Three weeks ago, Tessa probably would have gone cross-eyed with those words. But she was semi-relieved. She held up the spatula and licked it.
“Okay,” she said, shrugging.
“Okay?” Spencer asked with a confused frown.
See? There was no way Tessa would be able to split a pitcher of ‘Ritas with Spencer and be able to keep her off the scent. That woman was like a bloodhound when it came to secrets. By the end of the night Tessa would have told her everything and probably confessed to a few crimes in her misguided youth.
No. She needed more time to process…
What was she even supposed to call what was happening?
Her new special friendship?
She was hanging out nearly every day with a guy she was absolutely attracted to, but they were just friends. But he was gorgeous. But he wasn’t interested in her like that. But he sometimes acted like he might be. But she wasn’t interested in ruining their friendship. But it was so new and sweet and shit.
Pain flashed in her mind as she tried to put her swirling thoughts in order and failed.
“Yeah. I mean, I was looking forward to tonight, but we’ll do it some other time.” Tessa said, trying to sound breezy and unconcerned.
Spencer eyed her suspiciously. “You sure you’re fine?”
Tessa nodded slowly, holding eye contact. “Absolutely. It’s work, what can you do? It’s not like you’re blowing me off to go see a guy or something.” She chuckled.
Did Spencer’s cheeks turn a bit pink?
“Right. Okay, well tomorrow for sure.”
“Not a problem, babe.” Tessa tossed the cleaned off spatula in the sink. She poured a margarita for herself in the already salted glasses.
“See you later!” Spencer called, closing the door behind her.
“Yeah!” Tessa picked up her phone to text Kip. But he had gotten there first.
KIP: you left your sweater in my van. I’m bringing it by. See you soon.
Well, that made it official. Tessa was definitely in love with him.
Guess that meant she needed to move to Nepal and invest in a water buffalo farm. Then she’d be too busy to have these irrational fantasies about cute boys.
Plus, she’d smell like water buffalo, which would keep any potential suitors away.
She opened her browser on her phone to search for flights to Kathmandu, but just as she pressed “search,” Kip knocked on her door.
And she forgot everything else.
CHAPTER 10
indigo eyes,
inky black lashes,
I’m drowning in my second chance.
peach lips,
moonlit skin,
I’m drowning in a second glance.
-Kip
KIP
“I am officially stalking my best friend,” Tessa murmured not sounding at all like she regretted her decision.
“It could be worse,” Kip pointed out, scratching his eyebrow.
Tessa’s head swiveled his direction. “How?”
He shrugged, turning the longboard in an elegant curve. “Mm, not sure. I was just trying to make you feel better.”
She swatted at his leg as he skated past her and snickered.
“I guess I’m just surprised she wasn’t lying, you know?” Tessa raised the binoculars up to her face again.
It hadn’t been too hard to convince Kip to take her on a stakeout.
After he’d come over to drop off her sweater, she voiced her suspicions about Spencer and what she was really up to, and asked if Kip would participate in a little covert operation.
They’d driven past the gym and spotted Spencer’s car in the lot. Kip parked his van down the block and they’d taken their longboards so they could get a closer look without being recognized.
At least that was her hope.
“How terrible a friend does that make me?” she muttered to herself.
“You’re a great friend,” Kip corrected, jumping off the board. It rattled along the pavement and stopped when it hit the curb. “You’re sweet and loyal and compassionate…which are terrific qualities in a friend.” He sat down on the ground beside her. “Though, you do have a bit of an edge.” He turned his face away to hide his smile.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” she asked.
He cleared his throat and schooled his features. “I think you know exactly what it means.” He waggled his eyebrows. “Throat punch Thursday?” he reminded her of one of her specially named weekdays.
Her gaze fell away as if ashamed and she sighed.
“It’s not like I actually walk around punching people,” she defended with a grumble, putting the binoculars back up to her eyes.
“No, of course not,” he agreed. “But I have no doubt that if someone you loved was being threatened, you’d follow through on all your threats.”
Her lips twisted to the side. “My mom said that when I was younger I suffered from rage blackouts.”
Kip’s guffaw broke up the sound of passing traffic and made Tessa smile.
“No more, though?” he asked.
She set the binoculars down beside her and leaned back on her hands. “That’s the thing with rage blackouts, if there aren’t any witnesses, did anything happen?”
“You’re legitimately terrifying. You know that, right?” He shook his head like he was disappointed, but in truth he was only in awe of this magnificent woman. He knew they’d been spending a lot of time together. And reality dictated that eventually the fun would wear off and they’d drift back into their own lanes. But he was going to soak up all the time she was willing to give him for as long as he could.
Something caught his eye and he sat up straighter. He reached to his right. “Let me see those things.”
She placed the binoculars in his hand and he peered through them into the parking lot of the gym.
Wow.
“Wow.” It needed to be vocalized.
Because wow.
“What?” Tessa sat up straight.
“You see that truck parked almost out of sight. The left of the building?” He handed the binoculars back to Tessa who looked where he indicated.
“Yeah…”
“That’s Bo’s truck.”
“Are…are you certain?” she asked, peering through the sights.
“Without a doubt.” Kip rubbed his hand across his jaw and felt it clench.
Out of town. Right.
“Okay…” Tessa dropped the binoculars to her lap and studied Kip’s tense expression. “Spencer told me that Bo’s been going to her gym recently.”
Kip nodded rapidly. “Yeah? Well Bo told me this morning that he was leaving town and would be gone all weekend.”
“Huh.” Tessa nodded once. After a beat she looked back at the lit windows of the gym. “Interesting.”
“What’s going on between those two?” Kip asked, fully exasperated at the secrets he kept stumbling across. “It’s more than a childhood rivalry, isn’t it?”
Tessa stared at him, her eyes round. “It has to be.”
“You don’t know?” he asked, sounding more accusatory than he intended. But c’mon. Tessa and Spencer had been inseparable since they were children. If anyone knew what was going on, it would have been Tessa.
“I wish I knew,” Tessa answered.
By her tone and the far-off look in her eyes, Kip knew she was being honest. She didn’t know any more than he did and it bothered her too.
“Okay, so why hide it from all of us?” he asked.
Tessa blinked as her thoughts flickered like little lightning flashes through her eyes and on her face. “Maybe…maybe they’re hiding it from each other.”
Kip’s eyebrows rose into his hairline.
That—
Hell, that was an idea, wasn’t it?
“So what do we do?” he asked.
Tessa’s eyes widened. “Do we need to do anything?”
“Do we let our best friends suffer for the rest of their lives when
they could be happier by admitting their feelings for one another?”
Tessa held up a finger to stop his renegade thoughts. “Wait. We don’t know if they have ‘feelings’ for each other. Not the conventional, happy feelings. Feelings of rage and intense dislike? I can get on board with that, easy. But they’ve been expressing that pretty loudly for the past couple decades without anyone’s help.”
“But you just said—”
“I know what I said,” she interrupted softly.
Her words hung in the air between them, and Kip couldn’t help but wonder if she was trying to tell him something else.
Kip waited a beat and took a deep breath.
Focus. On. This.
There would be time to explore that with Tessa later.
“We could go in there and see how they react,” he suggested.
“We’d blow our cover,” she pointed out.
Kip smiled and bit down on his bottom lip to keep it from being too wide. “We’re not actually cops. I think it’d be okay.”
Tessa rolled her eyes. “I know that. I’m just saying…” She trailed off as she got to her feet. She dusted off the back of her shorts and tucked the binoculars into her over-the-shoulder bag. “Okay.”
He gazed up at her, wondering what she meant.
She gestured to the gym across the street.
“Let’s go do your idea.”
“Really?” he asked, getting to his feet. “Shouldn’t we make a plan?”
“Nah. Let’s wing it before I lose my nerve.”
She kicked up her longboard and tucked it under one arm like she’d been doing it for years. Kip noticed but didn’t remark on it. Instead, he got his own board and jogged to catch up with her purposeful stride.
The first thing he noticed when they’d entered the brightly lit fitness gym was Bo.
The tall, blond, tatted, muscled beast was sweating profusely and doing pullups.
The second thing Kip noticed was the guy approaching Tessa with a surprised but delighted smile.
A smile that Kip wanted to punch off his face.
Which was a shocking reaction since Kip didn’t have violent thoughts.
Ever.
He thought men who resorted to fisticuffs were the lowest of intelligence and obviously didn’t know how to express their feelings.
And yet, there he stood, with his hands clenched trying to remember his deep breathing techniques.
“Tessa,” the big, toothy bastard greeted her. He was wearing a tight tank top that said “TRAINER” across the front. His muscles weren’t as large and bulky as Bo’s, but they were there.
“Andrew,” she replied, swinging the longboard around and across her front, gripping it with both hands.
Andrew adjusted his hat slightly, pulling it lower on his head. A habit Kip recognized in himself and he wondered if Andrew also had hair issues.
“I’ve been calling you,” Andrew said, his eyes flicking to Kip and back to Tessa.
“Yeah, I’ve been busy. Is Spencer working?” she asked.
Poor Andrew.
Kip could see the realization wash over his face. Being rejected was never easy. Being rejected by Tessa Layne? That had to hurt like hell.
“She’s with a client but should be finishing up in about ten minutes. Do you want me to tell her you’re here?”
“That would be great.” Tessa took a step backward and shot a look to Kip he couldn’t read.
He followed her to the couch set against a wall on the far left. They sat down and she picked up a magazine, pretending to read it.
“Your turn,” she murmured.
Kip selected a magazine of his own and sat back against the cushions. His shoulder lined up with Tessa’s.
“Andrew a friend of yours?”
She snorted, bringing the magazine up higher to block her face. “Uh, no.”
“He seems like a decent guy,” Kip pressed causally, flipping the page.
She swiveled her head to stare at him but he kept his gaze fixed on the pages. She cleared her throat and looked away.
“We went on one date. It didn’t—” she rolled her eyes and shook her head. “I didn’t need a second.”
“Was he a jerk?” Kip asked, eyeing the big man over the top of his magazine.
Tessa sighed. “No. He’s very nice. It just wasn’t… for me.”
Kip pursed his lips. “He was too good-looking?”
Tessa slapped the magazine onto her lap and laughed out loud.
Andrew looked their direction.
She turned her body, tucking one leg underneath her so she could face Kip directly. “I like kissing.”
Kip froze. He slowly rotated his head to meet her gaze.
Her lips titled slightly and she shrugged. “Kissing is my favorite. It’s the thing I look forward to most in life.”
Kip swallowed and tried to keep his eyes fixed on hers but they dipped to her lips for a half-second. “Okay,” he said roughly.
“Andrew was a bad kisser,” she said quietly. “Not that I usually kiss on a first date but he went in and I thought, ‘what the hell?’” She swung her hands out to the sides. “And hell it was.”
“What happened?” He couldn’t help it; he had to ask.
Tessa pressed her lips together and looked over his shoulder as she thought. “Have you ever seen a giraffe eat?”
The image of Andrew with a long, blueish tongue flashed into Kip’s mind and it was too much. His laughter busted out forcefully even as he tried to hide his face behind the magazine.
“You laugh,” Tessa said seriously with one eyebrow arched. “Because you don’t know.” She pressed her palm to the center of her chest. “I’m a reasonable woman. I know that he can be taught. But I am not looking to be his teacher. Thus, no second date.”
Kip wiped a tear out of the corner of one eye as he tried to settle down.
Poor Andrew.
Kip shook his head and glanced back to where he’d last seen Bo, certain his loud laughter would have alerted him to their presence. But Bo was nowhere to be seen.
Spencer came around the front desk at the moment, looking concerned.
“Tess, what are you doing here?”
“We were out—” she gestured to the longboards at their feet. “Thought we’d stop in and say hi. See if you wanted to get some food on your break.”
Spencer glanced around the gym briefly. “Oh, I already had my break. But thanks for thinking of me.”
Kip stood and made an obvious attempt at looking over the machines and people behind Spencer. “I thought I saw Bo when we first came in. Is he here?”
Spencer met his gaze. “I haven’t seen him.”
“Really?” Kip crossed his arms over his chest. “I could swear he was doing pullups just by the front door.”
“Nope. Must’ve been someone else.” Spencer blinked, steady and solid in her lie.
An uncomfortable silence fell between the three of them as they all waited for the next move. Wherever it came from.
Tessa looped her arm through Kip’s. “I am starving. How about you?”
He glanced over at the beauty leaning against his side. “Yeah, let’s go eat.”
“I’ll just see you at home, Spence,” Tessa said, hugging her friend goodbye.
Kip gathered the boards and handed Tessa hers once they stepped outside.
She took a deep breath and blew it out as she faced him directly.
“So, our best friends are both big fat liars.”
CHAPTER 11
on the nights when the words
are too sharp
and the carpet too red
I think of you
cool blue and
free
free
free
I can’t wait to meet you
-Tessa
TESSA
“One thing I never thought I’d say, sushi is my favorite.”
Kip’s lips pulled to the side in the half-smile of his she l
iked so much. He leaned back on his elbows, his eyes gazing out over the dark ocean in the distance.
After leaving the gym, they’d stopped to get more sushi. Probably way too much for one day, if she were being honest. But she didn’t care.
For the rest of her life, sushi would always be Kip and sunshine and covert operations. Memories made permanent by the simple addition of food.
They’d returned to the beach house where Kip had produced a sun-bleached beach blanket.
It was all very romantic.
The bright moon, the ocean, the man.
Tessa took a deep breath and sighed internally.
Why couldn’t the guys she dated be like this? Nothing forced, no one trying too hard. Just natural, organic, perfection.
She knew what she was doing. She was ultimately making it harder for herself in the long run.
What else was new?
“Is it weird to have three roommates and none of them are ever home?” she asked.
“Not really. I lived alone for a while. All of us moving in together was a matter of temporary necessity and not because we all wanted to live together.” He made a face. “Well, Bo, Brady and Steve have all been pretty inseparable, I suppose. They just… spent more time together while I was… off.”
Getting healthy, she finished in her mind.
It didn’t seem fair somehow. She’d known his friend group since high school and beyond. No, they weren’t all besties who spent holidays together splitting the cost of kegs. But they were all pretty loyal to one another.
Like, stupid loyal.
Tessa couldn’t help but wonder how they’d react if they ever discovered Kip’s secret. She knew exactly how she would react if either Spencer or Lo came to her with that kind of information.
Three words—Come. To. Jesus.
“Have you always liked sushi?” she asked.
“No.”
Kip rolled over onto his belly and used his arms like a pillow as he gazed up at her.
“When you’re doing chemo, you can’t—or you shouldn’t—eat shellfish, sushi, things that could make you sick. Since your immune system is basically nonexistent. So as soon as I got the all-clear from my oncologist, I ate all the things that had previously been forbidden. Sushi ended up being a big hit.”
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