by Mary Monroe
“No thanks,” Daddy said to the drink. But he eased down on the couch.
“What your wife got to say about all this?” Grandma Lilly asked. She sat down on the other end of the couch, fanning her face and crossing her knotty legs like she always did when she was nervous or excited. I plopped down next to Daddy, and as soon as I did that, he put his arm around my shoulder and hugged me some more. I couldn’t remember the last time I felt so special.
“I haven’t told her yet,” my daddy said, rubbing his knee and looking worried. “I’m going to go right home and talk to her about all of this.” He stopped talking, took a deep breath, and looked at me real hard. “Sarah, I’m going to take care of you and your granny from now on. But if you don’t want to have a relationship with me, I’ll understand.”
I gasped. “But you are my daddy! Why wouldn’t I want to have a relationship with you?”
“Well, that makes me feel a whole lot better,” he said.
“Me too. It’ll be nice to get some help with all the bills we got,” Grandma Lilly muttered. “It ain’t easy raising no teenager in this day and age. This girl wants everything she sees . . .”
“You won’t have to worry about that anymore, ma’am.” Daddy leaned over and gave my grandmother a quick peck on the cheek that made her flinch.
My grandmother was still so mad about her husband running out on her she didn’t care too much for men anymore. She wouldn’t even go to male doctors, especially when it came to procedures related to the female body that she had to remove clothing for. She had not been with a man since her husband left, so she had not had sex since then. My dead stepdaddy used to tease my grandmother and tell her that all she needed was a good fuck. She’d always get madder at him for saying nasty shit like that in front of me than she would for him saying it at all.
“Whatever,” Grandma Lilly said, rearing back and screwing up her face as if my daddy had just hauled off and pinched her. He looked away like he didn’t notice what she did next, but I know he did. She brushed off her cheek where he had kissed her. “What do we do now?”
“I’ll be meeting with my lawyer in a couple of days to revise my will. I want to do that right away so that you and Sarah will be taken care of,” my daddy said. All of a sudden, a real sad look crossed his face. “I . . . I . . .” He stopped and stared at the wall. I assumed he was thinking about my mama’s sudden and unexpected death. “We can be here today and gone tomorrow.” He was right. I had lost eight close friends in the last four years to violence. Two of them were sister and brother, shot down like dogs in separate incidents a month apart. When I thought about my future, I didn’t wonder what I’d be when I grew up. I wondered what I’d be if I grew up. “My brother and my sister died in accidents,” he added.
“You ain’t got no deadly disease or nothing, huh?” Grandma Lilly asked, looking at Daddy out of the corner of her eye. One thing I could say about old folks was that everybody expected them to say whatever was on their mind. Like little kids, people over forty just didn’t know any better. “Is that why you so anxious to get involved with me and Sarah now?”
“No, I don’t have a disease or anything. But I am anxious to get to know you and Sarah better as soon as possible,” my daddy replied, clearing his throat, looking around. A fat roach crawled up the wall by the door, but he didn’t see it. But a big fly buzzed around his head and then landed on his hand. “Uh, I guess I should be going,” he said, shaking the fly off.
“Don’t you want to stay for supper? I cooked some Chinese mustard greens and smothered a chicken before I went to church this morning,” Grandma Lilly said, nodding toward the kitchen.
“Only if it’s not too much trouble.” Daddy sniffed.
“It ain’t no trouble at all. We just waiting on them corn muffins to get done.” Grandma Lilly got up off the couch and gave me a stern look. “Sarah, get in that kitchen and find a plate for your daddy that ain’t got no cracks in it. And a clean glass so he can drink some Gatorade with his supper.”
Daddy got up off the couch and stood in the kitchen doorway, still talking as Grandma Lilly and I fixed dinner. He told us how he was going to set up a trust for me and how he was going to make sure his accountant paid all our bills, rent, and everything else. He even offered to buy us a brand-new car, but my grandmother never learned to drive and I didn’t have my license yet, so she told him to forget the car. After he’d told us everything he was going to do for us, he stopped talking all of a sudden and he got this weird look on his face. I thought he was having a stroke.
“I have a better idea than me paying rent on this place.” He was talking so fast, he almost lost his breath. “How would you two like to live in a lavishly furnished condominium a few blocks from downtown? I am sure you’d like to move out of this dump.”
I covered my mouth with my hand to keep from laughing. My grandmother’s jaw dropped as she whirled around from the stove with a spatula in her hand. “Dump? Look, Mr. Perfect Negro, this dump here is my home and has been for more than thirty years,” she growled, shaking that spatula at my daddy like she wanted to swat him with it. “I ain’t going no place. Now, I’m glad you want to step up to the plate and take care of your daughter, but I don’t appreciate you coming up in here insulting us!”
“I’m so sorry, ma’am. I didn’t mean for that to sound as harsh as it did. I would never purposely say anything to hurt you or Sarah. It’s just that . . . well, this is a violent, run-down neighborhood. I wouldn’t want a goat I didn’t like to live over here. I just assumed that anybody who had the chance to leave here would do so lickety-split. Last week alone three people got shot on this very street.”
“Four,” I corrected, my voice cracking. “Last night, the little eight-year-old boy in the front apartment on the first floor was in his bed when a bullet came through the wall from outside and hit him in the back. He might be paralyzed for life.”
“My Lord!” Daddy hollered, shaking his head and rubbing the back of his neck.
I would have left Hunters Point a long time ago if I’d had the chance. I was sick and tired of living in fear. My mama and I used to live in the Mission District, which is just the Latino version of Hunters Point. Our apartment got broken into so many times we stopped locking the door. The man my mother was with then, a man from Mexico, didn’t like kids. So he told her he’d marry her only if she “got rid of” me. Well, Grandma Lilly was glad to raise me. I loved her more than I loved myself and I wanted her to be happy. I swallowed hard and gave her a hopeful look. “I’d love to move away from here, Grandma Lilly,” I admitted. “When that bullet came through my bedroom window last year, you said you hoped we’d be able to get up out of here before you died, remember?”
“Yeah,” Grandma Lilly grunted with a wounded look on her face. “But I never thought we would.” She set the spatula down on the counter and looked at my daddy. “You telling me you’d pay the rent for us to live in one of them fancy places near downtown? I used to clean for a white lady down there, two days a week, until my lumbago got so bad. I could look out her living room window right at the Golden Gate Bridge. The rent in them places must be as high as a Georgia pine tree.”
“I own a condo in one of those buildings: three bedrooms, three bathrooms,” my daddy told us. “You and Sarah can live in it rent-free for the rest of your lives if you want to.”
“You own a place over there? I don’t mean to be nosy, but how much do one of them condos cost?”
“Well, the one I own set me back a couple of million.”
“Lord have mercy! You’re going to let us live in a two-million-dollar place for nothing? Heh, heh, heh. I know God is real for sure now.”
“I don’t know any black folks that live in that fancy neighborhood,” I threw in.
“You do now, sugar.” Daddy laughed.
He was such a nice man. I couldn’t wait to get to know him better. I was already proud to be his daughter.
“Well . . . I guess it would be nice fo
r this girl here to live the good life for a change,” Grandma Lilly croaked. “And I would like to know what it feels like to live in a place where I don’t have to worry about no sex fiend raping me.”
From the wide grin on my grandmother’s face, I knew she was just as excited to move into a better place as I was.
“Uh, it’s too bad I’ll have to take two or three buses to get from our new address to that chicken shack I work for over here,” Grandma Lilly pointed out, batting her eyelashes in Daddy’s direction. “I got to work two more years before I can retire.”
“No, you won’t,” Daddy said real fast, shaking his head. “Mrs. Cooper, you can retire right away. As a matter of fact, I insist you do just that. You’ve worked long and hard enough taking care of other folks’ needs. It’s time for somebody to take care of your needs for a change.”
Right after Daddy stopped talking, Grandma Lilly looked at me and winked.
“This junk we got won’t look too good in a fancy new apartment,” I mentioned, hoping Daddy would take the hint and offer to buy us some new stuff.
“Like I said, the condo is furnished. Pack only the things you really need—clothes, pictures, and other personal items. I’ll have some movers come over here to collect and dispose of the rest of this broken-down mess.” Daddy gave my grandmother an apologetic look. “I hope I didn’t sound too harsh again,” he said with his hands up in the air. “I can be pretty blunt at times.”
Grandma Lilly laughed. “Honey, if you going to do everything you say you going to do for us, you can be as blunt as a dull shovel for all I care.” Grandma Lilly rubbed her palms together and pursed her lips. She always did that when she was happy. I hadn’t seen her look this happy since she won a hundred dollars in a bingo game last year.
I laughed, too, but I was still kind of sad inside. I was afraid that my new life might not be the life I wanted....
CHAPTER 12
KENNETH
MY VISIT WITH SARAH AND HER GRANDMOTHER LASTED A LOT LONGER than I thought it would. I had not enjoyed such a scrumptious meal since the last time I visited Houston, and I couldn’t wait to get better acquainted with my daughter and her grandmother.
I got home around five that evening. Vera was in our bedroom taking a nap. She looked so innocent and peaceful lying on the bed on her back. For a brief moment I considered not telling her about my affair and Sarah. I had enough money to do just about anything a cheating man could do to keep his house in order. Vera didn’t have to know about me taking care of Sarah and her grandmother. But the downside was that I could never have an open and honest relationship with my only child. I could never claim her in public, bring her to my house, or introduce her to my friends and family.
Vera stirred as soon as I sat down on the side of the bed. She opened her eyes when I caressed her chin. “Hello, beautiful,” I greeted. “I’ve been thinking about you all day.”
She gave me a strange look at first; then she touched my hand, which was still caressing her face. “Where have you been?” she asked with a yawn. “I was getting real worried.” She sat up and stretched her arms. She wore a red see-through negligee with matching crotchless panties. And from the smell of fermented grapes on her breath, I could tell that she’d also sipped a glass or two of wine. “Why . . . what’s the matter? You don’t look so good.” Vera felt my forehead. “Did you take your pills today?”
I nodded. “All twelve of those suckers,” I said dryly.
“Good. I don’t want anything to happen to you,” she said with relief as she gently squeezed my arm. “I want you to be around for a very long time.”
“Baby, we need to talk. It’s real important,” I began. My chest tightened and I wondered if I’d live through my confession. “I have something to tell you . . .” The words left a nasty taste in my mouth. I knew that everything else I said in the next few minutes was going to taste even nastier.
“What is it?” Vera’s body stiffened. She pressed her lips together and blinked at me. “What’s going on, Kenneth?”
“I don’t know how to say this. First I want to say that if you want to leave me after I tell you, I’ll understand. But I love you more than I love life and I hope you can forgive me.”
“Kenneth, what did you do?” Vera didn’t even sound like herself. Her voice, which was usually soft and mellow, was so hoarse and cold I thought I was talking to a stranger.
“Baby, I’ve done something real . . . uh . . . real bad,” I fumbled.
Vera looked frightened. Tears formed in her eyes. “Well, what is it?”
“See . . . there was another woman.” I almost choked on the words.
“Another woman? Kenneth, are you telling me you’re having an affair?”
“Something like that,” I said in a voice just above a whisper.
“Who is she?” Her voice was so soft and gentle now it scared me. “Do you love her?”
I shook my head. “I did at one time.”
“But you don’t love her now?”
“She’s dead now.”
Vera pressed her lips together again. I didn’t like the look on her face now because I couldn’t read it. She didn’t look mad or hurt yet, so I really didn’t know what was going through her mind.
“This other woman you were in love with at one time is dead?” She released the words in such a detached, mechanical manner she sounded like a lousy actress reading from a lousy script. “Did you kill her?”
The odd question caught me completely off guard and I almost laughed. “No, she died in an automobile accident.” All of a sudden, I was itching in several different places. I snorted and scratched my nose and the side of my neck. But I was still itching. “Do you want the long version or the short version?”
“Give me the short version and then I’ll let you know if I want to know more details.” I still couldn’t decide if Vera was mad or what emotion she was feeling. But she did look dazed. I had a strong feeling that I was going to be doing some serious damage control until the day I died. If Vera stayed with me, I’d let her do whatever she wanted. I wanted to keep my wife just that badly.
“I had an affair with Lois Cooper. I didn’t know she was pregnant with my child when she disappeared. Maybe that’s why she disappeared. Anyway, I went to her funeral and I met her mother and . . . uh . . . the child.”
“She was the child in the picture that was in the newspaper?” Vera asked with her lips trembling.
“Yes. I knew when I saw that picture that the child was probably mine. She looks just like my late brother’s daughter. I had a DNA test done to confirm it. Anyway, I’m going to take care of my child. I’m going to move her and her grandmother into the Davis Street condo. I’ll be buying them all new clothes and everything else they need. I knew that sooner or later, you’d find out and I wanted to make sure you heard it from me first.” I stopped talking and held my breath. I couldn’t look Vera in the eyes. But when she touched my hand, I did.
The next few minutes were very tense. Vera cried, I cried.
“How could you do this to me, Kenneth? You . . . you bastard!” she exploded. “I’ve been a good wife to you! I don’t deserve this!”
I opened my mouth to speak, but before I could get a word out, Vera lunged at me like a tiger. We tumbled to the floor with her on top of me. She pummeled my head with both fists and I cried even harder. Then she slapped my face, bit my hand, and beat on my chest like she was beating a bongo drum. I thought she was going to kill me. I took my punishment like a man. I didn’t even try to defend myself. When she finished whupping me, I wobbled up off the floor and staggered into the bathroom. After I had pissed out what seemed like a quart of urine, I splashed some water on my face and cleaned off my wounds. I was glad that the bite marks and scratches were mostly on my lower neck and arms and other places where I wouldn’t have trouble hiding them from inquiring minds. I waited a few minutes until I thought it was safe and then I went back into the bedroom. Vera was sitting on the bed, looking like a
zombie. I braced myself for another attack as I eased down next to her with a cold pack on my face.
“Kenneth, I . . . I love you and . . . and I don’t want to let you go,” she blubbered. “I know you’re only human and I know how some of these little girls behave around handsome, wealthy men like you.” She leaned over and grabbed a Kleenex off the nightstand. “If you want a divorce . . .”
“A divorce? Woman, I don’t want a damn divorce! I married you for life. I . . . I was a damn fool for cheating on you, and I swear to God it’ll never happen again. But I have to do the right thing by my child. I want us to be a family. You know I’ve always wanted children, and I know how badly you want to raise a child. This may be our only chance.”
Vera covered her face with her hands and sobbed very quietly for about a minute. And I felt like a piece of shit the whole time.
“Was Lois the only one?” she choked.
“Huh? Oh! Of course she was the only one! I was weak . . . I was going through that damn midlife crisis at the time, and that was the only reason I slipped up the way I did!” I couldn’t believe how easily the lie slid out of my mouth. But my goose was already in the oven, and I didn’t want to turn up the heat. The truth of the matter was, I’d been with at least two dozen women since I married Vera. “You’re all I want and if you’ll stay with me and forgive me, I promise I will make everything up to you.”
The room got so quiet I could actually hear my sorry heart thumping against the wall of my chest.
“When will I meet your daughter?” Vera asked, her gentle tone back. Her question gave me hope.
“As soon as possible. I spent this afternoon with them, even had supper over there. They started packing before I left. I’m going to move them into the condo on Davis Street this week—if that’s all right with you.”
