by Brey Willows
Chandra watched her impassively, while Alec looked at her helplessly.
She turned to her mother. “So, you have no idea who my father is. Does he know I exist?”
Chandra’s smile was thin. “I do, and he did.”
Selene waited, but no more was forthcoming. “So, did you want to let me in on this little secret too?”
Chandra was silent, her stare focused and unwavering as she watched Selene pace. “He was a demi-demon named Clark.”
Alec straightened and looked sharply at Chandra. “A demi-demon? Who was his maker?”
Chandra’s expression didn’t change. She flicked a glance at Alec before returning her attention to Selene. “I don’t know. I never found out, and he was killed by a rabid monkey in India before I could ever speak to him again. But yes, he did know about you. I told him to stay away from you, and he did so. As a demon, he wasn’t terribly interested in childrearing, but as a human, he could be rather sentimental.”
Selene clutched her arms around herself and closed her eyes. If I click my heels three times. If I pinch myself, or drink an elixir, or wave a wand…something must be able to get me out of this nightmare. But when she opened her eyes, the world was the same as when she’d closed them. Her mother, goddess of the moon, and her lover, a winged fury out of some people’s nightmares, were staring back at her.
Her mother moved toward her, and the closer she came, the calmer Selene felt. By the time her mother grasped her hands in her own, Selene felt like she could breathe. Her mother’s expression had softened again, and Selene was struck by the ephemeral nature of her mother’s expressions and reactions. The moon was solid, immovable. And that’s how her mother seemed, at a distance. But now, standing in front of her, was a soft woman with kind, strangely navy colored eyes. There were specks in them, white ones, and Selene realized she was looking at stars in her mother’s eyes.
“Selene, my daughter. My child. I’m sorry this burden has fallen on you. I’m sorry you grew up so alone, and that I couldn’t be there for you. If you’ll have me now, I’ll try to be what you wanted when you were young.” She looked at Alec and smiled. “Alec will tell you I’m not always easy to be around, and it’s true. But I can try, and maybe we can meet in the middle. If nothing else, I can be another person on your side as you face your destiny.”
“But what if I don’t want this destiny? What if I want to make my own fate?” Selene whispered.
Chandra shook her head sadly. “I’m afraid none of us are able to escape our fates, child. That’s the one constant. Even I was subject to a fate I didn’t know about, by having you.”
Selene looked at Alec, who got up and came to her right away.
“What can I do?”
Selene took her hands from her mother’s and turned to Alec. “I need to process. I need to breathe.” She looked at her mother. “Can we talk more tomorrow? I don’t even know what questions I’ve got left at the moment.”
Chandra stepped back, her cold visage back in place. “Of course. My priestess will show you to your room, and we can discuss the next steps at breakfast tomorrow.” Her mask slipped briefly when she said, “Sleep well, daughter. I’ll be watching over you.”
Selene took Alec’s hand, and they followed the beautiful priestess down a maze of halls to a sumptuous bedroom with a bed big enough for an orgy.
Alec grinned. “I can sleep with my wings free, if you don’t mind. It’s nice to have a bed this big.”
Selene looked at her and allowed the confusion, hurt, and bafflement she’d been feeling show. Instantly, Alec had her in a tight hug, her wings wrapped around her. “I’m here. And I’ll be here right to the end of this. I promise.”
Selene let Alec take her clothes off and help her into bed. Alec crawled in beside her and wrapped Selene in her wings. She thought it would take forever to get to sleep, but safe in the warmth of Alec’s soft, silky embrace, pulled tight against her hard body, she felt sleep claiming her quickly.
Tomorrow. I can deal with all of this…insanity, tomorrow. Tonight, this is all I need.
Chapter Twenty-five
Anger. No, not anger. Rage. That’s what Alec felt radiating from Selene from the moment she woke up.
“When can I see her?”
Alec sat up in bed, letting the sheet fall to her waist. She appreciated that even in her current state of mind, Selene took a moment to look her over like she wanted to eat her.
“It’s morning. She might be awake soon, but she’ll be muddled. We can see if she eats breakfast.”
“Does she need to eat?” Selene was riffling through her clothing and pulling it on haphazardly.
Alec was afraid to tell her she’d put her top on inside out. Better she takes her wrath out on Chandra. “No. None of us do, technically. But we do get hungry, and it’s a nice ritual to have.” She got out of bed and stretched out the kinks in her wings from keeping Selene held close all night.
Selene had stopped moving and was watching her. “I want you again. Tonight.” She turned to pull on her sweatshirt and then stopped. “Oh my God! Picus! I totally forgot about him last night. He didn’t wait, did he?”
Alec laughed and pulled on her jeans. “I let him know we were staying the night. He’ll come back when I call him to pick us up.” She took a chance and gently turned Selene to face her. “Baby, what has you riled?”
“I’ll tell you and my mother at the same time, if that’s okay? Do you think she’s got coffee?” Selene threw open the door and headed down the hallway.
Alec sighed. There had to be consequences to what Selene had learned. She knew that. But she hoped like hell those consequences wouldn’t include her turning away from them altogether. She hurriedly hopped into her boots as she tried to follow Selene out of the room.
They followed the delicious smells down the hallway to the kitchen. Coffee was ready, and various breakfast foods lined the counter, along with more luscious strawberries. Chandra sat at the large wooden table, a mug clasped in her hands. She looked tired.
“I wasn’t sure what you might want, so I had a variety made.” Her smile was slight, her eyes unfocused.
“Thank you.” Selene grabbed a mug and poured herself a cup, and the intensity coming off her was palpable. She went to the table and sat facing Chandra.
“Who the hell do they think they are? Who the hell do any of you think you are?”
Alec raised an eyebrow. This is new.
“I’m sorry. What do you mean?” Chandra was clearly trying hard to focus.
“They ruined my life. I could have had a mother. Maybe not a father, but a mother. I don’t know you. Maybe you would’ve been a shit mother. But you would have been better than anything I had as I was shoved from house to house. And why? All because someone, somewhere, decided I needed to save people. Why the hell does someone else get to decide my fate to the point I get no say in it?”
She spun to face Alec. “And this bridge between worlds business—saving your kind from fading, saving humans from chaos. I care about you, deeply. I think we have something special, sure as hell unique. But my life was taken from me, the life I could have had, because some old women on the fifth floor of your building decided I was some kind of Tolkien style ring bearer.” She stood up, shaking. “And I think that’s pretty fucked up.”
Alec winced. She’d considered aspects of what Selene was saying, but watching her hurt, seeing her righteous anger, made Alec ache for her. “You’re right. I’m sorry. I wish I could say more, but—”
“No. Don’t you dare tell me the Fates have decided or some such bullshit. The truth is, I have a say in this. I can decide, based on my own beliefs, my own ideologies and practices, what to do. And I’m going to do that.”
Chandra stared at Selene as though trying to see her properly, but from a long distance. “You’re mistletoe.”
Selene stopped pacing and stared at her. “What?”
“Mistletoe. It doesn’t root in the ground, and it doesn’t live
in the air. It takes root on a tree, above ground, in between. Like mistletoe, you’re not of one world, but two.”
“I’m a parasitic plant. Excellent. Thank you, Mom. That’s helpful.”
“The point is you need both to live, to be happy. The tree of the earth, and the air of the ether. Without both, you will wither.”
“You’re saying I need the gods? I need the belief system I never had a use for growing up?”
Chandra frowned and her face grew shadowed. “You are a god, Selene. A demigod, yes. But our world, the one you don’t wish to believe in, is your world, just as the one you live in is. Like mistletoe.”
Selene paced, drinking her coffee, pouring herself another cup and drinking it quickly. Alec stood to the side, watching. Selene was on a roll, working toward understanding, and Alec needed to give her the space to do it, even if the direction she was taking was terrifying.
“So let me make sure I understand. I’m a bridge of some kind. I’m a demigod, who is supposed to help keep the gods from fading. And I’m also supposed to help humanity, and keep them from descending into chaos. And Alec, a five-thousand-year-old fury, is supposed to help me. But we don’t know how, and we don’t know against who. Nor do we know why there are creepy, smelly, ugly things trying to get me. Is that about the sum of it?”
Chandra and Alec stayed silent. The question was clearly rhetorical, and there wasn’t really anything to say that would make Selene feel better, given her perception of things. Which is pretty much dead-on.
Selene slumped into a chair and rested her head in her hands. The sounds of the house creaking, the wind blowing outside, and the occasional chime of the clock filled the room to bursting, so thick was the silence between them. Finally, Selene looked up at Alec.
“When we met, you knew who I was. You knew everything about me, didn’t you? It wasn’t random.”
Alec shook her head. “No. I’m sorry. I wasn’t sure how to meet you, and showing up at your house in the woods to show you what I am didn’t seem like the best way to do it.”
“So you lied to me. And manipulated me.” She turned to Chandra. “And you gave me up because three old women told you to. You got rid of me, so I could save other people one day. Without thinking about what my life would be without you.”
She stood up slowly, gripping the table. Alec moved to help her but stopped when Selene threw her a warning look. “Don’t. I need space. I need time.” She made her way to the doorway, looking almost like she might faint. “Because the truth is, I don’t know if the gods need saving. The truth is, even knowing what I know, I still need to decide if the world, humanity, would be better off without religion as a crutch or a club. And I can’t do that when I’m surrounded by people who need me to choose one way or the other.” She looked at Alec with tears in her eyes. “You said you’ll be here no matter what, because you don’t need people to believe in you. I hope that’s true. And I hope you’re still around when I make my decision, whatever that may be.” She turned to her mother. “I don’t know how I feel about you. I don’t understand what you are, really, and I don’t understand what I am. I thought I did. I clawed my way out of the mire. I became a professor. I had a relationship. I was happy, kind of. And now, I have no idea who I am, or what I am. I’m more lost…” She hugged herself and let the tears fall. “More lost than I’ve ever been, now that I’ve found you.”
She turned away. “Can you have Picus take me to the airport, please?”
“I’ll call him now. Do you want me to come with you?” Alec desperately wanted her to say yes, to say she still wanted her by her side.
“No. I’m sorry. I’ll call you.”
She walked away, and Alec felt the heart she’d forgotten she had, splinter.
Chandra came to stand beside her. “Follow her. She might not want you near her while she works things out, but she needs your protection. Are the daevas after her?”
Alec nodded, still staring at the empty doorway, willing Selene to come back, to change her mind.
“Then she needs you more than you can imagine. I’ll keep a closer eye on her as well. I don’t know what her father might have to do with this, but if there are daevas after her, then it must be to do with Selene’s demon side. The oracle says it will be the child of night’s light, which is me, and the dark, which was her father. It’s the daevas who own the dark when they walk among the humans.” She lightly touched Alec’s shoulder, and her hand was cold.
“I’ll keep her safe, no matter what she decides. She won’t know I’m on the plane with her, and I’ll make sure she’s safe when she’s back home.” She called Picus, and he was there to pick up Selene within ten minutes. Alec heard the door open and close as Selene went out to meet him. She got into the car, and Alec could see Picus prattling away at her, but Selene’s expression was blank, empty. Alec called Zed and told him they were on their way back, but hung up before he started asking more questions.
She didn’t have any answers. Selene had walked away from her, and she wondered if a fury could fade after all.
Chapter Twenty-six
Selene lay curled on her side, hugging a pillow as her tears wet another pillow beneath her head. When she and Mika had split up, she’d felt awful, unloved and unwanted. In the miniscule amount of time since then, she’d found out the world she’d known, the one she walked through every day believing she understood more than the average person, due to her study of philosophy and her rejection of religion…it was all wrong.
And not only that, but somehow she was supposed to save that world from disintegrating. Because people weren’t believing anymore. It was exactly what she had wanted, what Frey wanted. The cessation of unwarranted belief so people and governments stopped hiding behind religion and had to be more honest about the lies they told and the truths they kept hidden.
She thought about the people she’d met at Afterlife. According to their oracle, she now had the power of life and death. Over gods. What does that make me?
The trees outside were making their beautiful music as they danced in the wind, and she let it soothe her. She drifted to sleep but was quickly overrun by dreams where she needed to do something but couldn’t find a way to do it, all with a sense of impending failure. Sweat soaked her T-shirt when she woke, trembling once again. Dusk had fallen, and she figured food was in order, although it was the last thing she wanted. Maybe a rice cake with some peanut butter. In the kitchen, she startled at her reflection in the window, before she realized there was another noise, one she didn’t recognize. She listened harder and froze near a wall, thinking of the mess made of her bathroom. Afterlife had taken care of the cleanup, and she’d wondered at the time if they had assigned lowly, displaced gods to do the painting.
Although she was still afraid of the creepy bastards coming for her, somehow, she knew someone, or something, would be watching out for her. Given that she was supposed to save their sorry asses, she knew there’d be some kind of guard detail near her cabin. She was happy to accept that, if it meant she could sleep in her own bed, away from the crushing pressure of expectation, where she could process the whirling dervish her life had become.
The noise grew louder, and her heart hammered against her ribs. She closed her eyes and forced away any thoughts of Zed or the others. Not unless I really need them… Isn’t that always the way?
A long, low scratching sound came from her back door. It started near the top and went slowly, terrifyingly slowly, to the bottom. She could hear the wood splintering and choked back a sob.
And then she heard a sound she knew. The sound of a baby bear snuffling. Bears. It’s bears. Shaking so hard she could barely stand, she slid open the window next to her and grabbed the air horn from next to the door, where she always kept it. Living in a forest full of large, hungry animals meant keeping deterrents handy. She aimed the horn at the open window and depressed the lever, letting out an awful screeching sound. She heard the momma bear growl loudly, and Selene could hear them lumber
off. She slid to the floor and wrapped her arms around her knees.
This is my life now. Wondering if a bear is a ghoul sent to get me. Trying not to think of gods, because they just might answer my prayers.
The phone rang, and she gasped at the loud noise in her quiet house. She crawled across the floor to the phone, not trusting her legs to hold her up.
“Yes?”
“Selene? Are you okay?”
“Frey. Yes, I’m fine, thank you.”
“You sound a bit funny. Are you sure?”
Selene took a steadying breath. “I’m sure, thank you. I just had some bears at my door, that’s all. They’re gone now.”
“Wow, bears. I can’t say I’ve ever had that problem! Look, I won’t keep you. I was wondering if we could have dinner and see where things stand? My work is going great, but I need something special, something more, and I still think you’re it. After tonight, if you still don’t want to do it, I’ll stop pestering you. What do you say?”
The last thing on earth Selene wanted to do was leave the house, especially to talk about a career in public philosophy. But then again, maybe Frey was exactly the type of person she needed to talk to right now.
“Sure. Same place as before? I can be there in about an hour.”
They hung up, and she pulled herself to her feet. Since she’d been back from Italy, she’d done nothing but think. And miss Alec. She missed Alec ferociously, and part of her wondered if she was holding Alec responsible for turning her world upside down, even though Alec, too, was just doing as she was told. Following orders, like any good fury would.
She got dressed slowly, praying things would start to make some kind of sense soon.
