by Sara Orwig
“Aaron hasn’t told you? You didn’t know that?” Paige asked, frowning. “I thought that was general knowledge. It happened years ago. Maybe I know more about Aaron because of his connection to Cole and Craig.”
Stella stared into space, stunned by Paige’s revelation. “He’s never told me,” she said, talking more to herself than Paige. She realized Paige had asked her a question and looked at her. “I’m sorry. What did you say?”
“I’m surprised he hasn’t told you. I’ve always known— Cole and I went to the service. A lot of people in Royal knew. I think his baby was a little over a year old. The little boy and Aaron’s wife were killed in a traffic accident. It was sudden—one of those really bad things. He’s been single since then. It was six or seven years ago. A long time. I don’t think he’s dated much since, but I know the two of you have been together. I figured that’s because of the storm.”
“He doesn’t talk about his private life or his past and I don’t ask. I figure he’ll tell me what he wants me to know.”
“Men don’t talk about private things as much. Aaron may be one of those who doesn’t talk at all. I know at one point Craig said Aaron was having a tough time dealing with his loss.”
“Paige, I just stayed at his house in Dallas this week. I didn’t see any pictures of a wife and child.”
“He may not have any. That wouldn’t occur to some men.”
“Maybe. I also wasn’t all over the house. I was just in the back part and the guest bedroom. We didn’t even eat there.”
“Well, then, it would be easy to not see any pictures. Especially if he has a big house like Cole. Sorry if finding out about his wife and child upset you.”
“Oh, don’t be silly. It’s common knowledge as you said. I’m glad to know. He’s just never talked to me about it. It does explain some things about him. Well, back to this Christmas drive—” Stella said, trying for now to put Aaron and his past out of her thoughts and concentrate on working out last-minute details of the event with Paige.
They worked another fifteen minutes before saying goodbye. Stella watched Paige walk away, a slender, willowy figure with sunlight glinting on her auburn hair, highlighting red strands.
Stella sat in the car, still stunned over Aaron’s never mentioning his loss. Now she had the explanation for the barrier he kept between himself and others, the door he closed off when conversations or situations became too personal.
No wonder he held back about personal relationships—he was still in love with his late wife. And he’d lost his baby son. That’s why babies were so special to him. Stella was unaware of the tears running down her cheeks. She had to stop seeing so much of Aaron. She couldn’t cut him out of her life completely because of their baby, but she saw no future in going out with him. She didn’t want to keep dating, because she was falling more deeply in love with him all the time while his emotions, love and loyalties were still back with the wife and child he had lost. She was glad he loved them, but he should have leveled with her.
Tears fell on the back of her hand and she realized she was crying. “Aaron, why didn’t you tell me?” she whispered. If he really loved her, he would have shared this hurt with her, shared that very private bit of himself. Love didn’t cut someone off and shut them out.
She wiped her hand and got a tissue to dry her eyes and her cheeks. Knowing she would have to pay attention to her driving, she focused on the car lot as she turned the key in the ignition.
She drove to the Cozy Inn and stepped out of the car, gathering packages to take inside. She hoped she didn’t see Aaron before she reached her suite. She wanted to compose herself, think about what she would say.
She would have to make some decisions about her life with Aaron.
She would see him tonight at dinner. Once again her life was about to change. The sad part was that she would have to start to cut Aaron out of it and see far less of him.
Stella was tempted to confront him with the information she’d learned and ask why he hadn’t told her, but instead she wanted him to tell her voluntarily without her asking about it. There was no way she would accept his marriage proposal when he didn’t even trust her enough to tell her something that vital. And if he still loved his first wife with all his heart, Stella didn’t want to marry him.
Sadly, he wasn’t ready to marry again—at least not for love. He had to love his late wife and child enormously still, maybe to the point of being unable to let go and face that they had gone out of his life forever.
Deep inside, her feelings for him crashed and shattered.
Eight
For their dinner tonight, Stella wore one of her new sweaters—a pale blue V-neck—and black slacks. She wore his gold-leaf necklace and bracelet but fought tears when she put the jewelry on.
She went to meet him, her body tingling at the sight of him while eagerness tinged with sadness gripped her as she crossed the Cozy Inn lobby. Aaron was in a black sweater, jeans and boots. She really just wanted to walk into his embrace, but she had to get over even wanting to do so.
“You’re gorgeous, Stella. I’ve missed seeing you all day.”
She smiled at him as he took her arm. As soon as they were seated, she picked up a menu.
After they ordered and were alone, he looked at her intently, his gaze slowly traveling over her. “I can’t get used to the change in you. I’ve seen women change hairdos, men shave their heads and grow mustaches, a lot of things that transform appearances, but yours is the biggest change I’ve ever seen. I never expected you to change this much. It’s fabulous.”
“Thank you,” she said, beginning to wonder if he would lose interest if she returned to looking the way she always had. The minute she thought about it, she remembered that it wouldn’t matter because she was going to see him less often.
“Several people have called to thank me for getting you on television because they’ve found the agency they need for help.”
“Good,” she said. It was the first bright bit of news since she had sat down to dinner with him.
“Club members have been getting word out that the entire town is invited to the TCC Christmas festival, so I think we will have a big turnout.”
“That is wonderful,” she said. “It should be a happy time for people,” she said. “For a little while that evening, maybe they can all forget their losses and celebrate the season. I know it’s fleeting, but it’s better than nothing.”
“It’s a lot better than nothing. It will help people so much and kids will have a great time. Some of the women are beginning to plan games and things they can do for the kids. It’ll be an evening to look back on when we all pulled together and had a great time.”
“That’s good,” she said, and then thought of his loss, sorry that Christmas was probably a bad time for Aaron.
She felt responsible for him staying in Royal for the holidays. She didn’t think he would be if she hadn’t talked about how it would help others if he would stay and do things for people who needed something at holiday time.
She didn’t want to deliberately hurt him. But it had ended between them as far as she was concerned. She had to get over him even though she had fallen in love with him.
How long would it take her to get over Aaron?
“Did you buy a dress for the Christmas festival?” he asked.
“Aaron, I already had a dress,” she said, beginning to wonder if he was wound up in her new persona and really didn’t have that much interest in the former plain Jane that she was. It was a little annoying. Was he not going to like her if she reverted to her former self? She suspected it didn’t matter, because after the Christmas festival she didn’t expect to continue the intimate relationship they had. She would see him because of their baby, but it would be a parental relationship and not what they had now. She might be with him a lot where their child was concerned, but they wouldn’t be having an affair and she wasn’t going to marry a man who was still in love with his deceased wife. Aaron could
n’t even talk to her about his wife and baby, so he hadn’t let go at all.
“I think you should have something new and special,” he said, breaking into her thoughts.
“Don’t go shopping for a dress for me,” she said. “I have a new dress for the festival I got at Cecilia’s shop.”
Three people stopped by their table to talk to her and tell her what a great job she had done on television Saturday. As the third one walked away, Aaron smiled at her. “I can see the butterflies are completely gone to another home.”
“Yes, they are. Thanks to you.”
“No, Stella. You did that yourself. You’re the one who’s developed poise to deal with people. You’re the one who’s talking to people, telling them what happened, telling people here how to get help. Oh, no. This isn’t me. It’s you. You have more confidence now and you’re handling things with more certainty. You’ve brought about the changes in yourself. Maybe not hair and makeup, but confidence and self-assurance, making some of the tough decisions that have to be made about who gets help first. No, this is something you’ve done yourself.”
“Thanks for the vote of confidence.”
“I’ve had several people ask me if I would talk to you about stepping in as acting mayor. They’re going to have to find someone soon.”
“Now that position I’m not qualified for,” she said firmly.
“Of course, you are. You’re already doing the job. Take a long look at yourself,” he said, and his expression was serious, not the cocky friendliness that he usually exhibited.
“I see an administrative assistant.”
“Look again, Stella. The administrative assistant disappeared the afternoon of the storm. You’re all but doing Mayor Vance’s job now. And I checked. The role will end before you have your baby next summer, so that won’t be a problem.”
She was thinking half about the job and half about Aaron, who looked incredible. How was she going to break things off with him?
All she had to do was remember than he had not recovered from his loss enough to even talk about it. He could not love anyone else and she hadn’t changed her views of marrying without love. She wasn’t going to do it.
They ate quietly. She listened to him talk about Royal and the things that had happened in the past few days. Finally, he leaned back in his chair, setting down his glass of water while he gazed at her.
“You’re quiet. You’ve hardly said two words through dinner.”
“Part of it was simply listening to you and learning what happened while we were in Dallas. I’m worn-out from the whirlwind week coming on top of everything else I’ve been doing.”
“I think it’s more than that. You weren’t this quiet yesterday.”
They stared at each other and she then looked down at her lap. “Aaron, tomorrow I move back to my town house. We have the festival coming up and we’re going together. I want to get through that without any big upsets in my life.”
“Why do I feel I’m part of what might be a big upset in your life? I don’t see how I can be, but I don’t think you’d be so quiet with me if I wasn’t.”
“I think it would be better if we talk when we’re upstairs. This really isn’t the place.”
“I’d say that’s incentive to get going,” he said. “Are you ready?”
“Yes,” she said. When she stood up, he held her arm lightly and led her from the dining room, stopping to say something to the maître d’ and then rejoining her.
At her door to her suite, she invited him inside. When they were in the living room, she turned to face him. “What would you like to drink?”
He shook his head as he closed the space between them. He drew her close to kiss her. She melted into his arms, her heart thudding as she kissed him. She wound her arms around him to hold him close, kissing him in return, her resolutions nagging while she ignored them to kiss him.
She ran her fingers in his short, thick hair at the back of his head. She didn’t want to stop kissing. She wanted him in her bed all night long. She thought about his loss and knew she couldn’t keep spending days and nights with him or she would be so hopelessly in love she would be unable to say no to him.
Finally she stepped back. Both of them were breathing hard. She felt a tight pang and wanted him badly. Just one more night—the thought taunted her. It was tempting to give in, to step back into his arms and kiss him and forget all the problems.
In the long run, it would be better to break it off right now. She wouldn’t be hurt as much. She didn’t think he would ever love anyone except the first wife. It had been long enough for him to adjust to his loss better than he had. No one ever got over it, they just learned to deal with it and go on with life.
She could imagine how desperately he wanted this baby after losing his first one. She suspected before long he would start showering her with more presents and pressuring her to marry him—and it would be because of their baby.
She would be glad to have him in their baby’s life, but that was where it would have to stop. She couldn’t go into a loveless marriage just to please Aaron.
She stared at him, making sure she had his attention and he wasn’t thinking about kissing her again. “I can’t do this, Aaron. We’re not wildly in love. I think this is a purely physical relationship. Frankly, it’s lust. If we keep it up, I might fall in love with you.”
“So what’s wrong with that picture,” he said, frowning and placing one hand on his hip.
“Because I don’t think you’re going to fall in love. This is a physically satisfying relationship that you can walk away from at any point in time. Emotionally, you’re not in it. I don’t want that. I don’t want to be in love with a man who isn’t in love with me in return.”
“I might fall in love and I think we’ve been good together, and I think I’ve been good with you and to you, Stella.”
“You’ve been fantastic and so very good to me. I don’t want to stop seeing you, I just want to back off and take a breather from the heavy sex. That isn’t like me and I can’t do that without my emotions getting all entangled.”
His frown disappeared and he stepped closer to place one hand lightly on her hip. “I can back off. Are you going to still let me kiss you?”
His question made her feel ridiculous. “As if I could stop you.”
“I don’t use force,” he said as he leaned forward to brush a light kiss on her lips. “Okay, so we don’t go to bed together. You’ll set the parameters and send me home when you want me to go. In the meantime, kisses are good. Don’t cut me off to the point where we don’t even have a chance to fall in love,” he whispered as he brushed kisses on her throat, her ear, the corner of her mouth.
She should have been more firm with him, but when he started talking, standing so close, his eyes filled with desire, his voice lowering, coaxing—she couldn’t say no or tell him to leave. She would have to sometime during the night, but not for a few minutes. There wasn’t any point in ending seeing him before Christmas, because they were going to be thrown together constantly and she didn’t want a pall hanging over them.
And she couldn’t ever end it entirely because of their baby.
His kiss deepened as his arms tightened around her, holding her against him. He was aroused, kissing her passionately, and she stopped thinking and kissed him in return.
Finally he picked her up. She was about to protest when he sat in the closest chair and held her on his lap, but ended up forgetting her protest and wrapping her arms around his neck to continue kissing him. How was she going to protect her heart?
His hand went beneath her sweater to caress her and in minutes he had both hands on her. When he slipped her sweater over her head, she caught his wrists, taking her sweater from him to pull it on again and slide off his lap.
“Aaron, let’s say good-night,” she said, facing him as she straightened her sweater.
“This is really what you want?” he asked.
“Tonight, it is. I need some space
to think and sort out things.”
He nodded. “Sure. Maybe you just need some time off. It’s been a great week, Stella. You’ve done so much. You’ve been a great representative for Royal.”
“Thanks. Thanks for everything,” she whispered, scared she would cry or tell him to stay for the night or, worse, walk back into his arms, which was what she wanted.
“See you in the morning, hon,” he said, brushing a kiss on her cheek and leaving.
She closed the door behind him and touched her cheek with her hand while tears spilled over. She loved him and this was going to be hard. After Christmas she would break up with him. But she wasn’t ruining Christmas for either one of them. Suppose she had a little boy who looked like Aaron and was a reminder of his daddy every day of his life?
She had expected Christmas to be so wonderful. Instead, she was beginning to wonder how she would get through it
“Aaron,” she whispered, knowing she was in love. He had been so good to her, helping her in multiple ways, changing her life, really. He was a good guy, honorable, loyal, fun to be with, sexy, loving. Was she making a mistake sending him away? Should she live with him and hope that someday he would love her? Was not telling her about his family an oversight—did he think she already knew because so many did?
She doubted it. She thought it was what gave him the shuttered look, what caused him to throw up an invisible barrier. He still had his heart shut away in memories and loss and she couldn’t reach it, much less ever have his love.
* * *
Aaron lay in bed in the dark, tossing and turning, his thoughts stormy. He missed Stella. He wanted to make love to her, wanted just to be with her. It was obvious something was bothering her. Why wouldn’t she just tell him and let them work it out?
Had it been the gifts? Did she want an engagement ring, instead?
He had proposed that first night he learned she was pregnant, but she had turned him down and she would until he declared he loved her and made a commitment to her with his whole heart. Without talking about it, he knew she was bothered and scared she was falling in love and he wouldn’t love her in return.
