by Mia Hoddell
“Clearly you need more of a beating seeing as you haven’t learnt your lesson.”
“What lesson is that?”
“To wear underwear! Seriously, have you forgotten all of last night or something?”
“It’s common for guys to go commando.” He smirked at me and I knew he was about to say something I wasn’t going to like. “Saves time when—”
“Seriously?” I shouted, covering my ears. I did not want to think about Dustin in that way. I could already feel the heat prickling my cheeks.
He chuckled. “I was going to say when going to the toilet.”
His grin told me otherwise. Dustin didn’t get around a lot, but that didn’t make him a monk. He was just a one woman type of guy.
“Sure you were. Anyway, I’m going. That was all I came in here to say.”
Hurrying from the room, I fled to my bedroom and shut the door behind me. Moving over to my wardrobe, I took on the second challenge of the day: choosing an outfit. If there had been a course on how to dress so a person could walk through a building unnoticed I’d have been the first to sign up. Not that I needed it by this point. It had taken me a few months, but my talent was almost perfect now after a year. I could move seamlessly in and out of classes without being seen.
I was the girl people knew of, but never saw. If they saw me, they never heard me.
On the rare occasions when I was forced to be around people, I did the bare minimum. I made sure to join in conversations every now and then, though it wasn’t enough to become actively involved. I’d found remaining silent drew more attention to myself. People were wary of those who didn’t speak, and it was human nature to try and draw them into the conversation. By carefully planning my comments, I avoided any of that and sank into the background where I felt happiest. People forgot I was even around.
Puffing out my cheeks, I stared at the mountain of clothes in my wardrobe. Ignoring the few dresses and skirts I hadn’t worn in months, I headed straight for my skinny jeans and plain, pastel coloured t-shirts. Rain once again poured outside the window, living up to the typical British summer weather of warm, wet, and muggy. It made finding an outfit nearly impossible. The rain made it damp and the warm temperatures made it humid. Shorts were out of the question, yet jeans became uncomfortable after a while. Still, they were the better option considering I was going to be walking around the Braxton F1 factory as part of my Media and Journalism course. I had managed to catch up after what happened last year. With Dustin’s help and the maintenance loan I received from the government to help with living costs, I hadn’t needed to look for a job and was now in my last term before graduating.
Showering and changing as fast as I could, when I was ready I headed for the kitchen. I opened the cupboard where I stored my unhealthy pile of fudge to pull out the mint chocolate swirl I’d been craving since last night. Placing it in my bag, I grabbed my keys and headed out the door with a quick goodbye to Dustin.
* * *
I’d picked Nadine up on my way to the factory and we were now both sitting in the car park, hoping the rain would stop. It was coming down too strong for an umbrella to be of any use, and neither of us wanted to make a mad dash across to the building if possible.
“I don’t think it’s going to end anytime soon,” I grumbled, glancing up at the sky. The thick, dark grey clouds stretched as far as the eye could see, preventing most light from seeping through. Not one line cracked through to allow us to believe our hope wasn’t in vain. It remained a continuous mass of grey, dense with water and ready to pour down heavier upon us as soon as we stepped out of the car. It did help me stall for a few more minutes, though, and Nadine knew it.
“Come on; Dustin said he wasn’t even back in the country yet.”
Yeah, he had. That didn’t mean I was comfortable stepping into the factory of the team Teo raced for.
“Raine, am I going to have to call Dustin?”
“No, I’m fine. I’m being silly.” With a quick glance around the car park to make sure no one else was around, I unlocked my door. Nadine did the same and then we were sprinting towards the enormous glass wall that contained the front door. Keeping my head down and shielding my eyes with my hand, I ran on ahead and left Nadine squealing behind me.
The sensor triggered as I neared, the doors opened automatically, and we both barrelled into the reception area. Nadine cursed, running her hands through her hair and shaking herself out like a dog. I chose to wipe my face and resign myself to the fact I wasn’t getting dry anytime soon; there was nothing I could do to correct my puddle-like state.
“Ugh, I can’t wait to leave this country as soon as I graduate,” Nadine muttered, scowling at a strand of hair that refused to untangle from the knot it had twisted into. “I’m only looking for jobs that take me abroad and give me the sun.”
“Tell me about it.”
We walked over to the reception desk, and after signing in, the grey-haired woman handed over our passes for the day and gestured to the room our group was waiting in.
I pushed Nadine in front of me as we slipped into the room and remained behind her until everyone had stopped looking at us. The murmur of conversation soon picked back up when people realised we were nobody interesting, yet it was soon silenced again by our professor arriving with our tour guide.
After the usual spiel of what we were and weren’t allowed to do, they led us around the factory. I knew from past experiences with Teo that most of the building was inaccessible to the public due to the secrecy over the technology they were developing. That meant the rooms our guide showed us were ones nothing exciting happened in.
It didn’t take me long to become so bored I was literally dragging my feet along the floor. Each step felt like I was hauling one of those oversized cannonballs you see in cartoons behind me, and it only increased in size with every step. Even if I hadn’t grown up around the sport and knew everything I was being told, the guy’s nasal voice was enough to send anyone to sleep. He repeated monotonous scripts he’d memorised with little animation.
Nadine glanced across at me and fake yawned, rolling her eyes back into her head while I attempted to stifle my smile.
“Want to find something more exciting to look at?” she whispered, her hand already circling my wrist. Despite knowing I didn’t have a choice, I still shook my head. The last thing I wanted to do was wander around the factory my ex worked in. It would only take one person to recognise me for it to get back to Teo.
“Come on, it’ll be fun. We can meet up with them in the cafeteria later. It’s not like you don’t know all of this stuff already.”
Leaving me with the choice to make a scene or go with her, I reluctantly stepped away from the group to follow her. I was beginning to regret my need to remain at the back of crowds. No one noticed us slipping away in the opposite direction and back towards the sound of voices we’d heard minutes ago.
A partially open door allowed us a brief glimpse at the rows of chairs filled with men and women in suits. It didn’t take a genius to know what was going on in there, because what good was a journalist who couldn’t recognise her own kind?
I placed a hand on Nadine’s shoulder. When she glanced back at me, I shook my head furiously, to which she replied to with a sour expression. Not one to be deterred, Nadine ignored me and pressed her nose into the gap. Rising up onto her toes, she tried to find the best angle to see as she slid up and down.
I could see what was going to happen a split second before it unfolded.
Nadine lost her balance.
Instinctively, her arms shot out in front of her to protect her face, knocking the door wide open. I couldn’t reach her shoulder in time to pull her back.
With a crash the door hit the wall, drawing all of the voices to a rapid stop as everyone swivelled in their chairs to stare at us. Looks of confusion and irritation all rounded on Nadine, only it wasn’t Nadine they could see.
She was crouched over and muttering about a broken na
il.
Their focus was entirely on me.
I shuffled, trying to release the nervous energy building within me while wondering whether it was best to flee or shrug it off. Fear lodged itself in my throat and every bone in my body wanted me to run. I trembled on the spot, my eyes wide and my lips open to form an “O.”
One set of eyes had me rooted in place.
Everything else ceased to exist. That single pair of warm brown eyes sent my heart into a tailspin.
My mouth suddenly became dry and I inhaled sharply. The urge to flee intensified within me.
He wasn’t supposed to be back. Dustin had told me he wasn’t back.
However, the well-built man behind the desk filled with sponsors who was now staring at me in a mixture of shock and annoyance said otherwise.
Teo was definitely in the country and he didn’t look happy to see me.
“Can we help you?”
My gaze was drawn briefly to the other side of the desk where Aston Hattersey sat, and my lip trembled at the sight of him. His voice was amplified around the room from the microphone fixed into the desk in front of him.
Within a split second my eyes darted back to Teo, looking to find even the slightest reassurance in his expression. I know I should have said something, explained why we were there, but words failed me. The nerves surging through my veins seized control of my vocal chords.
“I’m sorry, we’re in the middle of a press conference here. You need to leave.” This time the voice came from my right, where a man with salt and pepper hair closed in on us. I vaguely recognised him as Aston’s manager.
“Sorry, we were looking for the toilets,” Nadine said, pulling herself off the floor and flashing him a magazine worthy smile.
“Well, as you can see, they’re not here.”
“We’re sorry for interrupting.”
Teo stood. He took a single step in our direction and the movement triggered my flight instinct. Not giving him the opportunity to close the gap between us, I was out of the doorway and taking off down the corridor.
“Raine, wait!”
Footsteps thundered behind me, forcing me to run faster as my vision began tunnelling. Bouncing off the walls as I rounded corners, I attempted to trace my steps back to the exit through the labyrinth of hallways.
I could hear the footsteps growing louder, as if Nadine was right on my heels, but I couldn’t look without losing my rhythm.
Abruptly, I was jerked to a stop by a hand on my wrist. I spun at the touch, flinging my back against the wall with a scream. My movements were too fast to take anything in.
“What the fuck are you doing here?” The voice that snarled the words was not Nadine’s. Even full of malice I could never forget his tone. Despite that, my brain was no longer thinking logically.
I raised my hands instinctively to shield my face, the line between reality and my memories blurring. The brightly lit corridor was too tight and darkness encroached from every corner.
I was back in the alley. The rough bricks bit into my spine as I cowered into the building praying I could make myself invisible.
“No, not again,” I whimpered, my hands shaking. “Please, not again.”
In my mind they were coming at me, closing the distance.
No matter how tiny I made myself they could still see me.
“Don’t hurt me. Let me go!” White-hot panic rose in my chest, consuming me and fuelling the memory. Everything felt so similar, I wasn’t even seeing what was really in front of me.
The sound of shouts vaguely pushed through the wall of fear, then a softer, more feminine voice broke into my mind. “You’re okay, Raine.”
Like a blanket smothering flames, the panic rising within me lessened with every soothing word. Something warm embraced my body, drawing me into it and melting the tension.
“Open your eyes, Raine.” I could place the voice as Nadine’s now, the scent of jasmine pulling my eyes open. She’d taken a step back, holding me at arm’s length, yet I was still partially in my memory. The two worlds blurred, darkness clinging to the edges of reality.
“What colour’s the sky, Raine?”
With a deep, unsteady breath I tried to process her question among the haze to answer her.
“Blue.”
“What colour is the grass?”
“Green.” I could feel myself calming down, the fear receding.
“What colour’s my top?”
I blinked a few times, trying to clear the last of my darkness so I could focus on Nadine.
“Purple.”
“What colour are my eyes?”
Lifting my eyes to focus on her aquamarine gaze, the panic that had seized me finally released its hold. The darkness that had seeped into my vision vanished and I was back in the real world.
“My eyes, Raine. Focus on them. What colour are they?”
I didn’t know where she’d picked up the technique, and I didn’t care. It worked and that was all that mattered. The colours brought my mind back from the past by making me concentrate on objects around me. It distracted me and made me remember where I was, therefore allowing me to break free.
“Blue.”
As soon as I said the word she pulled me into her arms. I buried my face into the crook of her neck as she rubbed her hands up and down my spine in comfort until she felt me begin to relax against her.
“You’re okay,” she whispered soothingly. “You’re safe.”
Finally, I lifted my head from her shoulder and blinked back the tears blurring my vision. Swallowing hard, I made the conscious effort to calm my rapid breathing and pulse.
“What the hell was that? Can somebody please tell me what the fuck is going on?”
The unforgettable voice was once again in front me. Although it wasn’t filled with as much venom as before, there was still enough bite to the words that my body tensed. How was I meant to answer that question? I’d broken up with him to spare him this drama. I’d hidden it for a year, and now I’d blown it all in a minute. Teo was never meant to see me lose it, and for that reason I refused to acknowledge him. I kept my gaze downcast as I pulled away so I could whisper in Nadine’s ear.
“Let me go, Nadine. I need to leave.”
Sensing the panic rising in my voice once more, she dropped her grip. The second she no longer held onto me, I sprinted towards the exit I could now see. Shouts came from behind me, though unlike before no footsteps followed them.
Within minutes I was back in my car. Slamming the door shut behind me, I engaged the locks then tilted my head back against the threadbare seat. Screwing my eyes shut, I willed away the jumble of thoughts that were on a loop. Pictures of Teo’s face, the dark alley, and the group of men hunting me were the only images I could see. No matter how many distractions I threw at myself, they always broke through.
I didn’t know how much time had passed when a gentle knock on the window brought me out of my thoughts with a start. Glancing across to the passenger’s side, I saw Nadine crouched down and looking through the window, pointing at the lock.
Grudgingly, I opened the door for her and she slid into the seat.
“He wasn’t supposed to be here,” I whispered.
“I know, Raine. It surprised me to see him too.” She paused for a second. “You know he wasn’t going to hurt you, right?”
I nodded. “Everything was just too much. The people, the chasing, touching me, and his anger. Geez, he sounded so angry.”
“I’m not making excuses for him, or taking his side, but he kind of has the right to be angry.”
“That’s why I was never meant to see him again.”
“Did you really believe that would work? He’s Dustin’s brother, for crying out loud. You were bound to run into each other eventually.”
“Not before I said so, and he wasn’t meant to see me like that.” I leaned forward to rest my head on the steering wheel. “He probably thinks I’m crazy.”
Nadine placed her hand on my back, r
ubbing soothing circles over it. “It’ll all work out.”
I let out a groan and turned the key in the ignition. All I wanted was to get out of there. I needed the safety of my flat.
“Raine, are you okay to drive?”
“Of course,” I snapped, going on the defensive to prevent any more questions. I wanted to get out of there as fast as possible.
Chapter Four
Teo
I was furious when I first saw her standing in the doorway—at least once the shock wore off. At my workplace, no less! She couldn’t have picked a worse fucking time than when I was in front of the press trying to quell the bad publicity Hattersey managed to get the team on the first day of summer break. We didn’t need another scandal coming out, and the way I’d torn off after her had basically given the press all of the information they needed to tell them there was a bigger story there.
I hadn’t been thinking when I ran out of the conference room.
Well, that’s not strictly true. I had been thinking; they just weren’t very cohesive thoughts. It felt like someone had taken a sledgehammer to my gut when my eyes locked with hers. The piercing brown eyes that used to be full of teasing had stared at me with such fear and sorrow while her ruby lips were parted to allow her rapid breaths in and out of her lungs. Even with that expression she looked gorgeous, and I hated the slither of longing that mixed in with the anger and surged through me.
After a whole year spent trying to forget her, it was all for nothing. As soon as I arrived home she was thrown in my face, first by Dustin and then there she was, at my work.
It was a fucking joke.
She’d left me with no answers, no explanations, and no closure. I shouldn’t have desired her still. Then again, the heart wants what the heart wants. Seeing her only made me realise not one person I’d been with since lived up to Raine.
It had always been her.
An explanation seemed like a reasonable request after everything she’d put me through. If not so I could understand, so I could move on. I deserved to know why she broke off a two-year relationship the night I was leaving for the second leg of the Formula One calendar via a phone call. It was what made me run after her, but the reaction I received in the corridor freaked me the fuck out. Even though Nadine had blocked most of my view, the words Raine had screamed wouldn’t stop circling in my mind.
