by Lolah Lace
That was very true, but at this point I didn’t care anymore. “Okay, so you said you were sorry.”
“Latanya, I am.”
“Great, your apology is date-stamped accepted.” I took a long sip of my coffee. When he didn’t say anything else I was ready to bounce. “Is that all?” I knew there was more. I was afraid to get into it. I wasn’t sure I wanted to know the answers to the questions I had for me. So many questions entered my mind on the drive over here. A part of me wanted to get up and go. The other part of me wanted to confront him with what I knew.
“I know I messed up. I still love you, and I want another chance with you. I miss what we had. I miss out perfect relationship. We were so great together. I see that now.”
I got quiet as a church mouse. I needed to let the bullshit hit my eardrums in a proper manner before I could give this butt a rebuttal. I took a deep breath and glared across the table at him.
“You didn’t dump me because you needed space. You dumped me for someone else.”
“No, that’s not true.”
“You’re lying.”
“I’m not. I, I, I, it wasn’t someone else.”
“I don’t believe you. There was nothing wrong with our relationship, as far as I can tell. How could you need space with I’m not even clingy? You had to be cheating.”
“No, our relationship was great. You were great.”
“Bullshit!” The lady at the table next to us shot a look of interest in our direction. She was trying to listen with her good ear and I gave zero fucks.
“I miss what we had and I want to get back together.”
“Why?”
“Because I love you. I miss what we had. All I do is think about you.”
Okay, Troop.
“Nicholas David Hayworth, I saw a picture of you with a guy.” I blurted. Now it was his turn to look foolish. “A guy, a dude, a man, a hard leg.”
“What?”
“I saw a picture of you with your fucking mouth on another man’s mouth.” It was an Instagram screenshot that Tamika sent me so I wouldn’t go into this little meeting blind. She didn’t want Nick to lie to me. I believe he wouldn’t have mentioned it at all if I didn’t slap him in the face with it.
“I can explain that.” He nervously muttered.
“Can you?” I felt my eyes squint.
“I was confused.”
“About your sexuality?” He wasn’t twenty-something. He was thirty-three.
“No, yes. I don’t know.”
Point blank. “Are you gay?”
“Of course not.”
“You dumped me for a guy. Like seriously, what else is that supposed to be?”
“I’m not gay.”
“I don’t care. I don’t understand. We were in a relationship. Was it real?”
“Yes, of course it was real.”
“But you were cheating on me with a man.”
Silence, all he had was silence. I waited for him to admit it and he wouldn’t just come right out and do it.
“Nick, say something. You owe me the truth. If you’re gay, be gay. Are you gay?”
“No, no. I’m not gay. Stop saying that.”
“Well, your little boyfriend’s Instagram page says something else.”
“He was never my boyfriend. I’ve never had a boyfriend.”
“So what was he?” I waited, and he didn’t speak. “You know what, I don’t care. I just wanted you to know that I know. You are a piece of shit. If you wanted to be with guys, you could’ve told me. But you left me wondering what I had done wrong. The only thing I had done wrong was I didn’t have a fucking dick.”
“It wasn’t like that. Please let me explain.”
“I don’t want to hear the sordid details.”
“No, listen. It was not like that.”
“I don’t care what it’s like. I’m not going to be your beard.”
“I made a huge mistake. I tried that life and it’s not for me. It was a mistake. I love you. I only want you.”
“You tried that life. What the fuck are you talking about? You tried to be gay and what, it was too hard for you. So being in an interracial relationship with a woman was just easier or something. I’m not going to ever be second, and I’m definitely not going to share my man with another man.”
“Stop trying to make me gay. I’m not gay.” He looked around at the other people at the tables near us.
“Who are you trying to convince? I saw multiple pictures of you with that guy, Josh. He didn’t remove the pictures off of his IG.”
“I don’t like him. That was—”
“It didn’t work out with Josh. Go find someone else then. Don’t try to walk back into my life. I’m over you.”
“Why? You’re seeing that guy?”
“That’s not any of your business.”
“But we have history. We can’t—”
“A history of lies, I can’t trust you.”
“We were friends. We should at least be friends and see what happens.”
I let out a chuckle. I thought he had a shit ton of audacity. “I could be your friend if you had just come to me and said hey I think I want to explore something else. You didn’t do that. You dumped me in a text message. You lied. I can’t be your friend. Go be gay or bi or stay in the closet or whatever. I can’t trust you. We’re not friends. We’re not any-damn-thing.”
The look in his eyes was one of utter disbelief. I don’t know how he thought this would turn out, but he looked stunned.
I wasn’t trying to be a world-class bitch. I meant every word of what I said. If he would’ve ended the relationship we had with courage, I could still be his friend after finding out all this ridiculous information. I didn’t know what it was like to be curious or to be attracted to the same sex. I knew I never would’ve thought any less of him if he would’ve been honest with me while we were together. I hated when people lied to me. I wasn’t sure if he was gay or not. But I was sure it wasn’t something I wanted to be involved with.
Nick was a dick, and I didn’t want to have anything to do with him.
Chain Reaction
I had it. I had two months of pure bliss. We were official. I had a boyfriend that was thoughtful, loving and adored me. I had more passionate sex than I could handle. I didn’t know how long it would last. And then it all stopped. This wasn’t my year.
Did they say bad news happens in three’s or was in bad things happened in three’s? Well, it didn’t matter. Nothing could top finding out my ex-boyfriend was probably gay. Everything was going good. And then I got ghosted by Brandon.
I wasn’t sure why this kept happening to me. But it happened again. I did nothing to deserve it. Another man did a disappearing act on me. Now I was back wrecking my brain trying to figure out what I did or what I said to make Brandon abandon me. I knew I hadn’t done a thing.
Maybe I was just a clueless dummy. I didn’t see this coming. I thought everything was going good. I missed whatever cues he was giving me. I didn’t see it coming. It was so frustrating and I was already going through the host of emotions that occur when you’re dumped.
I was a terrible judge of character. Why did Brandon go to the doctor with me so we could be sexually safe and exclusive just to bail on me in two months?
I’d texted Brandon and called him. I didn’t get an answer. This went on for a week. I’d left messages and then I realized. He dumped me. No explanation. He just stopped talking to me. This time I knew I hadn’t done anything at all. Just like before, I did not understand what happened. One minute everything was fine. The next minute, Brandon disappeared.
It was no fun being dumped. It hit me suddenly. This was happening to me, and I needed a day to process it. I called in sick to work. I decided to I lay in bed all day. I needed to put the pieces of the puzzle together.
I had my laptop on the bed. I was going to spend the entire day sleeping and watching whatever came up on my Netflix queue.
My cell phone
scared me when it rang. I searched under my favorite Game of Thrones throw blanket until I found my cell phone somewhere near my feet.
“Hello.”
“Hey, you’re not at work.” Mark’s voice seemed worried.
“I know. I’m sick.”
“No, you’re not. You didn’t even text me. You can’t let that asshole stop your bag.”
“Please don’t talk like that.”
“Like what?”
A Black person. “Forget it, what’s the problem? What do you need?”
“There’s no problem. You just never call in, and on a Friday. Did you have your coffee this morning?”
“No, I just slept all morning.”
“It’s lunchtime. Did you eat something?”
“Not yet. But I’m not hungry.”
“You’re always hungry.”
“That’s true, but I’m sleeping today.” I tossed the blanket over my freezing feet.
“Are you sad?”
“Yes, I am.”
“No, no, you need to cut that out.”
“I wanted to be sad at home instead of at work. I’ll be back Monday.”
“I’ll bring you a pizza from Rosati’s today, after I leave here.”
“You don’t have to do that.”
“I know, but I want to do it. I’m going home first. Then I’m going to pick up your pizza. I know you’re hungry. You want hot wings too?”
“Yes, I do. Are you really driving over here?”
“Yes, I’ll be there after work.”
“Fine, whatever.” I shrugged, although he couldn’t see me through the cell phone.
“Answer when I call.”
“Okay.”
He hung up. I couldn’t really argue with him. I would be hungry sometime in the future. Pizza and hot wings would make me feel better. I needed to shower before Mark arrived, and the thought of leaving the comfort of my bed didn’t bring me much comfort at all. Brandon’s childish actions upset me, but I was happy I hadn’t shed a tear. I guess breaking up with people face-to-face was a thing of the past. I didn’t get the memo.
* * *
I feel asleep a few times. I woke to Tami coming into the front door and making more noise than necessary. I sat up in bed at the same time she peeked her head into my bedroom. She was in her hospital scrubs. She just worked a twelve-hour shift.
“Hey, you didn’t go to work today.”
“No, I didn’t feel like it. You don’t miss days. Are you sick?”
“No, I’m just tired. I needed a day of rest and relaxation. I just needed a day to chill in bed and binge-watch Lucifer.”
“You still ain’t heard from dude.”
“No, I didn’t, but I stopped texting him. He clearly doesn’t want to have anything to do with me.”
“I’m sorry. I really didn’t see that coming. But chile, you cannot fall down the depressed rabbit hole.”
“I’m not depressed. I’m good. I just wanted to take a day to process it. My luck with men sucks.”
“It won’t be that way always.”
“Hopefully, if the lord say the same. I’ll be okay. Mark is going to bring a pizza later if you want some.”
“No, I can’t. I’m going to the movies with Jay. I would stay here with you, but he’s picking me up in an hour.”
“Girl I told you, I’m good, just hungry as hell. Mark is going to bring me some food.”
“Is Mark that good-looking blonde guy from your job?”
I frowned. He wasn’t all that. “He’s blonde. He works were I work.”
“You should try to hit that?”
“Never.” The thought of it made my face contort. “Make sure you remember to take your house key. I might take some sleeping pills tonight so I can get some actual sleep.”
“You still got insomnia?”
“Yeah, and I’m tired of being awake. That’s one of the reasons I called into work. I didn’t get any sleep last night and I couldn’t function at work like a zombie.”
“Don’t drink alcohol if you take sleeping pills. It’s like being in a damn coma. You going to need Jesus to wake you up.”
“I’m going to drink water. I’m dehydrated.”
“Okay, well I’m going to jump in the shower before Jay gets here.”
“Enjoy your movie.”
“I don’t even know what we going to see. I will probably fall asleep on the movie.”
“Y’all like all the same movies so I’m sure he picked something good.”
“Right, but I freakin’ exhausted.”
Tami left the doorway. I heard her moving around and eventually I heard the shower come on. I probably needed a shower too. I didn’t take one and Mark was probably coming with the pizza in few hours. I hoped Tami would leave some hot water for me. She would, she didn’t take long showers, and that was a good thing.
Once she left the apartment I got out of bed and went to clean myself up. I was kind of glad Mark was dropping by. It forced me out of bed and it forced me to I make myself somewhat presentable. Presentable meant taking a shower and brushing my grill. I didn’t want to take my bonnet off my head, but I did. I put my hair in two braids and left it at that.
I put on my cookie monster shorts and my old dingy Tupac t-shirt. I wasn’t matching, but my outfit was clean and Tide fresh. My old UGG boots were used as house shoes. I stepped on a nail as a kid and I stopped walking around barefoot after that.
After a few too many text messages, Mark was at my door. I buzzed him up, and he was standing at my door with a huge pizza box, a brown bag on top, and a six-pack of bottled beer.
“I’m here.” Mark entered and headed straight for the kitchen.
“I see.” He looked like he was headed for the gym. Maybe he was going there when he left my place.
“I could hear your stomach growling from a mile away.”
My retort. “Did you hear me laughing at your joke from two miles away?”
“Haha, where’s Tami?” I followed Mark into the kitchen and watched him place all the items on the table.
“She’s on a date.”
“With Jay?” I tell this man too much of my business.
Mark opened the cabinet and took out two plates. He placed the plates on the table.
“Yes. How do you know were the plates are? You’ve been over here like twice.”
“I pay attention to things and I have an excellent memory.” He opened the pizza box and my nose got accosted with cheese, peperoni, ground beef and sauce.
“Um, it smells good and looks good.”
“It didn’t slide around the box on the drive over here. I usually mess up that part.”
“It looks yummy.” I removed the hot wings from the bag and opened the Styrofoam container.
I could eat like a pig in front of Mark. He’d seen it before when we had a taco-eating contest. I lost and I will never challenge a six feet two inch tall man that weighed almost two hundred pounds in muscle.
We gathered the food and took it all back to my bedroom. Marl pulled the only chair in my room to the side of my bed. We watched Lucifer and ate until we couldn’t eat anymore. I had to explain the entire series to him.
“It’s boring when you’re not at work. Are you coming back Monday?”
“Yes, I am.”
“Good.” Mark took a sip of beer and leaned back in the chair. “Do you want to hear my opinion?”
“Yeah sure, why not?”
“I think you should just be all by yourself for a while. You don’t need a boyfriend.”
“I don’t have one. So there’s that.”
“I know, but you could easily just get another one. Maybe you should just be single.”
“You’re never single and you’re telling me to be single.” He needed to take his own advice.
“No, I’m always single. I’ve had one girlfriend since you’ve known me.”
“Okay that’s true. You only claimed the one chick, Molly or Holly, something like that.�
�
“Molly was her name, but she’s in the rearview.”
“I probably would have liked her if I would have met her.”
“No, no, never. That would never, ever happen.”
“Why not?”
“You’re my friend. If any woman I’m dating gets one look at you and she will be jealous.”
That’s stupid. I frowned. “I saw pictures of her. I know that’s not true.”
“Women don’t like their boyfriend’s having female friends.”
“That’s not true.”
“It’s very true.”
“No, women don’t like their boyfriends to lie about who certain women are.”
“Fine, if you want to believe that. Go right head.”
I wanted to believe that. After watching a few more episodes of Lucifer, I fell asleep. I opened my eyes somewhere around 2AM. Mark was asleep in bed next to me. His clothes were intact and mine were too. My laptop was open and laying right in between us. Mark was on his back with his mouth open, but he wasn’t snoring. Odd. I turned away from the sleeping Ken doll and went back to sleep.
It’s My House
Monday morning was the worse. I had to stop to get gas. I needed air in my tire, but it was so early and just drove to work. I couldn’t seem to get away from bad news. What was really going on in my life? I made it on time, even though I stopped at the crowded gas station in town.
I was just getting over the Brandon bullshit when I got a random and unexpected punch in the gut. I felt terrible. I needed my coffee before I snapped on somebody. I practically run into my office when I got off the elevator. I put my stuff down and sat there staring at my desk. I texted Mark because I needed him to get my coffee to me ASAP. I didn’t have time for him to gingerly walk his long legs to my office. I needed him to sprint without spilling one drop of my cup of joe.
I was screaming on the inside. Why me, Lord? I hung my head in my hands until he strolled into my office and I felt his presence.
“Good morning, single lady, what’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” I barked. “I need coffee right now.”
Mark handed the large paper cup over to me. I didn’t hesitate to take it. It was just the right temperature as it went down my throat.
