“You need to tell me what to do.”
“What do you mean?”
“Tell me how to make this better,” Noah urged.
“This is what will never be better, Noah,” she whispered. “That’s why I should’ve stayed away from you.”
Silence covered them both.
After a few seconds, Noah tucked her hair behind her ear. “This is why I should make sure I tell you what I’m going to do. Like now, I’m going to kiss you.”
Her eyes were drawn to his as he tenderly kissed her.
“Now I’m going to run my tongue down your jaw line and then to your ear. Is that okay?”
She nodded.
When he got her to ear, he paused. “I’m going to suck your earlobe.”
She didn’t say anything, but he waited. Emery nodded. Heat enveloped her ear and her panic started to wane. He took both of her hands and helped her up.
“I’m going to take your bathing suit off,” he whispered, his lips brushing her ear as he spoke calmly to her.
“Noah,” she protested, not sure she was ready for that.
“Say it’s okay, Em,” he pleaded.
They stared at each other.
Silence.
“Say it’s okay,” he whispered as he leaned in, his lips a fraction of an inch from her mouth. When she stayed silent, he moved his head back to her ear. “Ear,” he said and then pulled her earlobe with his teeth and she couldn’t help her body’s reaction; her head fell backward.
“Okay,” she moaned in acquiescence.
He had her bikini top and bottoms off in seconds and threw both pieces against the wall. “I’m going to pick you up now.”
“Okay,” she agreed.
His strong arms swooped her up and he carried her to the bed, laying her gently down on her back. “I’m going to kiss your thighs,” he said, his voice growing husky.
Her breaths came rapidly in anticipation. He waited. “Oh…okay,” she finally agreed.
His hands gently pushed her thighs apart and he kissed close to her knee on the inside of her right thigh. She sighed and relaxed, her legs falling apart. He used his hands to mark where he would kiss next, each time getting closer to her bikini line. When he grazed his fingers down, she moaned and arched her back in response.
“Okay?” he asked.
“Please,” she moaned.
“I don’t know how long I can do this and not have you, Emily,” he said, his voice rough with exertion.
Trepidation made her body rigid and Noah sensed the change in her. “You will love every second of it, because if you don’t, I’ll stop. Just like this.” His head dipped down again and she exhaled loudly. “I want to make you forget what just happened, Em. Can I do that?”
“Please,” she implored.
And he did.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
Come to Light
From: Romona Hicks
To: Rachel Helms
There still is no need for the preventative measures I’ve taken, but thank you. I cannot believe you’re graduating and going to college. I’m so excited for you. Cannot wait to see you.
From: Rachel Helms
To: Romona Hicks
I don’t want to hear anything else about preventative measures unless it involves someone I don’t know, who is hot, with tattoos and a big dick that is super sweet to you and makes you feel amazing.
College will be fun. I’ve already picked my apartment, which just happens to be very close to Derrick’s place. My hope is just to stay in his bed for as long as I can every single day.
Can’t wait to see you too. Ashley’s good. No news is good news.
From: Romona Hicks
To: Rachel Helms
Glad you found a place you like. You know your dad knows where Derrick lives, right? I mean, he’s a client…I’m just saying, he’s not as dumb as you think. Glad things are still working out with y’all. I hope you never have any news about Ashley. I bought your present today. I love it and can’t wait for you to see it.
From: Rachel Helms
To: Romona Hicks
You didn’t have to get me a gift. Also, I totally know my dad is aware I’m moving less than a mile from his thug client that makes me turn into a mush of a girl. It’s more fun if he knows.
Emery nervously paced around her bed. Rachel should’ve been here already. She looked at the time on her phone for the thousandth time.
“You’re making me nervous,” Noah called from his room. He was putting away the pile of laundry she’d put on his bed. Emery didn’t remember a decision to start doing his laundry, she just did it. It’s the least she could do since he still wouldn’t let her pay for her half of the rent. She’d started buying all the groceries and stuff for the condo as well.
“Well, I’m just excited,” she called back. “At least one of us is doing what they want to do,” she muttered to herself.
“What?”
“Nothing,” she sung back.
Noah took long strides from his room to hers and stood in the door. “What did you say?”
She shook her head. “Nothing, Noah. Life didn’t turn out the way I expected is all.” She was folding her own laundry and piling it on the bed.
Noah leaned against the doorframe that he’d repaired. “It’s not like your life is over, Emily, it’s just starting.”
“It is just starting and it’s not starting the way I imagined,” she said as her phone rang. “You okay?” Emery answered.
“Ugh, yes. Traffic is a bitch and her mother’s a whore. It took me two hours to get north of Atlanta. I’m about an hour out.”
“Why haven’t you answered my calls? I was nervous.”
“I’ve been on the phone. Derrick met me at the Cracker Barrel in Bartow County off 75 so I could get the latest round of cash from him.”
“Oh…” Emery knew Rachel and Derrick had been getting hot and heavy. She was honestly comforted that Rachel’s life was going so well.
“So it’ll be a few hours,” Rachel finished.
“Okay, see you in a few.” Emery pressed end. She stared at the screen. “Maybe I can be okay living vicariously through Rachel.”
Her phone notified her to a message. It was a video. Ashley’s face appeared on the screen with a huge grin. Emery pressed play.
“Hey.” Ashley was standing in her school uniform and tucked her hair behind her ear. Her gaze drifted off to the side of the camera and she waved. “So, we’re leaving today for two weeks in Hawaii. Isn’t that amazing? I wish you were coming with us. We would have so much fun. Remember when we went and dad took us horseback riding and you fell off?” Her face looked pained at the memory and Emery realized that’s what she’d become to Ashley, a memory just like their father. “Anyway, I have to run, but we’re going to be gone for two weeks. Coach had to okay our vacation. Phil was pissed.”
Her screen went black. Without her realizing it, Noah had moved to stand next to her so that he could watch the video.
“She looks like you,” he commented.
“Yes, she does,” she said. Her voice didn’t hide her sadness.
“Do you wish you could go with her?” Noah’s fingertips grazed her jaw line. “Who does she live with in Atlanta and why can’t you see her?”
Emery blinked at his questions. One of the things that had been going so well between her and Noah was that he didn’t ask a ton of questions and never pushed her. But every once in a while, he’d ask a question.
“I mean, you’ve been here for two years and you’ve never been back to Atlanta to see her. Are you that scared of your ex-boyfriend?”
The trail of tingles he was leaving on her skin followed his touch to her chest; he dropped a kiss on the curve of her breast.
“I can go with you if you want,” he offered. “No one will hurt you if I’m there.”
She realized the chink in the armor of Emily Sanders, the part of her story that really didn’t add up. Emery didn’t want to be a person who ne
ver saw her sister because of some stupid boy, but that’s who Emily was to Noah. Sighing, she did the only thing she knew how to do to distract Noah from all the questions that she couldn’t answer. Her hands skirted over the planes of his stomach before dipping into his shorts.
“What? No underwear?” she teased.
“I’m always hoping to make life easier for you.” He smirked and then groaned when she grasped him gently.
“You really do make my life better.”
Noah’s eyes closed and he exhaled slowly as she walked them both over to her bed without removing her hands from his pants.
She and Rachel were sitting in the den, cross-legged and passing a joint between them, when Noah came home. Emery had just given Rachel her graduation gift.
“It’s called a Mere Infinity ring. The blue stones are diamonds. I didn’t even know there were blue diamonds,” Emery chirped happily. “I found it at this cute little boutique and it made me think of you.”
“It’s so cool! I’ve never seen anything like it.” It was two rings that fit together to create an infinity symbol, the diamonds at the curve that showed on her finger. “This is kickass, Em.” Rachel had her hand out looking at her finger. “I sort of want to put it on my middle finger so my birds will be prettier.”
“It reminded me of us. You’re so solid for me. You’re beautiful but strong enough for us both, for infinity. Or at least that’s how I feel.” She shrugged. “I’m glad you like it. It’s by Heather Henry Designs, and she has a ton of stuff you’d like. It was between this ring and another one.”
Rachel leaned across her folded legs and embraced Emery. “I love you, Em.”
“I told you she’d like it,” Noah commented. He was wearing a blue checked long-sleeved button down and khaki cargo shorts. He kicked off his leather flip flops and plopped down in the La-Z-Boy next to Emery.
“Your feet are disgusting,” Rachel commented.
“Your face is disgusting,” he retorted.
“At least people don’t cringe when they see my face.”
“They don’t?” he joked. “At least my feet can be hidden.”
Emery enjoyed the exchange. “It’s hard to hide something all the time,” she commented as she passed the joint back to Rachel.
Both Rachel and Emery froze and their eyes locked on each other at the slip. Hiding was hard and it got harder every day. Every time she shared a little bit of herself, not Emily, she got scared. She feared she was going to make a mistake and lose everything, lose Noah. She worried the normalcy she’d allowed herself to feel in Nashville would slip away and she’d been left with nothing.
“I mean, you have to take your shoes off sometime, right?” Emery tried to make a joke, but it made Noah look at her funny.
“Everyone is hiding something,” he said.
Noah had allowed her the out again, not pushing but just allowing this elephant in the room to make a home with them both. He left the room after that, bringing snacks and water from the kitchen. Emery wondered what it was about him that allowed him to make her feel so safe, and the realization hit her. He accepted what she gave him and didn’t ask for more, didn’t push. Safe.
“Whatever, asshole, I don’t have to hide shit. Some people like this face,” Rachel interrupted the silence that settled in the room.
“Some people are lying.” Noah turned to the TV and clicked it on with a smile on his face.
Emery pulled herself up from the floor and leaned over Noah, crushing her lips to his. Once Noah got over the shock of it, his lips worked with hers and his hand went into her hair. He pulled her onto his lap and cradled her without separating their mouths.
Rachel cleared her throat. “Well, this is uncomfortable,” she deadpanned. “It’s like seeing my sister make out with my brother.” She got up and looked at them both intensely. “On that note, I will take my leave.”
“Em can stay in my room tonight so you can have the bed,” Noah informed Rachel, his right hand grasping Emery’s thigh.
“Well…” For once Rachel was speechless.
“Night, Rach.” Emery giggled. The numbness of the chemicals in her body allowed her to be this person with Noah and she liked it. Sometimes she wished she could go through her entire life this way, ignoring everything and just feeling him.
Rachel turned on her heel and stomped toward Emery’s room.
Noah’s hand crept up Emery’s leg and past the hem of her shorts. When he reached her bikini line, she moaned. He got up from the chair, still cradling her, and practically ran into his room.
“Please don’t let me hear that again!” Rachel called from Emery’s room.
“Oh, you’ll hear it,” Noah yelled before slamming his door.
CHAPTER TWENTY
Where’s Scooby Doo When You Need Him?
The summer was long and hot. Emery was getting closer to finishing school and was hoping to get her degree in six more months. Noah had been around more; they’d watched movies and eaten more take out together. Then his senior football season started. She knew he’d disappear as usual and he did. During football season she took more classes and worked more nights. Sometimes she worked double shifts on the weekend to make as much money as she could. Emery didn’t understand why she felt the need to stockpile money, but she figured that Phil wouldn’t continue to just pay Rachel forever. At some point she’d have to stand on her own. She looked forward to never having to take another dime from him.
The team had a bye week, it was October (and finally not ungodly hot), and Emery had tagged along with Noah and his friends to a dance club. She’d draped a gauzy lightweight sweater over her strapless top and skirt. Emery didn’t want any unwanted attention on her arm. Noah never asked her about her scars, but it was clear that he’d seen them. His quiet understanding was one of the things that made their entire situation work.
She’d been watching him get hit on all night by very attractive, outgoing girls. Girls she would never be like. Girls that he would end up with eventually.
After more drinks than she could remember, she stepped onto the dance floor to relieve some of the tension in her body. She wasn’t upset at the parade of girls Noah hadn’t been entertaining, she was just resigned to the reality of them. The girls would always be there. It would never work with them, so she had no problem with him seeking what he needed elsewhere. She certainly couldn’t give it to him. She was just so used to it just being them in their place with all that charm turned on her, but she’d been very clear about not wanting his attention in public. Sometimes she wished he didn’t respect her rules, like that Valentine’s Day. That was probably one of the best days of her life.
She was dancing by herself when a guy came up and started dancing with her, moving with her body. Her knee was in between his legs, they moved to the beat, and Emery forgot everything. She forgot Ashley, Phil, and Noah.
She gasped when she felt a strong hand grasp her hand, which was currently above her head, and yank her off to the left. Her eyes snapped open to find Noah, panting and looking quite pissed. She saw a fierceness in his eyes he usually saved for the football field. She looked back at her dance partner and shrugged, mouthed “sorry,” and waved.
She let Noah drag her through the club, adrenaline pumping through her veins. He pushed through the crowd and out the door, the music simply background noise now.
Emery pulled at her hand, forcing Noah to halt walking toward where his SUV was parked. “What’s going on?” she asked once he turned to face her.
His brow furrowed for a minute and then disappeared once he touched her. He pulled the rubber band out of her sweaty hair and ran his hands through it, then gently and possessively kissed her—right there on the sidewalk of Broadway. His actions confused her and were contrary to what they’d been doing for the last two years and what he’d been doing earlier tonight.
“What—” she started once he tore his lips from hers.
Instead of letting her finish, he tugged her hand, har
d, toward his SUV and continued to haul her behind him until he opened the passenger side door for her.
“Noah!” She fell into the seat and he shut the door.
Once he got into the driver’s seat, he sat looking at the steering wheel for several eerie quiet seconds.
“Noah?” she tried again.
“Quiet, Emily. Please,” Noah demanded softly. He didn’t look at her, but started the engine and sped toward their house.
He was starting to worry her; there was an undercurrent of something between them that hadn’t been there before. It was a want, a need that she wasn’t completely comfortable with. She laid her head on the cool glass of the window, trying to relax her heartbeat and breathing. Something was happening tonight. She didn’t know what and she didn’t know whether it was good or bad.
After a silent drive back to their place, he pulled into a parking space and cut the engine. Emily started to open her door, but she felt his hand on her arm.
“Don’t,” he commanded.
Emily sat back in her seat and looked at Noah, whose expression she couldn’t read. He walked around to her side of the Jeep and opened the door. He took her hand and gently tugged her out of her seat.
“Noah?” she tried again, her voice full of unasked questions.
They walked inside hand in hand, but as soon as Noah shut the door, he was peeling off her shirt and pushing her farther into the apartment. She held her hands up for him to lift her top over her head, giving him access to her body. He stripped his shirt off at a frantic pace. They stood and looked at each other, his chest rising and falling at a rapid beat. She put her hands on his bare chest and looked into his eyes. Her face showed her confusion.
Noah took a step back, separating their bodies, but not far enough for her to lose the feeling of his heat. “I didn’t like you dancing with that guy, Em.”
“Okay,” she whispered, not really knowing what exactly that meant.
“I’m the only person who can touch you from now on. Okay?” Noah reached around and unfastened Emery’s strapless bra, letting it fall to the floor. “I’m the only one who will see you like this. Okay?”
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