“Now you’re scaring me, Aidan. What if it turns out you’re perfect?”
“Nothing you need to worry about. It’ll never happen.”
“I don’t know. You’re getting pretty close.”
“I’m better than I was,” he told her. “I’m grateful for that.” He never wanted to hurt anyone the way he’d hurt the woman he’d been unable to remember. There’d been no reason for it. No excuse.
“What happens when the six months are up?” she asked. “With you and Shelby?”
“I’m not sure.”
He knew what he would like. He wanted to keep seeing Shelby. As friends and maybe something more. He liked her in a way he hadn’t expected. They fit well together.
Margaret smiled at him. “Wow. I hope my husband gets that look on his face when he thinks about me.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Just now, when you thought of Shelby. There was something. I can’t explain it, but trust me. Every woman wants her man to look at her that way.” She leaned across the table and lightly kissed him. “I hope she knows how lucky she is.”
“Me, too.”
Aidan started to laugh only to see movement out of the corner of his eye. He turned and saw Shelby on the sidewalk, by the restaurant. Her eyes were wide, her cheeks drained of color. When her gaze locked with his, she turned and quickly walked away.
Aidan swore and started after her.
He caught up with her before she’d gone twenty feet. After grabbing her arm, he turned her so they were facing each other.
“It wasn’t a date,” he told her. “I’ve known Margaret for years. We’re friends. She’s happily married with a couple of kids. You don’t have anything to worry about.”
Because he would never cheat on her. Not only because he wasn’t that guy, but also because of her. How he felt about her.
Shelby stared at him. “I believe you,” she said slowly. “Of course I do.”
Which sounded right, but she still looked upset. “Then what else is wrong?”
“I don’t know.”
He dropped his arm to his side. They stared at each other. Aidan felt the tension—but this one wasn’t based in sexual desire. Instead it felt tight and uncomfortable. As if something was wrong. Or as if he was supposed to be doing or saying something but he didn’t know what.
“I sent you a text about the dinner,” he said.
“I know. You said to come by. That’s why I’m here. It’s not that.”
“Then what?”
Her blue eyes searched his, looking for something. As if she needed something only he could give her. He knew the feeling. Sometimes when he thought about her he got confused and had no idea about the cause.
The truth crashed in on him with the subtlety of an avalanche and he suddenly knew exactly what was wrong. Or rather, what was right.
He loved her. No, he was in love with her. Or both. Did it matter? He loved Shelby. Why wouldn’t he? She was bright and funny and caring and sweet. He loved looking at her and being with her and making love with her. He loved her.
Why hadn’t he realized this before? Possibly because he was a guy, he told himself. Despite his recent training, he wasn’t exactly intuitive. But he knew now. He loved her.
Thinking the words felt right. Now he just had to say them.
“Shelby—”
She took a step back. “I’m done.”
“What?”
“I’m done. With this.” She waved her hand between them. “With us. The friendship thing. I don’t know what I was thinking. It was never going to work. I don’t want to be friends anymore. I don’t want to have anything to do with you. It was a stupid idea and I want it over.”
“But I—”
“I don’t want to hear it,” she told him, and then she walked away.
CHAPTER TWENTY
SHELBY KNEW SHE was a big, fat failure. Or a fraud. Or both. She’d been so sure about what she wanted. So smug and determined. She’d had all the answers. Become friends with a man so she could get over being scared. Why not? It was the perfect plan.
And it had been working, too. She’d been healing. She’d felt it, had known it. And then everything had crashed in around her.
She sat in her living room, in a corner of the sofa. She’d pulled her legs up to her chest and wrapped her arms around her knees. But even that wasn’t enough to hold herself together. She was unraveling, bit by bit.
Watching that woman kiss Aidan had shocked her into seeing the truth. Oh, she knew the kiss was meaningless. She trusted Aidan completely. He’d told her about the dinner and had asked her to join them if she wanted. Not the actions of the man out to cheat. Plus, she knew him. He had flaws, but that wasn’t one of them.
No, the shock hadn’t been about the kiss itself, but her instant, down-to-the-bone jealousy. The intense flash had stunned her, as had the realization that whatever emotions she had for Aidan, they were too big to be contained.
She hadn’t known, she thought as she tried to steady her breathing. She hadn’t realized that caring could get so large. So overpowering. She wasn’t ready for that, she couldn’t handle that. Loving Kipling was easy. He was her brother and she’d known him all her life. Loving her friends was also simple. They were there for her. But what if she loved Aidan?
She couldn’t do it. She just couldn’t risk it. Because that’s what love was—a risk. She was expected to hand her heart over to some man? No way. That wasn’t going to happen. She knew better. She’d seen the damage love could do. No way she was taking any chances.
She’d spent her whole life protecting herself, and with good reason. She wasn’t going to stop now—no matter what. Better to be alone forever than to take the chance.
* * *
SHELBY COULDN’T REMEMBER ever visiting the offices of Score before. The PR firm had relocated about three years before—moving former Super Bowl champions Jack, Sam and Kenny to Fool’s Gold. Although Jack had left Score to coach football at the local university, the other two were still working the business, along with their partner, Taryn.
Now Shelby looked at the larger-than-life-size portraits of the former football players on the reception area walls and wondered what on earth she’d been thinking. Maybe her father’s fists had damaged more than her spirit, she thought sadly. Maybe they’d damaged her actual brain.
Still, there was no turning back now, she told herself as she continued along the hallway, then paused in front of the partially open door. She knocked once before entering.
Taryn was behind her desk, wearing a black-and-white floral print dress that not only fit her perfectly, but probably cost more than a used car. Shelby was sure she would recognize the name of the designer, should she bother to ask. Next to Taryn’s chair was a pair of ridiculously high-heeled pumps. Taryn herself was barefoot, which made sense. Who could walk in shoes like that?
Her friend rose and walked around her desk. “Shelby, honey, what’s wrong? You sounded upset on the phone.”
“I’m sorry.”
The response was automatic and foolish. She wasn’t sorry. She was confused and angry, and confused about being angry, but she wasn’t sorry.
Taryn crossed to her. “Let’s have a seat.” She motioned to the sofas at the far end of the room. “Do you want some coffee? It’s early for wine, but I have a bottle in the refrigerator if that would help.”
“I don’t want wine or coffee. I’m fine.”
They sat across from each other. Taryn’s blue-violet eyes were dark with concern. Shelby couldn’t blame her. She’d phoned impulsively, and had asked if they could talk. While she and Taryn often spent time together at their girlfriend lunches, their relationship was more “friend of a friend.”
Taryn smiled at her. “How can
I help?”
“You can’t.”
“Okay. That makes this more interesting.”
Shelby thought maybe the other woman would insist on knowing why she’d come by or what she wanted, but Taryn sat patiently, obviously waiting for Shelby to get to whatever it was that had brought her to Score.
“I don’t know why I’m here,” she admitted. “I think it’s because you’re the—” She almost said “meanest” but knew that wasn’t right. Taryn wasn’t ever mean. She was actually kind and giving and she’d offered Shelby a loan. “You’re the most direct of my friends.”
“I’m going to take that as a compliment,” Taryn told her. “What do I need to be direct about?”
“Aidan.”
“Ah.” Taryn relaxed. “You’re thinking about the intervention.”
She hadn’t been, but as soon as the other woman said the words, Shelby remembered that uncomfortable conversation.
“I’m not seeing him anymore.”
Taryn sighed. “I’m sorry to hear that.”
“I told him it was over. Our friendship or whatever you want to call it. I’m done with him. The whole idea was stupid. A complete waste of time. I don’t want to see him anymore.”
She spoke defiantly, then braced herself for the scolding sure to follow. After all, Taryn believed Shelby was in love with Aidan. She would see Shelby’s actions as self-destructive.
But instead of speaking, Taryn walked around the coffee table to Shelby’s sofa and sat next to her. She put her arms around Shelby and held her tight.
“I’m sorry,” she said quietly. “I’m sorry the fear is still winning.”
Shelby struggled to get free. She scooted back a few feet. “I’m not afraid.”
Taryn’s expression was kind. “I don’t know much about your past. Not the specifics, at least. I’ve heard a few things.” She drew in a breath. “My father hit me, too. He was a cruel man. The details aren’t important except to tell you that I had no intention of ever trusting a man enough to fall in love with him. And that when I met Angel, I nearly lost him because I wasn’t willing to trust.”
She tucked her dark hair behind her ears. “Learning to trust him was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Because the fear’s so big.”
Shelby didn’t know what to say. “I had no idea,” she admitted. “I can’t believe it. You’re so confident and powerful.”
“Well,” Taryn murmured, “it took me a long time to get here. I put up a lot of walls. No one got in. Not even the boys.”
Shelby knew “the boys” were the three men she’d worked with. Her family, before Angel. Taryn and Jack had even briefly been married.
“There’s a price to be paid for everything in life,” Taryn told her. “Nothing is free. If you stay safe, the price is never knowing love. Because to receive love, you have to give love. And to give love is to be vulnerable. You can build walls and be lonely or you can tear them down and hand over your heart.”
“What if I don’t like either solution?”
“Then you’re unhappy,” Taryn told her. “Like I said, there’s always a price.”
“I don’t accept that.”
“You don’t have to accept gravity, either, but you’re still going to fall if you step off the top of a building.” Taryn leaned toward her. “You love him. We can all see it, and while it would be great for all of us to be wrong and you to be right, the odds are seriously against you. From everything I hear, he’s a good guy. If you were ever going to take a chance, why not take a chance on him?”
“Because if I do, I’ll die.”
Shelby hadn’t meant to say that, but the words came out before she could stop them.
“I didn’t mean that,” she said quickly.
“Yes, you did. It’s not bad that you said it,” Taryn told her. “At least you know your starting point. Where you go from here is up to you.”
* * *
CHARLIE LED THE way back to the house, careful to sniff every plant. Aidan wasn’t sure what the dog was expecting to find, but it sure seemed important. His tail wagged as he walked and every few steps he glanced over his shoulder, as if making sure Aidan was keeping up.
The last couple of days had been hard. He missed Shelby more than he would have thought possible. He was used to seeing her, talking to her, touching her. There wasn’t a part of him that didn’t miss her. He dreamed about her in his sleep. There was no escape from her and his love for her.
Worse than that was not knowing what to do. His gut said to give her time. That she needed to think about whatever was bothering her. His heart wanted to go to her and hold her. Help her. Even if he was the problem, he could still help. Which sounded stupid. So he did nothing except wait.
Charlie raised his head and barked, then ran toward the house. Aidan followed and was surprised to find the front door was open. The little dog had already disappeared inside.
Aidan hurried after him. He found his living room filled with women. Lots of women.
Jo from Jo’s Bar manned a blender set up in the kitchen. Taryn and Larissa were putting out platters of cookies and brownies. Patience saw him and walked over.
“We’re so sorry,” she said, giving him a hug. “We’re here to help.”
Amber waved from the kitchen. Even Destiny was there, holding her sleeping daughter in her arms.
“How are you going to help?” he asked.
Patience wrinkled her nose. “I have no idea.” She turned toward the other women. “Aidan wants to know how we’re going to help.”
Madeline walked out of the kitchen and handed him a beer. “We generally do margaritas at times like this, but you strike me as a beer guy.”
“Thanks. Don’t take this wrong, but what’s going on?”
Felicia Boylan walked through the front door. “I’m sorry I’m late. Hello, Aidan. This is a Fool’s Gold tradition. If a couple breaks up, the women gather together to help. Usually we’re antimale, but in this case, it seems you’re the wronged party. So we’re bringing our traditional get-over-him party to you.”
He knew they were trying to be nice, so he accepted the beer and sat on the sofa. The women gathered around him. Charlie was in doggy heaven, being petted and cuddled and fed cookies.
Taryn sat across from him. “I want to say up front that I’ve spoken to Shelby.”
Everyone looked at her. Aidan had to fight back the need to ask how she was. Did she look okay? Was she sleeping? Was there anything he could do to—
“I’m not going to betray her confidence by telling you what she told me,” she admitted. “However, I am willing to say that a lot of what she’s going through has very little to do with you. I think you should give her some time. More time than you want to, I’m guessing. But she needs to figure this out.”
There was a lot of information in that coded message, he thought. If Shelby was still dealing with her past, then Taryn was right—none of this was about him. Even though it still hurt.
Time. His head said that was the right thing. To give her space, to not pressure her. But his heart, his heart ached for her.
Patience sat next to him. “I’m sorry you’re going through this,” she said with a sigh. “Normally, when we do this, we totally trash the guys. But Shelby is our friend, so I’m not comfortable doing that.” She wrinkled her nose. “Equality between the sexes can be so awkward.”
Felicia sat on his other side. “When Gideon and I were still in an uncommitted dating relationship, I wasn’t sure where I stood with him. He was unable to handle my declaration of love. It completely freaked him out. But he came around. I’m sure Shelby will, as well.”
“You haven’t asked if that’s what I want,” he pointed out.
“We don’t have to,” Madeline told him. “We can see it in your eyes. You l
ove her.” Her gaze narrowed. “You do love her, don’t you?”
“Yeah. With all my heart.”
Most of the women sighed.
Jo walked around, refilling margarita glasses. “We like to think only men are stupid,” she said cheerfully. “But dumb is an equal-opportunity employer.” She patted his shoulder. “I promise, the next time you show up for a girls’ lunch, I won’t say anything.”
“Gee, thanks.”
“I know. I’m a giver.”
He managed to laugh. Conversation shifted to how everyone else was doing in their lives or how their significant others had messed up. The stories were meant to encourage him, which he appreciated, but a part of him wanted to point out that they were sharing from a place of having found their one true love. He wasn’t there yet.
For a second he wondered if he should have regrets. Maybe if he’d never gotten involved with Shelby. Only that wasn’t an option. Having known her, having loved her, whatever else happened, he couldn’t be sorry for what he was going through. Everything about her was amazing. He was damned lucky to have gotten as much as he had. He would shut up and be grateful. And maybe have a little faith. In her...in himself and in everything they could be.
* * *
THERE WAS SOMETHING to be said for a complete lack of conversation, Shelby thought as Angel finished dealing the cards. There was companionship, the men sitting around the table and the game itself, but no endless chatter about how everything was going to be fine.
She’d played enough times to understand the basics of the game, so close attention wasn’t required. She could think or not think about what was happening in her life and let the rhythm of the cards serve as a nice distraction. They were in a back room at The Man Cave. Music played through speakers and beyond their private room they could hear noise from the bar.
She knew most of the men at the table, but a couple were a little unfamiliar. Gabriel Boylan was an ER doctor. Shelby had met Noelle, who owned The Christmas Attic, a few times and Gabriel was her husband. Also Felicia’s brother-in-law. He seemed nice enough, but he’d never played cards with them before.
Best of My Love (Fool's Gold) Page 25
