The bite of rejection is there, albeit not as harsh as it might be if I hadn't stopped before leaving the room to look back to see him staring at me. His hand had leapt to his chest and he'd closed his eyes. It was a gesture that was born on the playground when he was in the sixth grade and I was in the first. I was scared and unsure during those first days of school and he had told me that he'd always be there and I would know that if I looked for him and saw him holding his heart.
I turn off the water when I feel it shift from hot to warm. It may be the middle of the afternoon on a Saturday but showers in this building are best served short. I've brought up the issue of the lack of hot water to the super only to be told that there's nothing he can do about it and water conservation is a good cause to support.
I towel off quickly before tugging a comb through my damp hair. I pull on Graham's blue patterned robe because mine is still buried in one of the boxes I brought with me when I moved out of the apartment I shared with Tom. I've always claimed laziness as a reason for not unpacking everything. My brother would argue that point in favor of my holding out hope that Tom and I will eventually reconcile. Unless I'm willing to throw my entire life away for a quick high, I will never be with Tom again.
A quiet knock on the door shakes me from my thoughts. I glide my hand over the steam covered mirror to look at my reflection before I turn to the left to yank open the door.
"I'm sorry about the call." He's dressed now. His shirt and tie are both back in place, his suit jacket hanging over his arm. "I need to go into the office."
I should point out that it's Saturday and that we were in the middle of something, but he knows those things. They're obvious and undeniable. I doubt that he knows that his running off is making me feel used.
I nod. "Is it a big problem?"
"It could wait until Monday," he begins before he furrows his brow. "I mean, I like to take care of problems immediately so there's no break in production."
I pull the robe closed tightly over my chest. "I understand."
"I'm not running away from what happened… I mean, I like what happened in your room, Rowan." He closes his eyes briefly. "We were both really emotional this morning. I was scared about Asher."
"Me too," I say through a sigh. "I'm relieved it wasn't him."
"I'll hire someone to find him." He shuffles his feet against the weathered cork floor. "I'll do that today."
I'm grateful that he's taking that step. I should express that but I don't want to cloud the moment with words of gratitude that may be construed as being about what happened earlier. I'm not going to thank him for getting me off when he's intent on racing out the door to save a shipment of shirts.
"I'll call you soon." He leans forward and brushes his lips over my cheek before he turns on his heel and walks out of my apartment.
Chapter 21
"Maybe his dick is hideous."
Again, the food in my mouth almost flies out mid laugh. I have to stop chewing in order to avoid swallowing because I know I'll choke. I turn to the left to see a huge grin on Graham's face.
"I bet that's what it is," Ivy agrees almost instantly. "My first lover, Mark, had a really ugly penis. It was shaped like a…"
"Stop," I say loudly as I dart my hand into the air. "I'm not going to have a discussion about cocks in the middle of this restaurant. I happen to like coming to Axel NY. I don't want to get thrown out."
"I know the owner." Ivy searches the room. "He won't care if we talk about it."
"I care," I point out. "You two can talk about it all you want once I leave. I can't stay for dessert."
Graham juts out his bottom lip into a pout. "You can't leave. We're here for you. Ivy and I are going to help you get through this."
"I'm fine," I half-lie as I pick at the salad on my plate.
"You're not fine." Ivy motions towards our server. "You need more wine."
I shake my head as I hold my hand over the top of my glass. "I don't need anymore. One glass is my limit."
"I know you're upset, Rowan." Graham taps my shoulder. "I saw how you looked when I got home on Saturday."
I wish Graham hadn't marched through the door less than fifteen minutes after Caleb left. The emotional weight of the day had gotten to me and I was sitting in the living room, crying my eyes out. Most of that was genuine relief over the fact that Asher was just missing, and not dead. The other part, which is the part I expressed to Graham, was that I felt a definitive shift in Caleb when the phone rang and he tore himself away from me.
I know the Foster's business from listening to Caleb talk about it for years. I understand that both Caleb and Gabriel have a work ethic that is impressive. I also know that Caleb could have delegated the problem to someone else. He could have made a call and solved the problem in an instant. He didn't do that. Instead, he chose to walk away with little explanation.
"It's not the first time I've been rejected by a man. It won't be the last. I'll talk to Caleb about it so we can clear the air."
"How exactly do you talk to a guy about something like this?" Ivy asks as she waves at someone across the room. "I mean it happened a couple of times with me and Jax but he realized right away and dropped whatever he was doing to focus on me."
Thanks for pointing out yet again how utterly perfect your husband is, Ivy.
"Caleb and I can talk about anything." I smile when I see the owner of the restaurant, Hunter Reynolds, walking towards us. "I'll just be direct. We will clear the air and everything will go back to the way it used to be."
"It will never be the way it used to be." Graham leans close to whisper the words into my ear. "Your friendship with Caleb is ruined forever. He crossed a line. You two can't go back."
I don't glance in his direction. I absorb his words knowing that he's right. What Caleb and I did in my apartment changed the path of our friendship forever.
"Rowan Bell," Hunter Reynolds says my name as he extends his hand out towards me. "I'm glad to finally meet you."
"I'm glad to meet you too," I parrot back as I smile and pretend that I'm having the time of my life in his restaurant even though my heart is breaking inside.
***
I scrub my hands over my face as the taxi weaves a path through the streets of Manhattan. I know that I should be going to see Caleb. The smart and sane thing to do would be to confront him now and clear the air.
We haven't spoken at all in the three days since he left my apartment in a hurry. I have no sense of what's happening with Asher even though I've continually tried to contact him. I did try to follow up with the police detective assigned to investigate the missing person's report Caleb filed but he was reluctant to share anything given that I'm not a member of the Foster family. My last approach is to contact Gabriel. He's due back in New York in two days but I know him and I know that he'll be livid once he learns that Asher is missing.
"Here is good?" The taxi driver pulls the car to a stop in front of my building.
"Here is good," I rifle through my wallet for a few bills.
I hear him telling me to have a good night as I step out of the car and onto the street. I slam the car door shut and watch him take off in search of another fare before I finally turn towards my building and the sight of Caleb Foster leaning against the brick façade.
Chapter 22
"I don't have a lot of friends, Rowan," he says as I hand him a bottle of water. "You might be my only friend."
"You have your brothers," I point out before I realize how ironic that statement is given the fact that Gabriel is half a world away and Asher is missing.
He pulls the cap from the bottle before he takes a heavy sip. "I can't remember a time when you weren't my friend."
I ease into the chair that's across from him. I knew, before we entered the apartment, that we'd be alone. I'd left Graham and Ivy at the restaurant with Hunter to enjoy a lavish dessert treat. Judging by the way the three of them were getting along, I don't expect to see Graham for at least a few ho
urs.
"I told Gabriel about Asher." He skims his hand over the leg of his jeans. "He's putting on a brave face."
"What about your parents?"
"Mom is worried." He dips his chin towards the floor. "Dad made a comment about Asher being a disgrace."
I shake my head disgusted by Roman Foster's reaction to his son's ongoing issues with addiction. "Your dad is something else."
"He lives in his own world." He cradles the bottle in his palm as he leans back in the chair, crossing his legs with ease. "I can't change that."
It's a surprisingly mature outlook coming from the man who typically launches into a tirade the moment anyone disagrees with his stance.
"What about the person you hired to find Asher?" It's the question that has been eating at me since I saw Caleb on the street outside. "Is there any news about where he is?"
"He hasn't used his passport or credit cards." He taps his finger on the cap of the bottle. "Gabriel thinks he might be at one of the properties the company owns."
It's wishful thinking at best but if there's hope I'm going to be the first one to stand in line to grab hold of it.
"Will someone check on those places?" I ask even though it's obvious that if it hasn't already been done, it will be soon.
"We're arranging that now."
"Good." I shift on the chair I'm sitting in. "Is there anything else? The detective didn't find anything else?"
"Nothing yet," he counters. "He was asking about what happened the last time I saw Asher."
I know that it's very likely that the last time Caleb saw his brother it was in my office when the two of them stared each other down before Caleb took his leave. "What did you tell him?"
"I told him about Asher lashing out." He inches forward in his chair. "He wanted to know if there was anything else. Did he say anything to you before he disappeared?"
I scratch the side of my nose. This is one of those situations where you can't win for losing. I've kept quiet, up to this point, about Asher telling me that something had upset him the morning he was arrested. I know that I should have mentioned it to Caleb sooner but it's not as if I have a looking glass pointed towards where Asher has hidden himself away from the world. "He said something to me."
His face is emotionless. "My brother said something to you before he disappeared?"
I hear the sound of the plastic bend as he fists his hand around the half-empty bottle of water. I look him straight in the eye as I respond. "He went to see someone that morning. It was the morning he was arrested."
"Who did he go see?"
I rub both hands over my face. "I don't know. He just said that he had an appointment before work and that he got news that upset him."
"That's it? That's all he said?"
"That's it," I say quietly.
"You didn't think to mention this sooner?" he asks tightly. "You didn't think that it might be worthwhile to tell me that my brother got bad news the day he flipped out?"
I feel indignation course through me. I want to stop him on the spot to point out that before Asher disappeared into thin air, Caleb didn't give a shit about what was happening with him. "I didn't know any of the details."
"Did he tell you not to tell me? Is that what happened? You made a promise to each other again and you can't break it?"
The sarcasm dripping off the words is palpable and thick. "He told me he was upset after an appointment. That's all I know."
"You know where he is, don't you?" He points his index finger right at me.
Even though I recognize his anger talking, I won't dive into that with him. I don't want to argue about Asher. "I have no idea where he is."
"That's why you were so calm when we went to the morgue." His eyes close as he pushes his head back into the leather chair. "You didn't bat a fucking eyelash because you knew he was fine."
I bite my lip to stop the flood of emotions that tear through me. "I wouldn't do that to you. I would never keep that information from you."
"Tell me where he is." He rests his elbows on his knees. "Just tell me."
"I don't know," I say clearly and slowly. "I have no idea where Asher is."
"I need to talk to him." His gaze narrows. "If you have access to him, now is the time to tell me."
"I don't," I spit back.
"I came here to talk about what happened." His hand waves in the air towards the hallway. "That was a mistake, Rowan. I don't know what I was thinking."
That you wanted me? That you ached to be inside of me? That the pull that has been there between us for years is real?
"You're sorry that it happened?" I ask for blunt clarification. Now isn't the time to skirt around the edges of this. I want a clear and concrete answer about how he feels.
"It should never have happened." He's on his feet before I have time to react. "We're friends. We almost lost that. I can't risk damaging what we already have. I need you as a friend. I'll always need you as a friend."
I don't look up. I know that if I do he'll catch a glimpse of the disappointment that's washed over me. "We'll never do it again."
"We can't," he says quietly as he turns on his heel. "I need to go but if you hear from my brother, call me…or…you can call Gabriel. Just let one of us know."
Chapter 23
"I need someone to go to Martha's Vineyard for me." Clive is standing in the doorway of my office. "If you tell me you're sending Jordan, I'm going to need to remind you that she just got back from Dallas a few weeks ago with her husband in tow. She's still refreshed."
I smile faintly at the joke. "What's in Martha's Vineyard?"
"There's a very smart developer there who has come up with a software program that I want the rights to." He takes a heavy step into my office. "He hates New York so we need to go to him to get the deal done."
"Imogen can handle it," I point out. "She loves it up there."
"Imogen has court on Friday." He doesn't miss a beat with his retort. "I'm suing a competitor so she's focused on that. She's drawn up the documents for the sale of the rights of the software so you just need to fly there, get them signed and fly back."
I always refer trips like this to Imogen Ford, the legal expert at Corteck. She's constantly asking either Clive or me if there's any way she can get out of the office for a few days. It's actually the perfect getaway for her. "She can't switch her court date? Can't you sue whoever you're suing this week another time?"
"You're not funny," he mutters under his breath. "The trip will be a good distraction for you. I know that Caleb's brother is still missing."
It's a thought that never escapes me. I think about it the moment I open my eyes in the morning and it's the last thought that drifts across my mind before I close my eyes at night. I panic at times, like I did this morning when I was in the shower, but I have to trust in Asher. He wouldn't hurt himself or put himself in peril. He's worked too hard these past few months to piece his life back together. Throwing that all away just to chase a fleeting high doesn't make sense to me. I may be foolish to believe that he's changed as much as I hope he has but the alternative is to sit and fret over his safety. I can't do that. I'll drive myself to the brink of insanity if I do.
"I need to be there on Friday?"
"You can fly in on Friday morning and be on your way back to solid ground within a couple of hours." He nods in the direction of my laptop. "I'll email you all the details."
I absolutely hate the thought of leaving New York right now with the weight of Asher's disappearance hanging over my head but I know that the time away will do me good. It's a change of scenery and it's also an escape from the gnawing ache I feel inside over what happened between Caleb and me. "I'll take care of it."
"I knew you would, Rowan." He tosses me a wide grin. "You never let me down."
***
"I let Asher down," Gabriel embraces me the moment I step off the private elevator and into his penthouse. It's been months since I've seen the eldest Foster brother. He hasn't chang
ed at all. He's still as devastatingly handsome as I remember him.
"No." I push my hands into his. "Asher has always talked about how much you've done for him. He looks up to you."
"Listen to you." He steps back slightly. "You're the voice of reason."
Hearing the words from Gabriel brings me comfort and serenity. He's the calmest and most centered of the clan. He's thirty-two now and the man I see standing before me is just an older version of the boy who used to stand on my stoop telling me about the different constellations in the night sky. He's always been studious, reserved and brilliant. "I'm the voice of hope."
"That you are." He drops my hands as he turns towards the open space. "Do you want something, Rowan? I have some coffee made or I can whip up a cocktail."
I'm tempted to ask him for a Cosmopolitan. It's been an incredibly long day and the only bright spot was the knowledge that I'd be standing in his apartment looking at him. "I'm fine. I don't need anything."
"You'll sit." He waves his hand towards a long leather couch. "You'll tell me about what's going on. I tried to talk to Caleb but he's all over the place."
That's an understatement. Caleb had texted me earlier asking if I could talk to his private detective tomorrow morning. I shot him a quick text back explaining that I had to head out of town. I hadn't gotten a reply and at this point, I'm grateful that our correspondence is at a bare minimum. I'm still feeling a rush of confusion about the day we kissed in my apartment.
"Asher was arrested," I begin knowing that Gabriel may not have heard about that. It's doubtful that Caleb would tell his older brother about what happened in the office that day. "It happened at the corporate office."
"Asher told me." Gabriel arches his head back to look up at the high ceilings. "He called me a few days after that."
Chance Page 8
