“And don’t blame yourself for what others do to us,” I whispered.
“That, I can promise you,” he said and then kissed me again. I heard cheers from the other side of the house. Dillon groaned, and I started to laugh, ignoring my oncoming headache.
“It’s about time,” Sanders called.
Mackenzie punched him in the shoulder as they walked in. “Stop it. We were supposed to pretend that we weren’t listening.”
“And yet you were the one who cheered the loudest,” Pacey drawled.
I laughed, leaned into Dillon’s side as our group sat down around us, and began making plans to destroy the shed and build something new. Most of us would be dispersing for the holidays to spend time with family, but somehow, we would come back together.
Plans needed to be made, and I didn’t want to lose this connection. I’d already lost so much. I didn’t want to lose anything more. But as long as I had Dillon at my side, I knew I could do anything. We still had the rest of our futures to plan, but I knew that I wanted Dillon to be my forever. He was no longer my one night, no longer a dare. He was mine.
And I would thank my best friend to the end of time for gifting him to me.
Bittersweet promises and all.
Chapter 21
Dillon
* * *
I leaned Elise against the wall and kissed her hard on the mouth. “Hi,” I whispered.
She laughed. It reached her eyes this time, though maybe not as brightly as it had before. “Hello, there. I didn’t know there was mistletoe above us.”
I looked up and saw empty rafters. “I didn’t realize I needed mistletoe to kiss you.”
“Maybe not. However, it is a holiday party. I’m pretty sure mistletoe abounds.” She sighed a bit, and I knew she was thinking of Corinne, of the first party she’d come here for. We’d almost canceled this one, but Elise had insisted we keep it going. Because Corinne needed to be remembered, and we needed brightness in this home. We all needed a point of light in the times when it felt as if there might not be one again.
I smiled then. “Secret mistletoe should make for some interesting pairings since it’s mostly just our friends at this house party.”
“That is true,” she said, leaning into me.
“Let’s go see the rest of our people.”
It had been a week since the attack, over a week now since we had lost Corinne. Nobody was okay. Nobody was fully healed, but we were trying to make the most of it, even if it wasn’t easy. And that meant having a holiday and goodbye party before the next semester started.
There were a few people from school that I didn’t recognize, but this was a smaller gathering than the one we’d thrown when I first met Elise. Or the one where I’d first met Mandy, for that matter. Mandy and her boyfriend had not been invited, and that was fine with me. I usually didn’t have a problem with my ex coming to these types of things because I tried to be nice to everybody, but she had been harsh to me the last time we spoke, same with Elise, and I didn’t want her near the love of my life.
I couldn’t help but let a small smile play over my face at that thought. The love of my life. Some people might think it was odd to find that love so young, but what did they know? If we were blessed, we would have a long life left to live, and I would have the one person I wanted above all others at my side as I did so. We would be able to change together, find out who we were as we traversed the rest of our school years and careers. And we would have each other to lean on.
Maybe it would be easier if we were single and weren’t thinking about forevers and all of that, but we were doing exactly what we wanted, and that had to count for something. Or maybe it counted for everything.
Tonight, though, was about our group becoming a family, surrounded by others we didn’t know as well, but they were still invited.
I kissed the top of Elise’s head while we walked in, knowing that bittersweet feeling was back again. Corinne’s picture was on the mantel, a small candle lit against the frame. She would forever be remembered in this home and in our hearts. I still didn’t know how to reconcile the fact that she wouldn’t be coming through the door again, daring Elise to kiss me, making a joke or having a laugh with us to remind us that we were supposed to be enjoying college and life, and not stressing out about the next paper.
It didn’t seem fair that a girl so full of life and happiness wasn’t here anymore, but it was my goal to live my life along with Elise in Corinne’s memory. We’d find a way to make that work.
Once again, Miles was in the corner, this time with a girl I didn’t recognize. They didn’t seem to be arguing, just chatting peacefully. Tanner was on his phone, scowling down at it, alone this time, but Nessa and Natalie were near him, the two girls talking to each other. I knew they were searching for another house to live in, and my brothers were helping them. They would find a place for them to settle, along with Mackenzie if she ended up moving in with them as they’d talked about.
I wouldn’t get in the middle of that other than to offer my brother’s help with real estate. We’d find a way to make it work. For now, though, the house was a little busy with so many people coming in and out.
Pacey growled in the corner. I wasn’t sure why, and I wasn’t going to ask. For as open and helpful as Pacey was, the man had more secrets than I could count. And I wasn’t going to pry them out of him, at least not during the holidays. These days weren’t easy for most people, and I knew they wouldn’t ever be easy for us. Pacey was in pain after losing Corinne—we all were. I just hoped he found someone to talk to about it soon. Yet only a blink of time had passed since the loss, and I didn’t know what would happen next.
We all had memories and entanglements when it came to this time of the year, and finding joy in it was sometimes the only thing we could do.
Mackenzie walked in, a cheese board in her hand. “Hi there, have you seen Sanders?”
I looked at the small group of people who had come to celebrate a semester and a girl we all missed and shook my head. “No, he might be up in his room.”
Mackenzie nodded, her smile a little forced. “Thank you again for hosting.” Her eyes filled with tears, but she quickly blinked them away. “I just...thank you. It’s nice to be included.” She leaned in, kissed me on the cheek, and then did the same to Elise before setting the cheese board down. People attacked it with gusto, and Mackenzie smiled softly. She liked taking care of people, even if it was usually in her orderly way. I didn’t mind, though, because I liked it when she cooked, and she was taking care of Elise, too. That was a plus for me.
Elise leaned into me again, and I looked down at her. “Hey,” I whispered.
“Hey, there. I can’t believe I kissed you in front of everybody in this room,” she mumbled.
I raised a brow. “If I remember right, I’m the one who kissed you.”
“But I asked.”
“Maybe. Or perhaps we did what we should have.”
“I still can’t believe you’re also the guy I saw across the coffee shop.”
“When your mouth went slack, and you just couldn’t help but fall in love with me?” I teased.
She rolled her eyes. “Yes, sure, that’s exactly what happened.”
I snorted and kissed her softly. “Merry Christmas, Elise.”
“Merry Christmas, Dillon. I got you a gift, you know.”
“I thought you were my gift.”
“And what? Are you going to unwrap me later?” she asked, her voice low.
My dick went hard, and I swallowed. “Well, if you’re going down that path…” I began and laughed. We’d been together the night before in quiet peace, but the teasing was slow to come. It would take time. We’d been through too much in the past month, and we were still finding our footing. But we would. Because we’d found each other. “I love you,” I whispered.
“Hey, I love you, too. Now, let’s get some cheese before the rest of the horde steals it.”
“You always say
the sweetest things.”
I kissed her again before we went to join the others. I hadn’t meant to fall in love at my age. Hadn’t thought I ever would. I’d always been the one who helped my family when I could and watched my brothers fall in love one by one, each under harder circumstances than the last as the years went on. They had each come to me for and with advice. It had taken falling in love myself to realize the chance they had taken for that hope.
A chance I had freely fallen into.
One I would take again and again when it came to Elise.
She was more than my one night. She was my everything.
Mackenzie
After fifteen years, you would think I would be used to searching out and finding my boyfriend. However, it seemed to annoy me more and more these days. Mostly because finding Sanders sometimes took an act of God. My heart hurt too much at the moment to focus on others.
I knew he had to be in the house somewhere. After all, this was his holiday party—his and his roommates’. I just needed to find him. Even though he was usually the life of the party, he sometimes liked to step away and give himself some space. It made sense. He was great at being the center of attention until it got to be too much, and he needed a break. Just to breathe. I was the same way, so I knew I would probably find him in his room as Dillon had said.
I waved at the others, though I didn’t recognize a few. This wasn’t my home, even though I had been staying here for the past week. I needed to find a new place to live, and through the worst set of unimaginable circumstances, I might’ve found some new roommates. But I didn’t want to think about that right now. I didn’t want to think about the fact that I would be a replacement. A placeholder for someone I truly adored and would rather have in my life with me living in a box on the street. I missed Corinne.
I shoved those thoughts from my mind and walked up the stairs. Sanders’ room was in the center of the five bedrooms upstairs. Apparently, the guys had all drawn straws or something to find out which one of them would get the biggest room. I remember Sanders grumbling that he’d wanted the largest room, mostly because he had the most stuff, but he hadn’t minded in the end. As long as he had had a place to sleep so we could go to class, he said he was fine. And that was good with me.
I heard rustling inside the room and figured he must be changing or something. I opened the door, a wide smile on my face.
And then the floor fell out from under me. I didn’t know if I saw rage, anger, sadness, or an end of everything that I had thought purposeful.
Sanders sat on the edge of the bed, his pants down to his knees, his head thrown back in ecstasy. He’d tangled his fingers in the hair of some redheaded girl I had never seen before, and her lips were around my boyfriend’s cock—around my future husband’s cock.
Tonight was a holiday party. A party to say goodbye to a semester and a friend we all knew and loved and had lost too soon.
And my boyfriend was getting a blowjob from a girl who wasn’t me.
She hummed, and Sanders let out a grown. I knew what was coming next. I’d given that man enough blowjobs in my life to know exactly what he looked like when he came.
He came hard, his whole body practically vibrating, and the girl lapped him up, the two of them not even realizing I was there.
Was I supposed to say something? Was I supposed to run out and yell and do something?
This wasn’t happening. I had plans. Everything was in place. I was going to marry him, we were going to have careers and a family. Those were the plans we had discussed. It wasn’t just me. We may joke that I was an anal-retentive bitch who liked things in order, but Sanders had been there right alongside me, making those promises, those plans.
We were supposed to get engaged next year. He’d told me so.
And now some girl was sucking him off.
I must have made a sound because the girl looked up, her eyes wide. She scrambled back immediately. Oh, this one knew what she had done. She wouldn’t be so scared if she didn’t know who I was. Even if I didn’t know who the fuck she was.
Sanders looked at me then, tucked his now flaccid penis into his boxer briefs, and cringed. “Hey there, hon. I didn’t know you were coming up here.”
I just blinked. His words echoed in my head, and I tried to keep up. “Are you kidding me right now? You’re getting a blowjob from a girl, and now you’re blaming me for walking into the room that I have spent every night in this past week? Our friend died last week, Paul. We’re still mourning, even if we pretend what’s going on downstairs is a party.”
Paul Sanders swallowed hard. “Hey, you know it’s just for fun. It’s only a blowjob. I mean, really, don’t freak the fuck out. I’m just trying it out, babe. We’re going to be together for the rest of our lives. I don’t want to be with just you, though. I’m sure you’ve gotten off with some other guy or given a blowjob. I mean, it’s what we do, right?”
My mouth filled with bile, and I felt like I surely couldn’t be hearing what I thought I was. This was not happening. This couldn’t be happening.
Instead of saying anything, instead of standing up for myself as I should, I nearly fell backward as I started to run. I ran right into Pacey’s chest. Tanner was at his side, both of them glowering. Tanner fisted his hands at his sides as Pacey wrapped his hands around my arms, keeping me steady. Sanders finally stood up and zipped his fly.
“Hey, guys, can you give us some privacy? It’s just that me and my girl have a few things to discuss.”
“I...I need to go...” I whispered. I wasn’t even sure I’d spoken aloud, but Pacey’s hold tightened slightly.
“Oh, we’re going to have this out right now,” Tanner growled. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing? I should kick your fucking ass for hurting her.”
I looked up at Sanders then, not even recognizing him. But the boy I had loved with every inch of my soul sneered at Tanner. “Hey, this isn’t any of your business.”
I noticed that the girl who had been on her knees before now stood behind Sanders as if she were afraid I might hurt her.
How could I hurt her when I didn’t even feel like I was inside my body at the moment? I felt like I was watching things from afar, wondering what the fuck I was supposed to do. And I should be doing something. I shouldn’t just be standing here.
“Raise your chin,” Pacey whispered in my ear, and I swallowed hard. “What?” I asked, barely breathing the word.
“Don’t let him see you in pain. Don’t let the world know. Don’t let the others know. Don’t break. Don’t do this. Walk with me. Everything’s going to be fine.”
“No, it’s not.” My voice sounded hollow and tinny to my ears.
“Let the world see you’re better than this. Don’t let them see your pain. Don’t let Sanders win.”
And yet, Paul had won...hadn’t he?
As Tanner began to growl at Sanders, and the two talked about whatever the hell they were talking about, Pacey put his arm around my waist and led me towards the stairs.
I didn’t know what I was supposed to do, what I was supposed to say.
Because nothing was the same. Everything had changed.
My future lay behind me, the promises that I’d thought had been made broken and scattered in a heap of tattered remains.
If I wasn’t Mackenzie, Paul Sanders’ girlfriend and future...then who was I?
Who could I possibly be?
* * *
****
Next in the ON MY OWN series?
Mackenzie and Pacey pretend they don’t need each other in My Rebound.
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Want to read a special BONUS EPILOGUE featuring DILLON & ELISE? CLICK HERE!
A Note from Carrie Ann Ryan
Thank you so much for reading MY ONE NIGHT!
This book was about second chances, making mistakes, and finding your path. I hope you loved their story as much as I do.
Next up in the ON MY OWN series?
Mackenzie and Pacey
pretend they don’t need each other in My Rebound. Their romance starts off with heartbreak and ends with…well you’ll just have to see. Pacey has secrets and Mackenzie has ambitions. And their love is explosive!
* * *
And if you’re new to my books, you can start anywhere within the my interconnected series and catch up! Each book is a stand alone, so jump around!
Don’t miss out on the Montgomery Ink World!
Montgomery Ink (The Denver Montgomerys)
Montgomery Ink: Colorado Springs (The Colorado Springs Montgomery Cousins)
Montgomery Ink: Boulder (The Boulder Montgomery Cousins)
Gallagher Brothers (Jake’s Brothers from Ink Enduring)
Whiskey and Lies (Tabby’s Brothers from Ink Exposed)
Fractured Connections (Mace’s sisters from Fallen Ink)
Less Than (Dimitri’s siblings from Restless Ink)
Promise Me (Arden’s siblings from Wrapped in Ink)
On My Own (Dillon from the Fractured Connections series.)
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Happy Reading!
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The On My Own Series:
My One Night: An On My Own Novel Page 20
