“It’s not that easy, David.”
David crawled out of the buggy and turned to face Samuel, who was still sitting and pondering his son’s words. He seemed to be waiting for his dad to go on, to give him a better reason not to pursue a courtship with this woman who was so different from them.
His son knew to reject pride, arrogance, and haughtiness. The boy had been studying the Ordnung. How could he explain to the boy that submitting to the will of God does not come easily to an outsider? It wasn’t always easy for an insider.
“‘Come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord,’ ” Samuel said, hoping to remind the boy of their need to resist influences from the outside world.
David smiled. “‘And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God,’ ” he responded proudly. “Lillian just needs our help to find her way. That’s all. We’re not conforming to her world, we’re just giving her a hand to renew her spirit and find that peace of heart and mind she wants.”
Samuel stared at his son with a combination of admiration and fear. Where had the boy learned of such things at such a young age? It was a maturity way past his years. But leave it to a boy his age to find a loophole in the Scriptures. “It’s not that easy.” Samuel repeated softly. But David was already on his way into the farmhouse.
It was nearing eight o’clock when Lillian headed upstairs. She knew Grandma and Grandpa were already in bed. As she plopped down across her quilted counterpane, she looked around her small room. “Sure would be nice to watch some TV,” she whispered. Glancing at the dark-colored dresses on the peg, she frowned. Sadie had sported one of the Plain dresses—a dark green one—while she was goggling all over Samuel earlier.
Lillian realized she’d certainly messed things up for any potential courtship between Samuel and Sadie. She wasn’t having much regret about it. The more time she spent around Samuel, the more time she wanted to spend with him. She just wasn’t sure if the feeling was mutual.
A familiar trill. She grabbed her cell phone on the first ring, hoping she hadn’t wakened her grandparents. She was glad she’d thought to borrow a shopkeeper’s electricity to charge up the phone while she browsed in the market today—awkward, to be sure, but he hadn’t seemed to mind. And she just wasn’t ready to part with this last modern convenience.
“Hi, Mom.”
“Lillian, how are you?”
Something was wrong. Lillian could tell by her mother’s tone. She’d heard it before, way too many times. “What’s wrong, Mom?”
“What makes you think something is wrong? I just called to check on you . . . and your grandpa.”
“I’m fine, and Grandpa had a pretty good day today.” She waited for her mother to get to the point.
“Good, good.”
When her mother didn’t offer up the reason for the call, Lillian decided to step up to the plate. “Mom, I want to know why you left the Amish faith and chose to go out on your own.” She knew her tone was demanding, but she needed an answer.
“Lillian, I have too much going on to get into this with you right now.” Mom’s tone was equally as sharp.
“You’ve always had too much going on to talk to me about it, Mom. And Grandma doesn’t seem to want to talk about it either.”
“You asked your grandma about it? Don’t do that, Lillian,” Mom exclaimed.
Realizing she struck a nerve with her mother, she went on. “I will ask her again if you don’t tell me what happened. Because I know something happened, Mom.”
“I chose to leave, Lillian. That’s all. It was my choice to choose baptism into the church or to leave the Old Order district.”
“Then why do I get the impression there’s more to it than either you or Grandma are telling me?”
“I have no idea.” Her tone was still sharp, and once again Lillian could tell they were heading down a bad road. “Now, tell me about your grandfather. Is he in a lot of pain?”
“Why don’t you come see for yourself, Mom? He’s your father.” It was a mean thing to say, especially since she knew her mother wouldn’t come. And even more so, if she was honest with herself, because she didn’t want her mom there.
“Did I raise such a hateful child?”
“Raise? Is that what you’re calling it these days?”
“Lillian, let’s don’t do this. Why does everything have to be a fight with you?” She could hear her mother’s voice crack, but she wasn’t sure if it was for effect. There was another reason for her mom’s call. She just hadn’t gotten to the point yet.
“I don’t want to fight with you, Mom.”
“Sweetie, I don’t want to fight with you either. The reason for my call was to check on you and your grandparents, and also to tell you that I’m mailing you a thousand dollars. I know I owe you much more, but I have sent you what I could for now, to help you while you’re there.”
Lillian silently hung her head.
“It might be a couple more weeks before I can send you some more,” her mother went on when Lillian didn’t respond. “My new job at the employment agency pays commission for every placement. It turns out I match up employees with employers quite well.”
“Thanks, Mom,” Lillian said. Guilt rose to the surface. Why couldn’t she just once give her mom the benefit of the doubt? Probably because history had a way of repeating itself. Sarah Jane Miller had filled her life with promises and disappointments. She was certain the phone call was because her mom needed something from her.
“Now, I have to go get ready for dinner. Paul is taking me to the new Italian restaurant in town. Things are going fabulously well with us.” Her mother paused. Lillian closed her eyes, shook her head, and sighed. “Anyway, the offer still stands for you to come and stay with us, sweetie.”
“I like it here, Mom.”
“What about all the things you’ve had to do without? Television, for starters.”
“I miss TV sometimes, but I stay busy. I’ve learned how to make homemade bread and jellies, and I even sew a little. There’s tons to do around here. Tomorrow I’m going to plant some flowers. And Grandpa is a hoot.” She laughed, thinking about some of the things her grandfather said sometimes.
“You’re a lot like your grandfather,” her mother said lovingly.
“That’s what Grandma says.” Odd. Was this turning into a normal conversation? Maybe this would be the new norm. That would be a welcome change.
“Your grandma? She’s well?” Her mother’s tone resonated with the same sense of hesitation Lillian heard when her grandmother asked about her daughter.
“She’s tired a lot from taking care of Grandpa.”
“Are you wearing the Amish dresses?” Her mother chuckled, which hit Lillian the wrong way. She might not want to wear the frumpy dresses, but she didn’t want her mother making fun of them either.
“No. But Grandma sure wants me to.” She glanced at the three dresses on the pegs—dark blue, dark green, and a deep purple. “It’s hard to picture you wearing them.”
“I didn’t know any different. They are a far cry from the black pants outfit I will be wearing to dinner. Which reminds me, I need to go get ready.”
The conversation was going so well. It felt good to have a normal one with her mother. Maybe she would go out on a limb. “Mom, I met a man here.”
“Really? So soon?” Lillian could hear shower water turn on in the background. She knew her time was limited.
“His name is Samuel. Samuel Stoltzfus.”
Lillian heard the shower water shut off. “Lillian, listen to me,” her mother said, pausing. “That is an Amish name. Please tell me you don’t have a crush on an Amish man.”
Oh, how quickly her mother’s tone changed. “Yes, he’s Amish,” she said firmly.
“Oh, Lillian! That will never work.”
“First of all, we’re just friends, Mother.” She was twenty-seven years
old. And, based on the choices her mother had made, she shouldn’t have to defend her own.
“Well, keep it that way.”
It appeared Lillian was going to defend her own choices after all. “I might. I might not. I really like him. And his son, David.”
“Oh, great. There’s a child involved too?”
“He’s eleven. He’s a great kid, and—”
“Lillian, I have to run. Paul is calling from downstairs for me to hurry. I’ll talk to you soon.”
Her mouth was still open, midsentence, when she heard the line go dead. The false pretense of a normal conversation with her mother was nice while it lasted, but she could have predicted the final outcome.
The next morning Lillian swore she smelled smoke as she headed downstairs for breakfast. She looked at her watch. “Oops,” she whispered. It was almost six o’clock. She’d probably missed breakfast. Cereal would have to do. Grandma was already headed to town by now.
That is smoke I smell.
Reaching the kitchen, she came to a sudden halt when she saw Grandpa casually puffing away on a cigar at the kitchen table.
“Grandpa! What are you doing?”
“Nothing like a fine cigar after breakfast.” He flicked ash into a nearby coffee cup, his eyes twinkling with mischief.
“You can’t do that . . . can you?” Amish people didn’t smoke.
He chuckled. “We grow tobacco, my little Lilly. And some of us older folk partake in a cigar from time to time.”
“Oh.” She watched him take another puff. “But that’s not good for you. I mean, you’re sick. Maybe you shouldn’t be smoking.” She walked closer to him and frowned. “Does Grandma know about this?”
He sat up straighter on the wooden bench. As he held the cigar in one hand, he blew smoke and stroked his beard with the other hand. “Might be best not to mention it to her.” He smiled with the sneaky satisfaction of a child.
“She’s going to smell it.” Lillian crossed her arms and shook her head.
“Ya! You’d think so! But every time she goes to town, I have me a smoke. Been smokin’ me a cigar like this for months when she’s afar. I open the windows and the doors.” He pointed to the three open windows in the kitchen and the open screen door.
“Well, I could smell it coming down the stairs. Why don’t you go on the porch?” Lillian knew she shouldn’t be encouraging him.
“It’s more comfortable in here, and near the coffee. Besides, I think Irma Rose has a bad nose. She don’t smell good. I passed some gas the other day that would have knocked over a large cow. She didn’t even give a flinch.” He laughed as he took another drag.
Lilly blushed. “But, Grandpa, it’s not good for you. You’re sick and shouldn’t be smoking.”
“Lilly, I’m going to the Good Lord—soon. Ain’t nothin’s gonna change that.” He grinned. “Just hope I go on a day when Irma Rose is in town, so I can go with a cigar in my hand.”
“Grandpa, you might live many more years.” She could only hope. The thought of him not there put her stomach in knots.
“Not gonna happen, my Lilly. I’m on my way out the door.”
“Don’t say that!”
He lifted his hairy chin, pushed back his straw hat, and gave her a hard look. With the cigar dangling from one side of his mouth, he said, “So, tell me about Samuel.”
He clearly wanted to change the subject. And she supposed if it was going to get changed, she was glad it was to Samuel.
“He’s nice. I like David too.” She reflected on the hours of talking and laughing the three of them had shared the night before. It was nice. Although, based on Samuel’s reaction, it might not be happening again.
“He’s a fine man. The boy is a hard worker.” He winked at her, the cigar still dangling to one side.
She wasn’t sure how much to say. “Yes, he seems like a good father too.”
“Gonna be spending more time with him?”
“Uh, I don’t know. I’m sure I’ll see him around.” It was a vague answer but a truthful one.
“Well, it appears you’ll be seeing him tomorrow.”
“What? When?”
“It’s his turn to have church service at his farm. You will be goin’ to church?” His tone was an assumption she would be in attendance.
One thing at a time, though. “You have church service at a home? How did I miss that? I knew service was held every other week, but I must have missed the fact that it was at home.”
“‘God that made the world and all things therein, seeing that he is Lord of heaven and earth, dwelleth not in temples made with hands,’ ” he said. “Ya, we have church service in folks’ homes. We each take a turn ’bout every ten months.”
“Oh.” She thought for a minute about the opportunity to see Samuel and where he and David lived. “I guess I can go.”
Grandpa eyed her up and down. “Don’t make a lick o’ difference to me, but your Grandma sure would be pleased if you’d wear one of them dresses upstairs.”
She frowned. “They’re just not for me, Grandpa.”
He sat quietly for a few seconds. “Maybe just give it some thought,” he suggested.
Suddenly his face took on a fearful expression and he stuffed the cigar into the coffee cup. “Quick! Start fanning the room! Dump this out!” He handed her the coffee cup. “My hearing must be off too! I usually hear Jessie’s hooves before he hits the dirt drive. Look at that! They’re already in the yard!”
She grabbed the coffee cup and dumped the contents as instructed. Grandpa moved faster than she’d seen him since she arrived, waving his arms about, pushing the smoke toward the open windows. She watched with amusement at his wholehearted effort to keep his secret. Then, shaking her head, she said, “I’ll go outside and try to stall Grandma. I’ll show her the flowers I’m going to plant today.”
With her grandpa still flailing his arms wildly around the room, she moved toward the open screen door. “I still think you shouldn’t smoke,” she whispered before she walked onto the porch.
“Hurry, child! Or Irma Rose will have my hide!”
6
LILLIAN HAD BEEN STARING AT THE DRESSES ON THE PEGS for nearly ten minutes. She needed to make a decision soon. She glanced toward the bed, where she’d laid out the only dress she brought with her: a blue one, but much shorter and way more stylish than the ones on the peg. All the other women would be wearing dresses similar to those Grandma had put in her room. Maybe it would be best not to stand out.
She pulled the dark blue dress from the peg.
“Grandma’s already in the buggy, Lilly!” Grandpa yelled upstairs. “You comin’?”
Changing quickly, she ran down the stairs to see her grandfather sporting a wide-brimmed straw hat and a pair of suspenders she didn’t remember seeing before. His eyes lit up when he saw her.
“You’ll make your mammi very happy, Lilly.”
“Feeling good today, Grandpa?” she asked. He seemed to be walking a bit taller this morning.
“It’s a good day to go to church,” he said, pushing back his hat and taking another look at her. “What a fine Amish woman you make.”
“Thanks, Grandpa.”
He made his way slowly down the porch steps and across the front yard. A little wobbly, but all in all Grandpa seemed to be doing well. She stayed close by, occasionally offering her elbow for support. Grunting a little, he heaved himself into the driver’s seat of the buggy while she went to go lavish a little attention on Jessie before they took to the road. “Hello, boy,” she whispered as she stroked the horse’s snout.
“Look at our Lilly. How ’bout that?”
Lillian poked her head around Jessie’s. Grandma was sitting in the buggy and had her hands to her mouth as if overwhelmed by what she saw. After a moment’s pause, she took a shaky breath. “I think you should drive us to worship this fine morning,” she said, scooting off the seat. “I’ll sit in the back. Jonas get up and push that seat forward so I can crawl in.”
“Bossy, bossy,” he snickered.
Thrilled, Lillian joined her grandpa in the front seat. With Grandma settled in the backseat, Grandpa handed over the reins. Lillian glanced over her shoulder. Grandma’s hazel eyes shone with vivacity. If that’s all it took for her to gleam like that, Lillian knew she should have worn the Plain dresses way before now. After all, they were just dresses.
Before she catapulted Jessie into action, Lillian reached into her apron pocket and pulled out the little white prayer covering she had stuffed inside. Hurriedly she wrapped her long brown hair into a tight bun and secured it with a hair band from her wrist. It was a last minute choice to bring along the hat, but she was glad she had. Her Kapp wasn’t properly ironed, but she might as well wear the entire get-up.
She twisted in her seat and gave her grandma an “All set?” look. It warmed her heart to see the smile that stretched across the older woman’s tired face.
“Danki, Lillian,” she whispered.
Lillian smiled as she gave Jessie a giddyup. Why hadn’t she just worn the silly dresses sooner?
As if sensing the women were having a moment, Grandpa lightened the mood. “Let’s kick up some dirt, Lilly! Let ol’ Jessie stretch his legs. Give a gentle flick with the reins. Jessie will do the rest.”
Doing as her grandpa suggested, Lillian carefully maneuvered the buggy down the dirt lane to the main road. Then she looked at Grandpa again. He grinned and nodded.
“Ya!” she yelled, which thrust Jessie forward so fast Grandma fell backward against the seat.
“Thata girl, Lilly! A wunderbaar day to feel the wind in our face,” Grandpa said as Jessie got comfortable in a quick gallop.
“Jonas, the Good Lord will still be there when we arrive!” Grandma yelled, regaining her composure as she adjusted her Kapp. “This is Lillian’s first time to drive the buggy. She might not feel comfortable moving along so fast.”
“Sure she does. Pick it up, Lilly! Another gentle flick of the reins.”
Lillian glanced at her grandma, who was preparing herself for another increase in speed. But when she smiled in Lillian’s direction, Lillian took that as the go-ahead and did indeed pick up the pace.
Plain Perfect & Quaker Summer 2 in 1 Page 7
