by Ashley Maker
Kade leans over the bed, blocking out everything else. He cups my face in his hands. “Breathe, Bambi. Just breathe.”
I shudder and wheeze in a breath, trying to do what he says. His thumbs smooth across my cheeks.
“You’re okay,” he murmurs. “I’ve got you.”
Slowly, like the release of a blood pressure cuff, each limb slackens. I slump against Kade’s hands, every part of me feeling sluggish and heavy. Between one blink and the next, the phase ends, and Kade’s eyes go back to being hazel.
“Are you still in pain?” Dr. Miles asks.
I shake my head weakly, though a leftover ache sticks to my muscles and joints. Whatever she inserted into the IV has worked its way into my bloodstream, numbing my senses, dulling their voices like my ears are filled with cotton.
Mathias frowns like he always does. “When can she be released?”
“Not for a while,” Dr. Miles says. “Now that we know about her condition, I’ll need to monitor her until I’m sure her rates are staying at normal levels.”
“I need to arrange a meeting,” Mathias says, his tone as surly as the look on his face. On his way out of the room, he says, “Inform me the moment she’s released.”
“Of course,” Dr. Miles says, and sighs when the door closes behind him. After checking the IV and the machines next to the bed, she studies me and Kade. One hand smoothes the bottom of her white coat. Her lips press together lightly, and she seems to weigh her words before saying them. “I’d like to keep you here for a day or two. If anyone, and I do mean anyone” —her gaze cuts to Kade before returning to mine— “upsets you, I want you to press the call button on your bed. No matter who it is, I’ll have them thrown out. If you feel strange, especially any pain or heart palpitations, I want you to send for me.”
I nod and close my eyes. Footsteps thump across the floor, each one growing softer, followed by the sweeping sound of the door opening and closing.
Kade sits on the edge of the bed and pulls me close. I bury my face in his chest. Even in summer, he still smells like the woods in winter. The clean scent of his soap is stronger than usual. He must have gone to take a shower while I was sleeping. My cheek rubs against his soft shirt as I burrow closer, our chests rising and falling together.
His voice is strained, muffled by my hair, “I was gone less than thirty minutes.”
I tell him what happened before he asks, spilling the whole story, everything from the time I woke up till he came back. My body feels cold by the time I’m finished, and even though I feel like I should be crying, there are no tears. Both eyes are dry and scratchy. We’re lying beside each other on the bed with my head on his shoulder. I shift and stare at the ceiling, unable to face him when I ask, “Am I gonna die?”
Kade’s hand tightens on my arm. “No. Just because one girl wasn’t strong enough doesn’t mean you aren’t.”
“I’m not just talking about my heart. Why did he try to kill me and Laila? Why did the Rogue even come here?” I tilt my face up to his.
The look in his eye turns fierce, protective. “You don’t want to know the answer to that.”
My fingers twist into his shirt. “That makes me think I need to know.”
Kade pulls in a deep breath and slowly exhales. “They know they can’t take us out completely in our own territory. Their attacks are never designed for that purpose. Instead, their objectives are smaller, more easily acquired. Sometimes their goal is an assassination.” He places a hand over mine on his chest. “More often than not, they’re after Seers.”
I stiffen and wrench my head back to see him better. “You’re kidding, right? Why would they be after Seers?”
“Because they don’t have them.”
The whole situation is ridiculous. I shake my head, and it’s like a glitch I can’t stop: his words playing themselves over in my head, my cheek brushing against his shirt as my face moves back and forth again and again. “So what if they don’t have Seers? From what I can tell, we’re not nearly as strong as regular Coras. You guys are much more of a threat.”
“It’s not about strength.” He turns my hand over and twines his fingers through mine, holding tight. “They don’t like that we have an advantage.”
A harsh laugh bursts from my throat as I finally grow still. “They don’t like that Seers have super great eyesight when they don’t, so they attack a school and try to kill them?”
“You don’t just have enhanced eyesight. You’re a weapon to them. Think of it this way. If the United States military didn’t have snipers, yet they had to constantly fight against militaries that did, how long do you think it would take for them to buy sniper rifles and train their own snipers? Now imagine that the U.S. military discovers they can’t train their own snipers, because the only people who have that ability live within enemy lines. Do you think they’d give up trying to have their own, or do you think they’d do whatever they could to even the odds?”
“This is insane, Kade.”
He squeezes my hand. “I know, but their missions are rarely successful.”
“Then what’s the point? They just come in and try to kill a Seer before they’re taken out?”
He hesitates before saying, “Not exactly.”
“Why do they come at all then?”
“Look, it doesn’t matter. The Rogue’s dead. We’re on lockdown now, and everyone else has been inspected. I’d never let them take you.”
I flinch. “Take me? As in kidnapping? Are you saying they want to kidnap me?”
Kade cringes and scans the room from one wall to the other, as if there could be a Rogue hiding in one of the corners. “It’ll never happen. You’re safe here.”
“I was attacked here! And Laila was almost killed. That’s hardly safe.”
“It’s safer than being out there. There’s strength in numbers. Out there—in reality—you don’t stand a chance against them. That’s why you’re safer here. Why you need to train so you have the best possible advantage. Without the right training and control over your abilities, you have no defenses against them.”
Like yesterday. If it hadn’t been for Laila, I would probably be dead, or possibly kidnapped, and between those two I’m not sure which one scares me more. “If it’s so unsafe, why does anyone leave after graduation? Why don’t all of the Coras and Seers live here together?”
“The government would notice if we had communes. They’d investigate, and it wouldn’t turn out well for us.”
“Maybe not. Maybe Laila’s right, and it would help protect us.”
“I’d hate to depend on a maybe.”
I sigh in frustration. “Then what are we supposed to do? I can’t just sit around waiting my whole life for some monster to show up at my doorstep. I’d be just like Chris, I’d—” A realization practically smacks me across the face. “He was never crazy, was he? Everything he said was true, and I—I didn’t listen to him at all. I mocked him. I was so horrible. No wonder he didn’t care that I wanted to leave.”
Kade cups my face with one hand. “He knows you didn’t know.”
“But he tried to tell me. He said he looked for me, and I didn’t believe him…” I bite my lip, remembering the conversations, the insults. I’d thought he was hurting me, but what if I hurt him just as much?
“Stop. Don’t do it. Don’t beat yourself up for something you can’t change.” He leans his forehead against mine, hazel eyes full of such sadness. My heart aches when his voice dips to a low whisper. “You’ll drive yourself crazy with the what ifs.”
Not for the first time, I wonder how he always knows the right things to say. It’s like he can see inside of me and knows exactly what I need to hear to pull me back from the dark places within myself. Or maybe it’s not the things he says. Maybe it’s him. He’s what pulls me back.
Warmth tingles through my limbs. I let go of his hand and touch his cheek. A strange and wonderful sensation grips my chest as I graze fingertips over his cheekbone and back down to his j
aw, fascinated by the way his breath catches under my exploration. His gaze slips to my mouth, but this time I don’t wait for him to kiss me. I tilt my face and touch my lips to his, wanting him to know how much his words mean to me.
How much he means to me.
31
Over the next two days, Dr. Miles jabs needles into my arms, monitors all the fancy beeping machines, and hooks me up to a treadmill where I run with a ton of sticky electrodes attached everywhere. Some kind of stress test. Aside from Mathias and Kade, no one is allowed to visit, and whether that’s for their sake or mine, no one says.
Mathias doesn’t return after the one visit, but Kade stays the entire time, sleeping in the chair next to the bed at night. We pass the hours playing cards, and holding hands, and telling stories about all the other summers that have come before. Something inside my chest pinches when Kade says he hasn’t had an entire summer away from the compound since the one when his family died.
“You haven’t left at all?” I ask, sitting next to him on the edge of the hospital bed, legs dangling over the side. “Don’t you want to leave?”
He grins and bumps my shoulder with his. “Believe it or not, some people want to stay.”
I try not to smile at the playful tone in his voice, but can’t help it. “Blasphemy.”
“I left a few times, after I turned eighteen.”
“Where’d you go?”
He stares at our laced hands, and I find myself staring at them, too. “To see where they were buried. I drove by the house, too. It was sold after what happened, and some other family lives there now.”
“Oh...” I squeeze his hand, unable to imagine how awful that must have felt. “I’m sorry.”
He squeezes back. “Don’t be. I needed to see it the way it is and not just how I remember it from that night.”
I peer sideways. His brow is drawn, expression blank, like he’s lost inside a memory. I want to save him out of it and bring him back, but I know he has to do that on his own, so I wait. After a few seconds, Kade blinks and squeezes my hand again. A glance passes between us, and more than ever, I wish I could remove his pain.
“So you came back here?”
He nods. “When I got bored checking out random cities, I came back and applied for the internship job.”
I lay my head on his shoulder. “What will you do when it’s over?”
His muscles and voice grow tense. “Not sure yet. It’ll depend on if I can get on a tracking team or not.”
I freeze at what the words could mean. At how close we’re getting to the subject of after. If he got on a tracking team, he’d travel a lot. Who knows how often I would see him, or if we’d see each other at all. I can’t bring myself to ask what would happen to the fragile us still forming if he ends up leaving one day, or if he’s the one who stays, and I finally get to leave. I can’t bring myself to say anything at all.
Nuzzling closer, I take a deep breath, inhaling his woodsy scent, and try to focus on how, right now, we’re both here.
Kade must be thinking something similar because his thumb grazes the length of my jaw, sending delicious shivers scrambling down my spine. His lips brush mine the second I tilt my face up. Right when I’m starting to forget the nagging questions, and all the possible variations of afters, the door opens.
From one second to the next, I jump and scoot back on the bed, and Kade leaps to his feet, out of touching distance. But from the knowing look in Dr. Miles’ eyes, and the slight quirk of her lips when she strides into the room, she’s on to us.
She unclips a sheet of paper from a clipboard and holds it in the air. “These are your release papers. All of your test results indicate a low risk of heart failure. However, if your heart rate continues to be as elevated as it is right now” —she shoots a glare at Kade— “I may have to reconsider.”
“I’m fine,” I splutter, heat blasting into every skin cell on my face. “You surprised me, that’s all. Really, I’m good.”
“I bet.” The frown lines deepen between her eyes. “So here’s the deal. As long as you continue to feel all right, I’ll let this slide. But if any activities you engage in cause you any distress, I want you to cease immediately and come find me. The risk might be low, but it’s still there. You need to keep that in mind.”
Oh, infinite cringes. The room grows unnaturally quiet. I swallow and nod, convinced such a level of awkward could in fact lead to spontaneous combustion if sustained for too long.
All business like, Kade puts me out of my misery when he says, “I’ll be sure she does.”
“I’ll hold you to that,” she says with narrowed eyes before strolling across the tile to stand by the bed. “I’d like to check your vitals one last time before you go.”
After Dr. Miles checks the monitors and my blood pressure, she unhooks all the machines and pulls the IV out, sticking a little piece of cotton and tape over the tiny prick of blood. I rub the sore, itchy skin on top of my hand and listen to her last instructions to be careful before she slips out the door. Then, finally, I change back into regular clothes. A heaviness lifts from my chest the second the thin, gaping material drops to the floor. I take a few moments to comb my hair and brush my teeth before coming out of the attached bathroom.
Kade holds the door open. “You ready?”
I toss the used gown on the hospital bed and walk into the hall without a backward glance. “Yeah, but do you think we could go visit Laila?”
“I don’t see why not. She’s stable now.”
According to the gossipy nurse on rounds last night, Laila had been teetering in critical condition before the emergency surgery two days ago. After determining there was internal bleeding from a severe intestinal wound, the doctors were able to repair the damage, but the danger of rupture or infection still hovers much too close. I need to see her—thank her—for saving my life.
Kade turns left at an intersection in the hallway and enters what’s considered the Intensive Care Unit of the infirmary. A nurse looks up from a small reception counter at our approach.
“Can I help you?” she asks.
Kade leans an arm on the counter. “We’re here to visit Laila Blaydell.”
The nurse frowns and glances at some papers. “I’m sorry, but Miss Blaydell isn’t authorized for visitors. Only her family can see her at this time.”
“Please,” I say, stepping forward. “She saved me. I just want to thank her, and then I’ll go. I promise it will only take a minute.”
“You’re the other girl who was attacked, aren’t you?”
I nod and wait, bouncing one foot while she studies me with narrowed eyes.
Sighing, she bites her lip and glances at the papers again. “She’s conscious today, and her father is with her right now. I can walk you down there, and you can ask him if it’s okay for a visit. That’s the most I can do for you.”
My stomach churns at the thought of seeing Mathias again, but it isn’t enough to change my mind. Even if he says I can’t see Laila, I could still shout a thank you down the hall. “That would be perfect. Thanks.”
She stands and straightens the front of her blue scrubs. “Only two visitors are allowed in at a time, so you” —she indicates Kade with one hand— “can take a seat and wait. Follow me, dear.”
With a glance over my shoulder at Kade, who nods and gestures for me to go, I stride down the white tile floor to a sterile-looking door at the end of the hall. The door is cracked open slightly.
Mathias’ tense voice leaks into the open space, growing louder with each step I take. “Why did you shoot to kill? We could have questioned him.”
A choked, tear-filled voice answers, “He was going after her with the knife. There was no time. I had to make a choice.”
Laila. Something protective clamps around my heart. One hand raises involuntarily, reaching toward the door.
His tone is full of derision, “And you chose a kill shot?”
“What should I have done?” she sputters. “
I was on the ground. If I shot below his head, I would have risked the bullet going through her, too.”
“I’m sure there was another option, something you overlooked.”
Laila’s voice trembles. “I’m sorry.”
What on earth is wrong with Mathias? He’s her dad, and she’s lying in a hospital bed after almost dying. How can he talk to her like that? My steps quicken to close the remaining distance so I can make him shut up and stop being such a jerk, but the nurse grabs my arm, jerking me to a halt, the rubber soles of my shoes squeaking against the tile.
Her face pinches, eyebrows furrowing deep. We both stand frozen, caught in the web of conversation drifting out from the open door.
“I expect a full report on the matter. Every detail, whether you think it’s significant or not. He might not have been working alone,” Mathias snaps. “Of course, now we’ll never know, at least not from the main source.”
“What other source is there?”
“I have my suspicions. I don’t believe it’s a coincidence the attack happened after the girl arrived.”
“That’s crazy. I know we’ve been keeping an eye on her, but you’re looking in the wrong place. She had nothing to do with it.”
“You can’t confirm that.”
“I was there! She had no idea what was going on. You’re right that he probably wasn’t working alone—how else could he have gotten into the compound?—but investigating Clare is a waste of time. She’s clean. I’ve seen nothing to indicate she—”
His voice turns to steel. “How long have you been compromised?”
“Compromised?” Her voice rings with shock before gaining strength. “I took a knife in the stomach to keep her safe.”
“Yes, but you forgot the number one rule of your assignment. Don’t get attached. Clearly, you’re soft when it comes to the girl. I can’t trust your judgment on the matter.”
“Fine. Don’t trust me,” she says bitterly. “Ask anyone else who’s spent time with her. They’ll tell you the same thing. I can’t believe…I can’t—” Her voice is cut off by a pained hiss and high-pitched grunt.
