“Yeah, Connor felt horrible for leaving you guys, so I gave him my car and told him I’d stay with y’all. How is she?” I ask as nod towards Londynn.
“She’ll be okay. Keeping her was just to be safe.”
“Good. You hungry or thirsty?” I offer Farrah.
She shakes her head, but I notice her studying me in the darkened room. “You care about her.” I look at her and she giggles. “It’s true and you know it. You’re both trying to fight it but it’s there. You two just need quit worrying about it and let it happen.” I just shrug in response. “Face it Jagger James that heart of yours as thawed.”
Had my heart thawed to the idea of being with someone again? Had I managed to care about Londynn without realizing? “I’m going to grab coffee," I tell Farrah and go to head out of the room.”
“Jagger?” I turn around at the sound of Farrah’s voice. “Be careful with her.” I just nod and head out of the room.
Chapter 12
Londynn
I awoke the next morning with the sunlight bouncing off the overly white walls of the hospital room. I felt the warmth of a hand resting on my wrist. I shake my head because I had told Farrah to sleep in the extra bed. There was no reason for her to sleep in the chair next to my bed, there was no way that was comfortable. The hand on my wrist moves slightly and I realize it’s not Farrah’s, this hand is too big, and the skin has that roughness of someone who has used their hands during their life. My eyes fly open and to my surprise Jagger is slumped forward in the chair, his head resting on the bed and his hand on my wrist.
The sun illuminates his hair and I notice a few strands that are almost the same odd color as mine. His sleeping face looks much younger than I’ve ever seen before. I take a moment to appreciate his face, it’s always a face that most painters dream of but seeing it like this, totally unguarded is breathtaking. My eyes land on his lips and I remember that kiss and how good it felt. My lips tingle at just the memory of it. I want Jagger James, more than I’ve ever wanted anyone before and that scares the hell out of me.
Jagger stirs, and his eyelids open slowly as he takes in his surroundings. As he searches the room his face finally lands on mine. “Hey pretty girl," he says, his voice all husky and full of sleep. Why is it a guy always sounds sexiest when he’s just woken up? The minute my ears hear is voice my stomach does little flip flops.
“Hey” I whisper back as I feel the blush creep up my face. “What are you doing here?”
He sits up and stretches, I watch as his shirt rises and get just a glimpse of his six pack and tan stomach. “Connor had to go to work this morning and he didn’t want to leave you guys.”
“So, you just stayed?”
He shrugs like it’s no big deal. “Yeah, I don’t have to be at work today like he does. How are you feeling Londynn?”
“I’m okay, my throats a little sore but other than that I’m good. Ready to go home.” The minute I say home I realize I don’t really have a home. “Well back to Farrah’s.”
“Well, I’m sure the doctor will stop by in a bit. Y’all want some breakfast?” He offers.
“Yeah, that sounds good. I’m sure Farrah is starving too but beware when you wake her. She’s not a morning person," I warn him as I sit up in the bed and feel his eyes on me. I look up and see him studying me “What?”
He shakes his head and that smirk comes across his face. “Nothing really. I was just thinking only you could make a hospital gown look that good.” A chuckle escapes his mouth and he heads over to Farrah.
Farrah jumps up at the touch of Jagger’s hand. “What? Is Londynn okay?”
“Yeah she’s fine. I was going to get us all breakfast, but I don’t know what y’all eat," Jagger tells her.
Farrah gets out of the bed trying to adjust her dress while she does. “You okay Londynn?”
“I’m fine," I tell her, but I can tell she doesn’t believe me, so I add “I promise but I am hungry so will you please go with Jagger and get some food and something to drink?”
“You sure you want me to leave?” She asks.
“Yes! Go please," I tell her pushing her off the bed.
“Okay, we’ll be right back," Farrah tells me as they head for the door.
Just before they reach it I holler out “But nothing with nuts!” I hear them both laugh at that. Once I’m alone in the room I take the first deep breath I’ve had since before our family dinner. A part of me wants to cry for my parents not really being parents. Another part of me wants to be angry because of the whole situation. Then there’s another part of me that feels guilty and embarrassed that now people know about my time at Spirit and it’s only a matter of time before the rest of them find out.
I shake my head as I get out of bed and head for the bathroom. As I stare at myself in the mirror it’s like I recognize myself, but I don’t really know myself. I’m so different from the girl I use to be. I used to daydream about marrying Ryce and starting our life together and now I daydream about Jagger and his lips. It’s ridiculous because we have no chance, he probably just sees me us some young, stupid, rich girl. Wanting Jagger is dangerous because the more you want something the more it hurts when it doesn’t work out.
As I climb back on the bed a thought occurs to me, what will Jagger say or think when he finds out I was in Spirit? Will he think I’m crazy? Or will he just give me that same sympathetic look Creed and Alivia do? Even Connor gave me that look last night when I had my melt down. Or maybe he’ll just feel so uncomfortable that he’ll avoid me altogether?
Considering that Sadie is engaged to his brother there is a chance he already knows but I don’t see Sadie doing something like that. The last thing I want is for Jagger to treat me differently because of this but how could he not? Just like that those fleeting thoughts of happiness and freedom fly right out the window.
****
Later that morning I was released, I sat in the back seat while I watched the town pass by as Jagger drove us back to Farrah’s. Even though I was fine they both continued to hover over me. Finally, Farrah went to take a shower, leaving Jagger and I in the living room watching reruns of Sons of Anarchy. I can feel Jagger’s eyes on me before he even speaks. “So, I was wondering if you’d like to go out some time.”
Was Jagger James asking me out on a date? “Like on a date?”
“Well, yeah. On a date," he answers.
I sit there and contemplate everything. I wanted to go, I had never wanted to go anywhere so bad before, but I wasn’t sure it was the best idea. However, instead of going with my better idea I just blurted out “Yes!” It came out sounding as overly excited as it did in my head. I heard him chuckle and felt my cheeks flush with embarrassment.
The doorbell rang, and Jagger jumped up to get it “That should be Bowie.” Once Jagger was gone I took a moment to let the idea of going on a date with Jagger bounce around in my head. Jagger and Bowie said goodbye before the turned and headed for the door. I had no doubt that this was outside his comfort zone and even though I was pretty sure it was a bad idea I couldn’t help but be excited. The doorbell rang again, and I got up to answer it but to my surprise on the other side stood Ryce and my brother Duke.
Ryce looks just like every other rich guy from Santa Monica. A yellow polo shirt with the collar popped up, khaki shorts and flip flops. I have to resist the urge to roll my eyes at how ridiculous he looks. Duke on the other hand has on a pair of jeans, loafers and mint green button up shirt. His honey colored hair is perfectly spiked, and his hazel eyes are boring into me. We look so similar, yet we are so different.
“What do you two want?” I say crossing my arms over my chest.
They push past me and stand in Farrah’s messy living room. With me sleeping on her couch it’s become a mess of clothes from my suitcase and blankets and pillows on the couch. “We need to talk babe.”
I wave my hand to stop Ryce. “Don’t start calling me babe.”
Duke steps forward “Were worried about you
Londynn. After seeing all of that last night we and our parents think you need to seek further treatment.”
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Now I needed further treatment because I didn’t want to play the perfect daughter anymore and because I had told the truth. This was ridiculous. Before I can say anything Ryce steps towards me and I step back “See babe you act like I’m going to hurt you.”
“You did hurt me Ryce!” I yell out unable to control my emotions any longer.
Farrah comes busting out of the bedroom door with her robe on “What the hell are you two doing here?”
Duke sneers at Farrah “Trying to fix Londynn.”
“Fix me?” I ask.
“Londynn, do you really what this life? Look around you," he says motioning towards Farrah’s apartment. “This isn’t you, we just want you to get better. Maybe you need some kind of medication.”
“I have medication," I tell him quietly, hating to admit that I even need it. The medication makes me feel weak.
He stuffs his hands in his pockets and shrugs “Well, maybe you need something different.”
“No, what I need is for all of you to try and understand where I’m coming from!” I say more furiously than I had intended.
“Okay babe calm down” Ryce says holding his hands up in a surrendering motion.
Farrah huffs then yells at them to get the hell out of her apartment. Duke turns on her and they start to go at each other’s throat. Tears sting my eyes, but I refuse to cry in front of these two. I can’t make out what Duke, Ryce and Farrah are yelling about because all I can hear is my heartbeat. I have to concentrate on my breathing. Suddenly, everything feels like it’s closing in. I do the only thing I know I can. I grab my keys and run for my car.
****
Jagger
I’ve only been at work about an hour when my cell phone starts to ring. Looking down I see Farrah’s name on the screen. Immediately I think it must be Londynn using Farrah’s phone but as soon as I hear the voice on the other end I know I’m wrong. Farrah is panicked and worried. Apparently, Ryce and Duke tried to do some kind of intervention because they believed that Londynn was acting out with the allergic reaction. Londynn had grabbed her keys and fled. Farrah had thought maybe she had come to me, but I had yet to see her.
By lunchtime there was still no sign of Londynn. I went into Axell’s office “Can I borrow your car?” I ask him.
He looks up from the paperwork in front of him. “Yeah, everything okay?”
I sigh, “I hope so. It’s Londynn.”
“What do you mean?” Axell asks standing up from behind his desk.
I shrug while running a hand through my hair. “I’m not sure but Farrah just called worried. I told you about their disastrous family dinner?” Axell nods his head. “Okay well apparently Duke and Ryce showed up trying to tell her that she needed help because it’s not normal to act like that. I mean for crying out loud she had an allergic reaction and their all too preoccupied to pull their heads from their asses and see it wasn’t an act.”
Axell approaches me and hands his keys out to me “Okay, here but please calm down and be careful. Do you think you know where she’d go?”
“No not necessarily but I have a few ideas and if those don’t work out then I’ll check the whole damn city.”
“Okay well, keep me up to date," Axell tells me before I turn and head for his car. Once I’m in his car my first idea is to go to the gym. Maybe, dancing for her is like getting under the hood of car for me, some sort of therapy. I pull in but don’t see her Audi in the parking lot, but I go in and ask Jayson if she’s made any calls, but she hasn’t.
I check the beach next but see no sign of her and as I’m driving around it dawns on me that I don’t really know her as well as I would like to. I don’t know any of her favorites and I make a mental note to ask next time. I drive past Creed’s house but see no sign of any one home there. My last thought was to check the cemetery thinking maybe she went to visit with the Vivienne lady but that turns out to be a dead end as well.
As I pass Harlyn’s grave I stop, I can’t come here and not speak to her, it just feels wrong to me. “Hey angel, sorry I didn’t bring you any daisies. This wasn’t a planned visit. I could actually use some of that guardian angel help and yes, I know I keep your super busy up there, but this is for Londynn. If you could just give me some kind of idea where she might be I’d appreciate it.” I stand up and take a deep breath, I smell the autumn in the air. There’s that crisp feeling to the breeze. “Come on Londynn, where are you?” I whisper to myself. I extend my hand to rest on Harlyn’s headstone. “I’ll see you in a bit angel. I love you.”
The sun is starting to set while I drive through familiar neighborhoods while wracking my brain for some idea of where Londynn could be. Suddenly a thought occurs to me, maybe she wanted to be reminded that she’s not alone. I take the next right turn that will lead me up to lookout point. As I go up the winding road I see the red of her car come into view, her honey colored hair is dancing in the breeze and I let out a sigh of relief.
Chapter 13
Jagger
I didn’t realize how worried I had been about Londynn until I saw that little red car and that head full of honey colored hair. It was ridiculous that I could be so worried about a girl I barely knew but there was something about her that made me feel the need to protect her. I didn’t know what her big secret was even though I did know it had to do with Spirit Rehab, but I didn’t know what for. Although, after today I had every intent of finding out. I knew whatever it was made her defensive for whatever reason. I wanted her to know that she didn’t need those defenses with me.
There was also something else in her eyes I had noticed after the night we kissed but I was not able to name the look, trust. She didn’t trust either but if her family dinner had been even a glimpse of what her life had been like with her parents, it made total sense that she wouldn’t trust. Not to mention that Ryce had always slept around even when I would call to check in Ace or Bowie would tell me about Ryce’s antics. Even though I couldn’t fathom why anyone would need another girl when they had Londynn. As much as I didn’t want to admit it, I cared about her, more than I ever thought would be possible after losing Harlyn.
I park next to Londynn’s car and get out as I approach she glances my way. “How did you know I was here?” she asks in a whisper.
I take in her appearance and even though her eyes are puffy and red I’ve never seen her look more beautiful. Her hair is down and flowing, mixed with her distressed jeans, t-shirt and Chuck Taylor’s, she’s like my idea of a dream girl. “I figured you might want to be reminded you’re not alone.”
She turns to face me while I stuff my hands in the pockets of my jeans. “You remembered that?”
“Yeah, of course I do.” The shock in her voice makes me wonder how many little things people have actually remembered. My guess is not a lot.
She lets out a big sigh and I realize the music I hear is coming from an iPod lying beside her. “Who’s singing?” I ask her, trying to get her out of her own head.
“Erick Baker," she says and after a minute I realize she isn’t going to say anything else, so I extend my hand out to her. She looks up at my eyes like I’m crazy.
“Come show me how to dance again?” I give her the smile that most girls can’t resist but she seems to be trying. Finally, she slides off the hood of her car and puts her hands in mine. I pull her up against me while we start to move to the music. I feel the muscles in her shoulders and back loosen up. A few songs later I pull her away from me just enough to see her eyes. “Londynn…” I’m not sure how to approach this subject.
A look comes over her features and I’m not sure what it means but she pulls away and walks towards the edge of the hillside and stares ahead at the setting sun. “How much do you know?”
I get a feeling that she’s referring to this big secret, so I tell her “Not much.”
She glances at
me from the corner of here eye “Sadie didn’t tell you?”
I chuckle while shaking my head “No, she said it wasn’t her story to tell.”
I see her take a deep breath and I can see the wheels in her eyes turning but I don’t know if she’ll tell me anything. I stand there quietly staring at her while she stares at the sun that is now quickly disappearing. “Londynn, you can trust me. I want you to. I want you to open up to me. I know there’s something haunting you, I know because I’ve been there myself. I see that same look in your eyes that I have. I want to help.” I reach out for her hand, pulling her into me. I slip a finger under her chin and will her to look up into my eyes “Open up to me…please.”
****
Londynn
I was standing there staring into Jagger’s eyes trying my best to decide what to do. Could I tell him the truth? I knew I had felt better when I had told my parents friends, but could I tell Jagger? Could I handle his reaction? A part of me wanted to run to my car and climb in and speed away and never return but the other part me, a bigger part of me wanted to open up to him. There was something about Jagger that I couldn’t resist even though I knew it was bad idea and would leave me brokenhearted I just couldn’t stay away from him.
I took a deep breath and thought what the hell? “Jagger, it’s a long story but if you really want to know I’ll tell you.”
I see the shock register on his face, clearly, he thought this was going to be a bigger fight. He walks over and takes a seat on the hood of my car. “I’ve got all night pretty girl," he says with a wink.
A part of me wants to roll my eyes at him because I know he’s flirting but the other part of me is grateful he is trying to lighten the mood. Before starting I say a silent pray for him to understand after hearing all this. “My entire life I have been taught to keep this certain image up. After Farrah left home and made it clear that she wasn’t going to live up to the expectations of my parents it got worse. I was expected to always have on the right outfit, say the right things, go to the right events and keep the right friends. I was expected to seem like I loved and adored Ryce and a part of me did…at first. I always knew they expected a lot from me and I was fine with it until I got older and started to want things of my own. I wanted to be friends with Creed but he’s not from our side of town. He’s a scholarship kid and my parents saw that as below me and their family name. I went against them anyways and became his friend. Although they weren’t crazy over Alivia either, so they were kind of use to me going against them where my friends were concerned. After being friends with Alivia and Creed for a while I started to see why my parents only wanted me to be friends with people who had their stamp of approval. Those kids were controlled much like I was by their parents and the money being around people like Alivia and Creed made me jealous. They had a say in their lives and I so desperately wanted that.”
Pedal to the Metal Page 10
