Kyra shoots him a disgusted look and shakes her head in disbelief.
“I wish to God I could babe, but right now, I just can’t. All I ask is that you trust me, and stop accusing me of things I haven’t done.” Exasperated, he throws his hands up in the air.
“I haven’t fucking cheated, Kyra. How can I make you fucking believe that? And why would I cheat when you are here? I wouldn’t cheat any way, but think about it. If I were to cheat, I certainly wouldn’t do it when you’re here. That makes no fucking sense.” He holds his fists up, “Jesus God! I don’t need this shit right now, babe. Please, if you love me, you have to believe me. And don’t leave. I’ll go fucking crazy if you leave me. I’ve waited and waited for you to get here, and now you wanna leave? Please baby, please, don’t do this to us.”
She jerks her head back and flips him off with both hands, “Pfft! don’t do this to us? Todd what would you do, if you came to see me and I left you in the room, alone saying I’d be back in a little bit then strolled in at four am, with wet hair, in nothing but my underwear, carrying my clothes?” She’s in his face, “Huh? You’d be so pissed and looking for someone to kill and you know it.” She starts to cry, “I’ve been patiently sitting here all night waiting for you. You said you’d be right back, when you left at nine thirty.” She holds her phone up to his face. “I tried to call you and your phone went straight to voicemail. What the hell’s so damn secretive, that you can’t tell me what’s going on? I deserve to know goddammit. I’m not some damn groupie you can screw and leave.” Her body is shaking, as she cries. “I thought I meant more to you than that. I freaking thought I meant more, Todd.” She laughs sarcastically through her tears, “You’re a great bullshitter, though. I’ll give ya that.” She faces the wall, putting her arms around herself and cries harder, as her body quivers.
He tenderly brushes her hair behind her ears with his hand, and tries to calm her down. “Babe, look let’s go in the room. Don’t holler and please don’t cry. It breaks my heart to see you cry. I can’t stand to see you cry, baby.” With his forehead on her head he begs, “All I can do is ask you to trust me, and tell you that I love you so bad, it fucking hurts. It fucking hurts, Kyra. Have you ever loved anyone that bad?” He pulls her face to look at him, “Well that’s how bad I’ve got it for you. I’d never cheat on you and I’ve never loved anyone as goddamn much as I love you. You’re everything to me Ky. I love you, even when you want to kill me. I love you no matter what. You’re right - I’d be fucking kicking some ass if you came home at 4am almost naked.” He walks in a circle, shaking his head. “You’re absolutely right, but there is a reason and I just can’t talk about it right now, except to say there isn’t another woman involved. Period.” He pulls his phone out of his pocket, looks at it and shoves it in her face. “Look, my phone was dead. The battery’s fucking dead, see? See???? Fucking ass dead, Kyra. I couldn’t have called you if I tried.” He carelessly throws the phone down and I hear it shatter, as it hits the floor.
Defensively she looks at him and asks, “So what? Are you gay or something? Were you with another guy? Are you a queer, Todd? Is that what this is about?” She closes her eyes and throws her head back, “Oh shit. Please tell me no.”
Todd exhales and laughs. “No babe, I’m not gay. No way, I’m not gay.”
Her brows furrow, “Don’t you dare laugh at me, Todd! I’m damn serious. I want to know what’s going on right now, or I’m leaving and I swear it.”
He takes her arm, “Babe, seriously please let’s just go in the room and talk. Please let’s just talk. I don’t want you to leave. I want you here with me and I want you to understand. I’ll try my best, but I just can’t tell you right now. I swear this has nothing to do with us.” He takes her other arm, so he’s holding both of them. “Come on, you’re gonna wake people up, plus I’m freezing my fucking nuts off. Come on Ky.” He calms her down somewhat, but she’s fisting his arms, still hitting.
“Baby please, you can hit me all you want, but let’s take this in the room. I know I deserve it, but I swear on my parent’s grave, I haven’t cheated on you.” He grabs her arm and tries to lead her into the room. She’s angered by his gesture.
“You son of a bitch. Why are you doing this to us?”
Up until now he’s been patient, but that remark sends him over the edge and he reacts by getting in her face, “Kyra, take that back.”
She steps back, putting her hands up in a mocking way. “Take what back? That you’re a son of a bitch? You are Todd. You’re a son of a bitch!”
He takes her by the arm, not to hurt her, but to get his point across. He’s now crying, as he looks into her eyes. “Take it back, Kyra. You don’t mean that. Please baby, please take it back.”
She folds and melts into his arms, as she fists his chest, defeated. “I hate you damn you. I hate you right now.”
He kisses the top of her head and whispers, “I know baby. I know. Shh. Let’s just go into our room. You can beat the fuck out of me; I don’t care. All I know is that I love you Ky. So fucking much, I love you. Come on.”
As the door closes, I’m so worried and afraid Kyra will be gone in the morning, because she’s a gal who won’t put up with shit. As I get back into bed, Ash sits up and asks where I went. I whisper that I had to go to the bathroom and he takes me into his arms, kisses me, and falls right back asleep. I, on the other hand, can’t go back to sleep for worrying. I’m just sick over this. What the hell was Todd doing, coming home at 4am, with wet hair and half naked? Where could he have been, except with another woman? This just doesn’t make a bit of sense.
I doze in and out of a light sleep and get up around six to use the bathroom. I look through the peep hole in the door and I don’t know why, but I’m worried. Ash is still in a deep sleep and doesn’t wake when I get up thank God.
I see Todd sitting outside of his room on the floor, still in his boxer shorts, with his head in his hands. I quietly open the door and step out. He looks up at me with glassy eyes, tears streaming down. There’s no telling how long he’s been sitting out here.
I sit beside him, pull my knees up and wrap my arms around them. “Wanna talk about it?” I whisper.
With his hands gripping his hair and a painful expression, he blurts out. “What’s to talk about, Olivia? Kyra’s gone. She fucking left.” He sits straight up and puts his head against the wall, blankly looking at the ceiling. “I couldn’t tell her what was going on and she just assumed that I was out fucking around. I know it looked bad, but it isn’t what she thought.” He crosses his arms on top of his head, “I don’t know what to do. Fuck. Fuck me. Fuck.”
There’s a moment of awkward silence. I look over at him, as he holds out his hands, “What?”
I shrug my shoulders and still don’t speak. I’m picking the skin around my thumb, nervously wondering how to respond. How do I tell him that I thought the same thing Kyra did?
He sarcastically laughs, “I know that damn look. You fucking wanna ask me something, so why don’t you just say it?” He cocks his head back and squints, “I know you were creeping our conversation earlier.”
I’m embarrassed by his remark. Another moment of silence passes and he slaps my knee, laughing, “Come on… You wanna ask me why the hell I came back half naked. Just say it, Olivia.”
I breathe out through my nose and turn to face him. “Okay Todd, where were you and why did you come in barely dressed? It looked bad, I’ve got to say.”
He rolls his head to the side and pops his neck. I’ve hit a nerve and defensively, he responds in an agitated tone, “I fucking know that. Don’t you think I fucking know?” He puts his head on my shoulder, conceding. “It’s just….ah shit Olivia. Girl I’m gonna tell you something and you gotta promise not to say a word to anyone, and I mean anyone, Mr. H included.” He exhales through his lips. “I’m not sure I can even talk about it and its fucking tearing me up. I’ve kept it from everyone and it’s now to the point where we need some help, but if this
gets out. Fuck it.” He sits up, fisting and wringing his hands. “Okay I’m gonna tell you. I feel like a fucking rubber band about to snap.”
Shirtless and looking desolate, he shivers as he leans into me. At this point, he just needs someone to just listen and understand him. I have to believe it when he says he wasn’t with another woman, and he’s about to spill the beans to me. I listen intently, as he tells me that Brian has gotten back on drugs. I had no idea anyone in the band even used drugs; not that I would even know what someone looks like who is on drugs. I’ve never had to deal with that.
He’s meticulously tracing the patterns in the carpet with his finger, as he gives me the history. “Brian had a bad drug problem back in his New Orleans days, but he did rehab and kicked the habit. Once we went out on the road, he was with this chick that got him back on cocaine. He’s been using it in fucking excess and I’ve been trying to get him clean. The other guys don’t even know.” His finger is tracing faster, as he gets angry. “Olivia, Brian was with these 3 chicks one night and they had fucking coke all over the room. I walked in to this loud fucking heavy metal music blaring. Shit there was fucking coke on the coffee tables, on the night stands. Hell the chicks had in on their fucking bitch gums and were going down on him.” He looks at me with pain in his eyes. “He was so out of it, he didn’t even know what was going on. I saw it and blew a fuse.” He lays down and props his head in his hand. “I never fucking messed with drugs. Tommy didn’t either. The other guys messed around with pot, but never any coke. We knew Brian had been in rehab when we took him on, but he swore he was clean and he was, until we went out on the road. Fuck. I feel responsible. I should have seen it and stepped in.”
I take his hand and pull him up. “Todd this isn’t your fault. Brian’s an adult. You shouldn’t have to supervise him.”
He laments sadly, “The night I found him with those chicks, I fucking paid them all to leave and got them a cab home. Brian was so fucked up he didn’t even know they were going down on him, poor fuck. A fucking blow job by three chicks and he’ll never even remember it. He couldn’t even get it up, and they were all over him like he was a piece of meat. It was fucking disgusting and I got so damn scared. I stayed with him all night, and the next morning we talked about it.” His voice escalates, “He said that he was sorry and that he wouldn’t do it again, but he’s been using every fucking day. This shit is so easy to get and I just can’t watch him 24/7. I’m fucking worn out. I’ve spent every night keeping him in the room after the shows, but he sneaks it in.” He’s rambling on and I feel it’s best to just sit and listen. He just needs to get this off his chest. I can tell it’s been eating him alive. I pat his knee, as he continues. “He uses before we go on, he uses after we play and it’s now fucking out of control. I seriously thought I could get him off the stuff. I thought I could do it, Olivia. We need him in the band, but we need him clean and healthy. I fucking don’t know what to do. I fucking can’t do this anymore. I tried to fix things and I can’t. I fucking can’t fix this and I think we need to get him help. It’s beyond anything I can do now.” He throws his hands up in despair. “And to throw more fucking fuel on the fire, Kyra thinks I’ve been fucking around and I haven’t. I swear on my parent’s grave that I haven’t so much as thought about another girl, since I met her. I just can’t tell her about this shit.” He waves his arm towards the exit sign. “She’s gone - fucking gone, Olivia. What am I gonna do? What am I gonna tell everyone, when they see she’s gone? I tried calling her and she’s so fucking hard headed, she won’t answer.” He pounds his hand on the floor. “Fuck Fuck Fuck! I fucking hate my life right now. I’ve just lost the best thing I ever had, for a worthless piece of shit cokehead that’s like a brother to me. What the fuck?”
I take him into my arms and rock him like a baby. He’s hurting so bad and I’ve got to come up with some answers and fast. I can see both sides, I see why Kyra left; hell I probably would have done the same thing. But knowing Todd as I do, and the fact that he’s my best friend, who has just bared his soul to me, I hurt for him. He is the one I need to focus on.
Reluctantly I ask, “Do you think we need to get Ash involved? Because he could get Brian into rehab and make sure no one knows. Is there anyone you know that could possibly take his place?” I wait for his answer, but he says nothing. He’s staring at the wall. I move around to face him. “Look...I’ll do whatever I can, you know that. I just don’t know what to do.” I start picking at the skin around my thumb and again, I notice I’ve picked until it bleeds. He looks at me with a grossed out look on his face. “Why are you doing that?”
I contritely look at him and fold my hands. “What do you mean?”
He holds my hand up, looking at the bleeding skin. “You’re picking the fuck out of your thumb, that’s what I mean. Why did you do that?”
I shake my head. “I don’t know. Why does it matter?”
He laughs, “Because it does, you damn doofus. Besides, you’re supposed to be figuring out a way to get Kyra back - not fucking self-destructing.”
I lick my thumb and shake it. “We’ll figure this out honey, I promise. You don’t have to do this alone. I’ll do what I can with Kyra. She loves you honey, she’s just hurt right now and I know why she felt the need to get away. I get that.” I shrug my shoulders and wrinkle my face, “It’s a woman thing. Maybe she’ll talk to me tomorrow. But…I think you need to call her.”
He starts to speak and I stop him. “If she won’t answer, at least leave her a voicemail and let her know about Brian. She loves you. She loves Brian and the guys. Please just do that, can you do that for me?”
About that time, the door to our room opens and Ash sees us on the floor. He looks confused.
“What’s going on? Todd? Olivia? What’s wrong?”
He comes across the hall and gets down on his knees in front of us. He knows there is something really bad going on. We’ve got to tell him. I look to Todd and he shakes his head. “Go on you tell him, Olivia. I don’t know what the fuck else to do. I can’t do this anymore.”
Looking confused, Ash listens as I tell the secret. I tell him what Todd has told me and that Kyra has left.
We all huddle in the hall, as the rest of the story is revealed. Ash is stunned. He shakes his head and gives Todd a hug. “Todd man, why didn’t you say something? You don’t have to take this all on yourself. The rest of the guys need to know. This affects you all. Tell me everything, so I’ll know how I can help.”
Todd starts to speak, “I was in Brian’s room earlier, and we got into a fight because I flushed his fucking coke down the toilet, and he fucking went off on me. I made him get in the shower and he fought with me. I tried, God I tried so hard to make him see that he doesn’t need that shit. Brian’s like a brother and I can’t stand to see him doing this to his body.” He’s reenacting to us with his hands. “I had him in the shower, trying to sober him up. He’d gotten ripped on alcohol and did a bunch of coke, and was so fucking high he didn’t even know where he was. I took my jeans off and wrestled him into the shower, then put him into bed and he finally passed out, so I came back to the room. I thought Kyra would be asleep, but she wasn’t, and she fucking went off on me too.” He throws his hands up. “I’ve fucking had it, Mr. H. I don’t know what to do. She’s gone, Brian is a fucking cokehead, and I’m fucked. That’s my story.”
Ash takes control and takes Todd by the arm, “Okay, son here’s what we’ll do. Do you have the key to Brian’s room?” Todd nods yes. Ash holds his hand out. “Give me the key and I’m going to go check on him. I actually have a friend who owns a rehab facility and I can get him in, but only if he’s willing to go.” With a relieved look, Todd hands him the key. “Thanks Mr. H. I owe you big time.”
Ash takes my shoulders and pats my behind. “Olivia, go see if you can get hold of Kyra. Maybe she hasn’t left yet and you can go pick her up.”
I can sense Todd is relieved, as Ash heads off to check on Brian.
I cal
l Kyra from my room. She doesn’t answer, so I text her. ‘Honey where are you? I need to talk to you, so if you can call me please…’
It’s only minutes before she calls.
She’s at the airport and waiting to get on a flight back home. I tell her that Ash and I have talked to Todd, and briefly tell her the situation with Brian.
“Todd will fill you in. This isn’t about him cheating. I just wanted you to know that. He loves you Kyra.” My voice starts to crack, “He’s so torn up about Brian and didn’t even tell me, until I saw him crying out in the hall a little while ago. Please come back, don’t go home. He needs you so bad Kyra. When does your flight leave?”
She’s crying into the phone, “I can’t even get a ticket. Olivia. My credit card limit is less than the price of damn the ticket, so I’m pretty much screwed. I’m just sitting here trying to figure things out.”
“Oh honey let me come get you. You and Todd need to talk and work things out.”
She sniffles into the phone, “Talk? What’s there to talk about? Todd wouldn’t tell me what was going on. If he can’t talk to me about things that are going on in his life, do we really even have a relationship?” She starts crying harder and whimpers, “Because you’re supposed to be able to talk to the person you love. He completely shut me out.” Her breath hitches. “I can’t do this, if he won’t be upfront with me. This isn’t how relationships work.”
I plead with her. “Kyra look - he has his reasons for not telling you. He’s apologized and he feels horrible.” I’m nervously tapping my nails on the table, grasping desperately for the right words to say. “He’s hurting so bad, please just give him the chance to tell you everything. I don’t want to tell you what to do, but I’m begging you with all my heart to please come back. Please?”
Out of The Box Regifted Page 25
