“I am sorry if you find the entertainment facilities lacking,” Al said apologetically.
“Never mind.” I sighed. “Just take me to my room, please.”
“With pleasure, Lady Zoe.”
He led the way down the corridor until we came to a row of sliding metal doors.
“This will be your room for the duration of our trip.” Al motioned at the last door on the left. “Simply wave your hand to break the beam and the door will open.”
I didn’t see any beam (maybe it was invisible?) but I waved my hand in front of the door he’d indicated anyway and sure enough, it slid open with a nearly silent whoosh.
Inside was a metal counter about waist high, a single chair, and a large silver bean bag floating about three feet off the floor. It was really long and looked like it had been built for someone Sarden’s size, so it was going to be like sleeping in a king sized bed for me.
“Whoa…” I walked forward and put my hand out to touch the silver material of the bag. It was soft as silk under my fingers. “How cool is this? A hoverbed!”
“It works by simple principles of magnetic deflection,” Al said modestly. “It gives excellent support while cushioning your whole body.”
“I can’t wait to try it,” I said and I really wasn’t lying. By now, you can probably tell I’m kind of a Scifi geek. If I hadn’t been captured with the express intent of being sold off to some alien trader in a galaxy far, far away, being aboard a genuine space ship would have been a dream come true.
“There are bathing facilities as well. Here.” Al glided further into the room and then into a smaller doorway set in the wall opposite the bed. I followed him, wondering what alien bathroom fixtures looked like. I really hoped they had a recognizable toilet—it would be super awkward to have to ask Al how to use it if I couldn’t figure it out just by looking.
But it wasn’t the toilet that caught my eye when I went into the bathroom. There was a rectangular enclosure filled with clear, pale purple liquid standing in the center of the room. It was about five feet wide by five feet across and enclosed by a clear barrier that might have been glass or plastic or some alien material I had never heard of. It was tall, too—reaching almost to the high metal ceiling overhead.
“What’s this?” I asked, eyeing it in confusion.
“The pool of personal cleansing. Do you not have such things on Earth?” Al asked, sounding confused. “Do you not bathe?”
“Of course we bathe!” I exclaimed. “But we usually take a shower or a bath.”
“A bath—as in you submerse yourself in water or cleansing liquids?”
“Well, yes, but—”
“Then you should feel right at home! The PPC is for exactly that purpose. Simply slide open the entrance hatch…” He indicated a sliding door on one side of the clear enclosure. “And step inside to be thoroughly cleansed.”
I frowned. “Are you trying to tell me this thing is a huge vertical bathtub? How can you open the door without all the, uh, water—is that water? Anyway, without it going everywhere?”
“There is a moisture repellant field around it which keeps the cleansing liquid in of course,” Al said, as though it should have been obvious. “I really must learn more about your home world. How do your people keep cleansing liquids contained?”
“With good old fashioned gravity, mostly. I mean, we use uh, horizontal bathtubs, not vertical ones,” I said.
“But then, how are you able to submerse yourself fully and completely?”
“We don’t.” I shivered as I looked at the alien “bathtub.” As I said, the enclosure was tall—a lot taller than me. If I got into the purple pool, it would be over my head—way over.
Just the thought gave me a nauseous, squirmy feeling in the pit of my stomach. I remembered the last time water had closed over my head…looking up through the murky blue light, panicking at the thought that I would never break the surface again as the chlorine burned my throat and my lungs filled with liquid. And then there was Angie…
I pushed the memory away, feeling sick.
“Look, I’m not trying to be difficult but do you have any other way to clean yourself around here?” I asked Al. “I’m, uh, afraid I don’t swim and it looks like that stuff would be…would be over my head.”
“We do have a misting chamber for refreshment although I do not recommend it for everyday use. It simply will not be able to get you completely clean.”
“Misting chamber sounds great,” I said, ignoring his warning. After all, it wasn’t like I was planning to do any heavy lifting or hard work outs while I was here. A light shower should be able to get me clean and even if it couldn’t, there was no way I was getting into that huge vat of purple liquid.
“This way.” Al led me to something that looked kind of like a shower stall back home but without a shower head. In fact, I didn’t see any knobs or nozzles at all.
“Uh, how do you work it?” I asked, frowning.
“Simply disrobe and step inside. The mister will activate on sensing your presence.”
“Okay.” That seemed straightforward enough. “And, uh, your restroom facilities?” I asked, feeling embarrassed. I hoped they weren’t weird—by this time I really needed to pee. Being abducted and dragged through a mirror onto an alien spaceship tends to do that to me.
“This way.” Al showed me to another small alcove which had what looked like a silver chair with a solid bottom. Like the silver beanbag bed, it was large—obviously built for someone a lot bigger than a regular human. But there was no hole in the middle of it. No place for anything to go, if you know what I mean.
“Uh…” Just what I was afraid of—I was going to have to ask for an explanation.
“Simply remove any encumbrances to elimination and seat yourself upon the waste disposal unit,” Al said helpfully. “The center will open for your convenience and remove the products of elimination via air suction.” He nodded at a grouping of three silver buttons mounted on the wall beside the unit. “There are three suction strengths to choose from, depending on your need.”
Okay,” I said again. “That all sounds nice but I don’t see any, uh, toilet paper.”
“Toilet paper?” Al sounded like he was frowning in confusion. “What is that?”
I could feel my cheeks going red. I’m a private bathroom person so I’ve never liked talking about this kind of thing—not even to a robot, or whatever Al was. It’s embarrassing.
“It’s this soft roll of paper—that is, thin sheets of disposable material—that we use to, um, clean up after the elimination process,” I told him.
“Oh! Well, rest assured you have no need of such primitive methods here. The waste disposal unit will clean and dry you after each use.”
“Wow. Sounds great,” I said flatly. I didn’t love the idea of the unit “cleaning” me but then, it seemed like I had no choice. Maybe it would just be like an alien bidet. That would be okay, I guessed.
“I am so glad you are pleased,” Al said.
“Sure. Very pleased. Okay, well…I think I’d like to, uh, try it out. Now,” I hinted as strongly as I could.
I was nearly crossing my legs with the need to pee by now. I shouldn’t have had two cups of coffee that morning while my boss was throwing staplers at my head. God, that seemed about a million years ago now.
“By all means. Be my guest,” Al said politely. But he didn’t leave—his lantern-like eye just kept hovering there right in front of me, as if he expected me to go with him watching me.
“Al,” I said at last, my exasperation overcoming my embarrassment. “I don’t know how Sarden’s people do this kind of thing but for humans it’s private.”
“Oh. Of course—forgive me.” His lantern light-eye flickered in acknowledgement. “Shall I withdraw to the next room and wait for you?”
“Actually…” I cleared my throat. “Actually, I’m really tired, like I said. After I, uh, take care of busine
ss, I’ll probably just go lie down for a nap. So you can help Sarden do…whatever it is he’s doing. I’ll be fine.”
“I see.” Was it my imagination or did he sound a little hurt? “You want privacy and solitude.”
“Something like that,” I said, gritting my teeth and crossing my legs. I didn’t want to hurt his feelings but I really had to go. I swear, if he doesn’t leave soon…
Luckily, Al finally got the hint.
“Very well, Lady Zoe. I will check on you later. For now, I wish you a very pleasant waste elimination experience.”
“Thanks,” I said tightly. “I’m sure it’s going to be just fabulous.” God, I was about to explode.
“Goodbye for now.” Al finally withdrew, his snaky metal neck sliding through the ceiling and away from the little alcove the strange alien toilet was located in.
The minute he was gone I pulled up the black t-shirt and plopped down on the flat bottom of the silver toilet-chair. At first nothing happened and I was afraid I would have to go pee in the sink or the mister or anyplace else that had a drain. But just as I was about to get up, I remembered the three silver buttons Al had pointed out for “suction needs.” One had a small dot on it, the second had a slightly larger one, and the third had a large black dot that filled almost the whole button.
At that point I had to go so bad I thought I was going to die. Without hesitating, I pushed the far button with the biggest dot, thinking that since I really had to go, that would be the right choice.
It was the wrong choice. The wrongest choice possible.
A hole in the seat of the silver toilet irised open and immediately an incredibly strong, cold wind started sucking at me. Remember how I said the toilet was big—like it was built for a species of people way bigger than human? Well, despite my much more than generous ass, the hole was plenty big enough to suck me in. And the suction was so strong, that was exactly what it started to do. I could actually feel myself folding in half like I was doing some kind of crazy bend in yoga class, and being sucked down into the wide hole in the silver toilet.
“Oh…Oh my God! No! Help!” I blurted, grabbing at the walls, since there was nothing else to hold on to. Was this the end? Was this how I died? Sucked down into the depths of an alien toilet and probably ejected into space? “Help!” I cried again.
“Lady Zoe?” Suddenly I heard Al’s voice right outside the alcove. “Are you quite well? Master Sarden heard a disturbance and sent me to check.”
I was about to scream that no, I was not well, I was about to be flushed like a used burrito, when my grasping hand happened to hit another one of the silver buttons—the one with the tiny dot on it.
At once the suction eased and I found I was able to extricate myself from the grip of the monstrous alien toilet. I stood up quickly, almost expecting to hear a pop like a cork coming out of a wine bottle. There was no such noise but at least I was free.
“I…I’m fine,” I lied shakily to Al, since I didn’t want to explain what had almost happened. Not to him and especially not to Sarden.
“Oh, good. I just wanted to warn you that you might not want to use the facilities set on the highest suction level just at the moment. When Master Sarden is working on the hydrogen scoop, it tends to send some of the ship’s functions into flux.”
“Now you tell me,” I muttered. And then louder, “Uh, thanks. I’ll be sure to only use the, uh, light suction for now.”
“Very good.” There was a nearly silent hum and I had a mental picture of Al gliding away again, his lantern-eye glowing as he went about his business.
I was left standing there, still having to pee. Because as strong as the suction had been a moment ago, I hadn’t let go of a drop. Probably because my body had immediately shut down ‘let’s pee now’ mode and gone into ‘let’s not get sucked into space through the toilet’ mode instead. So I still really had to go—but could I trust this thing a second time?
Mistrustfully, I eyed the toilet, which seemed perfectly normal now. It was sitting there peacefully, barely sucking at all. I wished I was back in the bathroom stall at Lauder, Lauder and Associates—it might be a lousy job but at least I knew I could take a pee break without getting killed. Still, this was what I had to deal with.
My screaming bladder decided me. I would go—I would just have to be really careful.
Gingerly, I sat down again, keeping as far to the front of the silver metal seat as I could. The suction was still slight—barely noticeable. It seemed safe enough—I decided to take a chance.
It took me a while to unclench but finally I was able to pee. Ahhh… I moaned in silent relief. There’s nothing to make a tense situation worse than having to pee. Ever sit in the dentist chair and realize you really have to go in the middle of a root canal? Well multiply that times a hundred and you’ll know how I felt being trapped on an alien spaceship going who knows where in the universe with a full bladder.
When I was finally finished, I wasn’t sure what to do. Was there another button somewhere to engage the, uh, cleaning mechanism for want of a better word?
As I was looking around, I felt something cold and damp come up from below and swipe at me. It felt like the Creature from the Black Lagoon had made a grab for my coochie.
“Ahh!” Though Al had warned me about the toilet’s cleaning function, I still nearly jumped out of my skin. I almost fell off the seat but just then the cold, damp thing retreated and I was buffeted by a blast of hot air instead.
Wow—Al hadn’t been kidding. I was clean and dry in no time. Clean and dry but not happy. The simple act of using the bathroom felt like an assault. I was pretty sure it was going to take me a while to get used to the whole process but it didn’t look like I had much of a choice.
I got up, straightening my t-shirt mini-dress as well as I could, and hobbled out of the bathroom, trying to ignore the giant purple vertical bathtub as I went. I might be stuck using the alien toilet but there was no way in hell I was going to take a bath in that drowning tank-looking thing. Just a glance at it made me shiver.
The huge silver beanbag was still hovering invitingly in mid air, about three feet off the ground. The scifi geek in me wanted to try it in the worst way. But I hadn’t maneuvered to have time alone just to lie around in bed. If I wanted to put plan A into action, I needed to find out as much about my captor as possible. After all, how could I make him see me like a person if I didn’t see him as one, or understand his motivations?
Cautiously, I moved towards the sliding metal bedroom door. It slid open obligingly when I broke the invisible beam and I found myself out in the long silver corridor again.
Okay, I thought, eyeing the three other doors on the wall beside mine. One of these has to be Sarden’s. I hoped, anyway. And I also hoped it wasn’t locked.
Well, only one way to find out.
Going to the door directly beside mine, I reached forward to break the invisible beam that held it closed.
Sure enough, the door slid open. But disappointingly, I found the room was almost an exact duplicate of my own, right down to the floating silver bed, the chair toilet, and the tank of purple liquid for “personal cleansing.”
Okay, strike one. But I had to keep trying.
The next door opened into a storage area filled with all kinds of alien equipment I didn’t understand. I was about to leave when it occurred to me I might find something useful. Stepping inside, I scanned the shelves which seemed to be arranged in a haphazard fashion.
Most of the items just looked like tools or spare parts for the ship, which made me nervous. After all, Sarden was making repairs right now. What if he decided he needed something from this room and found me snooping around where I didn’t belong? Then again, he had told me I could look around the ship, as long as I stayed away from the storage area in the back, that was.
Still, I wasn’t seeing anything of interest and was about to leave when something caught my eye. It was a soft, blue glow, almos
t hidden by a pile of rusty metal pipes in the far corner of the room. Hoping that mysterious blue glow didn’t equal radioactive, I pushed some of the pipes aside—they were heavy—and found what looked like a pair of thick iron manacles.
They were kind of like handcuffs only the cuff part that went over the wrist was three inches long and very large—again like they were made for a species bigger than human. Well, Sarden was certainly that. I wondered if all the sentient species in the universe were. Maybe Earthlings were the runts of the litter. I’ve always been kind of height challenged so I’m used to being short but I was betting some of the macho guys back home would be in for an unpleasant shock if they found out.
I examined the manacles more closely. The glow was coming from a blue light, embedded in the length of silver chain that linked the thick cuffs together. I didn’t quite dare to touch it but I noticed it flickered when I lifted the manacles—which was not easy—they had to weigh twenty pounds at least. I wondered why someone had buried them under all these rusty pipes? Were they trying to hide them or was it just a mistake or an oversight?
Looking down at the heavy manacles and the equally heavy pipes, suddenly plan B formed in my brain. It was a hell of a lot more dangerous than plan A and I wasn’t sure I could pull it off. But it seemed like a good idea to have a backup plan in case my Reverse Stockholm thing failed completely. Which was entirely possible given that Sarden had been completely upfront about trading me away and didn’t seem likely to change his mind.
Holding the manacles against my belly to keep them from clinking, I chose a piece of rusty pipe that was about two feet long. It was thick, and comfortingly solid in my hand. I hefted it experimentally. Yeah, it was heavy enough to do the job, though just thinking of what I might have to do with it made my stomach feel like a flock of nervous butterflies had taken up residence there.
Well, whatever—I was committed now.
Sneaking back to my own room, I looked for a place to store my ill gotten goods. There was no nightstand, unfortunately and I couldn’t just leave them lying under the bed. Finally I just stashed them in a fold of the floating silver beanbag. Then I went back out to explore some more.
Abducted Page 6
