Noah was still talking to her.
“I mean, you’re always hanging out here, getting the photographers all excited, and now you’re even doing her fucking video. It’s making people wonder what’s going on. Is it not enough that you killed your own career by coming out? You want everyone asking questions about you and her like that?”
There was so much she could have said to that. She swallowed it down, digging her nails into her hand to stop herself from reacting the way she wanted to.
“Sofi invited me. To be honest, I’d have been happier to pass. I’m too old to think that getting shit-faced and posing for selfies is cool, but for some reason, your girlfriend really wanted me here. Maybe you need to ask her why, not me.” She turned and walked away, trying not to let him see the anger, the trembling in her body.
For a second, she contemplated leaving, and then Sofi caught her eye. She gave Maddie a warm, tired smile and her eyes contained a plea. Sofi did need her. Maddie didn’t know why or what for, but she wasn’t going to let Noah chase her away.
* * *
Half the party had drifted outside. Someone had moved one of the speakers to the doorway and was blasting music out onto the deck where some people were dancing, while others sat around in small groups chatting. Most of the food had been eaten, and empty beer bottles were scattered across the kitchen.
Sofia was half clearing plates and half watching Maddie chatting with Danny on the couch. It was a big couch, it could easily seat four people, but Maddie and Danny were sitting pretty close together. Maddie looked gorgeous tonight in skinny black jeans, dark eye liner, and a cut-off black T-shirt—looking a lot like the rock chick she wasn’t any more. But more than being achingly beautiful, Maddie was smart, funny, and sexy. Of course Danny was interested. Sofia couldn’t imagine anyone with a pulse not being interested in Maddie. She couldn’t help the feelings of jealousy that bubbled up. She didn’t know how Maddie felt about her, but earlier, there was no hiding the fact that they had again almost kissed, and unless she’d gotten really bad at reading Maddie, she had wanted them to as much as Sofia did. She had spent the night thinking about nothing but that while Maddie had been keeping her distance and acting as if it hadn’t even happened.
“They make a cute couple.” Noah appeared at her side. He handed her his empty plate. “I guess that’s why you’re over here looking all sad.” He turned his mouth down like a clown. “Your baby girl grew up to prefer men after all. Danny, Mateo’s baby daddy, that rapper she recorded with and then banged for a few months. She’s not very bisexual for a bisexual. I think I’d probably stand a better chance than you with her right now.”
Sofia had spent the evening avoiding him as much as possible. He was annoying sober, but drunk he was an unpleasant asshole.
“Did you want something, Noah?” She was determined not to let him see that she was bothered. They did look like a cute couple. And they had spent a lot of the evening together.
For a second, he looked at her with what she imagined was actual fondness. “I want my girlfriend to pay me some attention. You’ve been avoiding me all night. “I’m going away, you’re going away. A girlfriend would be sad about that.”
“For fuck’s sake, Noah. I’m not your girlfriend. How many times do I need to say it?”
His expression hardened.
“Oh yeah, well, I’ve got a contract that says different. You’re my girlfriend until the end of January. Longer if we both decide we want to sign up for a sequel.” He laughed at his own joke.
She felt a pounding in her head. Was he really that deluded that he imagined she would carry this on for a day longer than she had to?
“You’re drunk and you’re acting like a jerk. Why would I want to spend time with you?”
She tensed, waiting for him to react, waiting for more nastiness and harsh words.
“You weren’t always like this. You liked me in the beginning. I know you did.” He said the words so quietly that Sofia had to strain to hear them. “And I miss the way it was before she came back.”
Before Sofia could respond, before she could tell him how crazy he was, he picked up his beer and wandered unsteadily over to the couch, dropping into the space next to Danny.
Sofia felt a familiar tightness building in her chest. The contract prevented them both from ever talking about the arrangement, but he was drunk and upset enough to say anything. He could blow things wide open. For both their sakes, Felix had to find a way for them to end things sooner than January.
Maddie looked in her direction and smiled, moving her head to suggest Sofia should come and join her. Her face was a little flushed, and her smile was open and warm. Sofia immediately felt a wave of shame. She had lied to everyone about Noah for so long it had stopped seeming important, but Maddie—lying to Maddie—was something different. She needed to tell her about Noah before someone else did. She had so much she needed to say to her about her feelings, and they had so much lost time to make up for. And she believed that, with Maddie at her side, she would feel braver, less lost. In her head it all sounded difficult and crazy, but in her heart it felt right.
She put a pile of plates into the sink, picked up her drink, and moved across to sit next to Tanya.
“I still can’t believe you’re shooting your next video while we’re in Paris. Very fucking cool. I assume that you’ll need to cast a sexy guitarist.” She raised her eyebrows at Sofia playfully.
Sofia caught Maddie’s eye and smiled. She was so happy that Maddie had agreed to come to Paris. Being away from Mateo for a couple of days was not easy, but Maddie was willing to do it—for her.
“All her idea.” She pointed at Maddie. “And you’ll have to ask her for a part, because she’s in charge, not me. I’m just going to turn up and do what I’m told.”
“We had a blast doing my video,” Danny said. “But you’re right about the doing what you’re told thing. She got very bossy.” H
e nudged Maddie and smiled as he spoke. Sofia felt a stab of jealousy as she watched them together. She looked up to see Noah staring at her.
“Well, I think it’d be damn cool if we could be in it together.” He didn’t wait for a response. “The fans have been asking us to do something together and the video could be it. Easier than collaborating on a song when we’re both touring. I’m sure I can make time for a couple of days in Paris.”
“You don’t need to do that.” Sofia kept her tone neutral, not wanting to create another reason for him to be belligerent.
“I know I don’t need to, babe. I’m offering. I think it would be a good move. Maybe you can tell your director to do what she’s told and cast your boyfriend as your love interest. I assume there is one.”
Sofia felt everyone’s gaze on her, waiting. She felt her throat tighten. Maddie was looking in her direction, her eyes showed kindness and concern. Sofia couldn’t help but wonder again whether Maddie would hate her for the deceit about Noah, or whether she’d understand. Either way, she just needed to start being more honest.
“There’s a really good reason you can’t play the love interest, sorry.”
“Sofi.” Maddie said her name softly and shook her head, lifting her beer bottle to her lips and angling her head toward Noah. She was warning Sofia off the conversation, suggesting Noah was too drunk to handle it.
“Why not? I told you, I can get time off. And it’s not like I haven’t acted before. The fans would love having me in the video. It’d blow up for sure then.”
“You’d need to be French.” Sofia was annoyed that he imagined the song couldn’t sell without him in the video.
“I could do an acc—”
“And you’d need to be a very beautiful woman.” Sofia cut him off.
She watched his face as the penny dropped. His mouth moved but no words came out.
“Really, Sofi?” Tanya laughed and held up her hand for Sofia to give her a high five. “Hot damn. You dark horse, you. Well, that’s gonna get people talking.” She turned to Maddie. “Was that your idea?”
Not This Time Page 19
