by Lena Skye
“Well, I asked him if he was in love with Amanda, and I suggested that he at least postpone the wedding,” he said.
“Okay,” I said.
Michael sat back on the couch and ran a hand down his face, “He’s just so fucking thick headed.”
I inwardly rolled my eyes. I needed to start getting dressed before my friend’s arrived or they would talk major shit.
“I wouldn’t press this issue if I didn’t think that he was making a huge mistake,” he continued.
“But it’s his decision at the end of the day, and he has a right to decide what direction his life goes in.”
“Absolutely, but I truly believe that he’s only going through with this wedding because he doesn’t want to leave Amanda while her father is dying. Ken admitted that the wedding was happening a lot faster than he would have liked, but he doesn’t want to abandon her while she’s going through such a tough time. It’s important to him to help her fulfill her dad’s last wish. He really respects her father and he doesn’t want to upset her family,” he said.
“I understand that, and we have to respect that,” I said with a level of patience that I didn’t even know that I possessed. I had to come to terms with my reality and if I kept living in a dream world then I was never going to be happy. It was time for me and Ken to let each other go because our relationship had run its course. I was hoping that Michael had showed up to tell me that Kenneth wasn’t through with the wedding but he was just there to tell me why Kenneth was going through with it. I didn’t need to hear that. I just wanted some damned peace, was that too much ask?
“Kenneth wants to be there for Amanda, but he’s getting rushed into something he doesn’t want to do, and he’s too chicken shit to admit it,” Michael said, completely ignoring my comment. He was rambling as if I wasn’t even in the room. The entire ordeal was driving him insane and I didn’t understand why.
“Amanda seems like a nice girl. He could make a worse choice in terms of a partner, and I think that they could be happy together. They may not be perfect for one another but they can work. She loves him and he seems to like her,” I said, “Why do you care so much?”
“I don’t talk about my first marriage much, and that’s because it wasn’t one of my better decisions. I’ve made this mistake before and I don’t want him to be doomed to repeat it. That’s my brother, I love him, and I can’t just sit back and watch him throw his life away,” Michael said seriously.
“That’s a bit dramatic don’t you think?” I laughed, “It’s not throwing his life away. They could have a wonderful life together.”
Michael shook his head, “You don’t know what it’s like to be married to someone when you’re in love with someone else. Every day is torture, you don’t want to go home at the end of the day, and it doesn’t matter how nice the woman is. There wasn’t a day that went by that I didn’t think of…” he trailed off and he entered his own thoughts.
My eyes widened and I leaned in towards him. I’d always wondered what his story was and why he wasn’t with anyone. He was a phenomenal catch and I’d hardly ever seen him date anyone seriously. He never talked about women much either.
“Who?” I asked with in a whisper.
“Maggie,” he sighed, “She was the love of my life, but I chose to be with someone else because I was stupid, she also couldn’t have children and I wanted some. I let petty differences get in between us and I chose what was easy and safe. Laura was a nice woman but she wasn’t who I loved. I made the both of us miserable and we ended horribly,” he admitted.
“I’m so sorry to hear that,” I said, “What happened with Maggie?”
“She’s married now with 2 children,” he said sadly, “Apparently the doctors were wrong.”
My heart hurt for him because for the first time ever, he seemed vulnerable. Losing the love of his life had really did a number on him, and I was finally able to see why he cared so much. But, it was time for him to move on with his life and he couldn’t stop his brother from living his life.
“Oh no, I’m so sorry to hear that,” I replied.
“There’s no need for you to apologize. I made my mistakes and I’ve paid for them ten times over. I don’t want Kenneth to experience what it’s like to be married to someone that he doesn’t really love. Having to watch you move on will be one of the worst experiences of his life and it will break him,” he said, “I’m broken, and I’m just starting to forgive myself for what I did.”
I didn’t want to rain on Michael’s already soggy parade but I was happy for Maggie. Knowing that she was able to move on, made me feel better about my own future. I hoped that I would find someone that I could marry and have children with soon. I wanted to know what it felt like to fall in love all over again, and I deserved it. Kenneth would have to watch me move on, and maybe one day he would sit and watch me proclaim my love for someone else and I hoped that it ruined him. It all sounded pretty fucking fair to me.
“I’m sorry about everything that happened to you, I really am. But I think it’s best to just leave it all alone. Amanda is going through a hard time and I wouldn’t feel good ruining her life like this. Kenneth is more than willing to marry her, and we should support his decision. Please, just let it go and know that I’m going to be okay, and Ken is going to be okay. You can’t stop someone from making their own decision. I’m ready to move on with my life, focus on my career, open my heart to finding a love of my own, and to just be happy,” I said seriously.
Michael gave a grieved sigh, “Is that really what you want? Are you really ready to let your chapter with Kenneth close like this? I know how the two of you feel about each other, you’re in love.”
“Sometimes love just isn’t enough, and that’s really how I feel,” I lied. The truth was that I wanted what happened in my dream to occur. I wanted to yell out that I was in love with him, I wanted him to stop his wedding, and to carry me off the way that he had in my dream. But the likelihood of that happening was slim to none. We were down to the wire and I’d lost.
Michael looked at me as if he didn’t believe me and I did my best to keep a straight face. I didn’t want to show that I didn’t mean a word that I was saying. I was trying to be a big girl but I couldn’t take much more of his scrutiny.
“Stop looking at me like that,” I said, “I mean what I’m saying.”
“Okay,” he shrugged, “I’m going to respect your decision.”
I gave a sigh of relief and mild disappointment.
“But I am going to say again that Amanda might not be as perfect as she seems and there’s something not quite right with all of this. I can feel it.”
I stayed quiet and I didn’t take the bait. I didn’t want to know anymore, and I was far from perfect myself. We’re human and so we’re bound to be flawed. Kenneth spent way more time with her than I did, so he probably knew about her shortcomings and he didn’t care. That’s what relationships were all about.
Michael’s phone buzzed and he answered it. It was a very short call and he agreed to meet someone.
“I’ve got to run, I have to meet someone. I’ll see you at the wedding,” he said as he jumped to his feet and headed out of the door without a further explanation.
I was left sitting there, wondering what all of that was about. But I didn’t have much time to worry about it because the time for me to get dressed had arrived.
*
My friends showed up to my house an hour later and rushed me to get dressed.
“Girl, put on your shoes, we don’t need to be late. We’re already going to be pretty much the only black people there, are you trying to make them judge us?” Patrice said.
I
laughed, “Shut up. White people are late too. Some of my latest clients are white, and they don’t provide explanations either, they just act like I’m lucky they showed up at all.”
“Well, we aren’t talking about them. Let’s get out of here.”
“Don’t worry Nikki, we’ve
got your back,” Jasmine said in a low tone.
I smiled at her as I slipped on my shoes, I grabbed my clutch, and we headed out of the door. I felt like we were driving to take me to prison. One of my nightmares was about to play out in front of my eyes, and I felt powerless to stop it. Yet I knew I had to see this through in order to move on mentally. Jasmine stopped at a drive through to grab something to eat; I passed on it because fast food breakfast was disgusting and because my stomach was shaky. It wasn’t a good idea to eat because all of the contents would have ended up on the floor of her beautiful Lexus.
We got to the church and took a seat towards the middle. Things looked a lot like they did in my dreams. Kenneth looked great, and he had a very serious expression on his face throughout the entire ceremony. The only thing that was odd was that Michael was sitting in the audience and he was on his iPhone the entire time. He didn't seem to be hiding his feelings towards this whole thing.
I was trying to keep my immense jealously under wraps, but it was getting the better of me. The experience was surreal because it was actually happening. I wanted to wake up from my nightmare at any moment, but I wasn’t asleep. God, I wished that I was dreaming. How could he stand there and get married in front of me. How could he invite me to watch? Why in the hell was I putting myself through the torture? I scolded myself for being so damned stupid, I didn’t have to prove anything to anybody and I should have stayed at home. Any sane woman would have stayed at home and avoided this but I guess I am way past being sane these days.
I envisioned myself in Amanda’s place as I took a slight surveillance of the room, and then focused on Kenneth. He was supposed to be standing across from me, and a minister was supposed to be marrying us. In that moment, I didn’t like Amanda at all, I couldn’t bring myself to care about her circumstances. He was the man that I wanted to come home to every night. I hated that I was his “Maggie”. I then began to wonder if Maggie was even happy, maybe she missed Michael just as much as he missed her. Maybe her life was a shadow of what it could have been, and every day she thinks about him. I took a few deep breaths to keep myself from having a full on panic attack.
Then it was the time that everyone was waiting for, I hadn’t realized that I’d missed most of the ceremony by zoning out. The minister asked if there were any objections and I wanted to say something the same way that I did in my dream, but I just couldn’t do it. The likelihood of it playing out the same way was slim to none, and I wasn’t going to embarrass myself in front of everyone. Making a spectacle out of his and Amanda’s wedding was unacceptable. Even I was better then that.
Everyone remained quiet and then the minister opened his mouth to proceed.
“I object,” a voice said. My heart jumped out of my chest because I wasn’t sure if I said it or someone else did. The voice was really low, and people weren’t looking at me. They were looking at Michael.
“What are you doing?” Kenneth asked him.
“I’m sorry, but you’re marrying her under false pretenses,” he said as he rose to his feet and walked towards them.
“What are you talking about?” He asked again.
“Michael please don’t ruin this day for us,” Amanda pleaded.
“I am sorry but Kenneth deserves to know what he is getting into. Why isn’t your dad in attendance today Amanda? I mean that’s why we’re all here right?” He asked.
Amanda looked taken aback, “Because he’s in the hospital dying of cancer,” she said weakly.
“We’ve already explained this to you Mike, please stop causing a scene. Enough is enough,” Ken said.
Michael shook his head, “That is funny you say he is dying. I just got finished speaking with some people back in New York, and they connected me with her dad. He’s actually playing golf right now.”
Mike attached a small square speaker to his phone and played a recording, it was a voice saying,
“Cancer? I beat that years ago. I’ve actually never felt better, takes a lot to bring a man like me down.”
It must have been her father’s voice because Kenneth turned to Amanda, “Is this true?”
Tears pooled in her eyes and spilled down her cheeks as she nodded her head yes.
“Why would you do something like that?” He asked.
“Because you wouldn’t have married me otherwise, I know you wouldn't” she said sobbing.
I watched in horror as the scene played out before me. I’d never thought that she was a liar, and I didn’t think that she was a capable of doing something so incredibly shady. What kind of person lies and says that they’re father is dying? He was going to find out eventually, and the fallout from that would have been horrible for her. You don’t betray the person that you love in that way, and you definitely don’t start a marriage with a lie. Michael was right, Amanda was not as perfect as she seemed but I do not think any of us would have seen this coming.
#Chapter7
“Things are never boring when Kenneth is involved”
Nicole
I watched Kenneth’s jaw clench in anger, “Why would you think something like that?” He asked her. She sobbed loudly, and Kenneth realized that the entire spectacle was taking place in front of everyone.
“We need to talk privately,” he said as he walked towards a door. He didn’t look back because he fully expected her to follow him, and she did. She walked behind him and didn’t glance at any of us. Michael and the women that I assumed to be her sisters followed. She was embarrassed, and she deserved every ounce that she felt. She’d stolen Kenneth from me by lying to him. Michael was right about her, and I was wrong for giving her the benefit of the doubt.
“Are you okay?” Patrice whispered to me.
I stared at her because I could hardly make out her words, everything seemed jumbled. I felt like I was living in a fog.
“Nikki,” Jasmine said firmly, “Are you okay?”
“I don’t know how I feel,” I said honestly.
I looked up and saw that everyone was staring at me; at least that’s what it felt like. People were whispering to each other and stealing glances at me. I felt incredibly awkward, and I fought the urge to tell them to stop staring at me. That probably would have made me look like a certified psycho, but the scrutiny was beginning to be too much. Everywhere I went lately I was being stared at. Whenever Kenneth and I were in the same room, craziness was bound to happen. We needed our own fucking reality TV show because it had all gotten quite ridiculous.
If we were on TV people probably would have been yelling at me and telling me to make my exit when I had the chance, but I was glued to my seat. I wanted to see Kenneth, and I wanted to know what was going on in the back. I mean, didn’t I deserve to know?
“Leave it to the both of you,” Patrice chuckled.
“What are you talking about?” I asked.
“I swear that the both of you just need to finish this shit. Ooops, sorry Jesus,” Patrice said quickly as she looked at the cross, “The both of you just need to finish this relationship. The minister is here, his brother is here, and we’re here. Get married today and stop torturing all of us.”
“Patrice? What? Don't be silly,” I said.
Then I caught myself because what I wanted wasn’t going to happen. I couldn’t allow myself to dream of getting married at another woman’s wedding. I know that parts of my life have been a stretch on reality but this would take it a bit too far. It all just seemed so fucked up, and her sisters looked like they knew how to fight. They probably would have clawed my eyes, and snatched my tracks out.
I giggled at the thought of it, and my friend’s looked at me like I was crazy. I couldn’t blame them because I was acting weird. The uncertainty of everything that was happening was killing me and the only way that I was going to get through my day, was by laughing. From the outside looking in, the shit was pretty comical. Neither of us could seem to get it together, and there was always something hindering either of our progress romantically. So I shouldn’t
have been surprised that something like that had occurred because it was in line with everything else.
“Do you all think that I should go back there,” I said in half seriousness.
“Girl are you trying to get your ass whipped? I’m not trying to fight any white girls today,” Patrice said.
“Patrice! Watch your mouth, this is a church. You need to respect the house of God,” Jasmine scolded her.
“Sorry, my mouth has gotten out of control lately, I’m gonna work on that. Sorry again Jesus,” she said.
“But no, you shouldn’t go back there,” Jasmine said, “It’s for the two of them to sort out. Honestly, their family shouldn’t even be back there.”
“Right, if that was me, you know the two of you would have followed me too,” I said.
“You have a point. I couldn’t let you go through anything like that alone. Then again, I wouldn’t let you lie to your groom that way either. She really should be ashamed of herself, men kill women over stuff like that,” Jasmine said.
