by Alan Tucker
Tuesday, 15 September
What a scary night. I ended up sleeping at The Grave, that’s how desperate I was.
I went to sleep in my trench. Rusty was curled up right next to the back of my head, so I felt perfectly safe. I could see one way and he could see the other. Nothing could creep up on us.
I woke up during the middle of the night when I heard him growling. I listened carefully and could hear something moving around. To start with I thought it was the goanna, but it sounded too heavy and more like it was moving on two feet, not four. And it was too slow. Goannas move quickly.
I expected Rusty to chase whatever was out there, but he didn’t. He moved even closer to me. He turned a little too so he could look in the same direction as me. There was a full moon, but the light was flickering as clouds moved across the sky, so I couldn’t see properly.
I sensed Rusty was tense. I was too. I couldn’t see anything and whatever I heard seemed to have gone. Or stopped moving. Or maybe it was still moving and I couldn’t hear it over the wind, which suddenly blew more strongly. The wind made the clouds move faster, which made the moonlight flash faster on the cliff face.
I couldn’t have moved even if I had wanted to. I don’t think Rusty could have either. He wasn’t even growling any more. He was like a little rock figure.
On the cliff where the paintings were, the light was really spooky. I know I was scared, but I thought I saw the paintings of the goanna and the emu moving. I’ll probably never tell anyone that. They’d think I was crazy.
I don’t know how long I lay there watching. It might not have been watching at all. I might have been imagining or dreaming. I don’t know.
What made it even weirder was that my brain or my head or part of me felt separate. It’s hard to explain. I felt like I was disconnected from my body for a while. Maybe it was the fear.
When that feeling went away and my body and my head started to feel joined again, my brain told my hands and legs to push up out of the sand and get away from there—FAST.
I grabbed my diary and blanket and torch and ran. I didn’t have to call Rusty. He was right beside me. And still is.
I ran and ran until I saw The Grave. Who’d have thought I’d feel safe there? But somehow I did. I sat down, leaned against the headstone and fell fast asleep.
I’m going to walk home soon, but first I needed to write all this down. I’m not sure why. Maybe because I know I won’t be able to talk to anyone about it, or maybe because I don’t want to forget it.
Evening
When I got home I expected Dad to fly off the handle. Instead of yelling, though, he asked where Mum was. He was speaking at a million miles an hour and didn’t give me a chance to answer.
‘I’ve been so worried about you both. Half the village has been out looking for you these past 24 hours. If your mother’s not with you then where is she? When is she coming home? God, I wish I hadn’t argued with her.’
I finally managed to tell him I hadn’t seen Mum and asked if she might have gone looking for me.
‘I don’t know. I assumed you were together. Where were you?’
I told him Rusty and I had been camped out in the creek bed near The Grave. ‘Where do you think Mum might be?’
All he knew was that he’d come home from work on Monday evening and found us both gone. Now I was home, but Mum was still missing.
Dad went out to tell the searchers I’ve been found and to join the search for Mum. He told me to have a warm bath and stay inside.
Later
The phone rang. It was Mum. She’s safe in Adelaide.
She told me she was sorry she’d vanished without warning. She just had to get out of Woomera for a while. She’d enrolled in a nurses’ refresher course at the Royal Adelaide Hospital and was boarding in their staff quarters.
She asked to speak to Dad and cried when I told her he was out with a search party looking for her.
‘I never dreamed I’d cause so many people so much trouble. Tell Dad to call off the search and tell him I’m coming back to you both as soon as I get a weekend off. I won’t be gone long, Anthony, I promise. Oh, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. Please forgive me. I’ve been so stupid.’
I told her she wasn’t stupid. ‘You needed a break, Mum. You weren’t happy living in Woomera.’
‘I know, but I also knew that you and your dad were happy there, and I didn’t want to tear you away. You’re the healthiest you’ve been in five years, Anthony, and I felt for the first time that you didn’t need me around. Woomera’s good for you. Oh, I miss you so much.’
She was so upset I couldn’t tell her that I’d run away too. She obviously hadn’t noticed I wasn’t in my room when she packed her bags and left. Now was not the time to tell her.
I told her I missed her too and that I’d tell Dad she was safe. And I told her I did need her. ‘You’re the best mum I’ve got.’
She wept and wept, then stopped long enough to tell me to tell Dad that she loves him. ‘And tell him that once I’ve updated my qualifications I’ll apply for a nursing job in Woomera.’
I promised her I’d tell him everything.
After we hung up I realised why Mum wanted to go to Adelaide last school holidays and why she had the appointment at the hospital.
Very late
Dad woke me after he read my note about Mum. He looked shocked by the news, but relieved at the same time.
‘I told her she needed to get out more, but I didn’t want her to go to Adelaide to do it,’ he mumbled.
He’s gone out again to tell the searchers she’s safe. He won’t get much sleep tonight.
Wednesday, 16 September
I stayed at home till recess time today. Dad said I could stay home all day, but I was keen to go to school to see my friends.
Mum rang about 9 o’clock this morning and talked to Dad for ages. I was in my room but could hear most of what they talked about. Dad didn’t yell and they didn’t argue. Several times he told her he wanted her back as soon as possible.
After they’d finished speaking he told me that Mum was planning to come home as many weekends as she could. She’s even threatened to turn up unannounced to give us marks on our housekeeping.
When I arrived at school the boys all wanted to know what happened to me. They’d heard I’d been lost in the desert. Some of their parents had been in the search party. I told them I’d run away because of Mum and Dad. That sounded tougher than being lost. Dave joked that Jonathon should run away, because his parents are worse than mine.
Dave and Robert particularly wanted to know all about sleeping at The Grave. They couldn’t believe I’d done it. I said I wasn’t scared a bit. I didn’t tell them about being terrified by the Aboriginal paintings.
9.00 pm
Mum and I had a long talk by telephone tonight. She wanted to speak to me because Dad had told her about me running away too. She said she was sorry that her argument with Dad had driven me out of my own home. She said that wasn’t fair and when she comes home there won’t be any more arguments. I hope she’s right.
Thursday, 24 September
Boy, have I been ill! I feel all right today for the first time in a week. Dad reckons I caught the fever from sleeping in the desert and getting cold. At first I was worried that my polio might have come back, but it hasn’t. My legs are working fine.
Dad must have been worried too, because he took time off work to look after me. He’s never done that before. He didn’t tell Mum I was ill when she rang last Sunday because she has a nursing exam next week. He figured if he told her she’d get on a bus and come straight home.
Sunday, 27 September
Mum rang tonight. She was cross when she found out we’d kept my illness from her. She said she’d sooner look after me than sit an exam, any day. I told her I’m all right and reassured her the symptoms were nothing like polio. I told her I’d had some weird dreams while I was ill. She said the fever would have caused that. She suspected I’d been de
lirious. In the dreams I relived my scary night near the Aboriginal rock paintings when the emu and the goanna appeared to come to life. Mum didn’t know what the dreams meant and told me not to let them upset me.
I wonder if they’re an omen. I remember the creatures were trying to wake me up to warn me of something. I hope nothing bad is going to happen.
Monday, 28 September
I went back to school today after being absent for a week and a half. I got some funny comments from my friends. Robert said I was as pale as some of the Pommy kids. When the teachers told me I don’t have to do any homework this week because I look unwell, Dave wanted to know how he can get my fever.
I missed cricket practice last week. I hope Mr Noblett will still want me as scorer.
Thursday, 1 October
The big news at school this morning is that a rocket exploded on the range yesterday. Jonathon told us it started up while the launch crew were preparing it for take-off. One man’s badly injured. He must have been looking at the flames when they erupted, because he’s blind. The doctors think it’s permanent.
Can you imagine a flash of light so bright it burns your eyeballs out? I guess the flash from an atomic bomb blast is even brighter, depending on how close you are to it.
Jonathon was very formal when he told us the story. He said it was an unfortunate accident in the pursuit of science. His attitude is so different from ours.
Dad was upset. He’s always known it’s dangerous dealing with weapons and explosives. He says it’s safer working with trucks because he’s in control. He does his own mechanical safety checks before he leaves on a trip and he’s a good driver on the road.
I wonder if an accident could happen with an atomic bomb. And if it did, how badly would people be hurt?
8.30 pm
We had cricket practice after school. I felt well enough to sit and keep the score. We have a practice match this Saturday morning. That’ll be my first real test as a scorer.
Saturday, 3 October
Our practice match was good fun. I sat next to Mr Noblett and scored while he coached. He told each of the batsmen what he wanted them to do. If someone got out slogging, he told them that’s not what he expects. ‘You can’t get match practice on this side of the boundary line, son.’ Dave got out slogging, but Mr Noblett didn’t say much to him. I think he knows what Dave’s like.
Robert made twenty runs and had to retire so someone else could have a bat. Jonathon did too. He sat and talked while I scored. I told him he batted even better than Robert. He said his school in England deserves credit for his technique. Every student received batting and bowling coaching. ‘My bowling coach had only played a handful of county games, but my batting coach captained his county and twice opened the batting for England.’
His school had four ovals, each with a turf pitch. At Woomera we haven’t even got grass on our one oval. It’s just dirt. In Townsville we had grassy ovals, but water’s rationed here because it hardly ever rains. The Army waters the trees around town, but there’s certainly not enough to do an oval. It’ll be good when the trees grow so there’s some shade. We’re sitting under an Army tarpaulin today.
Sunday, 4 October
Dad heard that the first atomic bomb’s going to be tested any day now. The crew who flew up from Salisbury this morning said there’s a whole lot of journalists camped down there, ready to fly up when the scientists give them the all-clear. The scientists won’t explode the bomb until the weather’s perfect. They don’t want the fallout to blow back this way.
I hope we’ll be able to see or hear the bomb here in Woomera.
I wonder if we’ll feel the movement of any atoms around here. And I wonder how you tell the difference between atoms moving in the wind and the air movement that’s caused by a bomb blast.
I’ve got maths homework to do this afternoon. If I can’t understand it, I know Dad won’t be able to help me. He’s as bad at maths as I am. He knows his times tables, but he’s no good at long division and geometry. He told me Kenny’s brilliant at geometry. He has to be to do his survey work. Something about the angles between the stars and places on the earth. Dad didn’t explain it very well, or I didn’t understand what he said. I’m not sure which. I didn’t understand trajectory either, when Jonathon explained that.
7.00 pm
I finished my homework then played with Dave for the rest of the afternoon. We rode around to get Robert. His parents obviously don’t think I’m a spy because they invited me inside. Their house is almost identical to ours and Dave’s, but they’ve got much better furniture than us. Most of our furniture belongs to the Army. Robert’s family brought theirs from Canberra. That’s where they lived before they were transferred here.
I hadn’t met Robert’s father before. He’s a scientist. He told me my rocket drawings were of a ‘very high standard’ and wanted to know if I’d done any more.
‘Only drawings of Superman,’ I told him. I didn’t know if he truly meant what he said about my drawings or if he was checking to see if I might be a spy. Robert’s mother asked if my mother was interested in joining the dramatic society. I told her Mum’s quiet and isn’t really keen on acting, and anyway, she’s in Adelaide for a while studying to become a nurse again.
She asked me all about Mum’s nursing and my polio.
Later on Robert said his mother always asks lots of questions. I told him mine does too. Fathers don’t. They just make rules and tell you off it you break them.
We went around to the oval and played cricket. I actually batted for a while and hit the ball quite well. Robert gave me some coaching. When I bowled to him he hit my spinners quite easily. Dave didn’t. Even though I only spun the ball a tiny bit it was enough to beat his bat. He’s such a slogger. SWOOSH SWOOSH SWOOSH. He doesn’t watch the ball. Even I can hit the ball better than Dave. I don’t hit it very far, but I can block it to defend my stumps. Robert’s father came down and watched us for a while. He coached me a bit and said I had potential.
Wednesday, 7 October
The atomic bomb still hasn’t been exploded. I wonder why. The weather seems to be perfect. The scientists are obviously being really careful. Mum had nothing to worry about.
We got a letter from her yesterday. She said she misses us and her training’s going well. She wrote there are lots of articles about the upcoming bomb tests in the Adelaide newspapers. I didn’t think it would be big news down there.
She’s learning that many new things have happened in nursing since she first trained. She’s looking forward to getting requalified and starting work again.
Thursday, 8 October
We had cricket practice again tonight. Jonathon said I bowled quite accurately for a spin bowler. I almost got him out once. If there’d been a wicketkeeper he might have been stumped.
We’re playing a proper match on Saturday. Mr Noblett picked two teams and they elected their own captains. He gave me a copy of the two batting orders. Robert and Dave are in one team and Jonathon in the other. They’re the only third years in the teams. All the other players are fourth and fifth years.
Robert’s father and Mr Noblett will umpire. They said they’ll ask me how many balls are left in an over if they forget, so I have to be really accurate in the scorebook. It’s funny, isn’t it? I’m confident I can keep the score perfectly, yet I have trouble with school maths.
After tea I’ll get the scorebook ready and do a drawing for Mum. Dad’s asked me to do one. We’ll post it on Monday. It’s her birthday on Sunday so she’ll get it a few days late. She’ll be 36, a bit older than Dad.
It’s strange. Mum and I both have birthdays that have something to do with war. Her birthday’s on 11 November, Armistice day, and mine’s on the day that Australia declared war on Germany. Dad works in the Army so he reckons that his birthday should be the one that has something to do with war, a date like Anzac Day or Victory in the Pacific Day. But it’s not.
Friday, 9 October
The boys c
an’t wait for the cricket match tomorrow. Jonathon’s captain organised a meeting at lunchtime to discuss tactics. They really want to win. Rusty and I are staying over at Dave’s tonight because Dad had to do a trip to Salisbury. There’s still no news about when the bomb’s going off. Dad thinks he’ll find out more while he’s away.
‘They can’t keep all those press blokes locked up much longer without giving them the story they want.’
Dave and I were home alone tonight. His parents were down at the Mess. They go there a lot. Dave’s often home alone. He doesn’t mind, but Mum thinks it’s not right. Dad doesn’t care. He says Dave can’t get up to much mischief in Woomera. There’s always someone watching everything you do. Mum’s not as relaxed as Dad.
Dave and I played a bit of backyard cricket until he slogged one of my spinners over the fence and we couldn’t find the ball. Even Rusty couldn’t sniff it out. I thought he would, but it was too dark.
Saturday, 10 October
Dave’s parents got home late and slept in this morning. Dave and I woke early because we’ve got cricket. Dave’s as excited as I am. We made our own breakfast and then went and found the lost tennis ball so we could have another practice. I didn’t think Dave would take it so seriously, but he wants to bowl really well today. He knows if he doesn’t, the older boys will hit him for fours. He’ll get a bowl because he’s fast. Even though the older boys are bigger and stronger, they’re not as fast as he is.
