I look at my phone and wonder what she knows. My phone buzzes again.
Greg phoned me, but I was out last night and my phone went dead. I’m going to come down.
No, it’s OK.
But you’ve got an infection. It’s not OK.
The doctors are going to fix me.
I’ll check the trains.
I really want to see Beth but she was really mad that I didn’t tell her I was ill when the television people were here. She’ll be even madder now.
I can get to you late this evening.
I don’t know what to write. I don’t want to lie.
Joe. You’re quiet.
I’m fine. Honest.
I can get to you this evening . . . I’ll call you.
No, it’s OK.
My phone buzzes in my hand. I said I was okay. I told her not to call me.
‘Come on, what’s wrong?’
My chest goes tight. It’s bad enough not telling her the truth by text; it’s even harder now I can hear her voice.
‘It’s nothing,’ I say.
‘Are you feeling really bad?’
‘I don’t feel great.’
‘But there’s something else? Come on, you can tell me.’
‘How can you tell?’
‘Because I’m your sister.’
I hate lying. Especially to her. But I have to tell her something. ‘It’s Henry,’ I say. ‘He’s ill.’
‘What’s wrong with him?’ She sounds worried.
‘I don’t know. No one will tell me.’
‘Can’t Greg or Amir find out?’
‘Greg’s going to try later.’
‘And Amir?’
‘He’s looking for crop circles.’
‘What?’
‘He’s on holiday.’
‘Oh.’ The phone goes quiet. I can tell she’s worried. She sighs. ‘Joe, you sound really down.’
I slide down in my bed. I tell Beth about the mall, how Henry was loving all the cheering crowds and that they were waving and he was waving back. I tell her that it was all going great until he went down the escalator. Beth says it just sounds like he might have got too tired. I tell her I think it’s more than that. He would message me if he could.
‘But maybe no news is good news,’ she says. ‘That’s what Mum used to say.’
‘Did she?’
‘Yes. No news is good news and all news is bad news. When did you last watch the news and feel happy?’
‘I can’t . . . I can’t remember.’
Beth laughs. ‘See?’
I smile. I know she’s trying to cheer me up.
‘I’m sure he’s fine. But we’ve got to make sure you are too. So I’m coming down.’
‘You don’t have—’
‘Too late . . . It’s booked!’
The door slides open and Charlotte R walks in. She kicks her foot against the bottom of my bed.
‘Oops! Sorry!’
‘Who’s that?’ Beth says.
I tell her it’s Charlotte R and Beth asks to speak to her. I pass over the phone.
‘Hi,’ Charlotte R looks at me and smiles. I can still hear Beth talking. Charlotte R walks towards the door. ‘No, he’s not having a great time but he looks a bit happier now.’ She steps into the transition zone.
I’m not happier but I do feel a little better. Beth might be right. No news is good news. Henry was on TV. If anything had happened to him it would be on the internet by now. Maybe he’s sat in his room opening his presents with Matt. They’ll be playing with the remote control car, or maybe they got two? They’ll race each other on an imaginary race track and weave them in between the legs of the bed like Mario Kart. Matt would be Bowser, Henry would be Luigi and if I was there I would be Mario and I’d use turbo-boost to overtake them both.
Charlotte R comes back and hands me my phone. ‘She’s lovely,’ she says.
‘I know, but she worries too much.’
‘That’s what sisters do.’
‘But sometimes she won’t leave me alone.’
My phone buzzes.
‘See?’
I look at my phone.
‘Is it her?’
‘No.’
‘Why are you smiling?’ Charlotte R leans over and pulls a funny face. ‘Who’s sending you pictures of crop circles?’
‘A friend.’
‘That’s a bit of a weird thing to send!’
I shrug and look at the picture again. It’s a crop circle with three dots in the middle. I spread my fingers on the screen and zoom in. Ajala, Shukra and Guru are stood in the middle of a field waving at me. I smile. They look like they’re having a great time with Amir. I wish I could chat to him, but I don’t want to ruin his holiday by telling him I’m ill. Besides, I might be better by the time he’s back. I click on my phone and send Amir a smiley face.
Charlotte stays with me for most of the afternoon. She brings me lunch – sausages and mashed potato – I don’t feel like eating it so she gives me a glass of pink lumpy liquid instead. She says it will help build my strength back up but all it does is make me feel sick.
She sits next to me and reads a book while I go on my laptop again. There’s still no message from Henry but since Beth called I don’t feel so bad.
BBC Bubble Boy Forum
Mon 30 August, 15:17
Dear Bubble Boy
Do you think Arsenal are going to buy Morgan Schneiderlin? I hope they don’t because he’s our best player.
Josh Hammond.
Southampton
Dear Josh,
I think Morgan Schneiderlin is a great player but I want Sergio Agüero!
I press Send and scroll down.
There are three more messages, the last one is from Hannah.
Dear Joe. Are you OK? You said you were excited but couldn’t tell me, and I’m worried you’ve not replied because I mentioned your parents. I’m worried about that.
Hannah.
I click on Hannah’s last message.
Dear Bubble Boy, or shall I call you Joe, I don’t know. Should I? Anyway I’m sorry I haven’t contacted you. I’m at my gran’s now. I can get internet if I climb a hill opposite her house. I usually visit her twice a year, once at Easter and again in the summer when my mum and dad are working. I walk down to the beach with her and sometimes when the tide is out we walk across the sand to an island. Do you have a gran? I know you don’t have any parents because they said that in the programme. I’m really sorry that happened. I should talk about something else. We’re travelling back home tomorrow, then I’ve got to check my school uniform still fits and buy new books for school. I’ve just made my GCSE choices. I’ve chosen double science and I really like Art and Music. Do you like those subjects? Do you take exams? Got to go now.
Hannah
Ps. You don’t have to tell me what was exciting but I hope it was good.
I smile. I’m glad Hannah wrote to me. Most of the time people send one or two messages and stop. Usually it’s for a class writing competition to see who can write the best letter. They are all slightly different but then end up asking the same question: ‘What’s it like to live in a bubble?’ and after I reply they send me a photograph of their Bubble Boy project stuck to the classroom wall. I hope Hannah isn’t writing a project.
Dear Hannah
No, you didn’t upset me about my parents.
No, you didn’t upset me about just being friends.
Two of my grandparents died, the other two went nuts! Joe
Oh, I do take exams. I studied Archimedes’ principle last week. I don’t have a bath so my tutor put a brick in a can.
And sorry, I can’t tell you what I’ve done. But I might be able to one day.
I press Enter. That’s the last message. I look around the room. It’s so quiet without Henry messaging and not having Amir buzzing round.
I click on a video of Sarah.
‘Hi Dew, today you’re going to learn about the French Revolution. H
ow it changed and shaped the future of France and Europe.’
Charlotte R looks up from her book.
I show her my screen. ‘Do you want to watch?’
‘No. I think I’ll stick to this.’ She shows me the cover of her book. There’s a picture of a boy running across a field on the front.
‘Is it any good?’
‘It’s okay,’ she says. ‘It’s a bit happier than the last one.’
‘What happened in that?’
‘I don’t think you really want to know.’ I think that means that somebody dies.
I click on Play. I hear the blast of a bugle and the bang of gunshots as soldiers in blue uniforms fight outside castle in the Battle of the Bastille. The air is full of smoke and the soldiers are screaming as they fire cannons and charge at each other with bayonets on their rifles. The flashing lights hurt my eyes. The cannons hurt my ears. I turn the brightness and the sound down and lay back on my pillow . . .
I don’t know what happened in the French Revolution because when I wake up my laptop is on the table beside me. Charlotte R’s book is on the chair. I can hear people talking in the transition zone but they’re so quiet I can’t hear what they’re saying. I sit up on my bed and strain my ears. The doctors and nurses always do this when I’m really ill. It’s like the transition room is their meeting room where they talk about all the things they don’t want me to know about. They think that I will worry too much if I know everything, and I do. But I worry about the things they don’t tell me more.
I pull my covers away and slide my feet onto the floor. My body feels like lead and my legs feel like sticks. The door seems a hundred feet away. I steady myself on my mattress and edge slowly to the end of my bed. The voices get louder but I still can’t hear what’s being said.
My head begins to hurt and the door begins to blur. I let go of the bed and fall onto the chair by my bathroom.
‘So he’s . . .’
‘Yes, been . . .’
I shuffle my chair quietly across the floor and press my ear against the door. I hear the rip of paper towels and the sound of water running into the sink.
‘Two, this morning . . .’
‘Anything . . .’
‘That’s all they would . . . How’s he been?’
‘Restless, I think maybe . . .’
I still can’t hear. It’s like listening to TV when pigeons are sitting on the satellite dish.
The water stops. There’s a click, then the rush of the air as someone dries their hands. What are they talking about?
The air stops. I press my ear so hard against the door that I can feel the blood thumping through my head.
‘He’s just too ill to cope with it. We need to . . .’ – hiss of disinfectant – ‘a while.’
‘He’s been looking on the internet all day.’
What can’t I cope with? What’s on the internet?
‘Yeah, we need to get that away – you said he’s asleep now?’
‘Yes.’
‘Okay, let’s do that first.’
‘It’s on the table by the side of his bed.’
I sit up and look at the table and see my laptop.
Is it Henry? Is Henry ill? Is he –?
I push myself up off the chair and stagger back to my bed.
The door slides open.
I grab my laptop and open it up.
‘Mate, what are you doing up?’
I look at my screen and click on the refresh icon.
Greg walks over to me and reaches out. I pull my laptop away and look back at the screen.
It can’t be. It can’t be true. It’s not true.
‘They’ve probably made a mistake! Greg? They must have made a mistake! Haven’t they? Don’t newspapers lie all the time?’
Greg puts his hand on my shoulder. ‘Mate, I’m so sorry.’
Blood whooshes in my ears. I think something is going wrong with my heart. It hurts. It hurts.
‘I told you something was bad!’ I cover my face with my hands but it doesn’t stop my tears from falling out. My lungs feel like they’re bursting out of my chest. I can’t breathe. I can’t breathe.
Greg sits down on my bed and wraps his arm around me. I’m scared my heart is going to burst and my lungs are going to break my ribs.
Where is Henry? Where is he? They’ve made a mistake.
I look up at Greg. ‘They’ve made a mistake,’ I say. ‘They must have.’
‘No, mate. I’m sorry, but I don’t think they have. The hospital made an announcement.’
Greg keeps talking but I’m crying so loud that I can’t hear what he says. I feel like I’m a robot that is shutting down, with my lights flickering out as I melt into the ground. Maybe it’s the drugs they’re giving me. They’ve given me too many; they’re fighting each other and not the infection. That can make me feel crazy and make me imagine things that aren’t real. The door slides open. Charlotte R walks in and stands at the end of my bed.
‘It’s okay,’ Greg says. ‘I’ve got him . . . I’ve got you mate.’ He pulls my head close against his chest.
‘It hurts. Everything hurts!’ I keep crying, keep shouting. I’m so confused and upset that I don’t know which words stay in my head and which ones come out of my mouth. Henry’s dead and I think I might die too. Maybe it’s the same thing. Maybe this horrible feeling is because I’m dying too and we really did have the same thing. We both lived in a bubble. We both went outside. Now we’re going to die at the same time.
We’ve been ill loads of times but the doctors have always found a way to fix us. The infections usually sneak up on us. They don’t make us feel really bad straight away. Was there a bug in his suit or at the mall? Maybe it was in the ambulance, but NASA would have scrubbed it clean and disinfected it, wouldn’t they? I still might have the same thing. I still might die too. We shouldn’t have gone outside. Our bubbles are boring sometimes but at least they are safe.
I scrunch my eyes tight but the tears come again, and my heart surges again.
Greg wraps his arms tighter around me.
Henry’s dead.
Henry’s dead. I bury my head in Greg’s chest. I want this pain to go away. I want Greg to squeeze me tighter and never let go. This was supposed to be the best day ever and now I just want it to end.
11 years, 3 months and 14 days
I’m lying on my bed, staring up at the ceiling. I sniff and wipe my tears on my sleeve. I’ve been crying all night. I’ve been crying so much that my eyes are aching and my cheeks are sore. I heard a nurse walking around my room. I saw her standing over me. But her words were a mumble and her face was a blur. She reached out and touched my arm, but I didn’t feel it.
Tears roll down my cheeks and onto my wet pillow. When I close my eyes I see Henry. When I open them, I see him too. I know it’s just in my mind, because where my heart should be there’s a big black hole. The red charge light on my laptop is blurry through my tears. I can’t stop my hand reaching out, just to check. I slide it onto my bed, flip up the top and stare at the clocks.
It’s 09:15 in London.
It’s 04:15 in Philadelphia.
The minutes tick over.
09:16
09:17
I’ve had two clocks in my head for years. I ate breakfast when Henry was sleeping. I ate lunch when he was eating breakfast. I ate tea when he was eating lunch and I went to bed when he was still up watching TV.
It’s 09:18.
09:19.
09:20.
09:21.
I’m missing him already even though if he was still alive he wouldn’t be up yet. I wish the Skype light would shine. I wish the pencil would start to scribble.
09:22
09:23
There’s nothing there. Just our last messages. I close my laptop down and look around my room. I don’t feel like watching the screens. I don’t feel like listening to music. I don’t feel like doing anything. I’ve got pictures of football players and superheroes on
my wall but I’m all alone. Henry might have lived inside my laptop but my whole room feels empty now he’s gone.
I think about last night. I remember going on my laptop. I remember Greg rushing in. I remember my heart and my lungs hurting and crying and shouting things . . . Did I tell Greg I’d been outside? I think I did but I can’t remember anything properly. I think the drugs are jumbling my brain. I don’t know what was real or what was a dream. All I know is that Henry is gone. I’ll never see his face or read his messages on Skype again. I just want him to come back.
I know something is wrong when Greg calls me ‘Joe’.
I know something is wrong when Beth bites her nails and doesn’t talk.
I know something is wrong when Dr Moore rubs his hand across his mouth.
I know something is wrong when I open my eyes and find all three of them are around my bed at the same time.
Dr Moore sits on the edge of the bed. He puts his hand on mine ‘Joe,’ he whispers. ‘I’m really sorry to hear about your friend.’
I look up at Beth. I want her to reach down and hug me. But she just stands there with a worried look on her face. I can’t tell if it’s because of Henry or because she’s found out what I’ve done.
Dr Moore tells me he doesn’t know all the details but he does know that Henry had had a heart condition for a while.
‘He looked okay the last time I saw him! And if he wasn’t well, why did they let him go out?’
‘I don’t know, Joe,’ he says. He looks back at Greg and Beth like he’s getting ready to tell me something bad.
They’ve found out I’ve been outside. I’m going to die. That’s why all three of them are here.
‘I’m sorry—
‘Joe—’
Me and Dr Moore talk at the same time. I let him go first.
‘Joe, there are a couple of things we need to talk about. Firstly, your test results.’
I hold my breath.
‘Your whites are stable, but until we know the cause of your crash, we’re unsure what direction the count will go in next. There are a number of options; one of them is to transfuse.’
I look at Beth and Greg again. They know I don’t like transfusions, but I wouldn’t expect them all to be here at the same time just to tell me that.
The Bubble Boy Page 20
