Him.
“Maybe another time,” he said.
Ally’s expression fell, but she didn’t push the issue.
Mrs. McCarter saved them all some embarrassment. “Most people are skittish about holding new babies, Jeremiah.”
Even as she assured him, he still felt as uncomfortable as could be, a stranger among a family.
And when Jessica snapped another picture, he was sure that his discomfort would be captured for all posterity.
Ally could tell that Jeremiah was treading over pins and needles, even as Jess and Mrs. McCarter videotaped each passing minute.
Soon, they got hungry and decided to go to the cafeteria.
Jess handed off the video camera to Jeremiah. “I’m entrusting you with the job of historian.”
As they left, he held up the camera in a kind of semi-grateful salute.
Breathing a sigh that she felt she’d been holding for ages, Ally bent to kiss Caroline, then leaned back on her pillows. Jeremiah noticed that they had on matching wristbands.
Ally saw his gaze on them. “Hospital regulation. They tell me that the only time Caroline will leave the room now is when I’m with her. I guess this is how they check whether or not we belong together.”
“You do.”
She smiled. “We’ll be leaving to do a few tests soon, like one for her hearing. And I’m going to give Caroline her first bath. I’m going to see Cheryl again later, too, but Caroline will be here with Mrs. M and Jess.”
It was almost as if she was about to ask if he would still be here as well, but thank God she didn’t.
He veered away from the subject. “You ready to get home with her?”
“Oh, yeah,” she said. “But I’m supposed to stay the night. Then there’s more paperwork and tying up every other loose end.”
“Paperwork, like a birth certificate?” He put down the camera on a table, as if knowing that she was done with all the pictures for now, too.
“Yes, Caroline gets one for today, but in about eight to ten months…maybe a year…she’ll get an amended one, when the adoption is final. I guess Cheryl evidently asked Michele what I was thinking of naming the baby—” this had just happened today, but Ally was sure that Cheryl had only asked because she wanted Caroline to really be Ally’s child right off the bat “—and she decided to have ‘Caroline’ put on the certificate. So that won’t have to be changed. I’ll also eventually be listed as the mom.”
The dad wouldn’t be named though, and Ally tried not to think about that part, tried not to feel so aware of Jeremiah standing by her bed, so near her and Caroline.
“You’ll be home soon enough,” he said. “And then you’ll be off and running.”
“Jess said something about a homecoming. Are…” She swallowed. “Are you going to be there for it?”
Jeremiah crossed his arms over his chest.
He was obviously remembering their kiss, the doubts he’d seen in her.
“I’d like you to be there,” she said.
He hadn’t moved. It was as if a thousand different things were stomping through his head, and not a one of them was settling. Not until he said, “Okay. I can get to my handyman tasks, too.”
“How about you take care of that after the cake and ice cream?”
She could see the war in him continuing—how he was getting in deeper by the day and she was only encouraging it.
How had this even happened when, only a short time ago, she’d tried to chase him off?
She nuzzled Caroline, the fuzzy baby cap and soft skin feeling so good.
He watched for a moment, and something clicked in his gaze.
“I’ll be there,” he said.
She just wished he was talking about more than a party.
Chapter Ten
When Ally brought her baby home for the very first time, she noticed that the roses in the new garden were in full, colorful bloom, as if they were welcoming Caroline with as much verve as everyone else.
It’d been a long day at the hospital, mostly because the nurses had taken Caroline to Cheryl for about an hour, and Ally had felt every second of it like a sharp digging at her chest. Yet, when the staff had brought her baby back to her, it had signaled the end of Cheryl’s visits with Caroline alone. Then the birth mother had needed to talk with a state social worker, who’d asked her definitively if this was what she wanted to do.
Cheryl stuck by their agreement, and once she’d signed the paperwork, Ally had held Caroline closely while being discharged from the hospital, walking out of its doors a new mother.
Although Ally was tired, she was energized, too, as she now took her daughter from room to room in the house. She dwelled in the nursery, which was still in need of some finishing touches, but that wasn’t of much consequence, because the baby would pretty much be in Ally’s room right now, anyway.
The entire time, she just couldn’t get enough of the little faces Caroline made, opening her rosebud of a mouth, opening her eyes as if trying to focus…. Every small gesture thrilled Ally. So did the gift from Jess the baby wore, a darling pink knit cap with a flower.
By the time Ally and Caroline joined Mrs. McCarter and Jess in the dining room, the two women had strewn balloons and party favors all over the place. Also, the oak ranch table was loaded down with ice cream and a cake that read, “Welcome to the world, Caroline!”
The women cooed when they saw the baby. Jess came to take Caroline out of Ally’s arms, just as addicted to holding her as anyone. Ally hated to give up her daughter, but she was happy that Jess adored Caroline.
So far, so good, although Ally wondered when her aunt would start reminding her that she’d denied her daughter half of a family.
Idly, she glanced around the room. Even though she’d tried not to be obvious, she’d been hoping Jeremiah would be here already.
Mrs. McCarter noticed. “He’ll be coming soon enough.”
Jess was running her finger under Caroline’s tiny chin, putting the baby to sleep. “I’m glad we have some cake because it’ll make the crow I have to eat go down a heck of a lot easier.”
Ally exchanged a glance with Mrs. McCarter, and Jess didn’t miss it.
“Now, don’t go thinking that I’ve stopped keeping my eye on him,” she said. “He just threw me for a loop yesterday when he didn’t rocket out of that hospital as soon as Mrs. McCarter and I got there. His willingness to stick around was about the last thing I expected out of a man who’s known for making himself scarce when things get serious.”
Mrs. McCarter was hovering over Caroline now, too. “He’s got a heart.” She smiled down at the baby, talking to her in a whispered, playful voice. “Doesn’t he?”
“I thought it was another part of his anatomy that defined him,” Jess said. “But even I can be wrong.”
Okay. Miracles did happen, and that was evident in Jess’s new attitude. Still, it was a long way between her realizing that Jeremiah wasn’t such a terrible guy to her actually campaigning for Ally to welcome his attentions so that Caroline would have that father Jess believed all children should have.
Ally busied herself by parceling out some paper plates with cute hippos and other assorted pastel creatures on them, as her aunt continued.
“You know what convinced me even more about him though? It was the way he looks at Ally. Boy, what I’d give to have a man give me one of those glances.”
Even though Jess left off there, the comment spun out further inside Ally, jogging her heartbeat, sending her skin to a heated flush.
She didn’t look at her friends, especially since the reality didn’t match Jess’s fanciful notions.
“He’s going back to Texas, you know,” Ally said.
Silence reigned, and Ally was actually thankful when the soft chimes from her front doorbell rang.
It caused a cacophony inside of her, too.
Jeremiah.
Pulse chopping, she went to the foyer, where the massive cedar door was lined by panels of
etched glass on the sides. Just before she opened it, she absently tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, then caught what she was doing.
Primping for him.
She breathed out, a trembling sound, but she put herself back together again and opened the door.
And there he was, dressed in the usual Western gear. But that wasn’t what threw her off.
It was just that she’d never seen a cowboy holding a baby mobile before.
She felt as if she was composed of a molten substance that somehow kept itself together, molecule by molecule—and somehow she was still standing, although it had to be just a matter of time before she crashed into a puddle at his feet.
As he waited for her to say something, he got a sheepish smile.
“Sorry I’m late,” he said. “I got sidetracked when I went out for coffee this morning and saw this on the way.”
The mobile was a dreamscape of colors and bright stars. A constellation that told her that he was obviously thinking of Caroline.
And her, too?
“It’s beautiful,” she said, taking his gift. “But you don’t have to keep buying things, Jeremiah.”
“I like doing it.”
He scraped his boots on the doormat, doffed his hat and then entered. When he drew near, she could smell the clean of his shirt, his skin.
She gave an involuntary shiver, wishing she could just go ahead and actually melt into his arms.
A new awareness had been hanging between them since Caroline had been born, as if they both knew that there couldn’t be any more flirtation unless it went somewhere.
There couldn’t be any more times when she might throw caution to the wind and give in to him as she’d done at the winery, unless he intended to switch gears in his life, putting his wild ways behind him.
Otherwise, he really would have to go this time, even though Ally had seen the adoring look on his face when he’d first laid eyes on Ally holding Caroline, back at the hospital.
But he hadn’t come out here to become a father, she reminded herself.
It felt as if a long, brutal crack split Ally’s chest as she brought him to the dining room, where Mrs. McCarter and Jess greeted him. Her aunt was a little reserved, as if she was indeed still keeping that wary eye on Jeremiah.
They had their ice cream and cake while Jess told everyone the details of the night she and Ally had spent in the hospital room with Caroline.
“The girl sleeps like an angel,” she said, gazing at the baby, who was now being held by Mrs. McCarter. “I guess karma is recognizing all of Ally’s good deeds by bringing her the least fussy child in history.”
Mrs. McCarter laughed. “Time will tell.”
After they had eaten, cleaned up and surrendered all baby-holding privileges back to Ally, Mrs. McCarter and Jess decided to enjoy the rest of the waning day on the patio, along with a glass of wine or two.
“Jeremiah?” Mrs. McCarter asked, inviting him, as well.
“It’s not all play for me,” he said, indicating the kitchen with a jerk of his chin. “I’ve still got work ahead.”
Ally stayed quiet. She would’ve preferred to spend more quality time with him before he left. Handymen were a dime a dozen, and she could get one out here with a phone call, but Jeremiah…?
She had come to realize that he was one of a kind, and she wanted to get to the bottom of him. She wanted to hear everything that she knew he was feeling whenever he looked at her and Caroline, because they wouldn’t have any other chances to clear the air once he was gone.
But it was as if he was on a mission as he headed to the kitchen.
Did he think he’d already gotten in too deep and just wanted to cut loose and scram back to the safety of his normal life?
That didn’t sit right with Ally. He wasn’t happy with the norm. He’d as much as told her that.
So why was he being just as remote as she used to be with him?
She decided to leave him alone for a while, giving Caroline a rest from all the excitement instead. With Mrs. McCarter and Jess on the patio, Ally sat in front of the large fish tank in the living room. Inside the watery haven, the fish swam among tiny models of Old West paraphernalia. The hum of the tank lulled her, just like the low lighting that carried over to Caroline, illuminating her precious face.
Ally stroked her daughter’s cheek.
What do you think I should do? she thought to her daughter. Should I march up to him and take the biggest chance I can imagine by laying everything out?
But what if she did that and he turned out to be another Marco, who’d backed away from all her plans for a family? What if she was taking a highly charged moment of emotion from yesterday and stretching it into an appealing scenario that featured a man who might have it in him to adore both her and her child?
Maybe she was only projecting that onto Jeremiah. Maybe he really wasn’t relationship material, just as he kept trying to prove to her, first on the Howards’ ranch, then by telling her that story about college….
When she heard a movement behind her, she glanced over to find him, his hands on his hips, girded, as if afraid to approach.
How long had he been standing there?
She nearly turned liquid all over again at the expression he was wearing—that adoring yet confused look that he got whenever he saw Ally and Caroline together.
He must’ve realized his emotions were written all over him, because he shrugged, then said, “I didn’t want to bother you two.”
“No bother.”
He paused, then jerked his thumb back toward the kitchen. “I’ll be making some noise in there.”
Really? He’d come out here just to tell her that?
When his gaze dropped to the sweet bundle in Ally’s arms again, she couldn’t take it anymore.
“Jeremiah,” she said. “Come over here.”
Cautiously, he did, standing next to her chair.
Ally scooted to the edge of the cushion, then stood, offering her baby to him.
“Now that Mrs. McCarter and Jess aren’t here to lavish Caroline with their affections,” she said, “why don’t you hold her?”
In the gap of time between her question and his response, it seemed to grow more and more apparent that she wasn’t just asking him to cuddle with her baby. She was asking him to show her that he wanted more than the life he already had, asking him for a sign—any sign—that there was a chance of him accepting what she knew was inside of him.
He glanced down at Caroline, his heart in his gaze.
Then, as if giving up that heart altogether, he lifted his hands.
“How do I do this?” he asked.
A snag in her throat almost kept her from speaking. “Don’t be nervous. Here.”
She slid Caroline into his arms, making sure her daughter’s neck was supported, making sure he was comfortable with her before she let go.
He seemed stunned that he was actually doing this—holding a baby without messing up somehow. And as he smiled down at Caroline, the baby gazed up at him, taking him in with a wonder so pure and innocent that Ally had to inhale deeply to keep from crying.
Couldn’t he see that he was meant for this?
“Hey there,” he said quietly to Caroline. “You wondering if I’m going to drop you, too?”
“You won’t. You’re a natural.”
When he smiled at her, her world tilted on its foundations. But it was as if it had found the angle where it always should’ve been before—slightly off-kilter, amazingly right in a way she’d never thought it would be.
Ally led him to sit in the chair she had vacated. She wanted to revel in this sight, to get him to stay beyond the time it would take to fix a garbage disposal.
If only he could see what she saw….
As if to answer that prayer, a flash went off behind her, and Ally turned around to find Jess with her camera.
“I had to get this recorded,” she said.
After a cursory glance, Jeremiah went back to lo
oking down at Caroline, smiling as he touched her hand with his finger.
Jess leaned over to whisper to Ally. “Do you know how much this picture would be worth on the open market in Texas?”
“Jess…”
“I kid, Al.”
With a lingering, amazed glance at Jeremiah, Jess headed toward the long hallway, probably off to powder her nose.
As for Ally, she stayed rooted to the spot, feeling as if everything was blooming for her now.
Jeremiah could’ve spent the entire night with Caroline nestled in his arms. He’d never felt anything more… well, satisfying. It was as if a whole new world had opened and it swallowed him right up.
But he’d known he couldn’t sit in that chair forever. All too soon, he’d gotten up, giving Caroline back to Ally, who’d eventually settled onto a sofa nearby after bringing him a mug of coffee that had since gone cold.
When he had surrendered Caroline, his arms felt just as cooled as the beverage, as if the warmth had left him.
“No more stalling for me,” he said. “That disposal isn’t going to fix itself.”
“You can come back tomorrow to do it,” she whispered, since Caroline was sleeping.
The temptation to keep putting off the task, stretching his time out so he could stay, beckoned him. But then he remembered the moment at the winery when Ally had gotten that doubtful shadow in her gaze—the reminder that he was what he was and she didn’t quite trust him to fully become anything else.
Hell, he’d promised himself after Nancy that he wouldn’t even try to go against his nature, right? Soon enough, he would be showing his true colors here, anyway, even if they looked to be a tamer shade right now.
His shoulders lost some of their heft. “If you don’t mind, I should just get this done.”
“So you’ll be leaving tomorrow then?”
Was there something in her voice that said she didn’t want him to go anywhere?
He resisted the temptation to stick around and try to be different for her, but he knew that, in the end, he would break more than Ally’s heart. He would do it to Caroline, too, and he couldn’t bear that.
“I think it’d be for the best, Ally.”
Taming the Texas Playboy Page 13
