“I’m good. Just glad we can get this time together.”
“Me too. I’m happy you’re not as stressed today.”
I knew Chyanne, and I knew that was her way of saying she was glad we weren’t arguing like we had been. I looked down at her and had to wonder how much she loved me. Did she love me enough to accept my flaws and all? She’d told me once that I was her Mr. Perfect. She had no idea that I was far from it. That phone call from my grandmother had brought it back to the forefront of my mind.
“Can we talk about what’s been going on between us?” I asked her.
She slowly sat up and moved her wild mane from her face and nodded. “Sure. I’d like that.”
I picked up the remote and muted the TV, then leaned forward, rubbing my hands together.
“I know things have been a little hectic between us. I’m dealing with some things when it comes to my family, and for the longest time I’ve been used to dealing with it alone.” I took a deep breath before I kept going. “I lied when I told you my mother was dead. She isn’t.”
I watched her as a confused look flittered across her face before she started to chew on the inside of her bottom lip.
“So, why did you say she was?”
“Because to me, she is. She didn’t raise me. My grandmother did.”
She moved closer to me and linked her hand with mine. It felt good. That closeness and affection in that moment felt good to me.
“So, she gave you away? Like, just abandoned you?”
I leaned back and looked over at her, not wanting to answer her question. “I have an older brother.”
“Really, Jamie?”
I nodded. “We have different fathers, and he’s . . . he’s mentally challenged.”
“Oh,” she said.
“My mom gave him to my grandmother first. My father was a police officer. The story goes that when he found out she was pregnant, he wanted to marry her, but she refused.”
She frowned with a muddled look and asked, “Why? Was he a bad man?”
“I’m not sure. He was killed in the line of duty, so I never got a chance to meet him. So, I know for a fact my father is dead.”
“I’m so sorry to hear that, Jamie. Does any of his family know about you? Did you get a chance to meet them?”
I shook my head, feeling my anxiety take over. “They know of me, but they wanted nothing to do with my family.”
“That’s messed up.”
“I know, but issues with my family have been aggravating me. Anytime I have to go down there, it always bothers me.”
“We don’t have to go, Jamie.”
“Yes, we do. We do now because I already told my grams that we would be there. I don’t want to disappoint her.”
I ran my hands through my locks and let out a deep breath. Her eyes were still studying me when I finally turned to look at her.
“I’m sorry I lied to you. I’m sorry for snapping at you, and I’m sorry that I put that extra stress on you. AJ asked me why I made you cry, and I realized that I’d been taking my frustrations out on you. I apologize, baby,” I told her.
“It’s okay, Jamie,” she assured me as she moved closer and took my hand. “That’s a lot to deal with.”
“Yeah, it is, but that’s my life, baby. That’s my life.”
I squeezed her hand, then caressed her face before leaning over to place a kiss on her plush lips. It was her reward for listening to me and putting up with me. At least it would have been her reward had she not jerked back like she was refusing to kiss me.
I sat up, then looked at her. My head tilted slightly in confusion.
“That’s the second time I’ve gone to kiss you today and you’ve had that reaction, Chyanne. What’s up with that?”
I studied her reaction closely. She averted her eyes quickly, then looked back at me. “I . . . ah . . . no reason. I just didn’t know you were going to kiss me. I was about to sit back, is all. You caught me off guard.”
She licked her lips, cast a glance at the TV, then back at me. I observed her closely. She gave a light smile, then leaned in to kiss me softly on the lips. Chyanne and I had been together long enough for me to know that there was something hidden in that kiss. The kisses we gave one another always went deeper than a peck.
I looked up at her as she stood.
“I’m going to go check on AJ.”
I didn’t respond, and if I wasn’t mistaken, it was as if she rushed from the room while her hands touched her lips. My mind told me to go after her to ask her what was wrong again, but I decided against it. I could have very well been imagining things, making a big deal out of nothing.
When we climbed in bed later on that night, and it could have just been me, but it seemed as if she was distant. Normally, we would be wrapped around each other like anacondas in a mating ritual. Not that night, though. That night reminded me of the nights when we first got together, when she secretly brought another man to bed with us. As I stared at the back of her head in the moonlit room, I prayed to God that she hadn’t brought that same man to bed with us again.
Chyanne
How could I have allowed Aric’s kiss to affect me like that? Why hadn’t I seen the kiss coming? The guilt I felt about Aric’s kiss clothed me like a second skin. I felt like crap when Jamie tried to kiss me. I didn’t know what to do. How could I kiss the man I loved when I’d allowed another man to kiss me just hours before? The kiss itself wasn’t the killer part. No, it was the fact that I had kissed him back willingly . . . openly . . . lustfully. Not to mention that thoughts of Aric wouldn’t leave me alone. I knew one thing for sure; there would be no way in hell that I would hurt Jamie.
“I just wouldn’t do it,” I said, speaking my thought aloud.
It was the reason I started to convince myself that I didn’t have to tell Jamie about what had happened. I wouldn’t go there again with Aric. Like I’d told him, nothing good had ever come from us going down that road. Well, our son was the only good thing that had come from me trying to be with Aric. Still, I would not tell Jamie, because that would be the last time it ever happened.
I continued to beat myself up as I drove home from work. Aric would be dropping AJ off at home later that evening, which would give me time to get home and relax. I’d given myself a headache. I thanked God that traffic was light and the weather wasn’t so bad. I made it home with time to spare. I could cook dinner and wait for Jamie to get in. I could find a way to make up for what I had done. Sometimes I hated Aric. I hated that I’d loved him. I hated that he’d embedded himself in my life the way he had. No matter how much I hated him, though, I had to deal with the fact that he would always be a part of my life, if for no other reason than he was the father of my son.
As I drove up the long driveway, I saw that Jamie was already home. I got out of the car and quickly made my way into the house. The smell of food invited me in. He was cooking, so I guessed that was a plus. After all that Jamie had told me the night before about his mother abandoning him and his brother, I felt like we’d gotten closer, but I couldn’t be sure. I took my jacket off and sighed inwardly.
“Chyanne, I’m in the kitchen, baby,” Jamie called out to me.
I smiled. He’d called me baby. That was a good sign. I didn’t know why I was so worried, but that was the way my conscience was built. I walked into the kitchen to find an easy and relaxed smile on his face, which meant he was happy to see me. He was standing next to the bar, cutting up spinach and kale. The bright lights from the chandelier illuminated the room. The dainty sounds of Boney James could be heard playing throughout the kitchen. Food was cooking on low heat on the stainless-steel stove. The open window allowed a soft breeze to come in. As soon as I got to him, he pulled me into his arms and hugged me so tightly that it felt like time stopped. I had no idea why he put so much into that hug, but I liked it. It gave me confirmation that all was okay in our world.
“You smell so damn good,” he said against my ear.
&n
bsp; The bass in his voice gave me a shiver, and I melted deeper into his hug.
“Thank you, baby. The food smells delicious.”
He didn’t respond for a long while; he just held me close, and I enjoyed the moment. When I thought he was pulling away from the hug, he dipped his head and gave me a kiss. I didn’t jerk back or pull away this time. This time I enjoyed the kiss. Gave it to him just as good as he was giving it to me. Our kisses had always turned into something heated. Our tongues touched and mated in a sensual dance that had me moaning. No matter how we tried, we could never just give a simple kiss. It always ended up with a tongue in the other’s mouth, and Jamie could kiss like you wouldn’t believe. The man was able to bring me orgasms with just kisses and his fingers. That was why I was certain that he had picked up on my hesitation to kiss him the night before.
He groaned low in his throat when we came up for air. He licked his lips as he looked down at me. “If we kiss like that again, we won’t get to see what dinner tastes like.”
I knew he was serious by the way his hands gripped my waist. That look in his eyes made my nipples harden and ache, just as it caused that familiar stirring in the pit of my stomach.
“It’s your fault,” I teased him and pecked his lips again.
He playfully growled at me and spanked my bottom. I giggled.
“Go change into something comfortable and meet me back down here,” he said to me.
“Okay.”
I quickly pecked his lips again and rushed upstairs. It didn’t take me long to freshen up and change. I jumped in and out of the shower, brushed my teeth, moisturized my skin, and pulled my hair back into a ponytail. I put on a long gray cotton jersey dress before making my way back down. Jamie had always given me romance, and I never grew tired of it. So when I saw the way he’d set up the dining room with red, white, and yellow roses, wine, dim lighting, and the sounds of jazz still playing softly, all I could do was smile. My bare feet paced across the cold hardwood floor of the kitchen and over to the carpeted area of the dining room, where he stood waiting for me. He had on black linen drawstring pants and a white wife beater that showed off his physique. His feet were bare, and his locks braided back into two braids. I loved his locks and had a penchant for pulling them whenever we made love.
Once he’d pulled my chair out and got me seated at the table, he walked over to sit across from me. I looked down at my plate, and my mouth watered. He has made honey- and pecan-crusted salmon on a bed of black rice, steamed broccoli and squash, and a green salad coated in his homemade raspberry vinaigrette dressing. After he said grace, we got down to eating. We made small talk as we ate. We talked about how things were going at the office for me and Shelley and about how his bookstores were seeing a decline again because more people were turning to eBooks and eReaders. In between he joked about how I was scarfing down my food. I was starving. I had been eating all day, and it seemed that I couldn’t get full. I complimented him on the food, as always. He was an excellent cook.
“Thank you. Had you on the brain all day and wanted to do something else to show you how much I appreciate you, especially after you put up with attitude these last couple of weeks,” he said, watching me.
“I love you, Jamie. That’s all there is to it. As long as we can fix whatever the problem is, I’m okay.”
He took one of the black cloth napkins and wiped his mouth before he continued. “That’s good to hear, baby. Because last night you scared me a bit, pulling away from me like that when I tried to kiss you. I thought maybe I’d pushed you away or something.”
As he spoke, his eyes studied me, and I slowly swallowed so as not to choke on my food.
“No, no, you didn’t, Jamie. I told you . . .” I stopped talking because I couldn’t remember the excuse I’d given him last night. “And we talked about it last night. So it’s okay,” I added, trying to cover up my forgetfulness.
He watched me for a long time, and there was a look on his face that I couldn’t read. It scared me a little. It made me wonder just what he had been thinking. It was actually kind of strange.
“What, Jamie?” I asked him.
“We should talk about something else, too.”
“Something else like what?”
My heart pounded. I prayed and prayed hard that there was no way he’d learned of that kiss. Who would have told him? Gabe wouldn’t have, and I was certain Aric wouldn’t have.
“Honesty.”
I slowly laid my fork down and looked away from him. My leg started to shake just as my temperature rose. I looked back over at him. “Jamie . . .”
He stopped me, holding his hands against his lips like he was praying. “No, Chyanne. I know you. I know the woman I love. I’ve always been honest with you, never held anything back, not when it came to you and me. Our kisses have never been a peck and go. They may have been short because AJ was around, but when we’re alone, our kisses have never been like the one you gave me last night. I’m not a fool, baby.”
I held my head down and started to twiddle my thumbs before I looked back up at him.
“Tell me what’s going on, Chyanne.”
His voice was calm, a low monotone that told me that although he was feeling some type of way, he was still trying to be calm and respectful.
“Aric kissed me yesterday,” I confessed.
I heard when he took a deep breath. He dropped one hand into his lap and bit down on his bottom lip before sucking it into his mouth.
“What happened?” he finally asked.
I sat there and told him everything. I told him about how Aric had heard us having sex when he called and how Aric had threatened me, telling me not to ever let something like that happen again. Then I told him about the kiss.
“It just happened, Jamie. I swear it did,” I pleaded with him.
Tears were already forming in my eyes, because Jamie looked as if he was about ready to jump over the table and strangle me.
“So, why’d you lie to me, Chyanne? We’re not better than all of that? I don’t deserve the truth?”
His eyes had turned red with tears, and he’d moved his drink and plate to the side.
“I don’t know, Jamie. I was scared,” I told him.
“Scared or guilty?”
As much as I might have wanted to deny what he’d accused me of, I couldn’t. I just sat there and let the tears roll down my face. By God, it was just a kiss.
“It was just a kiss, Jamie. . . .”
When he abruptly stood up from the table and glared at me, I knew that was the wrong thing to say. I’d never seen Jamie as angry as he was at that moment. Not even when I slapped him after he called me Aric’s whore.
“Just a kiss, Chyanne? Really? Just a kiss. Get the hell outta here,” he said. “That’s how you play me with this motherfucker? It was just a kiss? What’s it going to be next? Just fucking?” Each time he asked another question, his voice escalated.
He kicked his chair back, and then walked out of the dining room. I quickly stood.
“Jamie, wait,” I begged as I rushed behind him, grabbing his hand. “I’m sorry, okay? I’m sorry.”
He snatched his hand away.
“Yeah, so am I,” he said.
He kept walking. I stood there in the kitchen, not knowing what to do or say. Both my hands covered my face as I tried to hide my embarrassment. Lord, please don’t let this one thing, this one mistake, this one kiss ruin my relationship, I prayed.
I could hear Jamie moving around upstairs, and I wondered if I should try to go plead my case, but I had no idea what to say. It was only one damn kiss. He was acting as if I’d gone and had sex with Aric or something. I didn’t understand it. After moments of standing there alone, I realized Jamie wasn’t coming back down. I started cleaning up the dining room. I’d give him time to cool off before I tried apologizing again.
I cleaned up in silence, turning the music off at one point because I was no longer in a romantic mood. A half hour later I put the la
st of the dishes away, then wiped down the counter. Then I found myself sitting in my front room alone as I worked on my laptop, crunching numbers. Every time I heard Jamie moving around upstairs, I wondered if I should go and apologize again. Aric texted that he was running late, so he would keep AJ overnight. Normally, that would have annoyed me, but I just let him know that it was okay and left it at that. When midnight rolled around and Jamie still hadn’t come back downstairs or made any attempt to talk to me, I turned the TV off, closed my laptop, and lay on the couch.
I hated the feeling I had. I hated that dreadful feeling that everything was about to fall apart. Jamie and I had never slept apart since we’d been together . . . well, except for the time I asked about his parents. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t fall asleep. I tossed and turned until I just couldn’t lie there anymore.
It was dark in the house. A few of the night-lights were on. I looked at pictures of me with AJ and Jamie on the mantel over the fireplace. I couldn’t see them that well in the dark, but I had viewed them enough to know what they depicted. Jamie had always been as good a father to AJ as he was to his own son. I could hear the light rainfall outside. I was lost inside my thoughts as I sat there when I heard Jamie coming down the stairs. He walked into the front room, then looked down at me. He had no shirt on, only his red boxer briefs. His body, even in the dark, was sinfully appealing to the eyes.
“So, you’re not going to come to bed? Just going to sit here in the dark, huh?” he asked with a sarcastic tone.
“I wasn’t sure how you were feeling, Jamie. So I was just giving you some space.”
“I don’t need space, Chyanne,” he said, then sat down next to me. “I need you to be honest with me, like I’m honest with you. If it was ‘just a kiss,’ why didn’t you just tell me? That’s my issue. That’s what makes me question if it really was just a kiss. Did it really just happen like you say?”
I turned to look at him after flipping the table lamp on so he could see my face. He’d taken his locks down, and they swayed around the top of his bare shoulders. He looked like he was high, like he’d gone and indulged in recreational drugs. But Jamie was clean. He didn’t do drugs at all, so he had to be just tired and sleepy.
Tell Me No Lies Page 9
