by Teresa Roman
“You remember my friend Emma?” I asked him.
“Kind of short, reddish hair, blue eyes?”
“Yeah, that’s the one.”
“What about her?”
“She invited me to a party at her boyfriend Tim’s house. It’s next Friday. Do you want to come?”
“A party?” Devin sounded unsure.
“Not a big one.” Like me, he wasn’t a fan of crowds. “It’s probably just going to be handful of kids from our school.”
I waited for Devin to reply, thinking maybe I should say, “Don’t worry about it,” before he had a chance to turn me down. I’d never been what anyone would call a social butterfly. But if I was bad about keeping to myself too often, Devin was worse. In some ways, it felt like he dropped into my life out of nowhere, as if he was in Crescent City for me. As crazy and stupid as it sounded, the thought warmed me. He seemed to have little interest in making an army of friends the way most other people did—yet another thing about him I found odd, but at the same time really liked.
“You don’t have to come if you don’t want to.”
“Wait a minute. I didn’t say I don’t want to go. It sounds like fun, actually. I was just wondering what one wears to a party in Crescent City?”
I laughed. “You act like Crescent City is in another world. We wear the same things here that everyone else does.”
“Right. So jeans and a t-shirt then?”
“Yes. Jeans and a t-shirt are perfect.”
My dad noticed it about Devin first—the way he seemed to not know certain things most other people did. Like when I made the joke about Pelican Bay prison, or the time he gave my dad a clueless look when asked whether he’d taken the SAT or ACT. Devin explained it away by telling us that he grew up in a small town. He didn’t go to school; his parents taught him at home. He didn’t use the word home-schooled, though, or other common expressions most people did. His parents didn’t believe in television or the Internet. I figured it was his upbringing that caused him not to see himself the way most other people did. It also explained why he wasn’t always sure about things I considered common knowledge, like what you wear to a party at a friend’s house.
“Okay, well, I guess I’ll see you at work tomorrow?”
“Yeah. I’ll be there.”
“Before you hang up, I need you to do me a favor.”
“What’s that?”
“Can you make sure you lock your door . . . and your windows, too?”
“This is Crescent City,” I said, with a groan. “Not New York City. You worry too much.”
“If something were to happen to you, I’d never forgive myself, and since you refused my offer to move in together, you will just have to put up with me pestering you.”
I smiled, inwardly grateful for his pestering, enjoying the way it made me imagine that there had to be a reason he cared so much. “Good night, Devin.”
*
The day of Emma and Tim’s party eventually came. Devin, at work without me, called early in the morning.
“What time are you picking me up again?” he asked.
“Around six.”
“Oh.” A long pause followed. “What are you doing until then?”
“Just running errands, I guess.”
“Alone?” He didn’t sound happy about it.
“Yeah, why not?”
“Uh . . . no reason.” He paused. “I guess I’ll see you later then.”
Things had been weird between us ever since I’d spent the night at his house. He was protective before, but now he treated me like I was made of glass, fragile and easy to break. I tried to goad him into explaining why he was so protective, but all he ever said was that he didn’t like the idea of me being by myself—not exactly the answer I was hoping for. I imagined him telling me instead that he was madly in love with me and couldn’t stand the idea of anything bad happening to me. It brought a smile to my face, but eventually I snapped back to reality.
I filled my day vacuuming, grocery shopping, and doing laundry. I tried not to think about Devin. By the time I pulled up in front of his house later, I’d almost convinced myself that just being friends was fine with me. When he stepped out of his house and climbed into the passenger seat of my car, my resolve shattered.
Chapter 8
My eyes wandered over Devin as I took in his appearance. He wore all black, which brought out the color of his eyes. His shirt clung to his torso, accentuating his broad shoulders and chest. He’d combed his still wet wavy hair back off his forehead. I stared at him without meaning to and only turned my head to avert his gaze when I realized what I was doing. If I looked into his eyes a second longer, I would drown in them.
“So what do you think? Do I look all right?”
I refused to turn my head in his direction again. Instead, I swallowed the lump in my throat. He looked more than all right.
“Yeah,” I said quickly. “You look fine.”
We made it to Tim’s house a few minutes later. I got out of the car, and even though it was chilly outside I took my jacket off, balled it up and threw it in the backseat. I didn’t feel like carrying it with me all night.
Devin’s eyes locked on me.
“Is something wrong?” I said.
“No. You look beautiful, but maybe it’s too cold to leave your jacket behind.”
I looked down at the shirt I’d chosen earlier. A gift from Katy, dark brown and silky, the tank top fell a little lower than shirts I normally wore. I paired it with jeans and sandals. Usually I didn’t wear makeup, but tonight I’d put on some sparkly eye shadow and lip-gloss.
“Thank you,” I said, regretting that it wasn’t yet dark enough to hide the blush that I could feel creeping into my cheeks, but happy that Devin liked the way I looked. “But I think I’ll be fine without it.”
Music blared from inside Tim’s house. I rang the bell a few times, then knocked loudly. When nobody answered, I let us in. The crowd and loud music made me instantly nervous. When Emma had invited me, I’d expected a small gathering of our classmates. If I’d known there were going to be so many strangers, I would’ve turned down her invitation, or at least mentally prepared myself for the chance of having one of my bizarre visions.
The smell of barbecue wafted into the house through the patio door, which opened as someone walked in with a plate of food. I moved through the house, pulling Devin behind me toward the backyard, trying to avoid making eye contact, but at the same time trying to find Tim or Emma. Just as we stepped out onto the patio, I felt a tap on my arm and heard Tim’s familiar voice greeting me.
“Who are all these people?” I asked.
He rolled his eyes. “My dad decided to invite my cousin from Santa Cruz, and he came with a bunch of his friends. I don’t even know most of them.”
“Isn’t this supposed to be your party?” I shouted over the music.
“It was. I didn’t really want a party, but my dad insisted.”
As long as I’d known Tim, his dad was always trying to get him to be someone he wasn’t. When we were kids, he endured spring after spring of Little League until his father finally gave in and realized that his son and sports were not meant to be. That was probably one of the reasons Tim decided on a school so far away, not just to get away from Crescent City, but to get away from his dad.
“Who’s your friend?” Tim asked. I’d almost forgotten that he and Devin had never met.
I finished the introductions just as Emma came over. She gave me a hug and grabbed Devin’s hand. “C’mon, let me show you where the food is,” she said, pulling him away. I turned my attention back to Tim just as one of our former classmates, Allison, sidled up next to him.
“Who is that guy?” Allison asked me.
It took me a moment to realize she was referring to Devin. “A friend of mine. We work together at the Tides.”
“Oh my God, he’s so cute. Can you introduce us?” Without giving me a chance to answer, she continued. “You know w
hat? Forget it, I’ll do it myself.” She took off, apparently to look for Devin. I fought the temptation to chase after her, telling myself that if Devin was interested in someone like her, then he wasn’t the person I thought he was, after all.
Meeting Allison at Tim and Emma’s party surprised me. Neither of them hung out with her at school. More than once, Allison referred to them as the nerd crew, and I was pretty sure they knew. Although that was better than the nickname she’d given me in junior high—Mrs. Creepy.
Before I could disengage from Tim, his father interrupted. The smell of alcohol on his breath just about knocked me sideways. I craned my neck in search of Devin as Tim’s dad talked my ear off about how he was going to miss his boy.
“Hey, Uncle Greg!” A boy I’d never seen before slung his arm around Tim’s father’s shoulder. Looking at me, he said, “Who’s this?”
“Tim’s friend from school. Her name’s Lilli—and she’s single.” He actually winked as the words left his mouth.
The boy held out his hand. “Hi, I’m Tim’s cousin, Carson.”
I felt like taking a swing at Tim’s dad instead of shaking hands. I’d almost forgotten how much pleasure the man derived from embarrassing people.
Carson looked a bit older than Tim. His tall, lanky frame was topped with longish blond hair that swept down over his forehead, brushing the tops of his eyes, in a hipster surfer-boy style.
“So you’re Tim’s cousin?” I said as Tim’s dad went to go find someone else to humiliate.
“Yup, that’s me.” He reached behind his back for a beer from the patio table and tried to hand it to me.
“Um . . . I’m only eighteen,” I stammered.
“This is a party, isn’t it? Who’s gonna tell?”
“No thanks.” I didn’t want to be a prude, but I wasn’t interested in drinking. Seeing Tim’s dad tipsy was kind of sobering and, besides, the one time I’d tried beer, I hadn’t liked the taste.
“Suit yourself.” He opened the bottle and chugged half of it down. “Tim never told me they had such pretty girls up here in Crescent City. I wonder why he’s been holding back on me. The two of you don’t have anything going on, do you?”
“You do know that he has a girlfriend?” I said, realizing that this was the other reason I hated parties. Drinking and loud music seemed to bring out the worst in people.
“Oh yeah, that’s right.”
I looked around, hoping to find an excuse to slip away. Thankfully, I spotted Devin approaching and hoped he would succeed in easing me away from Carson’s unwelcome company.
When Devin reached us he put his arm around my waist and glared at Carson. “Go away,” he said, his voice a low rumble. There was no mistaking the anger in it.
“What did you just say?” Carson asked indignantly as he squared his shoulders.
For a second, I thought the two of them would get into it. I desperately tried to think of something to say to diffuse the situation.
“I. Said. Go. Away.”
Devin pronounced each word slowly and sternly. When the last word rolled off his tongue, to my utter amazement, Carson stared at me for a second, then Devin, and without a word turned on his heel and did as Devin commanded, like a dog obeying its master. Just a few minutes ago, Carson had come across as pretty sure of himself, I wondered why he allowed Devin to speak to him like that.
“What just happened?” I asked.
“What are you talking about?” Devin grumbled, looking past me like he wasn’t interested in conversation.
“You know what I’m talking about,” I stammered. “How did you get him to do that?”
“Why? Did you want him to keep ogling you? Were you hoping for more time with him?” Devin’s voice was still laced with anger.
“No, of course not! But—” I wasn’t really sure what to say. It wasn’t the first time I’d seen Devin do that. I told him that I didn’t believe he had magical powers, but I was seriously beginning to question whether I might’ve been wrong. Before I could think of anything to say, he grabbed me by my arm and headed back inside the house, pulling me along with him.
“Can we go?” he said. “I’m not feeling comfortable here.”
“Um . . . okay. Let me say bye to Tim and Emma first,” I replied. Truthfully, I’d wanted to leave less than a minute after I stepped through the door.
Emma spotted me walking toward her. She ran up brimming with excitement. “Oh my God, Lilli. Devin is sooo into you.”
“What are you talking about?”
“You should’ve seen him when you were talking to Carson. It looked like he wanted to rip his head off.”
“I think you’re exaggerating just a bit.” Devin was upset about something, that much I’d figured out, but jealousy over a stupid conversation, it didn’t seem possible. Besides, the music was too loud for him to have heard a word Carson had said to me.
“He looks even hotter tonight than he usually does,” Emma said dreamily. I wondered if she’d been drinking, too. “I bet he’s a good kisser, did you see his lips?”
“Of course I’ve seen them. I work with him practically every day.”
“I don’t know how you stand it.”
“Don’t you have a boyfriend, one that you’re about to move in with?”
“That doesn’t mean I don’t have eyes anymore."
“I was looking for you so I could say bye.” Not talk about how hot Devin is. Hearing her gush about him irked me. I felt territorial about him. Since when had I come to think of him as mine?
“Why are you leaving so soon?”
“Just tired,” I replied.
I gave her a quick hug and wished her well. She promised to tell Tim bye for me, and then I escaped to find Devin.
He was waiting by my car with a stormy expression on his face. I slid into the driver’s seat, and as I drove away, I tried to figure out why he seemed so upset. I had no clue what had set him off. I’d thought the party would be fun for him. We’d been at Tim’s for less than half an hour, and he gave me the impression that he wasn’t remotely interested in being there. Why had he agreed to come in the first place?
“What’s wrong?” I finally asked.
“Nothing, it’s stupid,” he muttered.
I wasn’t used to this version of Devin. Overprotective Devin I could get used to, but unexplained mood shifts were harder. “What is?”
He shifted in his seat and turned his body towards mine. “Have you ever wanted something you had no right to have?” he asked.
There were plenty of things I wanted, but I never thought about whether or not I had the right to have them. “There’s nothing wrong with wanting,” I said.
“Yes. Yes there is.” He answered with torment in his voice. It made me sad for him.
“Tell me what’s going on.” I waited for him to reply, but the car remained filled with a heavy silence as I drove. “I’ve trusted you with my deepest secrets. Why can’t you trust me with yours?”
“Because I’m afraid,” Devin said, as I pulled into his driveway.
“When I told you about my dreams and about my mother I was, too, but I trusted you anyway.” I parked and waited for him to say something, but we just sat there.
“Walk me to my door?” he finally said.
“Sure.” We both got out of the car, Devin waited for me as I made my way to the passenger’s side where he stood. He reached for one of my hands and pulled me toward him. The two of us stood just stood there facing each other. After what seemed like forever he took my other hand in his.
“I’m sorry if I ruined your night,” he said.
“You didn’t. I’m not really into parties anyway.”
“Can you come inside and stay the night like you did before? I don’t like being away from you.”
“And why is that?” I managed to ask despite the pounding in my chest.
He sighed and leaned towards me, his forehead closing the space between us to rest on mine. I felt the contact like a jolt th
rough my body.
“You know why,” Devin whispered. “You have to know why. I’ve been trying to hide it, but I can’t anymore.”
“Hide what?”
“This,” he said. His hands let go of mine and moved up to grasp the sides of my face.
A moment later he pulled me against him and then his lips were on mine. I melted into him, trembling. I hadn’t expected a kiss, I’d just been hoping for words. Fireworks exploded inside me as his tongue parted my lips. The taste of him made my knees weak, but he held me tight and kept kissing me. I kissed him back and wrapped my arms around him. For months I’d day-dreamed about this moment, but the real thing was a million times better than my imagination. I felt like I could have stood in the driveway kissing him all night, but he pulled away. A look of horror crossed his face.
“I’m sorry, Lilli,” he said, stepping away. “Please, don’t be angry. I don’t know what came over me.”
“Why are you sorry?” I asked, confused. “And why would I be angry?”
“For taking advantage of you.”
“You didn’t take advantage of me. In case you didn’t notice, I kissed you back.” I took a step toward him and reached out to touch his arm.
He took my hand and lifted it up to his lips kissing it gently. “I don’t deserve you.”
“Why are you saying that?”
“Because it’s true, Lilli. I wish it weren’t, but it is.”
“But you’re not telling me why.”
He lowered his gaze and shook his head. “Because after I tell you, I’ll lose you for good.”
“You won’t lose me—that’s crazy.” I could tell I wasn’t convincing him of anything.
“I have to go,” he said. Before I could stop him, he turned away and ran inside his house without looking back, leaving me standing alone in his driveway, feeling utterly confused.
I racked my brain on the way home, trying to figure out what it was he couldn’t tell me, but I came up empty. I contemplated at least a dozen possible scenarios, but none of them seemed right. All I knew, finally and for sure, was that he had feelings for me. I was tempted to drive back to his house and tell him I didn’t care about his secrets, but the truth was I did care.
