by Lena Skye
“We’ve been through this already,” he said in disbelief.
“Can I please see inside the bathroom Desmond?”
I quickly sidestepped him and opened the bathroom door. I could not believe what I was seeing. There was a freshly drawn bath with candles surrounding it and a bucket of champagne sitting next to it.
Sitting on the edge of the tub was Loren clad in only lingerie.
“Oh look, it’s the Virgin Mary,” Loren smirked as she looked at me. She turned her attention to Desmond, “We almost got away with it too Des, pity I’m so noisy in here, oops…”
There are million reactions that I could have had in that moment. But all I felt was hurt, and I couldn’t even muster up anger. I turned to look at Desmond.
“I’m so sorry. Please let me explain this,” he pleaded.
I stared at him in silence for a few moments, and I willed my mouth to speak but it didn’t work. Tears pooled in my eyes, and I could only walk away. I don’t think that I ever felt so stupid in my life. My thoughts were going a mile a minute, and I could latch on to any so that I could process it. Loren said she was going to do this and now she had. When I got outside he was right behind me.
“Please stop and listen,” he begged.
I did as he asked and turned to face him, “Tell me honestly, how long has this been going on?”
He opened his mouth and then closed it. He spent a few moments trying to think and then replied, “It was the first time.”
I shook my head in disbelief and asked again, “No, I want the truth. How long has this been going on?”
He paused for a while and struggled to look me in the eye.
“A while,” he replied vaguely.
I felt like all of the air had been sucked from my lungs. He knew about everything that I’d been through and yet he still betrayed my trust. He also betrayed my trust with Loren of all people, and he most definitely knew how I felt about her.
“How could you do this to me?” I asked in exasperation. My rage was finally beginning to bubble up like a welcomed friend. He didn’t deserve any sadness.
“I wanted her to give me a good deal on the contract, and she kind of threw herself at me,” he said quickly.
“That’s such bullshit!” I spat.
“I’m a man,” he replied, “I have needs.”
In that moment I saw nothing but red.
I quickly slapped him across the face, and walked quickly to my car. He stood there stunned and I had a horrible sense of deja vu. My life seemed doomed to repeat itself and I was nothing but a fucking pawn. I drove away as the tears flowed freely down my face. I felt like my world had just been turned upside down. I have been through a lot in my life but this was something else.
Happiness within a relationship seemed so far out of reach.
#Chapter11
“Desmond is an ass-hole.”
Kenneth
My pillow and I were having another cry fest.
I just couldn’t stop replaying what Loren said to me in my head. I wished that it was her that I slapped, but I knew that directing my anger at her would have been dumb. It wasn’t her fault that Desmond fell for her bullshit. He could have easily said no, but he didn’t go that route. So if he hadn’t of slept with her, it would have been with someone else.
But I hated the fact that she felt victorious. I was guessing that she took a few pointers from Amelia. I laughed to myself because she got what she wished. Memories of that lunch meeting a few months ago came flooding back. She wanted to see my face when I was hurt, and I’d given her the satisfaction.
No, I didn’t give her the satisfaction, Desmond gave it to her and I would never forgive him for that. He embarrassed the hell out of me. For once in my life I wanted to be over petty relationship drama. He seemed so damned nice and attentive; he fooled me. I reached on my nightstand, grabbed my wine glass, and took another huge gulp. I’d gone through three glasses and I was sinking further and further into misery.
My lip trembled, and I was about to go into another fit of miserable sobs. My phone rang, and I took a look at it, partially hoping that it was Desmond. I didn’t have any intentions on answering the phone, but it would have been nice to know that he was chasing me and wanted to apologize. But it wasn’t Desmond, it was Kenneth and there was no way that I was going to answer the phone. He probably just wanted to return those stupid DVDs or talk about them. I was not in the mood for that. I ignored the phone as it lay on the pillow next to me. A few moments later I received a text.
To: Me
From: Kenneth
Let me in. I know you’re in there lol
I guess he could see my light on. I really need to get black out drapes. If it was anyone else, but him or my friends I would have called the police for stalking. I slowly got out of the bed and walked to my bathroom. I used a cool rag to wipe my face and told him to come to the door so that I could buzz him in. I did my best to put on a good face so that I wouldn’t have to answer any invasive questions.
“Hey,” he said as he peeked inside of the door that I left cracked so that he could enter.
“What’s up?” I asked from the couch.
He waved the Breaking Bad DVD set, “I came to return this.”
I shook my head in amusement, “You didn’t have to bring it back so soon. I’ve already seen it and so there was no need to rush. Have you gotten any sleep?”
“I’ll admit that I’m a little sleep deprived but it was worth it! They ended just as strongly as they began. I’m telling you those writers deserve to be rich because this series was phenomenal, I’m sad that it’s over. I wanted to pace myself while watching it but I couldn’t stop myself from watching them back to back. That series is probably just as addictive as those Lena Skye series you are always reading...”
He went on and on about the show, and I wasn’t able to keep my poker face. It was hard to be in the same room as him at that moment. He was just a reminder of everything that I’d lost and my overwhelming sadness overtook me. I fought back tears and tried to look as attentive as I could.
“What’s wrong?” He asked with concern.
“Nothing,” I said as the crack in my voice betrayed me. His expression told me that he didn’t believe me, and I burst into tears.
Without saying anything he rushed to my side and enveloped me in his arms. My body shook as he rocked me back and forth. Every time I would try to stop my tears they would only get worse.
“Stop trying to fight it. I don’t mind your tears, so just get it out,” he said.
After a few more minutes I pulled myself from him and sat up straight as I wiped my face.
“Are you going to tell me what’s going on?” He asked.
“It’s Desmond,” I choked out.
He gave a deep sigh, “What did he do?”
I told him about everything that had just occurred. I gave him all of the details and even a little bit of the background story. He remained quiet until I finished my story and chimed in the occasional “uh huh”. He looked angrier and angrier as I continued my story, and he was standing and pacing by the time I finished.
“Desmond is an ass-hole. I always knew that there was something wrong with him. I’m going to kill him, I am not even joking,” he spat.
I couldn’t remember the last time I’d seen him so angry. He looked as if he would have actually tried to kill him if he was in the same room. I was happy that there was a 20 minute car ride between us and Desmond at that point. I didn’t want him to be angry, but it warmed my heart to have him that worked up over me. It showed me I was still important to him.
“There is no need for that,” I said, “Just leave it alone please, what’s done is done. I’m just happy that I found out before I did something that I was going to regret. I was about to sleep with him and if I’d found out about Loren after that, then I probably would have killed him myself.”
He gave a small laugh as he returned back to the couch beside me, “I’m just sor
ry that this happened to you, you don’t deserve this.”
“Most people don’t,” I said sadly.
He put his arm around me to comfort me and we sat in a nice comfortable silence for a few minutes.
“Would you mind watching the last episode of Breaking Bad with me again?” He asked.
“You’re such an addict,” I laughed.
“It was tough watching it without you. Since we both know what’s going to happen, we can discuss it,” he said excitedly.
I appreciated him for working hard to get my mind off of my woes. I wasn’t going to fight his efforts because I needed it.
“Okay, let’s do it,” I said.
“Cool, actually I’m going to play the last disc from the beginning.”
“I don’t have any complaints about that.”
I watched with a smile as he went to pop the DVD into my blu ray player. It was difficult not to feel nostalgic during a time like that. He walked back over to me and sat next to me on the couch. There was no space between us as he tucked me underneath his arm. For the next few hours we discussed the series, what we would have done, and why Walter was a true bad ass. I soon realized I wasn’t thinking about what happened to me earlier that day. I had to thank Kenneth for that.
“See this is why I miss you so much,” he said quickly.
“Why is that?” I asked as I turned to him.
“No one gets me like you do,” he replied seriously.
I was not sure if it was the alcohol or my emotions but I did the first thing that came to my mind, and I kissed him. He body went still beneath mines before he gave in and responded. He tasted exactly like I remembered, and I felt like I was home. This is what my life was supposed to be. I pulled away from him because I thought about Amanda. She didn’t deserve what I was doing, she’d been nothing but nice to me. I am not that type of girl.
I gave a huge yawn, I was emotionally exhausted and ready for bed but I didn’t want to go alone. I was tired of sleeping alone, and it wasn’t even about sex anymore. It was about intimacy and being next to a person that I cared about. I wasn’t ready to be alone with my thoughts and feelings, especially after the night that I had.
“Will you stay with me for a bit?” I asked in barely a whisper.
He rose to his feet and cut off my DVD player and walked back over me. He extended his hand to me and helped me to my feet.
“Of course I’ll stay with you,” he said as he led me to my room.
I have a huge breath of relief. We crawled into my bed, and I placed my back to his chest. His arm encircled my waist and held me tight against him. He kissed the top of my head.
“Thank you,” I said, “How late will you be staying?”
“I’m not leaving you,” he replied.
I wanted to read into his comment further, but I figured that I could do that in the morning. Instead, I enjoyed the warmth and security of his body and drifted off to sleep.
#Epilogue
Holding Nicole against my body was a wonderful and surreal experience. I’d missed her more than words could ever express. Her breathing had finally evened out, and I knew that she was fast asleep. Sleep wasn’t going to come to me so easily because I couldn’t help but mull everything that had just occurred over in my mind.
I did my best to hide it in humor, but I really did want to punch Desmond in his face. I wouldn’t resort to violence, but he would know exactly how I felt about him the next time I saw him. I would make it my business to ensure that it would be within the next couple of days.
How dare he treat Nikki so badly, she’s an amazing woman. Granted she can over-think most situations and read into every little detail but that’s a part her charm. She’s sweet, compassionate, stubborn, and driven. However, I was happy that he didn’t sleep with her. He didn’t deserve to know what it was like. He was a fucking weasel just like I thought.
She was a fighter and although she felt everything deeply, she never let it keep her down. She was a lot stronger than she gave herself credit for. Very few women could have endured watching her ex parade around town with his new fiancé. Yet she did it with style and grace. Amanda couldn’t say enough nice things about her when she returned from dinner with her. I wasn’t sure how it would turn out because things could have gone either way. But Nikki didn’t let me down and she remained classy in spite of the awkward circumstances.
My lips still tingled from the kiss that we shared. I was pretty sure that she only did it due to her grief, and her being drunk but I enjoyed it. I also realized that I was the only person that was technically doing something wrong. But damn it felt good. All of my feelings that I bottled up on my plane ride to New York came bursting forth. When I got on the plane to get away from all of the theatrics that had become my life, I put those feelings in a box and vowed to never open it again. I was lying to myself if I thought that I would ever be able to keep my feelings for her bottled up.
The only reason that I put a tight lid on them was because I was absolutely sure that she’d cheated on me with Desmond the night of the summer ball. When she told me that she didn’t once I returned it was too late to go back because I’d already made a life altering decision that I was rather happy with. Amanda had made me happy again and I wasn't going to let her down.
Nicole was the reason that my best friend and I were at odds. I wasn’t even sure if I had it in me to forgive him for what he did. He didn’t understand why I was still so upset with him, since I was engaged to Amanda. But it was the fact that he’d been so damned devious about how he got her out of my life. I couldn’t completely blame him for what happened between me and Nikki, but he was the catalyst. Me and Nikki’s lack of clear communication was what caused us to break up and I see that now. He saw that weakness, and he preyed on it. That’s why I’ve made it clear to him that he isn’t to speak to my fiancé. He wasn’t going to wreak anymore havoc in my life. He’d done more than enough damage.
Nicole and I have so much history and most of it was good. We’d had our fair share of horrible times, but she was the woman that I originally wanted to marry. But now I was with someone else and we were in a good place. I loved Amanda, but I still had love for Nicole, especially due to our history.
Amanda was everything that I wanted in a woman. Well she was everything that I’ve said that I wanted in a woman. She had her quirks just like everyone else but sometimes she reminded me of a down to earth Stepford wife. I know that I’m a fool for complaining about something so great but it’s sometimes annoying to be with someone that exudes perfection. But I simply accepted that as one of her few flaws. Ironic huh?
I had to breathe evenly and not focus on Nikki’s ass pressing against me. That was another thing that I missed tremendously. Her body was so thick, firm, and supple. She had a body made for touching. My hand slowly traveled down her thigh and I quickly returned it to its’ original position. I wasn’t sure if she would appreciate being felt up in her sleep.
As my eyelids got heavy I thought about my upcoming marriage to Amanda, and I wondered if I was making a horrible mistake. Amanda was a sure thing for me and I knew that we could make a marriage work. I was tired of chasing an idealized version of love and trying to make a relationship work with Nicole when it just didn’t seem to be in the cards for us. Every time we got together something horrible happened. At some point you just have to throw your hands up and move on with your life. Amanda has been a great thing for me, yet I do wonder why I constantly think about Nicole.
I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket and it was Amanda. I knew that I had to take it even though
I didn’t want to. I carefully rose from the bed and stepped out into the hallway.
“Hello?”
“Hey Honey, where are you?” She asked sweetly.
“I’m at the office babe, I have a lot to get done,” I said in a low voice.
“Oh, so you’ll be staying there over night?” She asked.
“Yeah, it’s looking that way.”
“I’ll make sure that I get some rest,” I mumbled.
“I miss you but I understand that this is a busy time. I’ll stop by in the morning with breakfast.”
“Looking forward to it sweet stuff,” I said.
She giggled, “I’m going to bed. Good night.”
“Good night doll,” I said before I hung up.
Guilt weighed heavily on my shoulders as I stood in the hallway. I knew that I should have put my shoes on, got in my car, and headed home. But I couldn’t do it, not when Nicole was in this sort of situation. I knew that I was going to have to come up with a more permanent solution.
