by Zizi Cole
“She told me I didn’t do anything. The first time was yesterday before I went to see the shrink. Then this morning when Jake left the room to talk on the phone. Yesterday I was in my room, and I thought I saw her out of the corner of my eye. I wasn’t sure. I thought my mind was playing games with me. Then today she was standing in the kitchen. She whispered to me that I didn’t do anything and then she disappeared.” I held my elbows. “I hate seeing her like that, knowing she’s trapped on this earth as a ghost and it’s my fault.”
“Oh, honey, it isn’t your fault. She has to make sure you’re okay before she moves on. I’m sure that’s why she’s still here. She even told you it isn’t your fault. What you’re feeling is survivor’s guilt. You don’t need to feel guilty.”
I took a deep breath then released it. “So why didn’t you tell me about this sooner?”
“What and be an outed freak for no reason? You’re nuts, girl. Honestly, Lex, the only reason I told you about the visions is so that you would stop blaming yourself for your parents’ deaths.” Mia shrugged.
I laughed. Leave it to my amazing cousin to put things in perspective in a way to lighten the mood. The rest of our soak was relaxing and we just spent time catching up on the last few years. Granted, we knew about the major things and had talked a little over the years, but this was the first chance we had to really catch up in a while.
***
Mia and I were sitting on the floor eating Chinese food from the cartons when Jake walked in the door. He stood at the door and took in the scene. Then he frowned at the doorknob.
I held a box of Chinese food out to him and smiled. “Want some?”
He frowned at me as he walked into the room. He was annoyed about something and I was sure he was about to tell me about it.
“Why is that door unlocked?” he asked.
Mia giggled and I grinned. We had discussed what his reaction to the door being unlocked was going to be. We had left it unlocked intentionally just to see what he would do. I shrugged.
“We knew you were coming back, so we left the door open for you. Why else would it be unlocked?” I answered. I felt like it was an obvious answer. Apparently, Jake didn’t think so.
“I see,” he said. He took his shoes off by the door and went into the kitchen. I heard the water turn on then off, the refrigerator open and close. Then I heard the distinct sound of a beer bottle opening. He came back into the room, took the offered Chinese container, and sat on the couch with it.
He sat and brooded for a few minutes. I couldn’t believe he was that upset about it. Mia didn’t seem to mind that he was upset. It wasn’t like we couldn’t take care of ourselves. Okay, Mia could take care of us, and I would be able to eventually. He finally relaxed his shoulders and grinned his crooked grin.
“I know what you two are thinking. I can see it on your faces. I know I’m being an ass, but damn it, Alexandrea, I don’t want to see anything happen to you,” Jake snarled.
Mia stifled a giggle. It was obvious she knew something I didn’t. But when was I ever completely clued into what was going on? I looked between the two for a minute, then decided to do what I did best and ignore it.
The rest of the evening went completely event-free. We talked and enjoyed each other’s company just like old times. After midnight, Mia decided to take her leave.
“Well, love, I better get going. I have to open the diner in the morning. I’ll be over after my shift to work out, and tomorrow we’re going to go over some hand-to-hand combat.” Mia laughed when I groaned. “Don’t forget, you asked for it.”
I walked her to the door, locked it, and set the alarm. I seated myself beside Jake and just sat there for a moment. It seemed like the silence stretched on forever. He seemed perfectly content to just sit there and not say a word. I finally looked at him and broke the silence.
“Were you really mad the door wasn’t locked? I mean, it isn’t like you knocked or anything to get in. You just walked in,” I said.
He looked at me for a moment. “I wasn’t mad, per say. I was more concerned and worried. After there was someone who didn’t leave prints in your room last night, I wanted to make sure you were safe. You aren’t completely safe if you don’t lock the door.”
Oh. “I didn’t think about it that way. I’m sorry. If it makes you feel any better, the new security system was installed this afternoon.”
“I’m glad, darlin’.”
I hugged him. He wrapped his arms around me and rested his chin on the top of my head. I could have stayed like this forever, but he let go too soon. He grabbed the remote and turned on an action flick. I rolled my eyes. Jake and his action movies. He always was into them. I started to yawn.
“Darlin’, you should get some sleep,” Jake suggested after the third time I yawned.
“I know, but I still gotta clean my room,” I told him.
“Don’t worry about it tonight and go to bed.” He nudged my shoulder. “Sweet dreams.”
I wondered how sweet my dreams would actually be.
7
My hands had something warm and sticky on them. I looked down at them. They were covered in blood. I had blood all the way up to my elbows. I screamed and ran to the bathroom. I quickly took off my blood-soaked clothes and got into the shower. The water was as hot as I could stand it. Once I washed the blood off, I walked into my room, wrapped in a towel. I pulled a dress on quickly and turned around. On the bed was what looked like a body. As I got closer, I recognized the shape of the body. One of the body’s arms was hanging off the side of the bed and blood was dripping off the fingers. The fingernails looked like they were painted black. I glanced down at black manicured nails.
I walked closer to the bed. The body’s hair looked red, but I knew it was blood soaked. I also knew that underneath the blood, the hair was a light blonde. I didn’t want to get closer but I knew I had to see the body’s face. I needed to see how she died. I inched my way closer, focusing on the body’s face. It was like looking in the mirror. She had deep blue eyes, a narrow nose, and luscious lips. I was staring into my own face.
With a shaking hand, I pulled the blanket back to see that her throat was slit and her chest had a gaping hole in it. I leaned over the body so that I wasn’t touching it and looked inside the hole. I had never seen the inside of my own body before, or any other body for that matter, but I knew that the heart was missing. I gasped and covered my mouth. Someone had murdered me and cut out my heart. I turned around to run out of the room but a man in all black stood in the way. He had black boots, black jeans, and a black hoodie on. He was also wearing black leather gloves with a bandana over his mouth and nose. All I could see were his eyes and eyebrows, which were also black. I knew I was looking into the eyes of evil. He slowly reached for me and I did the only thing I could think of. I kicked him in the groin.
I ran down the stairs knowing I had to get away from him. When I ran into the living room I saw that it was empty. I made a run for the door when I heard a sound in the kitchen. I looked towards the kitchen and saw my mother standing in the doorway. She motioned me to the kitchen. I hurried to her. My mother was standing by the island. She looked like she did after she had died. Her throat was all ripped out. Her pajamas were drenched in blood.
Sitting on the island was a heart. My heart. It was still beating slow, painful beats. I looked at my mother, confused as to why she would show me this. I couldn’t keep my eyes on her. I had to look back at the heart. I watched it contract and release. I could hear it trying to pump blood through a body it was no longer connected to.
“Alexandrea, you have to be careful,” my mother whispered. “Don’t let him touch you.”
“I don’t plan on it,” I whispered back, still looking at the heart. I finally looked back up to my mother. “Why are you showing me my heart?”
“You need to follow it,” she whispered. “And remember, trust your instincts. It’s part of your heritage.”
“Momma, I miss you,” I mu
rmured.
I could hear heavy footsteps on the stairs. I looked at my mother. She looked so sad and desolate. I could feel the heart in my chest beat faster with each step that I heard on the stairs. He was getting closer. What was it my momma told me? Not to let him touch me. I opened my mouth to ask her what to do now, but I didn’t have a chance to say a word.
“RUN!” She screamed as she ran towards the footsteps.
I did what she asked. I ran.
I woke up screaming. I shot straight up in bed and heard footsteps racing up the stairs. As the door opened, I grabbed the alarm clock off the bedside table and launched it at the shadow that was opening the door. He grunted and cursed.
“Damn it, Lex! It’s just me.” Jake came into the room and turned on the lamp beside the bed. “I’m just glad you didn’t throw the fucking lamp at me.”
“I’m so sorry,” I apologized. “I didn’t mean to wake you up. It was just a bad dream.”
He grabbed me and hugged me tightly. “Don’t worry about waking me up, darlin’. When I heard you screaming, my heart almost stopped. You sounded like someone was killing you. I couldn’t get to you fast enough.”
I wrapped my arms around him and held on tightly. I opened my eyes and over his shoulder I could see my mother standing there with a slight smile on her face. I knew she had always liked Jake. I smiled at her and hugged him tighter. I knew that it was probably confession time. She had told me to trust my instincts and to follow my heart. My gut was telling me that he needed to know everything. I pulled away from him and grabbed his hands.
“Jake, we have to talk,” I told him solemnly.
He nodded. “Yeah, darlin’. We do.”
“Please let me go first and don’t say anything until I’m done,” I begged quietly. Again, he nodded but didn’t say a word. Apparently, he was going to keep quiet until I was done confessing all to him. “Okay, I know that we haven’t seen each other in ten years and we don’t really know each other anymore. However, I know you. You’ve always been open-minded. Momma always loved you. She told me I was making a mistake when I told her I was breaking up with you.”
He had an injured look on his face. He opened his mouth and I put my fingers on it. “Please let me finish. I didn’t want to go by myself to New York State and I definitely didn’t want to give you up. You have to know that, Jacob. But I knew that if we stayed here neither of us would do anything with our lives. We would get married, have kids, and work meaningless jobs. We wouldn’t get to have adventures or get to really live. I would’ve been happy with that, but I didn’t know if you would be. Plus, we had amazing college opportunities waiting for us. I broke up with you because I wanted you to go to college and play football. I wanted to be able to see you do something amazing with your life. It broke my heart to let you go, but it was what I felt was best for us at the time. When I got to New York, I found out that I was pregnant.”
“Why didn’t you-” Jake started. I put my hand over his mouth.
“I’m getting there. Please, Jake, just listen. If you talk, I don’t think I’ll have the nerve to finish everything,” I pleaded. He nodded, so I moved my hand off his mouth. “Anyway, I wasn’t sure what to do. I wasn’t going to abort the baby. You know my standpoint on that. But I didn’t want to ruin your life with it either. I know you wouldn’t have seen it that way. You’re too perfect for that. But then, I had a miscarriage. I took that as a sign that I wasn’t meant to have the baby, so there was no reason to tell anyone. So, I dedicated my life to college. I loaded up my schedule so that I was able to graduate early. Then, I met this handsome, mysterious man. He was charming and seemed perfect. I decided to date him because he reminded me of you, at first. He swept me off my feet and the next thing I knew we were living together in his apartment. He had me quit my job and promised he would take care of me. That was when I started to feel like things were a little off. I ignored my instincts. I figured I was just being silly. Here was a great man that wanted to take care of me. I knew he would never compare to you, but he was close.”
I sat up straighter and readjusted the pillows behind my back, trying to get more comfortable because I knew he wasn’t going to like what was coming next. “I watched your football games on TV every chance I got. Yes, Momma told me when you were injured during that game, but I saw it on live TV. I watched your knee blow out and my stomach dropped. I called Momma and got your number when I heard you went back home. I even tried calling once and chickened out. I hung up before you answered the phone. What I didn’t know was that Michael was going through my phone while I was sleeping. He didn’t like the fact that I had your number. The first time he backhanded me was when he found out that I watched the football games you were in. I don’t know how he knew who you were, but he did. I also don’t know why it was such a big deal. We’d been broken up for several years at this point. The next morning there was a rose on the pillow next to me with a note apologizing for losing his temper. When he found out I had tried calling you, he completely lost his temper. He beat the crap out of me. The next day, I had a dozen roses waiting for me when I woke up. Again, there was a note. The note said, ‘Sweetheart, I hope you had sweet dreams. Sorry I lost my cool.’”
I took a deep breath and let it out. I glanced at Jake and he was just sitting there, still as stone, and he was frowning. I knew I had to finish the story. “After that he started ‘losing his cool’ more often. The final straw was when he hospitalized me. He had fractured my arm and given me a concussion. He’d beaten me bad enough that I’d passed out. When I woke up, I was in the hospital and they were saying I had gotten drunk and fallen down the stairs. Beside the bed was a dozen roses with a note that said, ‘Sweetheart, I hope you had sweet dreams. See you soon.’ After I got out of the hospital, I toed the line until he left on a business trip. While he was gone, I called Momma. After I told her what had happened, she didn’t react the way I thought. She didn’t yell at me for being stupid and staying that long or anything like that. She just said she would fix it and a few hours later she was at my door. She didn’t even let me pack. She told me everything in the apartment was replaceable and we left and came home.”
I paused. Jake could tell I wasn’t done talking so he didn’t say anything. He just watched me. “This was about two months ago that I came home. The night my parents died, I remember seeing them killed. I don’t know how I saw it, but I thought I had done it. Now, I’m not so sure. Now, I think someone is after me. I think I’m going to be the next one to die.”
8
We sat there for a long time not speaking. I couldn’t read what was going through Jake’s mind, and he hadn’t moved since I started talking. I had a feeling he wasn’t going to be as accepting of everything as I had hoped he would be. I was starting to become afraid that he was going to decide to leave and not come back. I was afraid that he was going to hate me after everything I had told him. After what seemed like hours, but only moments had to have actually passed, I couldn’t stand the silence anymore.
“Do you hate me now?” I asked in a small voice.
Jake looked at me. It looked like he wasn’t sure what the best way to tell me he never wanted to talk to me again was. He finally sighed as he rubbed his temples.
“No, Lex. I don’t hate you. I could never hate you. I just…” he trailed off. He seemed to make a decision. “Right now, we need to focus on the last thing you said.”
I felt my throat constrict and tears well in my eyes. Right. He was going to see me through this until he knew I was safe, then he would never speak to me again. Or, he thought I was crazy and was going to have me committed. Maybe I deserved it. I deserved his anger, his hate. I didn’t know if I could handle it. Even when Michael had beaten me half to death, Jake was who I thought of when I woke up. He’s who I dreamed about at night before the nightmares started.
I subtly wiped the tears from my eyes. I wouldn’t let him see how much his rejection and silence hurt. He still hadn’t looked at me since I finish
ed my story. He was staring at a spot on the wall. I wished that instead of seeing ghosts, I could read minds. Before I could ask him another question, Jake spoke.
“I agree with two things you said,” he said, still staring at the wall. Then he turned and looked at me. “You didn’t kill your parents. I don’t know how you saw it happen, either. The other thing I agree with is that someone has it out for you.”
I shuddered at his words. He believed me. That was a start. Who could be trying to kill me, though? Why? I didn’t think Michael was that pissed that I left. He hadn’t even tried calling my phone after the first call when I told him it was over.
“What do we do?” I asked.
“We get to the bottom of it and make sure whoever’s after you doesn’t succeed. I have a feelin’ it’s the same asshole that killed your folks.”
I nodded, feeling that he was right. “So, what do we do now?”
“Go back to sleep. We’ll look at this again in the mornin’.” Jake got up and headed to the door.
My heart began to pound in my chest and I was sure that he could hear it. He opened the door and went to leave the room.
“Wait,” I called after him. He stopped and turned to look at me. “Can you stay with me? I’m scared.”
Jake froze. He didn’t seem to know what to do. He just stood there staring at me. It seemed like he realized suddenly why he had come upstairs in the first place. He nodded, then came back into the room. I scooted over to one side of the bed and pulled back the covers for him to join me. He stretched out on the bed beside me, and I pulled the blanket over us. He was lying there stiff as a board and I could tell he didn’t want to be there. I was just glad that even though he didn’t want to be in the room with me, he hadn’t left me.
I rolled on my side with my back to him so that maybe he would relax enough to go to sleep. I lay there staring at the wall. I felt him shift, then the room went pitch black. He had turned the light off. I could feel him shifting around for another couple of minutes. When he finally settled in, he was laying with his back to mine. I could feel the body heat coming off of him in waves. Just knowing he was there helped me to relax and fall into a dreamless sleep.
