by Jamie Shane
Is this something you can say about yourself? Or are you one of those that believes nothing will go right unless you keep at it, keep working it, keep shaping it?
The art of release is a tough one to master because its counterpoint is so very, very dangerous. Take away the first half of the equation, the action, and you are left waiting for a ship that will never come in. To do nothing is much more treacherous than doing too much. If you don’t plant the seed, or knead the dough, you’re going to end up very hungry. Doing nothing creates nothing. One cannot exist on a life of nothing. You must, simply must, participate.
So how do you know when to act and when to wait? The answer, grasshopper, is balance. Balance, attention and trust. You must know what action is right to make and what attention it requires. Then set things in motion and believe that you have done what is necessary to let the laws of physics play their part. External or internal, things in motion tend to stay in motion. As long as you don’t put obstacles in the path, and nurture without meddling, things will most likely turn out as they should. The Universe really is on your side.
Now is the time to create that which you want to grow. Make it happen and allow it to happen. Equinox reminds us that balance is a natural state of affairs. Tricky. But eminently possible.
6
Unlike up north, I find that the passage of seasons in Naples, Florida is not marked by temperature, color or clothing, but by automobiles. When I see a preponderance of Mercedes on the road, I think to myself, “Why, it must be October.” When those Mercedes are joined by Bentleys, Rolls Royces and Jaguars, I can say with surety that it is January and ‘season’ has begun.
As I navigate my way through these expensive cars in my Chitty-Chitty-Bang-Bang of a Toyota, it is hard not to feel some envy. These drivers must be very successful to own such lavish cars. They must have an excess of wealth to spend it so freely on such a utilitarian possession. They must be highly prosperous. (Or highly in debt.) It is difficult not to compare my possession to theirs and find theirs—for a moment--so much better than mine.
Good thing that envy only lasts for a flash before I come to my senses. Truly, even if I had three hundred thousand dollars, I wouldn’t spend it on a Rolls. But, hey, that’s me, my blue collar upbringing, and my yogic philosophy at play. Because I know that true prosperity has absolutely no relationship to money.
You can be the most prosperous person in the world without a dollar in your pocket. You can have everything you need—and more--without having a lush stock portfolio. You can be rich beyond measure without owning a big, showy house. Because prosperity is not a physical manifestation, but rather a state of being. Prosperity is when the mind and heart are at peace with the universe, when gratitude sits in the front seat and when the spirit is open and willing to receive the true gifts of life.
Unlike simple, worldly wealth, prosperity is a flow. It needs space to move into. It doesn’t stick around and gather dust. The principle of prosperity is that you get what you need when you need it. And, if you lock your mind into the belief that only money makes you rich, then you are inhibiting the flow of true prosperity into your life. One’s focus needs to move away from money equals prosperity and into love equals prosperity. Or, luck equals prosperity. Or, joy equals prosperity. Or belonging equals prosperity. I could go on, but I am sure you take my meaning.
Don’t believe the media hype. You cannot buy satisfaction. Prosperity is not imprinted over Benjamin Franklin’s face, or woven into the leather stitching of a Gucci bag. Prosperity shows itself when you are open to receiving what you need, in whatever form it takes. Don’t pigeonhole yourself by assuming that only possessions of status will make you happy, fulfilled or prosperous. It is a dangerous trap that limits your possibilities for joy and wealth.
So, maybe my Toyota burps up a little smoke now and then. But it has carried me through many life-enhancing journeys and for that I am grateful. I may not have a stock portfolio, but it would take all of my fingers and all of my toes—maybe even a few of yours—to count all of the people who truly, honestly love me. And, perhaps my house would only feel spacious to Barbie, but the love of the man who shares it with me is beyond space and measure.
At this precise moment, I have $2.18 in my cash purse--plus a strange Italian coin (how did that get there?) --but I count myself among the richest and most prosperous people in the world. Lucky, lucky me.
I sincerely, with all of my heart and more, wish the same for you.
7
Have you ever had a sublime experience?
I recently found myself smack dab in the middle of one. Somewhere between Bird-in-Hand and Intercourse, Pennsylvania, on rural route 340 heading east I discovered something divine. Tears came to my eyes. I was overwhelmed with emotion—happiness, confusion, relief. I thought for a moment that I was losing my grip.
It took me a moment to realize that what I was feeling was that unique instant when everything comes together and life is simply perfect. I was in the exact right place, at the exact right time, doing exactly what I wanted to be doing with exactly the right music, the exact right scenery, the exact right mindset. Stunned by the magnificence of the moment, I may have forgotten to breathe. It was a convergence of so many things that made me happy, so many things that made me me, that I couldn’t help but to be moved.
It was fantastic.
I think I can safely say, however, that I never would have experienced this shining example of perfect joy had I not been a practitioner of yoga. I’ve driven these same roads before. I’ve seen the scenery. I’ve heard that CD countless times. But they have never moved me to tears. Had I not known how to be in the moment, to be present in all things, I very well may have missed it. And that would have been tragic.
We spend so much time waiting for the perfect moment when we think we can finally be happy. We try to craft it or to force it. “I’ll be happy when…” Go ahead and fill in the blank here, we all do it. I’ll be happy when I get that promotion. I’ll be happy when I find a partner. I’ll be happy when I have that baby. Nobody ever says, “I’ll be truly happy when I don’t expect it, driving down a country road.”
Life’s joys happen when they happen, not when we decide that they can happen. Happiness is not attached to anything specific, or at least not the kind of happiness that travels with the sublime. I’ve discovered here that real, transcendental happiness is like a lightening bolt. You don’t know where it is going to come from, or when. You have to be open to it every moment of every day. And, generally, if you spend time shaping it, you probably won’t find it.
The joy that is part and parcel of our human experience is a gift. We have to be willing to receive it no matter what shape or form it takes. It is pot luck. It is a grab bag. It is a butterfly on the wind. If you release control of what you think will make you happy, you might be surprised at what ends up doing just that. It is a beautiful thing when we learn to be open and grateful to any little thing. It is even more beautiful when we allow that little thing to move us into the presence of the sublime.
Then we have truly found ourselves in the presence of god. And lets not forget, my dears, that god lives in the trees, in the wind, in our hearts. If we open ourselves up to the moment, we will find more in that fraction of time than we ever dreamed. Joy, beauty, peace, happiness, the very essence of life. Those sublime experiences are so rare because we think far too much about what they ought to be. They are simple and perfect gifts that we unwrap just by being present with ourselves in the flow of life.
I found perfect joy on route 340. Go figure. Where could you find it?
8
If you have ever listened to the teachings of the Dalai Lama, you will understand that his entire mission is about compassion. He believes that all humans are capable of compassion and, by expressing it, we can turn the course of humanity.
What a lovely idea.
Where that concept gets bumpy is in most people’s perception of compassion. All too often this gener
ous emotion translates into pity. Pity, when distilled, has roots in judgement that miss the mark of compassion entirely.
So what exactly is compassion, then? And how do we find it?
Compassion grows from the seeds of empathy. Not sympathy. Empathy. That sense of “that could be me.” Or, better yet, “that is me.” Compassion comes from realizing that we are all human, and, on the deepest (or highest, if you like) level we are all the same. We are all traveling through a life experience. For some it is a prosperous existence. For others it is one of troubles. Compassion is realizing that a different path of experience does not make one person better than the other. Compassion is knowing that all people are worthy of happiness, regardless of how different they are from you. Compassion is developing the ability to love without convenient restraint.
Developing compassion is often a difficult challenge. There are people in the world who do bad things. But compassion can’t pick and choose because then it slides down the slippery slope of judgement. We are taught in so many subtle ways to look down on others. Not consciously, not with awareness, but we create rifts between ourselves and others based on social differences, economic & cultural differences, or differing beliefs. How easy it would be to qualify compassion based on what we believe is worthy of it. This subtle belief of “look out for your own” paralyzes compassion and neglects the larger picture.
In order for the world to change you must love everybody as you love yourself.
And I don’t mean that you have to give every stranger a big fat hug and kiss. But you do have to believe, with every kernel of your being that that person—no matter how different, how difficult or misguided—has a right to live. Better yet, they have a right to love. Without that belief, without compassion, we will tear this whole world to bits and find ourselves out of luck in terms of survival.
So, the next time you are out and about, maybe in the Post Office, the mall or Starbucks, practice your compassion. Standing in the crowd, open your heart and look at all of the people around you. Feel, for just a moment, the thread of love that connects you to them. Pick out one person and have compassion for them. Look at how they walk or stand, read their face, their body language, look at their eyes. Make no judgement, but experience that person as if it were you in their clothes, shoes, face, body. Be, for just a moment that complete and total stranger. Experience the full force of real compassion.
But lets not stare, folks, that just creeps people out, no matter how much you love them.
Our connection to one another is the most valuable possession we have. It is what keeps the world spinning. Our diversity keeps it interesting. Loving one another, even if from a distance, is what will heal us all.
But, hey, you don’t have to take my word on it. But maybe you should at least listen to His Holiness, The Dalai Lama, spiritual leader of all Tibetan Buddhists. Maybe he’s got it right.
You think?
9
Most days I would personify Life as a classy, brassy dame: sharply kind and darkly beautiful with a great sense of the absurd. Other days, I would have to say that Life is more like a slightly demented, hot-flash riddled hooker with an eye twitch, a stutter and a death grip on Barry Bonds’ lucky bat. You have two guesses who is the ball—and the first one doesn’t count.
He-e-y, batter, batter. Suh-wing, batter.
There are few things you can count on in this game of life, and one of them is the cold, hard fact that sooner or later you will take it in the gut. Big or small, there’s no telling, but you can be assured that you will one day find yourself on the dirty end of the stick, brought down to your knees with absolutely no idea what it is that you should do or feel. Generally your first instinct is to curl up into a ball and simply cry. I think it’s a good one. Why we as a culture don’t encourage this is beyond me.
Sometimes reverting to an elemental response like crying is the healthiest way to deal with your emotional conundrum. Crying is a release valve of sorts. And if we stuff dirty socks into this emotional pipe to avoid the steam, it will surely, eventually, explode. When you come to this dark crossroad, it behooves you to let ‘em rip. Sob. Cry. Wail. It is far better to let it out in a natural way than to let it leak out another.
There is no eternal wisdom in refusing to cry. Being a ‘grown-up’ does not negate its validity. You do not have to ‘suck it up’ at first blow and bounce immediately back. Taking the time to fully experience your hurt will help you to wash away the shock of it so that you can, eventually, drive on.
When you feel that urge to curl up into a ball, do so. Come into a Child’s pose, a restorative yoga pose that literally wraps you up around yourself and hides your face from the world. On your knees, with your bum resting on your heels, lay your belly down on (or between) your thighs. Stretch your arms by your sides and wrap your hands gently around your heels. Let your face fall to the floor, resting your forehead or cheek upon the earth.
When you rest in Child’s pose like this, you cocoon your body around your heart. You allow it to storm in absolute privacy, cradled away from exposure. Your soft underbelly is hidden away. Here, the most delicate parts of yourself can fully express their confusion, despair or upset. For this brief time you are safe to feel whatever it is that needs to be felt.
And you offer only the strong line of your back to the world.
When you find yourself this low, wracked with tears and hurt, remember: It will be alright. While the heart may be too soft at times, the back is generally sturdy. You can carry more of life’s crap upon it than you ever dreamed. Suffering is inevitable. But we all have backbones that are made to be resilient. Please, cry and hurt and curl up like a baby when that is what needs to be done. But always know that your back is strong and so are you. The storm will pass. It has to.
In all of our hearts lives the child we once were. That is at once our vulnerability and our strength. To understand that is to open the door to Life—whatever face she may wear. Most days you win. Other days, well…
At least you know you are alive.
10
No matter how aged or wise one becomes, failure still has the ability to whack you over the head with a baseball bat. Even those of us who practice equanimity can still find extreme disappointment and dejection over a failure. But, despite that, never ever ever, have I bought into the ‘Failure Is Not An Option’ cultural marketing stratagem. Puh-lease.
Failure is always an option. And, if you think about it, sometimes failure is the only option--if not the best. Even if it stings like the very devil.
Just take a moment now, and stick your tongue in the cavity of your personal failures. Without painting those memories with the brush of fantasy, turn those failures into successes. Think about where you would be had those attempts not been re-evaluated, discarded or shelved. Don’t pretend, be real. Odds are, you are in the place you should be because of those ‘failures’. We are all where we need to be, and we are there as often as not due to the hands of failure as those of success.
From this perspective, you have probably never truly, abjectly failed. Even those really bad decisions, the ones that led to disappointment and/or defeat had some value over the course of your life. If we never failed, we would never learn; our experience would be sadly limited to happy, happy la-la land. And what good does that really do you? Erasing failure from your life eliminates a whole realm of creative possibility. It is not a simple, evil devil painted with a one-hued brush to be avoided at all cost.
So what, exactly, is failure? Failure means that your methods for achievement simply need to be re-evaluated. It is just calling for a little mental intuition and creativity. A time out, if you will, to re-strategize. And there is absolutely nothing there to be ashamed of. The best generals in the world all had to sit back and think now and again.
Failure is opportunity. It is reality looking you in the face with a little orange flag that waves you into the detour lane. And, I’ll tell you true, most of my most fulfilling life experiences hav
e come from traveling the back roads. A detour led me to yoga. A grand and expensive failure brought me to the place where I had this opportunity to write for all of you. And I do hate it when people give you the whole ‘lemons-to-lemonade’ schtick, but it is sickeningly true.
Personally, when life hands me lemons I skip the lemonade and give them back to the earth. They just might grow into fantastic trees. But, hey, that’s me. I’m an optimist.
The challenge becomes mastering the ugly emotional response that arises in the face of failure. And that is really simply a matter of surrender and trust. You have to give over your perfect idea and realize that it might not have been meant to manifest in the form you intended.
That can be sad, and you should allow it to be sad. But you should never let it swallow you, or convince you that you aren’t worthy of happiness. You are. But maybe that happiness will come from another direction or in a foreign shape. So you have to be open and willing to receive whatever the Universe has for you. Take your failures with grace because odds are, if you really want something, it will come to you in its own way.
Whoever decided that failure is not an option should be bopped upside the head. Failure is a beautiful option that frees you from your ego long enough to show you what you are really made of….
…beautiful possibility.
11
The end of every yoga class is dedicated to relaxation. And if your class isn’t, you are so in the wrong place. This may be the most important part of your asana practice as it allows the whole body/mind to assimilate the changes effected in your systems. It also gives you a few precious moments to simply be still and quiet within the grand flow of existence.
