by David Heyman
~ Curtain ~
ACT 1, SCENE 2
Gretchen walks around picking up magazines and fluffing cushions.
Gretchen: To the audience, as a monologue. “I wish he would learn to pick up his coffee cups, instead of leaving them all over. I'm tired of his excuses. He says he's thinking. Too busy thinking to put things away!”
She is carrying cups into the kitchen when the chime on the front door rings persistently. The motion detector light comes on.
Gretchen: “I'm coming! I'm coming!” When she opens the door, Dina Already steps in with her husband, Fred, close behind.
Dina: “Surprise! Surprise! I decided to come with Fred. Duke invited him to his breakfast meeting. And I couldn't miss the opportunity to see my sister and my ex-boss.” The sisters hug. Fred and Gretchen hug.
Gretchen: “It's so good to see you. We hardly see each other since you stopped working for Duke.”
Dina: “I found a whole world out there, away from Duke Desantos and his firm.”
Gretchen: “Dear, sister. I know that. And how is Fred, and your new world?”
Dina: “I shouldn't say, because it will make you jealous.”
Gretchen: “Probably. But that's so awesome!” She embraces her sister.
Fred: “Dina's new world, and I'm assuming she means with me, is wonderful! Thanks to fate. Fate chose me to be the emissary from Brenner, Hofstrom, and Already to Duke's firm That's when I saw that beauty with long dark hair and a great smile. I nearly forgot why I was there.”
Dina: “He always says that. But he never realized that from the moment I saw him, I kept my eyes on him. A good looking man who was not my boss!”
Duke: Entering from the kitchen. “Dina, my long lost secretary! And the man who took her away from me! How are you two?” They hug. Duke holds her a little too long, until Dina pushes away. Gretchen and Fred don't notice.
Dina: “Your home is beautiful! It's more attractive each time I visit. How are the children?”
Gretchen: “They're fine. They are outside looking for deer.”
Dina: “So that is what life in the suburbs of the suburbs is like.”
Gretchen: “Real suburbs have people. We are in the woods. We have lots of trees and few people. But I have an idea. Why don't I open a bottle of wine to celebrate your visit?”
Dina: “That sounds nice. Can I help?”
Gretchen: Turning to Duke. “And if Dina will be around tomorrow morning, I'd like her to help me with my hostess duties. Would that be all right with you, Dina?”
Dina: “It's fine with me.”
Duke: “I'm so glad you can audit our meeting. I'm sure you will come up with some pointers about land-use and that sort of stuff. You're better at that than I am. I'll continue with my rendition of the epidemic of ecological disasters, and I'll evoke a bit of hysteria. And, later, we will have time to discuss our new clients on Bear Mountain. “
Fred: “You certainly have a lot of irons on the fire.”
Duke: “Let's just say that a lot of people count on me to provide good solutions to problems. Around here I'm known as 'The Vanguard of Democracy'.”
Fred: “Duke, you always have an interesting angle. I think I will be the one who will learn something.”
Duke: “Just wait until I fill you in on the Bear Mountain Project. You’re going to represent the townspeople of Bear Mountain, and I'll represent Oakstone Electric. We will negotiate with each other.” Duke smiles.
Fred: “Can we do that?”
Duke: “Brenner, Hofstrom, and Already” is a totally separate organization. There's no reason we can't negotiate with another law group.”
Fred: “What if some state judge sees a conflict of interest?”
Duke: “We don't have to worry about the staties out here. All our work will be with local officials and local judges.”
Gretchen: Interrupting. “Then, you will have plenty of time to talk. Why don't you boys bring in your suitcases and Dina and I will bring out the wine.”
The men leave by the front door.
Dina: “It must be nice to have such a beautiful home and two lovely children! And a husband who is doing great things.”
Gretchen: “I love this house. Do you recall that I did all the interior decorating myself? People think I hired a decorator. But I did it all. It was a lot of fun. I couldn't ask for more.
“But Greg's Big Deal worries me. I know you won't tell anyone else, but I'm not so sure the Bear Mountain settlement was, you know, straightforward.”
Dina: “You mean Duke hasn't changed?”
Gretchen: “I guess you could say that.”
Dina: “The Bear Mountain ordeal is over, isn't it? I read about it in the papers”
Gretchen: “The wind farm has been delayed, if you can call that an ending.”
Dina: “Okay. Tell me about the money. Who made out?”
Gretchen: “Oakstone Electric is still wants the site, but I hear the Township of Bear Mountain wants a lot more money.”
Dina: “What does Duke get out of it? Whose side is he on now?”
Gretchen: “Not the 'Greenies' even though he talks like he is one of them. He gets a retainer, of course. Now, Oakstone wants him to represent them. I guess that's where Fred comes in.”
Dina: “I hope my husband doesn't get dragged into some corrupt deal. Do you know who owns Oakstone?”
Gretchen: “You don't suspect - ?”
Dina: “I know a little about how your husband thinks. Remember, I wrote his letters and listened to his phone calls. And I'd like to know why he's conducting a business meeting at his home on Saturday morning.”
Gretchen: “He says he can relax here, and not have outsiders interfering.”
Dina: “Outsiders? Like reporters, and maybe, even whistleblowers.”
Gretchen: “You certainly are a skeptic!”
Dina: “I have a Degree in Skepticism, and I earned it the hard way.”
Gretchen: “There are going to be politicians and River Valley Homestead people here tomorrow morning. And by the time Duke finishes talking to them, they will be eating out of his hand.
“And our next door neighbors will be here. You should see him! He's tall with muscles! Of course, I've only seen him from a distance.
“Duke knows him from court. It's unfortunate, but what happened to our neighbor, farmer Solomon, probably kept him from any kind of friendship with us. He used to raise pigs. And there were times that you couldn't take a deep breath because of the odor - depending on the wind. Then, the Township passed an ordinance making pig-farming and spreading animal waste on the land illegal.”
Dina: ”You don't have to tell me. Duke represented the Township.”
Gretchen: “Of course! And he hopes to represent the Township as they deal with the gas exploration companies. He's good at getting people to work together.
“The only River Valley family that has not yet agreed to negotiate with the rest of us is the Solomons. And Duke feels they will not want to miss out on a good thing!”
Dina: “What is he like?”
Gretchen: “I don't know. I wave to him from the garden and he smiles and waves back He looks like Duke and walks like a Greek god!“
Dina: “Gretchen! I don't believe you said that!”
Gretchen: “Why not? It's only an innocent observation. Unfortunately, he has a wife. I don't think she's too bright, though. How else could she have spent so many years raising pigs?”
Dina: “But aren't you lowering your standards?”
Gretchen: “I don't think so. Wait until you see him! Don't forget. I've been married to Duke for eighteen years. And you know Duke. His mind is on his profession most of the time, if you know what I mean. Don't I have a right to a little bit of fantasy? That's all it really is.“
Dina: “Have you seen Duke's new secretary yet?”
Gretchen: “No, I haven't. Do you mean - ?”
Dina: “Sometime you ought to check out his office. But it seems t
o me that you are just horny.”
Gretchen: “Lots of men find me attractive. If I were horny, I'd do something about it.”
Dina: “Out here in the woods? You have lots of land and few people - that is, men. What is the ratio of adult males to an acre of land?”
Gretchen: “I can only speak for our close neighbors and ourselves. I would guess that the ratio is one adult male per twenty acres. Of course, if you include the Solomon's on our north side, it's two in five-hundred-and twenty acres.”
Dina: “Now, do you see what I mean? Please tell me more about why your neighbors are coming to the meeting tomorrow.”
Gretchen: “It's the gas. You know that people here are leasing their land to the gas exploration companies. Duke is working with the Watershed Association, and the River Valley Homesteaders Association. He would like the Solomons to join the group. The greater the number of landowners he represents, the stronger their bargaining power will be.”
The children walk in and see their aunt and Uncle. They rush over and get hugs from Dina.
Greg: “Hi, Aunt Dina.”
Lisa: “Me. Too. Are you staying with us, Aunt Dina?”
Dina: “We sure are. And it's wonderful to see you. You are both so grown up!”
Gretchen: “Wait until you say ‘Hello' to Uncle Fred. Then, I think you ought to go to your rooms and do your schoolwork.”
When the husbands return with a suitcase and clothing bag, the children give a similar greeting to their Uncle, then they leave for their own rooms upstairs. Gretchen and Dina go upstairs to prepare the guest room.
Fred: “Duke, I hear you have had some success with the Green Agenda recently. You're a hero to some people.”
Duke: “I did what I thought was right and kept the windmills off Bear Mountain. At least, for the time being.”
Fred: “Good for you! Let's drink to that! No windmills on Bear Mountain!”
Duke: “No windmills yet. “I have to admit that the entire Bear Mountain business has added some shine to my reputation. And now I'm ready to work on a new venture, one closer to home.”
Fred: “I'm curious, and I should not ask this question. But other than a retainer, what's in it for you?”
Duke: “Number one: our home and our twenty acres are part of the deal. Number two: Because my family is part of River Valley Homesteaders Association. And I can keep my fees reasonable and low, thereby providing a high quality service at low cost to my neighbors.”
Fred: Sips his wine. “You don't have to use your advertising slogans on me. Remember, I'm part of the family now. But is that all? Tell me the truth. Do you have any interests in any of the other properties?”
Duke: “Aha! Now that you mention it, I have a small inconsequential ownership stake in two deteriorating homes near the river. If all goes as planned, I should earn back my stake in those properties - and possibly make a modest profit.”
Fred: “Then, it's not such a big deal.”
Duke: “Not at all”.
Fred: “The newspapers have stories about the gas industry harming the environment. What are the gas companies going to do about the water runoff from the 'fracking process' that they use to break up shale and release the gas? The newspapers say that water may contain carcinogens and harm aquatic life when the runoff reaches the river.”
Duke: “Just between the two of us, (he looks around and whispers) most of those dangers are highly exaggerated. Some of the companies are building huge steel tanks to hold and process the water. And it's probably not necessary.”
Fred: “What if a company drills on your property and contaminates your groundwater. Would you risk drinking the water from your well?”
Duke: “Why do you ask a damned question like that? Why wouldn't I? Even though I might consider drinking bottled water for awhile, until we were sure the purification process is working.”
He takes a few steps, obviously thinking. “You have done me a favor. I will certainly discuss well water contamination tomorrow.”
Fred: “Is that all? Wouldn't you want to do something about it?”
Duke: “Of course I want to keep water safe. But it's the same water that comes out of our watershed area now. It flows along under ground, and always carries some earthly chemicals and minerals with it. Water evaporates, becomes clouds, and returns as rain - having gone through nature's purifier. (Looks out the window.) Isn't it wonderful?”
Fred: “And the Environmental Protection Agency, and the Environmental Defense Fund, and the Federal Energy Regulating Commission: are you ready to deal with them?”
Duke: “They were all on my side at Bear Mountain. They will be again.”
Fred: “It sounds like you have thought of everything.”
Duke: The people in our community want progress. They will accept whatever I decide is best, because this township is going to collect more tax revenue than this sleepy, out-of-the-way, woodsy neighborhood could ever have imagined! And don't forget the county and the state. They have their hands out. They keep finding new ways to tax gas.”
Fred: “After the gas companies pay for their leases and drilling fees, how will the locals benefit?”
Duke: “Don't forget maintenance and revenue on the gas line.”
Fred: “The gas line? You never said anything about a gas line.”
Duke: “Oh! I shouldn't have mentioned it. I hope you won't say anything, not even to the girls. It's a big part of the deal. I project a substantial revenue stream from the line. But I don't want our neighbors to find out about it yet. I don't want them to think they could bargain with the companies on their own, even though they could probably make a low-ball profit without me.”
Fred: “I'm a lawyer, although I might as well have been a priest. What difference will it make, if I have one more secret to keep?”
Duke: “The gas company engineers have picked our neighbor's property for the gas line!”
Fred: “And your neighbors don't know about it?”
Duke: “No. How could they? That's why I need their cooperation before the public finds about it. And it's not a sure thing yet. I just happened to know the right people and I was in the right place at the right time. I saw the site plans for the entire project! The plans are amazing!”
Fred: “And you are going to make good use of them?”
Duke: “I can do a lot with a little advanced knowledge. Naturally, I'm planning to help everyone prosper. And protect the environment at the same time!”
Gretchen: Entering the room from the stairway with Dina close behind. “I heard that: 'protecting the environment.' Duke that's all you talk about!”
Dina: “This wine is making me sleepy. I need one more sip. Then, I'm off to bed.” She walks to the kitchen –downstage left-- to pour more wine. Duke follows her.
Duke: Quietly, so the others can't hear, but the audience can. “It sure is nice to see my secretary again.”
Dina: “I'm not your secretary anymore! And I don't expect you to make passes at me! Especially, in my sister's home!”
Duke: “Don't worry about it. It hasn't entered my mind.”
Dina: “It better not!”
Duke: Walking back to the living room. “Let's all have another glass of wine. It's nice to drink with good friends again!” They all lift their glasses and take much more than a little sip.
Both husbands exchange embraces and kisses with the other's wife, then their own wife. They move toward the stairs. Duke steers Dina with his arm and smiles. She is obviously uncomfortable and pushes his hand away. Gretchen turns out the downstairs lights, but the exit to the stairway is still illuminated.
