“You’ve changed, Ginny,” she said firmly. “You have. Can you see that?” When I didn’t respond, she smiled at me. “I can see it, even if you can’t. You’re a different person, you really are.”
I couldn’t think what to say to that. Was she right, or just trying to make me feel better?
“Anyhow,” she said, turning back to the blanket. “I think you should just chill out here tonight and keep me company.”
And that’s exactly what I did.
Chapter Twenty-five
Thirty Weeks: You’re getting so close now! If you’re like the majority of mommies, your excitement is probably starting to compete with nerves as you consider the approaching birth! It’s a great idea to sit down with Daddy and come up with a birthing plan. How do you envision your baby’s birth? Will you use drugs or will you try it au natural? Would you like to try a water birth? Who will be in the delivery room with you? You probably also want to think about packing a hospital bag. Ladies, you don’t want to get stuck at the hospital without your cutest PJs or your must-have moisturizer!—Dr. Rebecca Carr, A Gal’s Guide to a Fabulous First Pregnancy!
“I don’t think I can watch this!” I told Annie seriously.
“If you can’t watch it, how are you going to be able to do it?” she asked.
“Who said I’m going to be able to do it?” I shot back.
“Of course you’ll be able to do it,” Jen scoffed. “Now shut up, and let’s at least try this.”
She sat on the couch between Annie and me and pointed the remote at the DVD player. “You ready?” she asked, sounding slightly nervous herself. I nodded mutely and she pressed play.
For the next ten minutes we sat in silent horror as we watched the most disgusting, disturbing, terrible scene I have ever seen in my life. I thought for sure I was going to throw up, but I was glued to the couch, frozen with shock. At last, Jen seemed unable to take anymore: she pressed the power button and our TV reverted to black screened safety.
“Are you kidding me?” I whispered. “That wasn’t real, was it?” I looked at my two best friends. Both of them looked every bit as terrified as I was.
“I think I’m going to be sick,” Annie muttered, putting her head in her hands. “I mean, that’s like, seriously fucked up.”
I was too horrified to mention that she owed me a dollar.
“They had to be exaggerating,” Jen finally said. “I mean, if childbirth is really like that, who on earth would ever willingly have a baby? The population would have died out ages ago.”
I could only pray she was right. Because there was absolutely no way in hell I was going to go through with…with that.
“Okay, so let’s be done with that,” Jen said, hurriedly putting the DVD back in its case. “What else did your doctor give you?’
I spread out the various forms and pamphlets on the coffee table. My doctor was encouraging me to come up with a birth plan. I thought that whole thing sounded kind of hokey, but when I told the girls about it, they insisted we try.
“Do people actually do this?” Annie asked in wonderment, staring at a pamphlet on water births.
“I guess so,” I said, shrugging.
“Are you interested in that?” Jen asked, looking over at the pamphlet skeptically.
“No,” I said, shaking my head. “No, no. I don’t want to go all earth mother here. I want sterile, efficient, standard hospital stuff. I don’t want to watch the baby come out, I don’t want to practice my breathing. I just want to get this crap over with.”
Jen started marking boxes on the form the doctor had given me. “What about your birth partner?” she asked.
“What the hell is a birth partner?” Annie asked.
“Fifty cents!” I pointed at her, causing her to stick out her tongue at me.
“The person who helps you in the delivery room,” Jen explained. “Like, who do you want in there with you for the actual labor?”
I looked at both of my friends. “Well, I guess I just assumed…I mean…would you guys go in with me?”
“I had assumed that was the plan,” Annie said.
“Don’t be silly, of course we will,” Jen agreed.
I felt better.
“Okay then,” she continued. “I guess the only other thing you need to decide about is the drugs.”
I groaned. This was one issue of the birth that I had actually considered. I had been reading in the baby books that drugs were perfectly safe and wouldn’t affect the baby. But I couldn’t help but feel nervous about it. For the last six months, I hadn’t so much as sniffed a cup of coffee in my efforts to keep the baby safe. At my doctor’s request, I had avoided sushi, deli meat, even cold medicine. Now, at the very end, was I really going to pump myself full of painkillers?
“I think I’m going to try it without drugs.”
“You’re insane,” Annie said.
“Annie, don’t say that!” Jen scolded.
“Look, I’ll probably change my mind ten minutes in, but I’m going to at least give it a try,” I replied.
“I think that’s a very good idea,” Jen said, as my cell phone started to ring.
Annie rolled her eyes as I looked at the screen, “Tell Luke I say hi.”
I rolled my eyes right back and walked into the hallway as I flipped the phone open. “Hey,” I said.
“Hi, Ginny,” Luke replied, his voice warm, as it always seemed to be. “How’s it going?”
“Pretty good, just hanging out with the girls. How are you?”
“I’m good, almost downtown.” Luke and a few of his friends had managed to get tickets to a playoff hockey game that night. “Listen, I wanted to give you a heads-up about something.”
“Shoot,” I replied.
“My dad is gonna be at the store tomorrow.”
“Oh.” My heart started racing. I knew that his dad, technically, was my boss, and was completely unrelated to my relationship with Luke, but I still didn’t like the sound of this. It seemed too much like meeting the parents.
“He needs to check on the books and the inventory and all that.”
“Oh,” I said again.
“He’s going to love you, Ginny,” Luke said softly. “You have absolutely nothing to worry about.”
“No, I know,” I replied, as my heart continued to pound. “It’s no big deal.”
“Good. Listen, I gotta run, but I’ll call you tonight when I get home, okay?”
“Okay. Have fun tonight.”
“Will do. Bye, babe.” He hung up, leaving me nearly as unsettled as I had been watching the childbirth video.
No, on second thought, that’s ridiculous. Nothing could be as unsettling as the childbirth video.
* * *
I arrived at the store early the next morning. Lack of sleep the night before had done little to calm my nerves. Nor had Luke’s early phone call. As it turned out, he had had too much fun the night before and was now suffering from a massive hangover. He had assured me he would still make it in, but I was sure he would be late, leaving me alone with his father for God knows how long.
I saw Luke’s dad the second I entered the store. Since my conversation with Luke about his dad’s cruel insistence that he give up culinary school, I had formed quite a picture in my mind of the elder Mr. Wright. I assumed he would be tall like Luke, but without the warmth or spark that made his son special. I could not have been more wrong.
Luke’s dad was standing behind the counter, whistling cheerfully to himself as he ran the till’s report. He looked up when the door opened and immediately grinned broadly at me. “You must be Ginny!”
He was a shorter man, maybe around 5’8”, with a shock of white hair and a rather generous-looking paunch. His face looked ruddy and covered with the kind of lines that only come from a lifetime of laughing. He wouldn’t have looked out of place in a children’s storybook.
Mr. Wright dropped the report and hurried around the counter to shake my hand.
“It’s so n
ice to meet you, Luke’s told me all about you!” He was practically gushing, and I couldn’t help smiling in return, though I felt confused. This was the man that had callously crushed all of Luke’s dreams?
“Come and sit down,” he urged. “You look exhausted.”
I followed him behind the counter and lowered myself into the chair. “Luke tells us you’re due in the summer. You must be so excited!”
“Terrified is more like it,” I laughed, and he joined me.
“Can’t say I blame you,” he said. “I’m not ashamed to admit I was always very relieved it was my wife who drew that end of the stick. She’s much braver than I am.”
Mr. Wright returned to the till report. “Can I help you with something?” I asked politely. “Luke mentioned you needed to review the books and inventory?”
“Yeah, just the boring stuff,” he agreed. “But I can’t pretend I don’t love it. I love every inch of running this business.”
“You must really miss it.”
“I do,” he sighed. “But still, it’s been nice to spend more time with my wife. And I think it’s been good for Luke to get out of that horrible office job he had.”
“Well, what would you like me to get started with?” I asked him, moving to stand up.
“Don’t get up!” he said. “There’s no need!”
“That’s very nice of you,” I said, smiling. “But I came in today to work. So what can I help you with?”
He looked me over. “Well, it would help me a lot if you would balance the invoice book—but I’ll bring it to you! You just stay right there.”
He hurried off to the office and I couldn’t help laughing a little. I had been expecting some business-obsessed bastard, and instead had been greeted by the nicest man alive. I could at least see where Luke got his warmth and chivalry.
Mr. Wright brought out the invoice book and we both set to work. Occasionally he would ask me a question, but mostly we worked in companionable silence. After half an hour or so, I went to unlock the front door. We had several customers right away, so I stayed busy. I kept glancing at my watch, expecting Luke at any minute.
“He must have really had a rough night,” Mr. Wright said, catching me checking the time again.
“I guess so,” I agreed. “He hadn’t been out with his friends in a while. I think they got carried away.”
“Yes; from what I hear he’s spending most of his time with you,” he said, grinning.
I blushed.
“He’s a good boy,” Mr. Wright said seriously. “I hope he’s being good to you.”
“He’s very nice to me,” I assured him, embarrassed but rather touched.
“Good! Has he cooked for you yet?”
“Um, yeah, he has,” I said, uncertainly. Would that make his dad mad? But Mr. Wright just smiled.
“He’s a wonderful cook, isn’t he?” he asked.
Well, that was unexpected. I thought his parents didn’t approve of Luke’s culinary passion.
“He always talked about going to culinary school,” Mr. Wright continued, oblivious to my confusion. “But when the time came he said he would rather bum around Europe for a while and learn that way. His mother and I had to get pretty firm with him in the end. I told him if he was serious about cooking as a career he should get a solid background in business. That way he could run his own restaurant, and not be at the whim of some manager.”
I was very confused now. This was a very different version of the events. Had I misunderstood something?
“When he finished we offered to pay his way through his culinary classes, but he refused. He really had his heart set on going to Europe. I can’t say I blame him, and Luke’s always been very stubborn about these kinds of things.” Mr. Wright was babbling on now, in the way that parents often do when they’re undeniably proud of their children.
Instinctively, I believed him. I couldn’t imagine why Luke would have lied to me about this, but I knew I trusted Mr. Wright’s version of the events.
We were incredibly slow that afternoon. Jack showed up, per usual, and I found myself with very little to do and way too much to think about. About an hour before my shift was scheduled to end, Luke still hadn’t shown up. “Mr. Wright,” I said timidly. “Since we’re so slow, would you mind terribly if I head home for the day?”
“Not at all, Ginny,” he said, patting me on the back. “You must be so tired. I don’t know how you young women do it.”
I shook his hand and told him it had been nice to meet him, then hurried out to my car. I had a horrible suspicion that Luke would arrive at any minute and, for the first time since we had met, I had no desire to see him.
Chapter Twenty-six
Over the next few weeks, I tried to put my afternoon with Mr. Wright out of my head. I knew I should bring it up with Luke, ask him what the hell was going on, but I just couldn’t summon the energy to do so. Instead I let it slide, let things continue on as they had been.
I was seeing my doctor every other week now. The baby was growing just as he should, and, if his kicking was anything to judge by, he was getting stronger by the day. My weight was increasing, too: I had put on nearly thirty pounds. I had always been a pretty slim girl—running track had helped—so my new body was completely astonishing to me.
Jen was now bugging me, on a daily basis, to “prepare for the baby.” I wasn’t exactly sure what she meant by that, but I kept assuring her I was on top of things. We did sit down with Annie one day early in June to pack my hospital bag—I told Jen it was way too soon, but she warned me I could go into early labor any time. The girls helped me pack my cutest pajamas, some books, a robe, and my toiletries. No matter how much I procrastinated, the baby’s arrival was getting closer every day.
After we finished packing, Annie left to go to work—she was stage managing a show downtown, but had a backup in place in case I went into labor during the show’s run. Jen had a date that night so I followed her into her room to help her get ready.
“You look pretty,” I told her wistfully, as she curled her dark hair into a sleek bob.
“Thank you, sweetie,” she said, misting her head with hair spray.
Jen reached into her jewelry box and pulled out a thin silver chain. “No, no,” I instructed. “Here, can I pick it?”
“Sure,” she said, moving aside.
I rooted around until I found what I wanted—a large coral pendant on a chunky silver chain. “You need something bolder, to pop against your dress,” I explained as I fastened it around her neck. “There, that looks awesome together.”
Jen looked at herself in the full length mirror behind her door. She was wearing a simple black shift with thigh high suede boots. Elegant, but plain. The necklace added just the right touch, if I do say so myself.
“You’re right. Thanks, hon.” She smiled at me.
“I have to live vicariously through you,” I said with a sigh. “It’s my only enjoyment these days.”
“Give me a break,” she said. “You have the cutest boyfriend any of us have ever had. Vicariously my ass.”
“You owe me fifty cents,” I told her. “And yes, I may have a cute boyfriend, but I’m the size of a house. Dressing up and looking all cute are out for me now.”
“Perhaps,” she said, gathering up her purse and a sweater. “But he’s crazy about you anyhow. That has to count for something.”
I kissed her cheek as she left, then wandered aimlessly around the empty house. Between the girls trying to keep me company, and my recent time with Luke, it had been a while since I had spent much time here alone.
I ended up sitting at the desk in my bedroom. I hadn’t looked inside the lowest drawer in several months. I didn’t like to think about the things I had put there. But tonight, I took a deep breath and pulled it open.
There was the envelope, the one from Josh. Inside the envelope was the cash from his parents. I hadn’t used it, of course. I didn’t want their money. I didn’t want them to have anything to do
with my life. But I never returned it either. When push came to shove, the most important thing in my life was this baby. If there was ever an emergency, if there was ever something that I couldn’t deal with, I would never forgive myself if I gave up the only source of money we had to help us.
I pulled out the envelope and turned it over in my hands. I hadn’t looked at it since that day Annie read it aloud to us. Hearing it once was enough for me. If I closed my eyes I could remember so clearly the pain of that day, of hearing what Josh had done to me. I rubbed my belly, trying to keep the baby calm as my heart started racing. I hadn’t let myself think about Josh in so long…
* * *
It was January, cold outside and snowing. Josh would be leaving for London in two days. I had wanted to spend this night with him, just the two of us, but he had work to do at the magazine. I paced through our tiny, silent apartment, trying to quash the rising panic that seemed always just below the surface now.
What was I going to do when Josh left? How would I occupy my time? Two months was so long. We hadn’t been apart for more than a few days in all the time we had spent together. I tried to picture myself here, in this apartment, without him, and I couldn’t. The very thought made me feel so nervous I wanted to climb out of my skin. Suddenly, I had to get away.
I bundled up in my winter things and headed out into the cold, catching the bus that would take me toward campus. I knew there were at least two good parties going on tonight, and I would simply stop at the first one I came to.
The house was crammed with people. I didn’t recognize more than one or two, but I decided it hardly mattered. I didn’t plan on being in conversation mode for long. I made a beeline to the keg and downed my first cup in two gulps. As I filled my second, I caught sight of someone staring at me from across the room.
Three Girls and a Baby Page 12
