by D. L. Raver
“You risked punishment to help me. I didn’t get to thank you for that.”
“Thank me now. Do whatever you must, but don’t let this break you.”
“What if I can’t put the pieces back together? What if some of them are gone for good?” I asked in a small voice.
“Don’t hide from yourself, Kenna. The pieces are still there. Find them and put them back in place. If the woman who emerges from them doesn’t look the same as you did before, that’s okay. I suspect she’ll be much stronger than she was previously.” Delaney drew in a shaky breath and leaned her head back, closing her eyes.
I sat there and watched her sleep, hoping God would be kind and call her home soon. It made me sad I had met her at the end of her life instead of before.
Irelyn had been right—Delaney Carmichael would have been an amazing woman to know. Even at the end of her life, she worried about me; someone she barely knew.
It was then I decided to do what Delaney asked of me. I would go to Santa Barbara, and I wouldn’t come back until I found myself whole and happy.
“Goodbye Delaney. Godspeed.” I kissed her on the forehead and slipped out of the room, leaving the house without seeing Irelyn or telling her what I had planned.
But I couldn’t leave without seeing him one more time. I needed to take hope with me, or leave hope behind.
Seeing Sloan again was the only way I’d ever know.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Sloan
I STOOD IN my loft alone, watching the summer storm dump sheets of rain on Scottsdale. My mood was as dark and stormy as the weather outside. Try though I might, I couldn’t get my last conversation with Kenna out of my mind. If I had it to do all over again, I would have said the three words she longed to hear.
Now, it was too late. Every day since then was a battle to stay away from her, but in the end, I knew this was for the best. She wanted what I didn’t have to give and every time we were together hurt her. So even though it killed me to do so, I had to stay away.
I wanted to leave Scottsdale and never come back, but I had Irelyn to worry over. Somehow, I’d have to find a way to let Kenna go.
Before I did that, I had one last thing left to do for her.
Joe Franklin was still at the top of my to-do list.
Until I’d erased his sorry ass from this world, my debt to Kenna remained. I owed it to her to make him pay.
I growled when I caught sight of my reflection in the window. I couldn’t help but despise the man reflected back. He had fucked up on so many levels; let so many people down. Certainly, Paddy glared down at me from heaven, ruing the day he left the safety of his family in my hands.
The Emerald stayed safely tucked away in its hiding place since Kenna and I had said goodbye. Looking at the thing pissed me off. I fucking hated it kept me stuck here in the same city with the woman I loved, but could never have.
I stayed there, scowling at myself until a knock on my door startled me, nearly causing me to drop my beer. At first, I thought about ignoring it. I wasn’t expecting company, and I certainly wasn’t in any mood to entertain.
When the knocking didn’t stop, I sat my beer down and stalked to the door, ready to rip the head off of whoever was on the other side.
I opened the door and my heart thudded to a stop. The last person I expected to see stood there, dripping wet and shaking; her wet cotton shirt clinging to her amazing body.
“I’m sor—”
I didn’t wait for her to expound further; didn’t wait for her to voice whatever else she had come here to say. Instead, I pulled her inside and closed the door, my lips crashing on hers, taking with it my resolve to stay away.
She tasted sweet and enticing.
She tasted like everything I had been missing.
She tasted like my salvation.
Her arms found their way around my neck and her incredibly long legs wrapped around my waist. With my hands cupping her ass, I walked to my bed and set her down.
We broke the kiss and our foreheads rested together as we panted. We breathed each other in, absorbed in the moment. Her wet, soft hands pushed under my shirt, gliding along my chest, making me shiver.
I stepped back and bent forward, helping her remove my shirt. She dropped to her knees and unfastened my pants, all while her bright green gaze stared into mine. When she reached in and freed me from the confines of my pants, I moaned. Her sweet lips kissed the head of my cock, making it twitch.
Through heavy lids, I watched Kenna stand. She placed a hand on my chest and pushed me onto the bed. I put my hands behind my head, enjoying the show of her pulling my pants off and throwing them on the floor.
I moved to the top of the bed while Kenna undressed, my cock growing harder as each piece of clothing landed on the floor. Feasting on the sight of her naked body would never grow old. She had perfect tits—perky with pink nipples that begged to be kissed and sucked.
She licked her enticing lips as she crawled on the bed and settled between my legs. I closed my eyes and waited for those sweet lips to find their way to my cock.
I almost told her to stop, so I could take over; love her until she screamed my name. But when I opened my eyes to find her smiling at me just before she took me in her mouth, all thoughts fled my head. If this was what she wanted, who was I to refuse her?
“Kenna,” I groaned and stroked her rain-dampened hair. God, it felt good to have her mouth on me.
Too good.
She hummed as she worked me with hands, lips, and tongue. Her dark, desired-laced gaze found mine and I almost came. If I didn’t stop this, I would.
“Kenna, love. Stop. I don’t want to come yet.”
She sucked my entire length into her mouth before she finally stopped, kissing the tip with her incredibly soft lips.
Kenna slowly climbed my body, her silky skin gliding against mine, turning me on and raising gooseflesh all over my body.
Her mouth came tantalizingly close to mine, but our lips didn’t touch. The nearness made my insides turn molten with need.
“Kiss me,” I said, coming as close to begging as I ever had.
And she did. She started at my neck and worked her way up, stopping at every landmark in between. Her lips brushed over my rapid pulse, moving to my jaw where she licked and nibbled. Finally, her lips landed on mine, and that sweet tongue played in my mouth, exploring and dancing with my own.
I hissed in a breath and then rolled us over. Her fingers threaded in my hair as we continued to kiss. Kenna opened herself to me, and her foot moved up my calf until her leg wrapped around my waist.
Soft fingertips trailed up my spine and I shivered. My cock grew impossibly hard as that sweet pussy of hers glided against me.
“Sloan,” she moaned as I pushed inside her, filling her, making her mine.
I sat up, bringing us nose to nose. There was nothing between us now—nothing that would stand in our way.
She wrapped her arms around my neck and pressed her tits into my chest. The feel of her hard nipples against my skin ignited our connection and electricity coursed through me.
Kenna must have felt it too, because she let out a small gasp.
We remained unmoving, are breaths coming in excited inhales and exhales as we stayed lost in the moment.
“Don't move,” I said when she started to squirm.
“I want to move; I need to move.” Her nails dug into my shoulders as she fought for control.
My fingertips touched every part of her face from her freckle-dusted cheeks to her ruby lips. I loved the way her skin felt beneath my fingertips.
In this moment, we were as close as we had ever been. The three words I had avoided, the ones that had her leaving me behind, fell from my lips.
“I love you, Kenna. I’ve always loved you.”
“Sloan.” She drew out my name in a mere whisper as tears pooled in her eyes. “I love you, too.”
Warmth filled my chest and radiated throughout my body. Finally sayi
ng it had freed me. I had denied myself this moment because I didn’t think my life had room for both Kenna’s love and my familial obligations. Now, I could let out the years-old breath I had been holding and finally live.
My hand slid up her neck and cupped the back of her head, and I bucked my hips upward, filling her completely. She moaned and my lips crushed hers, capturing her pleasure-filled sigh.
We kissed like we were brand new—like we’d never kissed before.
“Oh God, Sloan.” Her head fell back exposing her neck to me, and I took full advantage of the new opportunity. My lips nuzzled the long column of her neck, continuing between her tits. I sealed my mouth of one breast while my hand kneaded and toyed with the other.
She arched into me, causing me to splay my hand on her lower back to keep her from falling back.
Eager fingers trailed down the curves of her body, across her tummy, and down to her pussy. I found her clit and rubbed circles while my hips bucked again, hitting that spot deep inside that always made her quake.
Her entire body was slick and trembling, and I could tell she was close. I continued teasing and manipulating that sensitive bundle of nerves until her eyes rolled back and she screamed my name.
I watched entranced by her body’s response; the pull of her bottom lip between her teeth, and her far-off look in her eyes.
But I didn’t stop there. I pushed her back onto the bed, making sure to keep our connection, and started to really move. Drawing up her knees, I drove impossible deep inside Kenna.
We were a wild frenzy of movement, sensations, and sounds. Two people who had finally let go of all the shit that kept us apart. I didn’t worry about her memories stealing her from me the way they did last time; we were both here and present.
“Open your eyes, M’fhíorghrá,” I bade her as my own orgasm neared.
Kenna’s heavy lidded-eyes fluttered open, and she sucked in a deep breath. Her bright greens had turned forest-green—dark and swirling with need and passion.
I moved faster and faster, pushing in as deep as I could get, trying to possess every inch of her. To reclaim the woman who had been stolen from me.
Kenna’s head started to thrash back and forth as her second orgasm approached. Together, we shattered into a million pieces, each of us calling the other’s name.
Emotionally, physically, and mentally I was undone.
I pushed up on my forearms, caging her head between them. “I love you, Kenna.”
“I love you too, Sloan.”
With our bodies tangled together, we kissed, still desperate for more. We couldn’t keep our hands off each other. Tonight, we had turned a corner, and were headed down a new path together.
After round two, we laid together with her head on my chest as I stroked her hair and her back. I would never forget how beautiful Kenna looked in my arms, her body damp with perspiration, and her face sated and relaxed.
She lifted her head and looked me in the eyes. A smile curved her lips, but for a moment, I saw sadness flash in her gaze. My hand stopped stroking her hair and my brow furrowed.
“Kenna? What is it?”
Before I could question her further, her mouth was on mine, silencing all questions, making me think I had imagined it.
“Nothing.”
She returned her head to my chest, and we fell asleep in each other’s arms.
It was the best sleep of my life until I woke and found her gone.
Panic gripped my heart, and I raced from the bed, calling her name while I searched my now-empty loft.
In the bathroom, I froze when I saw the message on the vanity mirror.
I’m sorry was written in red lipstick.
Disbelief flooded me, quickly followed by blinding rage. How could she do this to me? To us? I thought we had turned a corner and were headed in the right direction. Now, I had no fucking idea what direction we headed in. The only thing I knew was I was on the path alone.
“No!” I screamed and punched the mirror, sending glass flying every which way, obliterating her message. Blood dripped down my arm from my broken and bloodied knuckles. One shard of glass punctured my wrist, leaving a nasty gash.
I pulled the shard out and wrapped a towel around my bleeding appendage. Naked, I sunk to the tile floor, taking care to avoid getting glass stuck in my ass cheeks, because that would just add insult to injury.
“Why, Kenna? Why?”
With my eyes squeezed closed, I slammed my head against the brick wall. More pain shot through my skull and stars danced before my eyes. I grabbed hold of the pain and clung to it as if my life depended on it.
Physical pain I could deal with; emotional pain had me feeling like I was going to hyperventilate, or worse, explode into a billion pieces that would never go back together again.
After what we’d shared last night, how could she leave, and where did she go? It didn’t make sense. She had seemed fine and at peace, back to her old self.
As I sat there bleeding and aching, the memory of that flash of sadness in her eyes returned, and I understood.
Kenna had been saying goodbye to me.
She had put us back together again, and then left me holding a perfect memory of us.
I screamed some choice curse words in Gaelic. Even to my own ears, I sounded like a crazed banshee, hurting and out of control.
“Fuck this!”
I didn’t know what the hell Kenna thought she was doing, but I’d be damned if I’d let her get away with this. If she wanted us to be over, then she needed to say it to my face, because writing it on a fucking mirror was the coward’s way out. In this relationship, I was the coward not Kenna. She was better than that; better than me.
We were in love. I fucking loved her, and she loved me too. She said she wanted more, and I gave it to her. I gave her my fucking heart and I had to believe that was enough. Why she decided to run now, I didn’t understand.
But if she thought I’d simply let her walk away without a fight, she was wrong.
I had known Kenna for years, and with that knowledge came power. But I had grown complacent, and I ended up taking that power for granted. Now, I was left standing here awed by her absence and what it meant for us.
Uncertainty crept in and took hold.
“No!” The one thing I did know was Kenna Campbell belonged to me. If it was the last thing I did, I’d find her and bring her back, even if I had to involve Kieran McCarthy to do it.
Part Three
“The most painful goodbyes are the ones that are never said and never explained.”
-Bilal Nasir Khan
Chapter Twenty-Three
Kenna
TEARS POURED FROM my eyes as I watched Sloan sleep. In his rumpled state, sprawled out on his stomach, he was beyond perfect. He looked years younger than his age, relaxed and sated.
The usual lines around his eyes and on his forehead were smoothed out. I wished all the baggage he carried with him, and the impossible task handed to him by his uncle, didn’t weigh so heavily on him.
I wished I didn’t weigh so heavily on him.
As much as I hated leaving him, I knew I had to. Though some of my broken pieces had been put back in place, many more still lay scattered and lost. Leaving him so I could find me was the only way we’d survive.
Like Delaney had said, even if I emerged a different woman, it was better to be whole and different, than broken and unrealized.
I didn’t want to do this without him. I needed him to survive the way fire needed air. At this moment, air overwhelmed fire, and if I stayed, I’d burn out altogether.
So, I did the only thing I could. I gathered my resolve and leaned in and kissed his lips, then smoothed his black waves.
“I love you, Sloan. Please don’t hate me.” Stumbling in the dark, I gathered my belongings, and went in the bathroom where I quickly dressed. My shaking hand scrawled two words on the mirror—two, small insufficient words.
I’m sorry, I wrote with my red lipstick, praying
one day he’d forgive me
Quiet as a mouse, I left Sloan asleep in his bed and headed home. It was dark outside with dawn being a few hours out. If things worked in my favor, I’d be in and out of the my house without my parents being any the wiser.
A few hours later, I was in a private jet flying to Santa Barbara. My foot shook the entire flight as my nerves overwhelmed me.
“No need to be nervous, Kenna.” Charlie placed a hand on my leg. “You’re doing the right thing. This retreat will change your life. I guarantee it.”
I gave him a weak smile and hoped he spoke the truth. But all I could see when I leaned my head against the seat with my eyes closed was Sloan waking and finding me gone. After last night, my absence would be like a kick to his junk.
I sighed heavily, regretting my two word message. I should have said something else to let him know I meant everything I’d said last night.
I did love him. In fact, for most of my grown-up life, I had loved him more than I loved myself. With everything that had happened, I wasn’t in a position to continue that way. If I didn’t take care of me, Sloan and I had no future. Hopefully in time, he’d understand I had done this for us.
The plane touched down, and we exited onto the tarmac to find a car waiting to take us to the house in the mountains.
While on the plane, I had recorded a video message for my parents explaining where I headed and why I left. I thought about doing the same for Sloan, but I decided against it. I didn’t think I could keep it together long enough to say what needed to be said.
Funny enough, I didn’t feel the same emotional pull toward my parents. Telling them my plan while I remained detached and in control had been surprisingly easy.
With Sloan, too many emotions lurked just below the surface, and I couldn’t think about what would happen when my time here was done. I had to believe this plan would succeed; otherwise I might as well turn around and go back home.
