by HJ Bellus
Holden keeps her hands over face and laughs.
“Fuck, I’ve never wanted someone so bad, Holden. You have no idea how many times I’ve replayed our night together.”
“Stop.” More giggles escape from behind her hands. “This is so embarrassing.”
Dax grinds into her again, rubbing his hips in circles against her. He feels her grind back on him.
“Mmm, that’s fucking hot. Let me get you off.”
“No. This is embarrassing.”
“Talk to me, baby. Tell me why you’re so embarrassed.”
“When we did it, there was less talking and no arrangement.” Holden pulls her hands from her face, whirling them above her head. “And it was pretty much dark.”
“So were you blushing the whole time I ravaged you last time?”
“Pretty much.”
Dax pushes into her again and watches her eyes widen as he taunts her.
“Oh fuck,” he growls.
Her eyes widen and she trembles underneath him, and Dax knows it’s from the tone of his voice.
“Oh god, Holden.” Resting on his elbows, he holds her face. “Were you a…? Did I…? Oh fuck, I’m so sorry.”
“No, Dax, no. I wasn’t a virgin, but…ugh, it’s a long story and one I’m not proud of.”
He places his index finger over her lips, relieved.
“You don’t have to say another word.”
Their lips connect again, and they kiss as hard as they can. Holden continues to buck her hips. She slips her hands down to her jeans, and her fingers go to work unbuttoning them. Her knuckles rub into Dax’s abs, and the sensation of her skin on his sends him into overdrive. He props up on his knees, pulling down his gym shorts and underwear in one swoop. They remain tangled at his knees as he settles back down on her. Holden has her pants tugged halfway down her ass.
Dax rises up again, and slowly drags them down. His eyes appraise the dainty pink panties and creamy skin he exposes. He moves slower, appreciating the view. Once her jeans are off, he bends over and nips at the top of her panty line. The stiff lace against his teeth sends a shot of adrenaline through him, and suddenly he wants to taste her.
He raises his head and asks. “May I take a taste?”
It’s something they didn’t do last time, and he’s now set on having it. Holden nods. He keeps eye contact with her as he begins to lower back down. Holden throws her hands over her face again, and Dax knows this is pushing her limits.
“Hold on, baby, your shyness will disappear real quick.”
He removes her panties the rest of the way using a combination of his mouth and hands. Her ass lifts up off the bed to help him. Dax looks up one more time before he sets to his job and sees her still hiding her face.
He takes a long moment to smell her. It’s the same exact scent he was bathed in months ago, and the same exact one that ruined him. His fingers are hungry to play with her, but using all of his willpower he dips down, lapping his tongue along her lower lips. Holden jerks and Dax clutches her hips, bringing her core up closer to him. His tongue takes a deeper swipe and teases inside her entrance.
“Ohhh,” Holden howls, arching her back from the bed, but still covering her face.
Dax takes this as his sign to go forward. He licks faster and deeper, searching for her sweet spot. The one that will make her scream and rip his hair. His tongue works her over, and he drinks as much of her in as he can. His palms press into her ass, shoving her further into him. Her abdomen tenses and he continues working his magic.
“Oh god. Oh god. Oh god, Dax,” Holden screams.
She’s so close he can feel her tightening even more while her juices roll out. She tangles her fingers in his hair and lets go of everything, screaming his name over and over. He continues lapping until her body melts into the mattress.
When she goes limp, he slowly climbs up the length of her. Dax relishes knowing the sated look covering her face now is all because of him. Every single ounce of embarrassment vanished.
“Not so embarrassing now, huh?”
“I like that a lot,” she whispers.
“Can I?” Dax nudges his cock up against her.
Holden places her hands on the tops of his shoulders. “I told you I was in for the six weeks.”
“I don’t want to lose you,” he murmurs against her lips.
“You still scare me and make me want to do things I never thought I would, but your lips totally won me over.”
He slowly inches into her, and his toes curl wanting to slam into her. The desire to take her hard and fast overwhelms him, but he’s haunted by her comment of never being kissed. Her fingernails dig into his skin as he patiently sinks into her. Once fully sheathed, Dax collapses on his elbows placed slightly above her head. His palms cradle the top of her head as he gets ready to move.
Fuck, he’s never been in someone so tight. She feels exactly the way he remembers her. Dropping his forehead to hers, he begins to move. He sets a slow rhythm, feeling her with every stroke. He reaches and pulls in her bottom lip with teeth.
Holden lets out a little moan as Dax quickens the pace. She lets go of his shoulders and wraps her arms around his back, unable to fully connect with her hands. Her fingernails dig into his flesh.
“Dax. Dax, I think I’m going to...”
“Shhh, go baby, let go.”
He feels her nails loosen up a bit and watches her head flex back on the bed. He knows she’s close and begins driving harder and harder until he’s on the brink of letting go himself. He uses every bit of self-discipline to hold back, and it’s not an easy job when Holden begins moaning and writhing below him.
She reaches up to his head and begins tugging on his spiked hair while she screams. Her pussy tightens around his cock, ruining his last line of defense. They moan and claw in unison.
The hot water pours from the spout in to the oversized tub, and Dax can’t believe Holden agreed to his odd proposition. Hell, he still doesn’t know where it came from. It seems as though it was his last card to play in the hopes of spending time with her again. Being in her for the second time might have been better than the first. It’s a feel and taste he never wants to give up.
Dax strides back into the main part of room 211 to find Holden dressing herself.
“What are you doing?”
“We’re done. I’m going home.”
“I don’t think so.” Dax slides the hem of her tank top over her head. “We just got started, Holden.”
He continues stripping off her clothes one piece at a time, admiring all of her parts as they’re exposed to him. He feels like a bastard when his cock instantly becomes hard again, and being naked there’s no way to hide it. He doesn’t fully comprehend the extent of Holden’s inexperience, but he does know there’s no way in hell she can take him again tonight. Fuck, Destiny would be walking funny the next day with that much Dax in her life.
“I’m not ready to leave you,” he says into the crook of her neck. His hard cock bobs on her abdomen as his lips graze her skin. Holden just nods, allowing him to control the situation. He picks her up in his arms, cradling her like a baby, and in this moment he feels a sense of protectiveness own him.
“God, you’re gorgeous.”
“Stop.” Holden slaps his shoulder and tries to tuck her face into his chest.
“I promise you won’t be shy in six weeks. You’ll be proud and flaunting your stuff everywhere.”
“I doubt that,” she mumbles.
Dax gently places Holden in the tub and quickly joins her, slipping in behind her. His arms wrap around her torso and pull her back against his abdomen. Her head rests on his shoulder. Her body is rigid at first, but finally relaxes after a few minutes in his embrace.
“Why did you say that?”
“What?” Holden mumbles in a sleep-filled voice.
“I doubt that. When I said I’d have you proud and flaunting in six weeks.”
“Dax, you’ll get bored. I’m not a girl for y
ou.”
He becomes furious and wants to slap some fucking common sense into the woman. “You don’t fucking understand.”
“No, you don’t fucking understand, Dax. I have issues.”
“Want to talk issues? I could beat out anyone with my fucking tower of issues.”
“Go,” Holden challenges him.
“I’m an addict. I’ve snorted coke the last month instead of facing my issues. Your turn.”
“I never went to school.”
“Ever?”
“Your turn.”
“I’m adopted.”
“I like ketchup.”
“Party foul, Holden. Doesn’t count.”
“I was only allowed to eat certain things growing up.”
“What?” Dax wrenches his face around to see if she’s bluffing or telling the truth.
“Surrender, I told you I’m fucked up.”
“Bullshit, no surrender, you’re mine for six weeks. Talk.”
“I was only allowed to eat three things growing up. Cheese, bread, and apples.”
“Why?” He gently squeezes her hand, urging her on for more information.
“Momma told me everything else would make me get cancer.”
“Yeah.” A sensitive side in Dax polarizes toward Holden. He tries to hold her tighter without crushing her. It’s like a horrific car accident you know you’re not supposed to stare at, but do anyway. He wants to know more, but fucking doesn’t want to scare her away.
“Momma only let me out of the house on Sundays because Ross told her she could. Your turn.”
Dax smiles down on her scalp, appreciating her quick turnabout in conversation. “I’m a dick. I did fuck Destiny over and over the last few weeks, but every time I closed my eyes and replayed our night together. You’re the only one, Holden, to ever satisfy my taste.”
“So, you’re telling me that I should feel accomplished because a complete asshole wants me?”
“Yeah, I think that’s what I’m telling you.”
Her fingers tremble as she tries to dry herself. Holden asked Dax for a few private moments after the most intimate encounter of her life. Anything she’s requested he’s accepted, and that’s something she’s not used to, which causes her even more panic. You’d think it was Dax invading every inch of her private parts, but, no, it was the question and answer part that sent her into a quivering bubble of doubts.
She crumbles to the floor and rests against a wall and begins the task of calming herself down. It always helped settle her nerves when she didn’t understand the rhyme or reason of her situation. Her momma preached nothing but hate and harm. She lived in a world of doubt. There were only a handful of items that would protect her from hell, but then her momma died and everything around did too. She sat in squalor for days and weeks until the smell became too intense.
Holden opened the door to life and stepped out. Month after month of true-life lessons punched her in the gut until she found somewhere safe. A palace of ants scurrying from place to place, not fucking caring who she was. Holden fit in to the background, never desiring the attention or limelight until one night someone noticed her, and she should’ve run.
Every instinct told her she didn’t belong with Dax, and this six-week escapade was ridiculous. But what if she did belong and he was her next caregiver?
She rocks faster, knowing she shouldn’t feel pleasure since her mother sacrificed so much for her. She never even experienced those feelings with Steven, who performed similar actions on her the first time.
Holden’s mother was always going to die the next day, and prepared her for it every single night of her life. She’d give her speech after speech before bedtime, telling her exactly how to live out the rest of her life. It was like discovering a hidden treasure when she’d awake and find her momma alive.
“Dax isn’t her. He isn’t her,” Holden repeats over and over in a hushed tone. After leaving home, she soon discovered her childhood was extremely fucked up. She’d find herself analyzing and over-analyzing in the hopes of discovering answers.
She soon gave up on that and started exploring the life of an average woman her age, and was even comfortable with it until Dax Sterling.
“Holden?” A light knocking on the door pulls her from her thoughts.
“Yeah.” Her voice is shaky and full of tears. She mentally berates herself for sounding so sad. The last thing she wants is to be seen as broken and crazy. And especially crazy—she wants to be nothing like her mother.
Dax doesn’t ask any further questions before opening the door. Holden tries to stand, but it’s too late. He stares at her huddled in a corner, wrapped only in a towel. Her movements have abruptly stopped and her only desire is to disappear.
“Sorry, I know you need time, but when I heard your voice…” Dax kneels down on the patterned tile and places a hand on her knee. “Is it something I did?”
Holden shakes her head, letting her wet hair drape over her face.
“You wouldn’t understand, Dax.”
“I might. Please look at me.”
She lifts her head to face him. Of course she listened; it’s what she’s been trained to do.
“You push me to limits that I don’t know how to deal with, Dax. I’m not sure if I should be enjoying them or punished for feeling so good. Please trust me that none of this is on you.”
“Promise?”
“I promise.”
Dax relaxes on the tile, sitting cross-legged in front of her. She tries not to giggle seeing the giant of a man in his undies sitting like a little schoolboy on a bathroom floor.
“It’s just I tend to fuck things up with my balls to the wall personality, and I don’t want to fuck this up.”
She reaches out to him, placing her hand on his exposed thigh. “Remember, I’m so fucked up and still can’t figure out why you want me. I’m just freaking out a little.” She stops and giggles. “Okay, a lot about the way you make me feel. Sue brainwashed me to never feel pleasure because…Never mind, just know it’s not you.”
“Sue?”
“My mother made me call her Sue.”
“Always?”
“Always, and want to know the funny part? Her real name was Caroline. There’s a hint to my freak-outs.”
“May I?” Dax reaches toward her. Holden nods and is scooped up in his arms and placed in his lap. “You fit perfectly.”
And she did.
“We need, like, a safe word.”
She has no idea what a safe word is. “Um, what’s that?”
“It’s when you’re pushed to your limits and need to tap out, but wait, no, that’s not right.”
“Tap out of what?”
“Of sex. We need a code word. That’s what we need. When you’re feeling pushed or uncomfortable, you need to tell me, so I’m not freaking out it’s me upsetting you.”
“Why would someone want to tap out of sex?”
“Oh, Holden, some things can get pretty dark.” He lightly kisses the top of her head. “So, what’s the word?”
“Holden is a nut job.”
“Ahhh, she has a sense of humor.” He spins her around in his arms to face him. “Nice to know. Nice to know, Holden.”
Their lips meet, and Holden finds her legs wrapping around his middle, deepening the kiss on her own. His shoulders might be her favorite part on his entire body. They act as her shield, and in a strange way, when she’s holding onto them she feels safe for the first time in her life.
“Pink.”
“Pink, what?” Dax asks.
“I’ll say pink when I’m starting to feel uncomfortable.”
“Why pink?” He smirks.
She slumps down, closes her eyes, and reveals one more piece of her crazy. “I was only allowed to wear white growing up, and I guess I just love pink now.”
“Pink it is.”
Dax’s quick answer reassures her, not making her feel so uncomfortable revealing part of her past.
“Mmmm, you
know what else is a pretty pink?” Dax asks.
“What?” Holden asks, looking at him seriously and tilting her head.
“Your nipples and between…”
“Stop.” Holden’s tummy flips. “Shut up.” She covers her face, hiding her embarrassment.
“God, I love doing that to you.”
“What do you want to eat, Holden?”
“Are we going somewhere?”
“No, I’ll call room service.”
“Oh.”
“So what do you want?” Dax steps up behind her. She concentrates on finishing tying her hair up. Something about his touch throws her off. It’s something she knows she’ll have to work on.
“Just a cheese sandwich.”
Dax runs his lips up and down her neck, causing goose bumps to pop up all over her skin. “So, a grilled cheese?”
“No, I want a cheese sandwich. Two slices of white bread, American cheese, and mayo.”
“You can order anything you want off the menu.”
“Dax.”
“Okay.” He plants one kiss on her skin before walking away.
It’s one of the few foods Sue let her eat growing up, and she still finds herself sticking to that diet. Holden places her hands on the counter and tries to control her breathing. She can feel an attack coming and fights to stop it. Closing her eyes, she continues to steady her breathing and focus on the now, not the past or who she was.
Panic attacks are nothing new to her, as she experienced them almost daily when she first left home. But settling in at the hotel calmed her a bit and gave her a stable routine where she could eat her sandwiches and secretly keep attached to other odd habits, which she now knows are not normal behavior.
“All ordered. You okay, Holden?”
She turns to face him as soon she hears his voice. Her breathing races out of control, and she knows her vision will soon begin to blur as well. She quickens her step to get to him before it happens. Her arms snake underneath his then wrap up to rest on his shoulders. She listens to Dax’s heartbeat with her ear pressed up to his chest.
She begins to memorize the pattern of his pulse and fights to match her breathing with it. After several moments, she finds herself inhaling and exhaling at a normal rate. Dax lifts her up in his arms and carries her to the bed; he sits on the edge of the messy sheets, still holding her to him.
