by Zoey Draven
Kate looked her in surprise.
“I mean, how were you so certain about him, that you gave up your life on Earth, your friends and family, to stay here with him?” Lainey asked, her brow furrowing. “Sorry if that seems rude to ask, I’m just…curious.”
“I said you could ask me anything and I meant it,” Kate responded, brushing off Lainey’s concern. She pregnant woman sighed, shifting on her feet, looking out over Luxiria. “I honestly can’t give you a definitive answer. And trust me, at the time, I thought I was being crazy. I second guessed myself every moment, wondering if I was making the right decision or not.”
“So what made you stay?”
“I stayed for a lot of reasons, but the one that sticks out the most is that I simply couldn’t imagine saying goodbye to him.”
Lainey swallowed hard.
“I played every scenario in my mind of how to say goodbye and every single one left me completely heartbroken, every single one destroyed him,” Kate answered, frowning, as if the memory of it still hurt. “And I ask myself every single day how he made me fall in love with him so quickly, but it’s just…it’s him. It’s like we were truly meant to find each other, in this weird, big, strange universe. It really was fate.”
“So, you believe in the whole Instinct thing?” Lainey asked quietly, processing her words.
Kate laughed, turning wide eyes on her. “Oh yeah. Definitely. I guess you must think I’m crazy, but I can’t explain to you what it feels like. It’s something that can only be experienced for someone to fully understand.”
“But how would you describe it?” Lainey asked, clearing her throat. “If you had to.”
She hoped she didn’t seem too interested or else Kate might get suspicious about her line of questioning.
Thankfully, she pregnant woman simply smiled at her curiosity and said, “I would describe it like…a magnetic pull, I guess. But with a little ‘love at first sight’ mixed in. Now multiply those things by ten and you have one awakened Instinct. Both of those things combined…it’s an intense thing to experience. I didn’t even know what I was experiencing and I refused to believe Vaxa because I thought he was out of his mind at the time.”
That sounded familiar, she couldn’t help but think, goosebumps breaking out over her skin as she shivered with awareness.
Kate smiled over at her and asked, “Cold? Maybe we should go back inside.”
“No,” Lainey said, blowing out a breath. “I’m just so curious about it all. It seems unreal. So…alien.”
Kate smiled, her expression kind. “I know the feeling.”
They lapsed into silence for a moment as Lainey thought over her words.
Then Kate said softly, “I’ve felt them, you know.”
“Who?” Lainey asked, frowning.
“The Fates. Their deities. They’re real.” Lainey’s lips parted, even though a part of her wanted to dismiss Kate’s words. “And trust me, I didn’t believe it at first, but once you feel them, sense them inside you, they become very hard to deny. Not to mention the blood bond.”
Lainey had heard a little bit about the blood bond from Cecelia, though she’d, frankly, thought that her friend had lost her mind at the time.
Now, Lainey wasn’t so sure.
“That’s what happens during some ceremony, right?” Lainey asked, unsure, biting her lip.
“Yes, the mating ceremony. It’s like a marriage ceremony, I guess, only a lot more…intense. Not to mention very, very permanent,” Kate said, a teasing tone in her voice.
“What do you mean?”
“Well, the blood bond,” Kate answered. “You’re bound to one another. He’s inside me, in my mind.”
Lainey frowned. “Like…metaphorically?”
Kate chuckled. “No. I mean I can sense his feelings, read thoughts that he sends to me, sense where he is, if he’s safe. And he feels the same for me.”
“That’s…that’s…” Lainey trailed off, gulping.
“Crazy?” Kate guessed and then sighed. “Yeah, but I’ve had time to accept it. It’s a lot easier to accept when you have someone else in your mind, trust me.”
“And Cecelia and Taylor and Beks all went through this with their, um, mates?”
“That’s right,” Kate said, nodding. She slanted her a look and teased, “You really are curious about this stuff.”
A little flustered, Lainey said, “It’s hard to believe. I guess I’m just trying to understand this place, these people better. Who knows how long we’ll be here.”
Kate patted her shoulder. “I’m sure they’ll find the crystal soon. One of Vaxa’s Ambassadors, Cruxan, is trying to track it down as we speak.”
The thing was…Lainey wasn’t so certain she wanted this Ambassador to find it anytime soon.
If only to give her more time with Kirov, to sort through the mess in her head.
Lainey sighed, leaning against the balcony, nibbling on her lip. Mess, indeed.
“Hey,” Kate said, her eyes softening in concern. “Is everything okay?”
“Yeah,” Lainey said, a bit too quickly. She cleared her throat. “Yeah, I’m just…overwhelmed. I’m still processing everything that’s happened.”
Something in Kate’s expression made Lainey’s stomach flutter in nervousness. Because suddenly, she wasn’t so sure that Kate believed that was the only reason. Lainey could practically see the brunette putting the pieces of the puzzle together.
Shit.
“Of course,” Kate finally said, her eyes careful. “If you ever need to talk, I’m here.”
“Thank you,” Lainey said, not quite meeting her eyes. “I appreciate it.”
Chapter Fifteen
Kirov was Vixron’s relief for the night. When he showed up at the human females’ dwelling, apparently shortly after Kate had left, he informed the guard that he had the night off.
Vixron looked at him carefully, but simply jerked his head in a nod and departed, probably too eager for a full night of sleep to directly question Kirov about his interest in one of the human females.
Then, Kirov’s gaze found Lani.
His whole body relaxed, the buzzing in his mind quieting as he drank the sight of her in.
She was sitting in the fire pit area with the blonde female, who was too busy drawing on the tablet he’d left for her to notice that he’d walked in.
But Lani knew. She’d noticed him even before he’d stepped through the door.
Her eyes flickered over his body and Kirov found himself straightening at her blatant perusal of her male. Lainey’s tongue darted out to wet her lips, her eyes lingering in certain places, before she met his gaze.
A moment later, he scented the signs of her arousal and his jaw ticked in longing and frustration, knowing he could do nothing about it, not when he was acting as their guard for the night.
The sweetest misery, being this close to his female and not being able to touch her, to kiss her.
“Have you had your evening meal?” he asked them. The blonde, Crystal, looked up from the tablet, startled. When she saw it was him, her eyes narrowed slightly, before darting a quick look over at Lani.
“Yes,” Lani said and her voice floated over him, soothing the beast inside. “We ate with Kate.”
He stood by the door, hardly daring to draw near though his Instinct demanded he be close to his mate. He wouldn’t be able to stop touching her, if he started.
Crystal went back to her tablet, drawing something that resembled a landscape. An Earth landscape, perhaps?
Lani was watching him and her arousal was growing to be more than he could handle. He growled and turned, saying, “I will be stationed outside if you need me.”
His fists clenched tightly and he stormed through the front door again, closing it behind him. Once outside, he felt like he could breathe and some of the fog that swarmed his mind lifted.
He drew in a shuddering breath, feeling the cool air soothe his lungs, before he released it. His gaze went to the
moon and his jaw tightened. Tomorrow would be his last full day in the Golden City. He would need to depart for Troxva before the suns rose in two spans.
And he was no closer to winning his female, to convincing her to depart with him.
Doubt had plagued him all span. She’d pulled away from him last night, the memory of which drove him out of his mind. She’d been so open, so receptive to him before and while they’d pleasured one another…but afterwards, she’d changed.
She’d closed herself off, bit by bit, making him question whether he’d done anything wrong, whether he’d displeased her in any way.
If Kirov was being honest, he didn’t know if she could be won. He could court her and pleasure her for as many spans as it would take to capture her heart, but if she didn’t want to meet him halfway…
Kirov cursed softly, looking at the moon again, like it was a weapon about to detonate.
He didn’t have much time left.
Stop, he told himself, drawing in a deep, calming breath.
Nix, he wouldn’t doubt his female, he wouldn’t doubt himself. He would never give up.
Determination coursed through him, making him restless. He had made little progress on his work that span in the armory, so distracted with thoughts and memories of last night. How beautiful she’d looked, how she’d kissed him, how she’d tasted…the way she’d thrashed on his tongue as she orgasmed.
Kirov growled.
It wasn’t long before he heard movement inside the dwelling and a moment later, the door opened behind him. His female emerged, her blue eyes finding his. Carefully, she closed the door, leaving them alone.
“Crystal went to go take a bath,” Lani informed him, coming to stand just next to him, her shoulder brushing his arm. He reached out to touch her, but she moved quickly, stepping past, wrapping her arms around her body. She walked to the balcony and Kirov braced himself for another spar. He had never battled so much since warrior training, since war with the Jetutians.
“What is wrong?” he asked. A thought occurred to him, making dread pool in his stomach. “Do you…regret last night?”
Lani looked down at the stone balcony, to the moonlit view, and then back to him. “No, I…I just…” she sighed. “I’m so confused. I don’t know what to think or how to feel.”
“Why do you do this to yourself?” he asked quietly. “Why not just accept it? It is easier.”
“Easier? Maybe for you. Not for me.”
Kirov’s brow furrowed.
“I talked to Kate today,” Lani confessed after a brief moment of silence. “She told me what it was first like with her and Vaxa’an. She told me about the Fates, about the mating ceremony, about a blood bond.”
Kirov tensed. So she did know about these things. He had hoped to explain these matters to her himself, to ease her into that overwhelming knowledge. She was already so skittish about their bond.
Swallowing, he placed his hands on the balcony and squeezed so hard he was surprised the stone didn’t crumble underneath his grip.
“You would expect these things of me,” she observed, eyeing him with what he recognized as wariness.
“Tev, I would,” he said.
There was no use in denying it. As fated mates, they would bind their lives together, their minds. It was only natural. It was what the Fates demanded. His Instinct would only be at peace once the ravraxia, the mating ceremony, was performed.
“You would expect me to give up my home, my planet for you,” she continued. “And frankly, at this point, I’m not ready to do that. I don’t know if I’ll ever be, Kirov. We’ve only known each other a few days. Can’t you see how crazy this is?”
“What does time have to do with it?” he rasped, Lani’s words cutting him like a blade. “Time does not matter. It is what we feel that does.”
“I told you last night,” Lani whispered, “that I didn’t want you to think us fooling around meant more than it did.”
“Fooling around,” Kirov repeated slowly, another blow landing. The words were strange but he understood her meaning well enough. A spark of anger lit up his chest and he asked, “Was it that meaningless to you, female?”
“Not meaningless,” she said, looking at him with a frown. “I’m just trying to be honest with you, Kirov. You know I’m attracted to you. I liked what we did, I’m not denying that. I just don’t want to sign on to be your mate just because we got each other off one time.”
Stunned, hurt, Kirov said quietly, “Tev, you are making that quite clear to me.”
“Kirov…”
“Tell me the truth for once,” he said. “Do you believe you are my mate? Do you believe that you awakened my Instinct? Do you believe me at all?”
Lani’s gaze slid away but he reached out to turn her face to him, so that she couldn’t hide her truth.
Cupping her cheek, he demanded, “Tell me.”
“No,” she whispered. “I don’t.”
Kirov’s hand fell away and he clenched his jaw so hard he heard a crack.
He looked away from her. It hurt to look at her.
She whispered, “I’m sorry. I don’t want to hurt you. I just—”
“You should go inside,” he said, his voice soft, but stern.
“Kirov…”
“Go.”
Lani blew out a small breath.
“Okay,” she whispered.
She waited another moment and then slowly turned and walked back to the dwelling. Kirov kept his eyes glued to the facev range in the distance, specifically where he’d taken Lani just the night before.
He heard the door shut behind her, until he was alone with his own thoughts. But they were such a jumbled mess in his head, he couldn’t think properly. He needed his work to calm his mind, to focus him.
But he couldn’t leave. He would just have to endure it, this consuming pain, this relentless doubt.
His fists clenched on the stone, his Instinct’s unease made him want to jump out of his skin.
Vrax!
Her words replayed in his mind, over and over again, on an endless loop, cutting deep. Deeper than he thought words could.
She didn’t believe in them. She didn’t believe in their bond.
At least he’d been right about one thing.
Lani didn’t want to be won.
Chapter Sixteen
Lainey lay awake in her bed, restless and unable to sleep. Just like last night.
Only tonight, she felt like she was on the verge of tears every other moment because she kept seeing Kirov’s disappointment in her mind’s eye when she’d told him that she wasn’t ready for a relationship with him just because they’d hooked up. Or his stunned hurt when she’d told him she didn’t believe that she was his mate, that she didn’t believe him.
Just like always, when Lainey felt backed into a corner, she always came out with fists swinging, not caring who got hurt.
Only that time, it was Kirov that got hurt. All because she’d lied. He’d asked her for the truth and she’d lied.
She squeezed her eyes shut, tears rolling from the corners. It was nights like these when Lainey remembered why she didn’t like herself sometimes. She pushed people away when they got too close. It was why she didn’t have any close friends anymore, like she hadn’t been in a relationship for a long time, why she hardly spoke to her parents—though there were other reasons for that.
Still.
It was a pattern, a pattern she hated, but repeated consciously.
And why? For what purpose? Why couldn’t she let herself get close to someone?
Hours ticked by, but the guilt never lessened. She replayed their conversation over in her mind and cringed. She hadn’t intended to essentially break up with him, but it had come out that way.
Kirov had made his feelings and intentions clear, from the very beginning. He was open about those things. He didn’t hesitate to touch her, or call her beautiful, or look at her with those blue eyes with an expression that had her heart pounding i
n her chest. He didn’t have walls around his heart, not when it came to her. For her, he’d let her see him.
And to reciprocate, her heart was more difficult to breach than Fort Knox and she’d closed the gates on him hard.
She’d kissed him and touched him and teased him and laughed with him and let him pleasure her body…and then she retreated with her tail between her legs, giving some bullshit excuse.
Of course, he was angry and upset and disappointed.
If their situations were reversed, Lainey would be pissed. She would feel used and discarded and furious and hurt.
That killed her…because she’d done exactly that to Kirov and he hadn’t deserved it.
For a brief while, she fell into a fitful sleep, tossing and turning underneath the furs, dreaming that he would come to her in the night, dreaming that he would forgive her even though she’d treated him terribly.
When she woke, it was still dark out and she had no idea when the suns would rise. But one thing was clear, she owed Kirov an apology and she’d been a coward for too long.
Pushing from the bed, Lainey ran a hand through her tangled hair to try to make it a little more presentable, taking a deep breath to prepare herself. Then she opened her door and padded out to the living room, her heartbeat racing as she peered around the corner.
The fire was still going and the room was quiet. She saw movement out of the corner of her eye, her breath hitching.
But it was Vixron, returned from his short night of rest. Lainey wondered if Kirov had summoned him after their argument.
Her brow furrowed, disappointment sagging her shoulders.
“Tev, female? Do you need something?” Vixron asked, straightening.
“No, I was just…” Lainey trailed off. “I couldn’t sleep. I thought that Ambassador guy would still be here.”
Vixron studied her carefully before saying, “Ambassador Kirov was needed at the command center. I suspect he has much to finish before he leaves for Troxva later this afternoon.”
“I…I thought he was leaving tomorrow morning,” she said softly, her lungs squeezing.
