by Lauren King
Elizabeth asks Jane, “Have you thought about what you will do, Jane?”
“I have given it so much thought, but I do not know exactly where to start. I want to help Papa in any way I can; however, I never learned all the things that you learned about Longbourn. I want to lighten his load of worries, but I do not know how.” Jane answers honestly and openly with despair.
“Well, I have an idea if you want to know.”
“Yes, of course, Lizzy. What is your idea?”
“I have to talk to Papa, but I already talked to Uncle and Aunt. I think once Papa is fine with it, then it will take place. I asked Uncle and Aunt if I could stay here with them. Since Uncle needs a new accountant anyways, then I will do that job for Uncle. I am sure Uncle will pay me at least what he paid the last accountant. This way I will be an independent person, and I will live here. I will be one less child for Papa to worry about. I was also thinking that you, Mary, and Kitty could learn how to help Papa with Longbourn. I do not think I want to go back to Longbourn and wait out my time. In actuality, wait for what? I feel as if it will be a further punishment. Who will associate with us now? Furthermore, Uncle really does need my help to do the accounting for his business. I will miss Papa and all my sisters, but I do not think I can stay in Longbourn any longer.” Elizabeth has always made her own decisions after she contemplated her situation and discussed it with her Father. She will do the same now. Her future depends upon good decisions.
“Well, everything you have said makes sense, Lizzy. I also want to lighten Papa’s worries, but what can I do other than being a governess or a companion? I do not think Papa and especially Mama will approve of that.”
“Mama?” Elizabeth lets out a heavy breath in extreme disappointment and exasperation. “I have no words to comment about Mama except that if Mama was so worried about all her daughters getting a decent man for a husband, then she would have seen how Lydia and Kitty were acting and stopped them. I thank God that Kitty did not make the same mistake. Did you talk to Kitty, Jane?”
“Yes, I asked if Kitty knows the person involved with Lydia, and she said she does not know. I do not know if she is covering for Lydia or not, but that was her answer. I also asked her if she was compromised in any way, and she cried and then said ‘no’. She said she was scared about her future now; she has seen what a tremendous mistake Lydia has made. I was very angry, so I told her that it was too late to be scared; now, she has to share in the consequences that have been forced upon all of our shoulders by Lydia.”
Surprisingly, Jane is upset and continues with firmness. “I told her that she was older than Lydia, yet she followed and listened to what Lydia did. She did not try to dissuade Lydia’s ill behavior. I told her that I did not blame her for what Lydia did, but, minimally, she should have told Papa about Lydia’s bad behavior. If everybody in the household reprimanded Lydia for it, then it may have worked. After I said that to Kitty, I felt bad, Lizzy. It is not her fault or her responsibility to control Lydia. That responsibility purely belongs to Mama and Papa. Papa left it mostly up to Mama, and this is the lamentable result.”
“But you are right, Jane; Kitty should have told Papa about Lydia’s bad behavior.” That is why Elizabeth has always tried to correct Lydia’s comportment.
“I think Papa thought or hoped that all his daughters would turn out to be like you or me. Hence, he did not give it much thought.” Jane sighs heavily before continuing. “I have to say, though, Lydia got all the indirect encouragement from Mama’s silence on how to act. I am so disappointed and depressed for all of us, Lizzy.” Jane states with distress and sorrow while shaking her head gently.
“I am too, Jane. This adversely affects all of us for life. How can we expect anyone to think good of us when even we do not think good of Lydia for what she did? Do you not agree?”
“I do agree with you.” Jane is disheartened; what will happen to all of them?
The sisters continue to talk about how Mr. Bingley initially showed Jane some interest, but Jane thinks that after meeting their Mother several times, he and his family got a ill impression of their family.
Vehemently, Elizabeth says, “I do not doubt it. Our Mother either is oblivious to other people’s reactions and sneers or else she just ignores them.”
Elizabeth tells Jane about meeting Mr. Bingley three times already, and one time was with both of his sisters and brother-in-law. Elizabeth does not like Miss Bingley for her arrogant, condescending, ugly insinuations, and assumptions about herself and Aunt Madeline.
Elizabeth shares with Jane how she is dreading the eventual breakup between her and Mr. Darcy because she cannot trap him into a relationship with her without telling him about their family troubles. It would not be fair or just. She cannot live with the loss of his respect or tolerate it if he resents her or despises her, later on.
“I think I will tell Mr. Darcy tomorrow after lunch. I think I have to let him go as I did Mr. Allston. I do not want to play with his affections. I sense that he really likes me just as I like him, BUT it will amount to nothing, all because of Lydia.” Elizabeth’s anger boils inside of her. She just cannot believe that her destiny is to be a spinster.
“I am so sorry, Lizzy. It sounds like you truly admire Mr. Darcy. I have never seen you esteem any gentleman so thoroughly.”
“He is everything that is good, Jane. At first, there was a misunderstanding between us. However, once he clarified it, it was great between us. We get along in so many aspects. Our thinking is similar. Our regard for everything around us is similar. He is not arrogant and unfriendly as he looks at first glance; he is just quiet and shy. He knows his mind, and he does not gossip. I cannot think of any of his bad qualities; I am sure there is something, but I do not think that it is anything significant. That is what counts, right?”
“Yes, I think so. Everybody is bound to have some negative aspects about themselves, but if it is not sincerely harmful, then I do not think it is worthy of judgement.” Jane answers understandingly.
The sisters talk for several hours before falling asleep with torment in their hearts and minds.
SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 22nd
The Gardiners and Elizabeth are greeted most graciously by Mr. Darcy and Georgiana when they come for luncheon at Darcy House. All the pleasantries are expressed, and then Darcy shows the guests the gallery where his artwork is displayed. They all comment on the various elegant art works that seem to be a timeless treasure. Darcy is pleased to hear their comments. Some of the art works have been in the Darcy Family for generations, and he is very proud of their priceless value. There are a couple of landscape paintings of Derbyshire, France, and Italy which Elizabeth enjoys gazing at.
“Do you like these paintings, Miss Elizabeth?” Darcy asks warmly as he stands next to her while Georgiana shows Mr. and Mrs. Gardiner some of the other art work.
“Yes, I like them; they are very peaceful sceneries.” Elizabeth smiles cheerfully. “Which painting is your favorite, sir?”
“I like them all, but this painting of this green cliff side looking out into the ocean during a sunny day is serene yet uplifting. This is one of my favorites.”
“Your description is accurate. I think the sun uplifts everybody’s spirits. That is why I do not like rainy weather much. Certainly, the rain helps nourish the land and wash away the dirt and grime, but too much rain depresses me. However, if I was busy with something interesting to do indoors, then I will not be too bothered by it, still, too much of it makes me melancholic.” Elizabeth smiles serenely.
“I feel the same way, but I have gotten used to it living in Derbyshire. It is rainier and colder than London but not as much as the Peak District.”
“Which other painting is your favorite, sir?”
“This one over here.” Darcy guides Miss Elizabeth to a painting of peaceful land and a picturesque estate.
“This is a very lovely estate on such tranquil and perfectly scenic grounds. The mansion is a fine specimen of architecture
. Where is this, Mr. Darcy?”
“This is Pemberley – my home in Derbyshire.” Darcy replies composedly with pride and joy.
“It sits so flawlessly on this land. You must be very proud of it, sir.” Elizabeth turns to gaze at Mr. Darcy as he gazes at the painting of his home. My goodness, he is attractive, dignified, charming, and irresistible to look at.
“Yes, I am, Miss Elizabeth. Pemberley has been in the Darcy family for hundreds of years. I am proud to be able to call it my home and care for it until the next generation comes and takes over.” Darcy answers with great satisfaction as he wistfully gazes at the painting.
Their luncheon is filled with talks about London, Derbyshire, the Peak District, and the coastal regions. After luncheon, Georgiana entertains everyone with some music on the piano forte and Elizabeth sings a song. Once again, Darcy is delighted to hear Elizabeth sing. He can listen to her voice talking to him every day, and he will be thoroughly satisfied.
Afterwards, they all visit the garden. Georgiana shows the Gardiners their greenhouse and the multiple fruit trees. Darcy and Elizabeth stay outside at the other end of the garden that runs the length of the house. Darcy decides that this is the moment that he will ask to court Miss Elizabeth.
“Miss Elizabeth, was luncheon to your liking?” Darcy smiles with anticipation and optimism.
“Yes, thank you, Mr. Darcy. All the dishes were scrumptious.” Elizabeth smiles demurely.
“Miss Elizabeth, I think by now you clearly know my attentions and intentions towards you are not only for friendship.”
“Yes.” Elizabeth softly responds as she looks down at her hands, nervously.
“I hope you know that I like you very much, and I think that we will complement each other quite well. I have only honorable intentions towards you. Do you…have any special regard for me?” Darcy is hopeful that everything will go well today, and they will enter a courtship which will lead to matrimony. He is filled with anticipation.
“Yes.” This reply is even softer than her previous response.
Darcy hears her reply and sees her shy little smile. “You do not know how happy I am to hear your answer. Will you do me the honor of being in a courtship with me, Miss Elizabeth?” Darcy says with sanguinity and happiness displayed, unmistakably, on his handsome face.
Oh my goodness! Lord, this is exactly what Elizabeth wants, but now she will have to break her own heart. Why can she not have some happiness? Elizabeth takes a deep breath before making the heartbreaking statement. She has to hold back her despair and tears.
“Mr. Darcy, I am flattered by your attentions…but I do not think we will work out in the end.” Despair courses through her body. “I am extremely sorry to say that to you, but it is for your own good. I will understand if you no longer want to stay acquainted with me. If you also feel that Georgiana is better off not remaining friends with me, then I also understand your point of view and will abide by it. I am exceedingly sorry, Mr. Darcy.” Elizabeth cannot hold back her tears much longer. Her heart is breaking; she turns to leave, but Darcy stops her by gently touching her elbow. He removes his hand swiftly when she stops.
“Miss Elizabeth, please tell me why; I do not understand. We were entirely fine until this very moment. Do you not want to be in a courtship with me?” Obviously, Darcy is confused by Miss Elizabeth’s contradicting words and conduct.
“Mr. Darcy, I do want to, but I…Mr. Darcy, please believe me when I tell you that I am doing this for your own good.” Elizabeth breathes deeply several times as she moves slightly away from Mr. Darcy. She does not want to remain so close to him because being near him makes her feel much better than the reality. She feels swayed towards him, and at this moment she cannot be swayed to follow her heart which is telling her to be in a courtship with him and tell him her troubles later. She must be brave and do the right thing or else her life will be worse off than being a spinster. Having Mr. Darcy’s regret, resentment, or disapprobation, after they are more serious with each other, will certainly be worse.
“Mr. Darcy, I think it is best this way. I am awfully sorry. I think I will leave you in peace now, sir. I am exceedingly sorry.” Elizabeth’s voice is breaking, and she will cry if she does not move away from him. She cannot bear to look at his disappointment, and she does not want him to see her cry. She wants to tell him the true reason for her refusal, but she does not want to obligate him or place him in a difficult position.
Elizabeth enters the house from the garden entrance to see that her Aunt and Uncle have just also arrived there. Mrs. Gardiner sees Elizabeth’s saddened state and glistening eyes; she can guess what has transpired. Elizabeth straightens out her expression so that her Uncle does not misinterpret it. Mr. Darcy walks up to everybody a few steps behind Elizabeth, and it is very apparent that he is also most unhappy. Fortunately, Georgiana has gone inside already, thus she is not present to witness the change in emotions and attitudes of her brother and Elizabeth.
“Mr. Darcy, your garden is just lovely. I like the cute cupid statues near the water fountain.” Mrs. Gardiner tries to change the mood to minimize the discomfiture.
“Thank you, Mrs. Gardiner.” Darcy responds courteously but dejectedly.
“I think we have taken enough of your time, Mr. Darcy. Thank you again for inviting us to luncheon. Please send my compliments to your cook. She did a wonderful job.” Mrs. Gardiner says politely but understandingly.
“Thank you, Mrs. Gardiner. It was absolutely my pleasure to have you all here.” Yes, it was his pleasure up until two minutes ago. He does not understand how it has come to this rejection.
“Are you ready, Lizzy?” Mrs. Gardiner asks kindheartedly.
“Yes, Aunt.” Elizabeth answers quietly.
As the siblings farewell their guests, Georgiana, joyously asks if Elizabeth will go to the museum with her next week to see the new art works that have just come from Italy and France.
“Georgiana, can I send you a note? I am helping my Uncle with some accounting at his office, so I do not know what the best day will be yet.”
“Certainly, Elizabeth. We can go any day that is convenient for you.” Georgiana replies cheerily unbeknownst to what has come to pass.
All the courtesies are conveyed and Mr. and Mrs. Gardiner go to their carriage first. Georgiana leaves her brother and Elizabeth standing in the foyer alone.
Darcy does not comprehend Elizabeth’s reasoning for her refusal of a courtship with him, and she was not inclined to tell him why. Perhaps, she does not like him, BUT she said she has special regard for him. Is her meaning of special regard different from his? She heard him say that he wants to be more than friends with her, right? He simply does not understand her refusal. There must be something else occurring that she is not at liberty to tell him. What can it be? What is so important that she would refuse to be in a courtship with him? Did he offend her in any way? She said that she was doing this for his own good; how can that be?
“I am sorry if I am being forward, but I do not understand. Did I offend you in any way?” Darcy tries to get some sort of an explanation; this abrupt ending is greatly disturbing and hurtful. He does not like being in the dark or out of control.
“No, Mr. Darcy; absolutely not. Please, sir; you are not to blame for anything.” Elizabeth reveals honestly and heartbreakingly.
“Is there another suitor, Miss Elizabeth?” Darcy cringes when he hears his utterance, but he has to ask it. He hopes that his interest is not too late.
She lightly shakes her head while answering softly, “No, sir.” She hopes that this disclosure will keep Mr. Darcy from being hurt.
While his gut clenches, he says, “You do not like me; you only want us to be friends?” Darcy just wants to understand why he has been rejected.
“That is not true, at all, sir – on both accounts. I am not in a position to be courted by anyone, sir. I bid you a good day. God bless you, Mr. Darcy.” Elizabeth’s voice breaks; she turns around to walk out the front door and b
reathes deeply to stop her tears from falling.
Mr. Darcy walks behind her and then hands her into her Uncle’s carriage. Their hands touch for the last time. She bravely looks up at his sorrowful, beautiful, blue eyes. She looks away quickly because she feels her emotions rising fast; tears are a second away. Mr. Darcy holds onto her hand a little longer than usual, and she squeezes his hand, hurriedly. They finally release each other, and she steps inside to sit down. As he closes the carriage door and removes his hand, his last view is of Elizabeth’s eyes filled with tears. His heart constricts as the carriage pulls away with the lady that he wants in his life by his side, forever. She must be caught in some sort of a dilemma; that has to be it. There were tears in her eyes. She likes him; that is for sure.
Her silent tears do not stop; her heart slowly breaks. She restrains herself from sobbing in front of her Uncle. Elizabeth is certain that by now they both know why she is crying. Her Aunt sits next to her and tries to console her, but her tears refuse to cease.
“Oh, my dear, I am sorry for you.” Mrs. Gardiner says softly and compassionately as she squeezes Elizabeth’s hands.
Just at that moment, Elizabeth could no longer restrain her emotions, so a small sob escapes her lips, and she quickly covers her mouth. Her Aunt hugs her caringly and lovingly.
“Oh, Lizzy, I am sorry.” Mr. Gardiner says sympathetically.
Mr. Gardiner feels such empathy for his niece. She is a good person, yet she is unfairly caught in a family situation that will affect her life forever. He and his wife surmise that Mr. Darcy wanted to advance their relationship, but Elizabeth refused him. The consequence must be painful and overwhelming for a young lady to endure. The unfortunate reality is that Elizabeth may not receive another decent proposal from another gentleman that is befitting of her. Furthermore, she does not have a large dowry to her name which makes her chances of marriage very low, at this point. The more he thinks about this dreadful outcome, the more he is angry with his own sister and Lydia. Lydia’s mistake has affected six family members and extended relatives – what a horrible mess!
