by Erin Trejo
“What was the plan with her, anyway? Get her to sign the papers?” Callan asks.
“Yeah, then he’d go away. He’d have what he wants and leave her alone,” I admit. That was the idea anyway.
“Think about what you just said, and then think about the kind of men we are,” Steele says. I look to him and he raises an eyebrow.
“What?”
“If he’s doing this to her, is he much different from who we are?” he muses.
“What are you saying?”
“I’m saying, do you really think that’s the end, Knox? Sign the little papers and the murderer goes bye-bye?” Steele growls.
“She saw him do it,” Callan adds.
“Fuck!” I scream as I tug at my hair. The girls are upstairs drinking and having a blast, and I’m down here trying to figure out what is wrong in my head.
“Make her stay here where we can keep an eye on her,” Steele suggests. I laugh at the same time Callan does.
“That won’t happen.”
“Make it happen. Look, I get it, Knox. I struggled with what I felt for Whisper too. That shit isn’t easy and we all know it. Nina’s gone, Brother. There was nothing you could have done for her, but Liz? She’s here, man. You feel something for her, and you’re just going to throw it away because you’re scared!”
“I’m not scared,” I say with my jaw clenched. Maybe I am scared. Maybe that’s why I’m afraid of letting her get too close to me. No, I’m not.
“Yes, you are. You need to admit that shit to yourself before taking it out on everyone else,” he says. That’s when I move. I fly across the room, slamming my fist into his face. Steele laughs and comes back at me and the fight ensues. I can hear Callan hollering but I can’t make out what he’s saying. Adrenaline rushes my system, and I can’t focus on anything but the feeling of my fist against bone. This is the sick world we grew up in. This is what we were groomed to do, just not to each other. When I hear the girls screaming, I stop. Steele and I are both out of breath as we look each other in the eye.
“You done? Feel better?” he asks. It isn’t a taunt, it’s a legit question. Sometimes, it’s just better if we fix our problems with our fists. I nod my head as he walks toward me, pulling me into a hug. “We got you, Knox. We’re brothers, man.” I nod my head when he pulls back and I turn to head up the stairs. I’m halfway up when I hear Steele roar.
“Go with him!” Shaking my head, I make it into my room before dropping onto the bed with my head in my hands. This is a mess. It’s all too much to deal with. My door opens and closes, and I assume it’s Whisper coming to check on me like Steele told her too.
“I don’t need your help, Whisper.”
“I suppose that’s a good thing.” Liz’s voice fills the room. Her scent, her… everything fills the room.
“I don’t need you here.”
“Are you sure about that?” I don’t look up at her because frankly the way I feel? I might hurt her too, and I don’t want to do that.
“Positive.” My jaw is clenched, my teeth grinding. I need to get a handle on myself before I lose control completely. Even with my eyes closed, I know she came closer. I can feel this girl. Her hand comes to rest on the back of my head, massaging lightly. What is she doing?
“I’m sorry,” she whispers softly, even though she has nothing to be sorry for.
“You didn’t do anything.”
“Maybe not but she did.”
“Who told you?”
“Doesn’t matter. I’m sorry you had to feel that,” she says. My heart beats harder in my chest. I don’t know if this is the right time to do this or if I’m making a huge mistake, but I have to tell her. I can’t keep going on like this. It’s ruining me.
“I need you to hate me, Liz.”
“I’ve tried. And I thought I did,” she says.
“What do you mean thought?” I still can’t bring myself to look up at her. I hear her sigh, but her fingers keep moving through my hair.
“I don’t know how to explain it. I don’t feel much of anything anymore, but when I’m with you, hell, just around you, every feeling I have inside of me comes alive. Nothing and no one has made me feel like that.” Now I do raise my head. I look up at her standing in front of me like a picture of perfection, one I want to ruin and watch cry, and I can’t help myself.
“I need to say something and I don’t want you to move. I need to see your face,” I tell her. Liz swallows hard and nods her head. “Jeremy contacted me.” Her mouth falls open and her hand stops moving. She starts to pull her hand back but I reach up quickly and grab it, putting it back. “Don’t stop.” It’s an order. It came out as a demand and much to my surprise, she starts running her fingers through my hair once more. It’s soothing, calming.
“How do you know him?” she asks, her voice shaky.
“I don’t. He contacted me and told me he knew about you and I was curious. I went and met him at the bar one day.”
“Oh my God. You’re going to do it aren’t you?” My eyes meet tear-filled ones as I stand from the bed. I reach out, running my hand over her cheek before wrapping it around her throat. Her eyes widen until I lean down into her space.
“Do what?” My lips are so close to hers that I can practically taste her on my tongue.
“Kill me,” she whispers. I grin and shake my head. My lips press into hers and I moan. Her salty tears slide down her cheeks, wetting my lips a little more. That’s what I want from her. I want to taste her every single emotion on my tongue. I want to taste her fear, suck it all in and take it away from her. I want to breathe this girl in and when I let her go, know that it was me and only me that took it all away from her.
“That’s the last thing on my mind,” I whisper as my lips skate over her flesh.
“He wants me dead doesn’t he?”
“Is that a question that you want an answer to right now?” I’m falling. Hard. And I don’t know how to stop myself. Losing myself in Liz would mean losing myself once again, but have I ever really found me?
“Knox?”
“Yeah?”
“Will you help me?” Four words that I didn’t plan on hearing fall from her lips, slam into my chest. I lean into her, resting my head on her shoulder in the crock of her neck as I breathe her in. I could be making the biggest mistake of my life right now. I could be about to relive the past, and I can’t think of a better way to lose myself again.
“Liz?”
“Yeah?”
“Will you stay with me?” I can feel her body tremble against mine and it makes me smile. She still holds some sort of fear of me but not enough that she didn’t ask me for help.
“I…”
“Do you trust me, Liz?” Trust. That’s a tough one. I’ve given her no reason to trust me so far, aside from the fact that everything I’ve promised to do to her, I have. So, it surprises me when she answers.
“Yes.”
“Stupid girl,” I whisper before dragging her mouth to mine. This kiss is different. It’s rough, it’s hard, but it’s filled with the trust that she’s given me. Maybe she’s wrong for trusting me but I can feel it. She isn’t holding back and for that, I’m not either.
A knock on my door has me pulling away from her with a slight groan.
“What?” No one answers but the door opens and everyone walks in. Bottles of liquor, chips, and every other random thing you could think of in hand, the guys drop onto the couch across my room while the girls climb onto the bed. I look around at everyone getting comfortable but never letting go of Liz. “Party in my room?”
“Why not? The night isn’t over yet, and it seems we have more to celebrate than we thought,” Callan says, lifting a bottle in the air.
“Which is?” I ask confused. His eyes move to Liz before coming back to mine.
“Her.”
“Me?” Liz asks, pulling away from me. “What the hell do I have to do with anything?” There’s my fire.
“A lot actually.”
“Fuck you, Steele,” she snaps flipping him off. Whisper laughs, bringing her bottle to her lips.
“It’s family. We’re fucking celebrating family. We might not all be blood but we are our own fucked-up form of it,” she adds. As I look around the room at the people that have been here for me, the ones that have had my back in the past and the ones I want by my side in the future, I realize she’s right. We are some sort of fucked-up family.
18
Liz
We’re all laughing, drunk and happy. I never thought that I’d be sitting in a room full of sexy men and women that I actually like to be around laughing this much. Knox is leaned back against the headboard, one knee propped up, the other hanging off the bed with me right in the middle. My back rests against his chest and each time he laughs, it vibrates through me. Shane and Callan are curled up kissing but Whisper is straddling Steele’s lap, damn near fucking him on the couch across the room. Knox takes a pull from the bottle in his hand before leaning down and setting it on the floor next to the bed. His hands wrap around my waist and slowly begin to kneed at my flesh through the t-shirt I have on.
“You like watching them?” he whispers in my ear. I shake my head but that’s a lie. There’s something erotic, sensual about watching those two. “Don’t be ashamed, Liz.”
“It’s different. Sexy,” I whisper through my drunken state. I’m not completely gone but I’m close.
“What does it make you feel?” His tongue drags along my cheek and I moan.
“Hot. My stomach tightens, clenches. I feel heat all through my body,” I tell him. His breathing picks up as I turn my head to look at him. His blue eyes glisten as he looks at me, fire building inside of them. He reaches for my face, turning it back to watch them. Steele has shifted them so that Whisper is on her back on the couch, him positioned between her legs. No one cares that the others are in the room. No one bats an eye. Steele shoves Whisper’s t-shirt up before lowering his head between her parted thighs.
“Right now, he’s breathing her in. Her scent, it drives him crazy. He’s so fucking hard for her and she has no idea. His heart is beating a rhythm against his ribs as he contemplates what he wants to do to her body,” Knox says in a low sultry tone. My clit pulses, my body shuddering. How are his words doing this to me? My lips part but I can’t find the words to say. Knox’s hand slides down my stomach, between my thighs. He growls in my ear when he realizes I’m not wearing panties under this shirt.
“Watch him. Imagine what his tongue feels like as it slowly sweeps over her clit,” he says huskily as his finger slowly parts me. Then I feel him. His thick finger strokes my clit and I arch off the bed. His laughter vibrates through my body. I gasp as his finger moves a little faster.
“Knox.” I say his name like a plea.
“Watch them,” he growls. I keep my eyes on the way Steele is licking at Whisper and the way her hands are grasping her breasts. I know I shouldn’t be watching but I can’t stop myself. It’s sexy. And then she comes. She explodes as she whimpers and pulls his hair. Knox flicks my clit and that’s all I needed to come with her. I cry his name as his lips move over my neck. My eyes are closed, clenched shut as I ride the incredible wave that Knox just pushed me onto. When I open my eyes, Steele’s dark gaze is latched onto us. Whisper shifts and sits up and before I can think about anything else, Knox is moving. His clothes are off, he’s on his back and his hard cock is in his hand. He strokes it as he watches me, waiting for me. Pulling the shirt over my head, I crawl up his body and straddle him. He watches intently as I slide down his length, taking him fully inside of me.
“Fuck,” I hear Steele groan.
“Cal?” Shane says as if she isn’t sure. To normal people, I’m sure this isn’t how they do things but these guys are far from normal. I hear Callan whisper something but I can’t make out his words. All I can feel is Knox inside of me. He looks at me, his blue eyes seemingly bluer as he nods at me. Rolling my hips, he groans and I watch his stomach muscles bunch as I move. It amazes me that I can affect the man the way I do.
“Goddamn it,” I hear Steele hiss. Then the bed shifts and a large hand cups my breast from behind. I’m about to move but the look in Knox’s eyes holds me in place. Steele’s large tattooed hand pulls and plucks my nipple as Knox holds onto my thighs. That’s when I feel warm breath on the other side of my neck. I don’t need to look to know Callan is there.
“Family traditions and all,” he whispers as his hand slips over my stomach. What the hell does that mean? Family tradition? I’m about to open my mouth and ask when Callan’s hand slips further down. My body tingles, responding to all of them. I don’t know how the hell I’m controlling what I feel as everything inside of me pulses. Knox begins to buck his hips, the feeling of him filling me fuller. I pant for air when Callan’s finger finds my clit. By this time, my body is already trembling out of control, but the harder Knox moves his hips, the higher I become. I wasn’t sure I could come again so quickly but then I feel it building. Steele moves, his lips wrapping around my nipple, his teeth sinking into my flesh. My world explodes out of control as I come so hard, I nearly black out. My body tumbles forward, falling onto Knox’s sweaty chest as I try to catch my breath. I hear the chuckles as the others move and then the door closes.
“You okay?” Knox asks, running his hand up and down my back.
“Is that a normal occurrence around here?” I ask, still trying to suck in enough air.
“No, so don’t get excited about it either.” His hand slams against my ass and I yelp, but I can still feel his hard cock inside of me. I’ve never had a man with this much restraint before. Shoving myself up, I slide him out of me before slowly moving down his body.
“You don’t have to do that,” he says, watching me.
“Wouldn’t that be rude?” I smirk. Knox shakes his head, a smile on his face as I grab the base of his cock and slowly pump it. I lower my head and wrap my lips around him. I can taste myself and that’s not something I’m used to. Lowering my head further, I suck him deeply. Knox growls as his hand finds my hair. I’ve never thought much about having a cock in my mouth but feeling him now, I can’t imagine it not.
I twirl my tongue, tasting him as I move. Knox tenses and before I know what’s happening, he’s coming down the back of my throat. I’m swallowing as much as I can, but even so, some filters from around my lips. Knox smirks as I pull his cock from my mouth. He reaches down, grabbing the sheet and wiping my mouth before dragging me up his body.
“Not used to that?”
“Not that much,” I giggle. Knox sighs and pulls me against him like everything is perfect. In some other world maybe but not ours. Jeremy is still out there. He still wants me dead. There’s still a threat and I still don’t know what’s happening to me. My head is a mess and the whiplash of Knox is making me dizzy.
“I won’t let him hurt you, Liz.”
“You can’t promise that. No one can. Running is what I do.”
“Aren’t you tired of running? Don’t you want to settle down in one place?” he asks as he absentmindedly runs his hand up and down my back.
“I’ve never had that. I wouldn’t know if that’s something I’d enjoy or not. I watched her, drugged out of her mind, Knox. She wasn’t my mom. She was… someone else. It hurt to see that and I tried to stay away as much as I could. I didn’t want to see her like that. Running was what got me through it even back then. Her boyfriends, or dealers, whatever the hell you want to call them, weren’t as nice as most guys.”
“They hurt you.” It isn’t a question, he already knows.
“Not like you’d think. They hit me. Tried to sleep with me but they never did.”
“She wasn’t a drug addict, Liz.”
“Yes, she was. I was there,” I tell him.
“He did it on purpose. Jeremy. He had her drugged up around you so you would stay away. You were in his way, Liz. That’s it,” he says softly.
“What do you mean?”
“I… this doesn’t make sense. I didn’t know she had life insurance.”
“She did. Two million,” he adds.
“Dollars?” I gasp loudly. Knox laughs before shoving himself up the bed and leaning against the headboard.
“That’s all he wants.” He shrugs.
“He killed her for money?”
“Money, power,” he says with another shrug. Then it all hits me. He’s just like him. He is no different than Jeremy. I’ve heard the whispered stories. The ones about them killing their dad. I’ve heard it all but I didn’t want to believe it. What am I doing? What am I getting myself into with him? I slowly shift away and grab the discarded t-shirt, pulling it over my head, then I move off the bed. I can feel him watching me but he doesn’t say a word as I turn the doorknob and leave the room. My stomach is rolling and I can’t seem to think straight. How did I think he was different?
“Leaving so soon?” Steele asks, standing at the end of the hall with his arms crossed over his chest. His sweatpants hang from his hips, his tattoos on full display. It shouldn’t be allowed, the fact that they look this good and are so damn evil.
“You’re all just like him,” I say. Steele waits, an eyebrow raised when I feel Knox behind me.
“What difference does it make?” I spin around and pin him with my gaze. What difference does it make? How can he even ask me that?
“You kill! You kill for money, for power! You are just like him!”
“I’m not him,” Knox says, keeping his eyes on mine. There is no sign of hatred, no sign that he even cares what I’m saying about him right now. Because he doesn’t care. Why would he? Knox knows full well who he is.
“You’re just like him!” I scream louder. Anger creeps through my veins and I can’t seem to stop it. How could this be happening? “What did you agree to do for him?” His eyes stay on mine, never moving. Those oceans of blue hold me hostage, drowning me in their depths. The slow dark smirk that crosses his face should tell me enough and yet I wait.
