“Do you know his direction, Charles?” asked Caroline. “Robert Darcy’s?”
Charles looked startled. “No, I do not. He may have taken up a set of rooms in Albany, but I cannot be sure. Things have been so busy I did not think to ask. Did you plan to write to him? Darcy will furnish you with his direction, if you ask him.”
She put aside her embroidery and sprang to her feet, only to find both Jane and Charles regarding her curiously. “I am in need of some exercise. I will walk to the Darcys’ and obtain his direction.”
“Would it not be better to wait until he calls?” reproved Charles mildly.
Caroline cast around wildly for an excuse. “I—we have quarrelled,” she burst out. “Robert Darcy and I have quarrelled, and I need to communicate with him urgently.”
It was a relief to tell the truth, or at least a partial truth.
She needed to communicate to Robert that she did not want to terminate the engagement, and she wanted to tell him why. He had asked her to bare her soul. She would do it.
“Caroline! I did not know. And here I was prattling about the wedding dress,” said Jane, putting down her embroidery and looking troubled. “Oh, then you must go! I know what it is like to expect to see someone and be condemned to wait in vain.” Jane looked towards Charles, who coloured a little, for she had come to London to see him and waited for him to call on her for weeks, and he had not even known. “However, I am sure things will work out, as they did with Charles and me,” she said encouragingly, exchanging a special smile with him.
Their evident happiness only served to fuel Caroline’s agitation.
“I must go,” she said, unable to wait a moment longer. Stopping only for her pelisse, she left the house and set out for Berkeley Square.
***
When Caroline was admitted to the parlour, she found both Eliza and Darcy there. She was taken aback, for she had intended to speak to Eliza alone, but she could not very well ask Mr Darcy to leave the room.
An awkward moment followed in which Mr Darcy asked about Charles and Jane, and Caroline asked Eliza about the Bennets. Conversation slowed to a halt as they waited for her to reveal the reason for her visit.
She took the plunge. “I have come to obtain Robert Darcy’s direction,” she said. “I wish to communicate something to him rather urgently.”
Eliza shot a look of distress at Mr Darcy, who frowned and looked acutely uncomfortable.
“I am sorry to say I cannot give it to you—”
“Do you mean he has forbidden it!” cried Caroline, interrupting quite uncivilly, and coming to her feet.
Mr Darcy raised his brow. “No. That is not it at all. As I was about to explain to you, I cannot give you his direction because he has none.”
“I beg your pardon?” asked Caroline, thunderstruck by this information. “Has he left his lodgings?” she asked.
“He has been called away,” said Mr Darcy. “An important letter from Boston arrived with news from his family a few days ago. Difficult as it was to arrange it, he was able to find a ship that will convey him back home immediately.”
Every bit of blood in her face drained away. She sank down into her seat as her mind grappled with this unexpected occurrence.
“He is leaving?” she said, scarcely able to breathe.
Mr Darcy threw her a hard look. “That is hardly surprising,” he said frostily. “You were the one who told me that he planned to leave.”
“Oh, come, Fitzwilliam,” said Eliza. “Cannot you see she is upset?”
Caroline came to her feet. She was still unsteady, but she did not want to stay a moment longer. “I have to go,” she said.
Her steps faltered. She scarcely knew how to get to the front door.
Eliza came after her. “At least wait until I order the carriage.”
“I will walk,” said Caroline.
“No, Caroline, not when you are in such a state.”
But she could not wait. She pulled open the door, ignoring the footman, and rushed outside.
“If you are walking,” said Eliza, “then I will walk with you.”
Caroline continued on her way. She could not have stopped if an earthquake had torn the ground from under her feet.
He was gone. The words echoed inside her, as though she had become a vast, empty, hollow cavern.
He would not have left, he would not have been so indifferent to the dangers of such a trip, if she had somehow managed to communicate with him. She had let him believe she did not care, and that she was not prepared to take him seriously enough to consider a real relationship with him. She was too concerned with guarding her own feelings to care about his. And now he would return to his country, and he would never know what he meant to her.
“Wait, Caroline, you are walking too fast,” said Eliza.
“Then go home,” she said. “I did not ask you to walk with me.”
But the footsteps continued, just behind her.
The rattle of a carriage neared, then stopped beside them.
“Get in, for heaven’s sake!” It was Mr Darcy. “Miss Bingley, what do you think you are doing? Elizabeth, are you out of your mind?”
Caroline had no choice but to climb in or risk a scene, and she did not want to cause trouble for Eliza.
“You did not know that he was leaving?” said Mr Darcy, examining her closely.
She was beyond words. “No, I did not,” she answered, flatly.
“You care for him.” It was a statement, not a question.
She did not reply.
“I would think that is very clear,” said Eliza.
“Then perhaps we can prevent him from taking such an irrevocable step,” said Mr Darcy.
Caroline gaped at him.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean,” said Mr Darcy, with a dazzling smile that reminded her how much he resembled his cousin, “I mean that we—the three of us—are about to embark on a journey.”
Eliza gasped, then began to laugh. “You cannot mean—”
“It is exactly what I mean,” said Mr Darcy, and they both began to laugh.
Caroline stared at the two of them, giggling like children. The world has gone mad, she thought, completely mad.
“Coachman,” said Mr Darcy, bringing down the window to shout. “Take us to Portsmouth!”
***
Caroline could think of a number of objections to Mr Darcy’s scheme, the first one being that she could not leave without informing Jane and Charles. The second that Eliza was not well enough.
When she voiced her objections, however, Mr Darcy already had an answer.
“You need not worry about your brother,” said Mr Darcy. “I have sent word to let Bingley know you are with us and will be staying the night.”
“Thank you,” she replied.
The second objection was shrugged off by Eliza.
“If I could travel all the way from Pemberley,” she said, “then a short trip to Portsmouth will hardly matter.”
Caroline dismissed all other objections. What did they matter, after all, if she would be able to reach Robert in time to prevent such a drastic step?
It was a wild drive through the darkness. The horses galloped relentlessly onward, giving her hope that they might, indeed, be able to catch him. Providence seemed to smile upon her, for the night was clear, and a silvery moon shed light upon the road in front of them, otherwise Caroline would have feared for her life. Mr Darcy held Eliza against him, and she snuggled into his arms.
“Robert’s ship, The Budleigh, is sailing early tomorrow morning,” said Mr Darcy, as though he ought to give an explanation, though Caroline had not asked. “We managed to find a friend of mine who is captain of a merchant vessel trading in Boston, and he agreed to take him on, provided he would not be in their way if they ran into trouble. My cousin would have agreed to almost anything, as long as it took him home.”
Caroline shook her head in confusion. “But why so suddenly? He could have at
least—”
Mr Darcy finished the sentence she had begun. “He could have at least told you. Yes, he could have. I do not know why he did not. My impression from him was that you had quarrelled. I can only say that the letter he received prompted him to move quickly, though he did not confide its exact contents to me. I suppose you will learn soon enough, once you have spoken to him.”
Caroline allowed that thought to comfort her. She would speak to Robert, tomorrow morning at the latest. She could not predict the outcome, but she could at least try to clear up any misunderstandings between them.
Across her, Mr Darcy sat with his eyes closed, Eliza huddled up beside him. Caroline tried to determine what had prompted Mr Darcy to help her. He opened his eyes and caught her watching him.
Embarrassed, she asked him the question that was on her mind. “You are going to a great deal of trouble, Mr Darcy. Why?” she asked.
He looked down at Elizabeth, who grinned at him.
“My cousin belongs here, in England,” he replied, very gravely. “He is my heir, after all.”
Eliza seemed to find this quite funny. Caroline failed to see what was so amusing.
She waited to see if he would explain further, but he said nothing more. She sat looking out of the window, staring into the darkness, and thinking of lost opportunities.
What had Robert expected from her? Had he really thought his words were enough to seal everything between them? He had given her no more than a few seconds to think before turning around and walking away.
Oh, why could he not have given her a few days at least!
Of course, there was also the possibility that he did not care about her at all, and his enigmatic utterances had been nothing more than a joke at her expense.
“If I were you,” said Mr Darcy, breaking into her musings. “I would take the opportunity to sleep. We will be arriving in Portsmouth very late, and we will have to wake up at the crack of dawn. I do not know where he is lodging, but I know the name of his vessel. We will need to discover where it is anchored so we can reach it before it sets out.”
Sleep was the last thing on Caroline’s mind. There would be time enough to sleep afterwards. Now she needed to think of what to say to convince Robert Darcy to stay.
***
She was ready to leave long before the first hint of dawn appeared on the horizon. She had removed her dress before lying on the bed, with the help of a maid at the inn, wishing to avoid crumpling it. In the morning, however, she regretted this, for it was extremely difficult to dress by herself, and she could not wake the maid so early. Her precautions, in any case, had been pointless, for she had not slept at all, and she would have been better off sitting in the armchair. She crept down the corridor to the Darcys’ chamber and scratched at the door, hoping they would hear her, and that she would not be forced to wake half the inn’s guests in order to rouse the Darcys. Her fears proved unfounded, however, for Mr Darcy came quickly to the door, already dressed.
“Eliza is still sleeping,” said Mr Darcy, softly. “I would rather not wake her. Stay here, and I will bring Robert to you.”
Caroline, having suspected something of the kind, refused. “We came here because of me. You cannot seriously think I would agree to be left behind.”
Mr Darcy smiled, briefly. “No, I did not. But I thought it worth a try. Come, then, if you wish to speak to him, but you must make haste. There is no time to be lost.”
The inn was at the waterfront, by the dockyard. They entered through Victory Gate, passing the Porter’s Lodge. Mr Darcy, with Caroline following, moved down the docks searching for The Budleigh, but could not find her anywhere. They finally returned to the porter.
“I am certain he said he was sailing from Portsmouth,” said Mr Darcy, baffled by this turn of events.
The porter was more than willing to provide the information. “The Budleigh. Yes, of course. I wish you had asked, sir, before you went tearing around looking everywhere for it. I was wondering what you were about,” he said. “Left unexpectedly, you could say. I suppose they received new orders, what with the blockade and privateers lurking about everywhere. I’m sure if you speak to them at the Admiralty they’d be able to tell you more. She sailed yesterday.”
Caroline gazed out at the empty sea, out to the horizon. There was no sign of the vessel, of course. It was long gone.
And with it, Mr Robert Darcy. The man she was engaged to marry.
Chapter 23
Caroline reached her brother’s house again in the late afternoon. Jane and Charles were both in the small parlour when she entered. One look at her face must have revealed how she felt. Jane came and embraced her warmly, and Charles patted her awkwardly on her shoulder and said that no doubt things would turn out for the best.
“He has sailed then?” said Jane. “Were you unable to convince him to stay?”
“I did not manage to speak to him. The vessel departed earlier than expected.”
“That is certainly unfortunate,” said Charles, frowning. “For I am sure if you spoke to him he would have delayed his departure. I wonder he said nothing to you at all about leaving.”
“I believe it all happened very suddenly.”
Charles and Jane were expectant, waiting for her to clarify the situation. She sighed. It was the last thing she wanted to do, but there was no avoiding it, unless she escaped to her room, which would hardly be a fair reward to their kindness. No, tempting as it might be, she owed them something.
Before long, she had launched into a complete account of her relationship with Robert. At least, whatever she could tell them without revealing her numerous library encounters. That would have been taking her newly developed sense of openness too far.
***
A long sleepless night brought her to the only conclusion she could possibly reach: there was nothing else to be done but to follow him to Boston. The idea would be perceived as the height of folly, and she would face opposition, but she knew she had to do it.
She informed Charles and Jane of her decision after luncheon, as they sat together.
“Remove that idea from your head, Caroline,” said Charles, with unaccustomed resolution. “You cannot be serious. This is wartime. What good are you to Robert Darcy if you are taken prisoner, or if your ship is fired upon?” He examined her obstinate face and added gently, “There is really nothing for you to do but to wait and see. He may send a letter when he arrives, explaining his departure. He may be intending to return. Who knows? You must be patient.”
“I will not be patient,” said Caroline. “I have no intention of sitting here and doing nothing, playing the love-struck lady. As long as there is something to be done, I will do it, whether you approve or not. I will not have my future decided by chance.”
“But at least think about it,” said Jane, in a sensible voice. “There is no hurry to leave, after all. One day more or less will not make a difference. This is not a decision to be taken lightly. It is a very big step and wrought with obstacles. Think about all of the danger.”
“I have thought of the danger,” said Caroline. “I think about it all the time. I am afraid something has happened to him.”
“You cannot prevent that by taking a dangerous trip across the ocean. You will only compound the problem,” said Charles. “Be reasonable, Caroline.”
“I have been reasonable all my life, and it has lead to this,” she said. “I am no longer interested in being reasonable.”
“No,” said Jane, “you have not been reasonable, you have been guarded. Now you are allowing your emotions to rule. It is more than understandable given the situation, but what you are thinking of doing has nothing to recommend it. It has no advantages that I can see, and has plenty of disadvantages.”
“The advantage is clear,” said Caroline, “and it outweighs all else. I will be reunited with Robert.”
Charles was growing more impatient by the minute. “I am sorry, Caroline, but that is complete nonsense. There are too many
uncertainties for you to proclaim that as an advantage. What if you find yourself in Boston, and Robert has not arrived there safely? How will you introduce yourself to his family, if he has said nothing about his engagement—if in fact, there has been no engagement? How do you think they will receive you? And if he does appear, and you were mistaken in assuming he cared for you, what kind of position will you put him in? You may force him to marry you to safeguard your reputation. Is that what you wish? And if he does not arrive, how will you manage? Do you expect to throw yourself at the mercy of his family, when they have never heard of you? These are the realities, Caroline. You must think before you act or you will live to regret it bitterly.”
Charles’s words were rational, but they were not enough to convince her. Caroline decided that she would follow Jane’s counsel, at least. She remained determined to go, but a delay of a few days would not matter much. And it would not hurt to consider all the possibilities, and to plan for them.
***
The immediate consequence of her delay was that she had time to think. The more she thought, the more she feared for Robert. Reports of American privateers attacking British ships were widespread, and though she had paid them little attention before, they now loomed large in her mind.
And then there was the pain of his absence, which rubbed her raw. Caroline tried to find consolation by reading any love poems she could find, but they conveyed nothing of the gaping emptiness Robert had left behind.
She had not conceived of love as being such a powerful emotion. She had always thought it a whim dreamed up by young girls in the schoolroom, or by empty-headed young men mooning over every beauty that came their way. She would never make that mistake again.
If only her new-found knowledge did not come at such a high price.
***
Caroline was sitting at the window, looking out onto the street, her mind miles away, when Louisa entered the parlour. Her sister was still staying at her friend’s house, so Caroline had seen very little of her since Robert had gone.
“My dear Caroline,” said Louisa, surveying Caroline at the window, “why are your spirits sunk so low? You cannot mean to tell me that you fancy yourself in love? I can understand that you may have a tendre for Mr Robert Darcy, but I cannot accept that you mean to mope and pine for him in this girlish manner.”
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