by Sara Orwig
She unlocked her door and he closed and locked it behind them, following her into a spacious living area with beige-and-white decor that was similar to the suite he had. The entire inn had a homey appearance with maple furniture, old-fashioned pictures, needlepoint-covered throw pillows, rocking chairs in the living areas and fireplaces with gas logs.
“Have a seat, please. Do you want anything to drink?” she asked.
“Oh, yeah. Have any whiskey?”
“No. There’s a bottle of wine,” she replied, her voice cold and grim.
“That’s okay. I’ll pass. Have you been to a doctor yet?”
“Yes. That’s where I went today,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper. “I couldn’t go to a doctor here in Royal where I know everybody and they know me. If they don’t know me, a lot of people recognize me now from seeing me on television.”
She sat perched on the edge of a wing chair that seemed to dwarf her. He studied her in silence and she gazed back. Her hands were knotted together, her knuckles white; once again she had lost her color. He suspected if he touched her she would be ice-cold.
He was in such shock he couldn’t even think. This was the last possible thing he thought would happen to him. Actually, he’d thought it was impossible.
“You’re certain you’re pregnant?”
“Yes, Aaron, I am. There isn’t really much to talk about right now. It’s probably best you think about it before you start talking to me. I know this is a shock.”
He stared at her. She was right in that he needed to think, to adjust to what had happened. It was a huge upheaval, bigger even than the storm, where he had merely come in afterward to try to help. Now he had his own storm in his life and he wondered if he could ever pick up the pieces.
She looked determined. Her chin was tilted up and she had a defiant gleam in her eyes. He realized he had been entirely focused on himself and the shock of discovering that he would be a father. He needed to consider Stella.
He crossed the room and pulled her to her feet, wrapping his arms around her. She stood stiffly in his embrace and gazed up at him.
“Stella, one thing I don’t have to think about—I’m here for you. I know it’s going to be hard, but let’s try to reason this out and avoid worry. First, you’re not alone. I want—”
She placed her finger on his lips. “Do not make any kind of commitment tonight. Not even a tiny one. You’ve had a shock, just as I had, and it takes a bit of time to adjust to this. Don’t do something foolish on the spur of the moment. Don’t do something foolish because of honor. I know you’re a man of honor—Cole has said that and he knows you well. It shows, too, in things you’ve done to help the people here.”
“You’ve had a head start on thinking about this and the future,” he said, listening to her speech. “Stella, I don’t have to think about this all night. It seems pretty simple and straightforward. We were drawn to each other enough for a baby to happen.”
He took her cold hands in his. Her icy hands indicated her feelings and he wanted to reassure her. He saw no choice here.
“Stella, this is my responsibility. I want to marry you.”
She closed her eyes for a moment as if he had given her terrible news. When she opened them to look up at him, she shook her head.
“Thank you, but no, we will not get married. I didn’t want you to know until I decided what I would do. I knew you would propose the minute you learned about my pregnancy.”
“I don’t see anything wrong with that. Some women would be happy to get a proposal,” he said, wondering if she was thinking this through. “I’m not exactly repulsive to you or poor husband material, am I?”
“Don’t be absurd. There’s something huge that’s wrong with proposing tonight—within the hour you’ve discovered you’ll be a father. We’re not in love, Aaron. Neither one of us has ever said ‘I love you’ to the other.”
“That doesn’t mean we can’t fall in love.”
She frowned and her lips firmed as she stared at him and shook her head. “There was no love between my parents. I don’t think there ever was,” she said. “They had the most miserable, awful marriage. There was no physical abuse or anything like that. There were just tantrums, constant bickering, tearing each other down verbally. My sister and I grew up in a tense, unhappy household. I don’t ever want to be in that situation. I’ll have to be wildly in love to marry someone. My sister and her husband are, and it’s a joy to be around them. They love each other and have a happy family. I couldn’t bear a marriage without love and I don’t want you to be in that situation, either. We’re not in love. We barely know each other. We’ll work this out, but marriage isn’t the way.”
He pulled her close against him to hold her while they stood there quietly. “Look, Stella, we’re not your parents. I can’t imagine either one of us treating the other person in such a manner.”
She stood stiffly in his arms and he felt he couldn’t reach her. He’d had his second shock when she turned down his offer of marriage. It didn’t occur to him that she wouldn’t marry him. Now there were two shocks tonight that hit him and left him reeling.
“You got pregnant when we were together in October,” he said.
“Yes,” she whispered.
He tilted her face up to look into her eyes. He caressed her throat, letting his fingers drift down her cheek and around to her nape. He felt the moment she relaxed against him. The stiffness left her and he heard her soft sigh.
“I didn’t want you to know yet,” she whispered.
“Maybe it’s best I do. We’ll work through this together,” he said.
As he looked into her wide blue eyes, he became more aware of her soft curves pressed against him. His gaze lowered to her lips and his heart beat faster as desire kindled.
“Stella,” he whispered, leaning closer. When his lips brushed hers, she closed her eyes.
He wrapped his arms more tightly around her, pulling her closer against him as he kissed her. It started as a tender kiss of reassurance. But then his mouth pressed more firmly against hers as his kiss became passionate. He wound his fingers in the bun at the back of her head and combed it out, letting the pins fall.
He wanted her. As far as he was concerned, their problem had a solution and it would only be a matter of time until she would see it. The moment that thought came to him, he remembered her strength in tough situations. If she said no to him, she might mean it and stick by it no matter what else happened.
She opened her eyes, stepping back. “Aaron, when we make love, I want it to be out of joy, not because of worry and concerns. Tonight’s not the night.”
Her hair had partially spilled over her shoulders and hung halfway down her back. A few strands were still caught up behind her head. Her lips had reddened from his kisses. Her disheveled appearance appealed to him and he wanted to draw her back into his embrace. Instead, he rested his hands lightly on her shoulders.
“You don’t have to be burdened with worry and concerns tonight,” he said. “We’re in this together.”
“Aaron, has anything ever set you back in your life?”
Her question was like a blow to his heart. She still hadn’t heard about Paula and Blake, and he still didn’t want to talk about them or his loss. Over the years, the pain had dulled, but it would never go away. Everyone had setbacks in life. Why would she think he had never had any? “All right, Stella. You want to be alone. I’ll leave you alone,” he said, turning to go. He had tried to do the right thing and been rebuffed for it.
“Aaron,” she said, catching up with him, “I know you’re trying to help me. I appreciate it. A lot of men would not have proposed. You’re one of the good guys.”
Realizing she needed time to think things through, he gazed at her. “I’m the dad. I’m not proposing just for your sake. It’s for mine, too. Stella, this baby coming into my life is a gift, not an obligation,” he said.
Her eyes widened with a startled expression and he real
ized she hadn’t looked at it from his perspective, other than to expect him to propose.
“We can do better than this,” he said, pulling her into his arms to kiss her again, passionately determined to get past her worries and fears.
For only a few seconds she stood stiffly in his arms and then she wrapped her arms around him, pressing against him and kissing him back until he felt she was more herself again and their problems were falling into a better perspective.
As their kiss deepened, his temperature jumped. He forgot everything except Stella in his arms while desire blazed hotly.
Leaning back slightly, he caressed her throat, his hands sliding down over her cotton blouse. He didn’t think she could even feel his touch through the blouse, but she took a deep breath and her eyes closed as she held his forearms. Her reaction made him want to peel away the blouse, but he was certain she would stop him. He slipped his hand to the top button while he caressed her with his other hand. As he twisted the button free, she clutched his wrist.
“Wait, Aaron,” she whispered.
He kissed away her protest, which had sounded faint and halfhearted anyway. He ran his fingers through her hair, combing it out, feeling more pins falling as the locks tumbled down her back.
“You look pretty with your hair down,” he whispered.
She turned, maybe to answer. Instead, he kissed her and stopped any conversation.
“I want to love you all night. I will soon, Stella. I want to kiss and hold you,” he whispered when the kiss subsided.
She moaned softly as he twisted free another button, his hand sliding beneath her blouse to cup her breast.
She gasped, kissing him, clinging to him. He wanted to pick her up, carry her to bed, but he suspected she would end their kisses and tell him good-night.
She finally stepped back. “We were headed to the door.”
He combed long strands of brown hair from her face. “I’ll go, but sometime soon, you’ll want me to stay. I’ll see you in the morning.” He started out the door and turned back. “Don’t worry. If you can’t sleep, call me and we’ll talk.”
She smiled. “Thanks, Aaron. Thanks for being you.”
He studied her, wondering about her feelings, wondering where they were headed, because he could imagine her sticking to the decisions she had already made involving their future. “Just don’t forget I’m half the parent equation.”
“I couldn’t possibly forget,” she said, standing in the open doorway with him.
“Good night,” he said, brushing a light kiss on her lips and going to his suite.
When he got there, he went straight to the kitchen and poured himself a glass of whiskey. Setting the bottle and his drink on the kitchen table, he pulled out his billfold. As he sat, he took a long drink. He opened the wallet and looked at a picture of Paula holding Blake. Aaron’s insides knotted.
“I love you,” he whispered. “I miss you. I’m going to be a dad again. I never thought that would happen. It doesn’t take away one bit of love from either of you. That’s the thing about love—there’s always more.”
He felt the dull pain that had been a part of him since losing Paula and Blake. “This isn’t the way it was supposed to be. I know, if you were here, you’d tell me to snap out of it, to marry her and be the best dad possible.” He paused a moment and stared at the photo. “Paula, Blake, I love you both. I miss you.”
He dropped his billfold and put his head in his hands, closing his eyes tightly against the hurt. He got a grip on his emotions, wiped his eyes and took a deep breath. He was going to be a dad again. In spite of all the tangled emotions and Stella’s rejection of his proposal, he felt a kernel of excitement. He would be a dad—it was a small miracle. A second baby of his own. How would he ever persuade Stella to marry him? She wanted love and marriage.
He could give her marriage. He would have to try to persuade her to settle for that. Just marriage. A lot of women would jump at such a chance. One corner of his mouth lifted in a grin and he held up his drink in a toast to an imaginary companion. “Here’s to you, Stella, on sticking to your convictions and placing a premium on old-fashioned love. You’ll be a good mother for our child.”
So far, in working with her, Stella had proved to be levelheaded, practical and very intelligent. That gave him hope.
He finished his drink and poured one more, capping the bottle. Then he stood up and put it away. He started to pocket his billfold, but he paused to open it and look once more at the picture of his baby son. As always, he felt a hollow emptiness, as if his insides had been ripped out. Now he was going to have another baby—another little child, his child. It was a miracle to him, thrilling.
Stella had to let him be a part of his child’s life. It was a chance to be a dad again, to have a little one, a son or daughter to raise. In that moment, he cared. He wanted Stella to marry him or let him into the life of his child in some way. He wasn’t giving up a second child of his. One loss was too many. He sure as hell didn’t plan to lose the second baby. He would have to court Stella until she just couldn’t say no. He had to try to win her love.
As much as he hurt, he still had to smile. Stella wouldn’t go for any insincere attempt to fake love or conjure it up where it didn’t exist.
He had to make her fall in love with him and that might not be so easy when he didn’t know whether he could ever really love her in return.
* * *
The next morning Stella was supposed to have breakfast with Aaron, but he called and told her to go ahead because he’d be late. A few minutes after she’d settled in and ordered, she watched him cross the dining room to her table. He was dressed for a day of helping the cleanup effort in jeans, an R&N sweatshirt and cowboy boots. Even in the ordinary clothes, he looked handsome and her heart began racing at her first glimpse of him. The father of her baby. She was beginning to adjust to the idea of being pregnant even though she had slept little last night.
“Sorry. You shouldn’t have waited. Did you order from the menu or are you going with the buffet?”
“I’ve ordered from the menu and I didn’t wait,” she said, smiling.
“I’ll get the buffet and be right back.”
While they ate, Aaron sipped his coffee. “So, did you sleep well last night?” he asked.
“Fine,” she replied, taking a dainty bite of yellow pineapple.
“Shall I try again? Did you get any sleep last night?”
She stared at him. “How do you know I didn’t?”
“You’re a scrupulously honest person so prevarication isn’t like you. You were a little too upset to sleep well.”
“If you must know, I didn’t sleep well. Did you?”
“Actually, pretty good after I thought things through.”
“I’m glad. By the way, today after work, I’ll try to get something together for the presentation in Lubbock tomorrow. Please tell me this is a small group.”
“This is a small group,” he said, echoing her words.
She wasn’t convinced. “Aaron, is this a large or small group?”
“It’s what I’d call in-between.”
“That’s a real help,” she said. He grinned and took her hand in his to squeeze it lightly.
“All you need is an opening line and a closing line. You know the stuff in between. You’ll be fine. I know what I’m talking about. And so will you, so just relax,” he said, his eyes warm and friendly. She would be glad to have his support for the afternoon.
When they finished breakfast and stood to go, she caught him studying her waist. She wore a tan skirt and matching blouse that was tucked in. She knew from looking intently in her mirror before she came down for breakfast, that her pregnancy still didn’t show in her waist and that her stomach was as flat as ever.
His gaze flew up to meet hers. “You don’t look it,” he said quietly.
“Not yet. I will,” she replied, and he nodded.
They walked out together and climbed into Aaron’s car.
He dropped her off at the temporary headquarters for town hall and drove away to go to the Cattleman’s Club. Today she would be overseeing the effort to sort records that had been scattered by the storm. She wondered how many months—or worse, years—of vital records they would find. She hoped no one’s life changed for the worse because of these lost records.
Stella entered the makeshift office that had been set up for recovered documents. The room held long tables covered with boxes labeled for various types of documents. As Stella put her purse away, Polly Hadley appeared with a box filled with papers that she placed on a cleared space on a desk.
“Good morning, Stella. You’re just in time,” her fellow administrative assistant said. “Here’s another box of papers to sort through. I glanced at a few of these when I found them. What I saw was important,” Polly said.
“I’m thankful for each record we find.”
“Most of these papers were beneath part of a stockade fence.”
“Heaven knows where the fence came from,” Stella said.
“I don’t want to think about how long we’ll be searching for files, papers, records. Some of these were never stored electronically.”
“Some records that were stored electronically are destroyed now,” Stella stated as she pulled the box closer. “We’ll just do the best we can. Thank goodness so many people are helping us.”
“I’ll be back with more.” Polly smiled as she left the makeshift office.
Stella picked up a smudged stack of stapled papers from the top of the pile and looked at them, sighing when she saw they were adoption papers. A chill slithered down her spine as she thought again of important documents they might not ever find. She smoothed the wrinkled papers and placed them in a box of other papers relating to adoptions. She picked up the next set of papers and brushed away smudges of dirt as she read, her thoughts momentarily jumping back to breakfast with Aaron. In some ways it was a relief to have him know the truth. If only he would give her room to make decisions—that was a big worry. As for dinner with him tonight—she just hoped he didn’t persist about marriage.
