by J. Dorothy
I spot a knife on the counter top and I'm so tempted to stab him with it. But I never let anyone see my anger, and I'm just holding it together so he doesn't get the satisfaction.
“Get out, Travis, and don't come back,” I grind out through clenched teeth.
Travis tweaks my nose. “Oh don't worry, I've got all I want from you. Been there done that.” He glances at my stomach, and I nearly dry heave. “Make sure you keep that away from me. Can't have some kid cramping my style.” He smiles big as he shoves the notes in the pocket of his jeans, and walks out without another glance in my direction.
I wait till the door slams, then I sink to the floor, curl up in a ball and rock back and forth. I don't care that I'm at work. The tears spill and I lean my head back and let them fall.
Travis has just played me big time, and Tanning has gone without me ever getting the chance to tell him how I feel. I don't have any money to get the things I need for Treasure Pot, and I'm all alone.
Life sucks big time right now.
FiFTeeN
_________________________
I managed to pull myself off the floor after indulging for five minutes of self pity. Now it's past noon and I'm putting the last of the iced cupcakes into sealed containers, ready to serve tomorrow. I take off my apron and hang it up.
Looking across to my Gucci purse on the counter top, I scowl. Now it represents all that I can't have, and I don't admire it as I usually do. Took me five months to save that one thousand dollars. I started putting money away as soon as I found out I was pregnant. I rub over my belly, saying, “Well Treasure Pot, you might have to start your little life in a washing basket instead of a nice crib, unless mama turns to a life of crime.”
Not likely. Not after all the trouble my dad got in. I don't want the law anywhere near me. He was harassed for months on end by lawyers and police. It wasn't nice to witness and not something I ever want to be involved with. I spy the illegal documents Travis signed and sigh. Oh well, that isn't exactly a crime, just a tiny white lie, and not like Travis gives a damn anyway. Hopefully now he'll leave me alone.
Alone.
I'm beginning to hate that word. I think about Tanning, and my breath hitches again. I swallow the lump in my throat and force all the thoughts of him out of me head. He's gone. He won't come back and no amount of thinking about him will make that happen. Still, it doesn't help, and images of him standing in the doorway, giving me that hurt look, keep popping in my mind. I shake my head and snatch my purse off the counter.
I make my way to the bathroom and freshen up before going home. A habit. For once I actually don't care, but it makes me feel a little better after being covered in cake mix all morning. After a last primp of my blonde hair, which I've tied in two small pigtails, I walk to the front of the shop to say goodbye to Mrs Winters. She's letting me go home early. After the morning I’ve had, I'm exhausted and need to take a nap. I guess she's okay. I give her a big smile and wave to her as she serves the next customer.
I'm just about to walk out the door when she calls out, “Dear, did the nice boy find you out back?”
She must mean either Tanning or Travis from a few hours ago. I'm sure she's losing her marbles. Sometimes she says random things, loses track of time and forgets what's been happening.
I smile at her again. “Sure did, thanks, I'll see you in the morning.”
“Such a nice looking boy and so polite. I'm glad. And yes, put your feet up dear, and we'll see you tomorrow.”
Now I know she's not talking about Travis. Must have been Tanning she's remembering. “Ah. Okay. Thanks.”
Might take her advice. I'm spent, and it's not Travis or the money on my mind, its Tanning and the fact I never got to speak to him before he left. I have no idea if I'll ever see him again, and that bites big time. I was a real bitch about his gift. A gift I'll never get to have. Travis is the biggest ass ever. I hope he chokes on his meal. That thought brightens my thoughts as I step out into the bright sunshine.
The light blinds me for a moment and I search in my purse for my shades as I walk along, keeping my eyes on the pavement. All of a sudden I’m jolted out of my task, when an arm latches onto my elbow stopping me in my tracks.
I look up and blink several times, my mouth gapes open, and I can't really find words.
I thought he'd gone.
“Get in,” Tanning says and opens his car door for me.
I don't move, still stupefied to find Tanning standing on the curb waiting for me. As usual my heart starts racing and my mouth goes dry, but I do as he says. There is no way I'd do anything else. This might be my second chance to apologize and say a proper goodbye.
I watch as his hot body jogs around the front of the car to the driver's side. I didn't really take him in before, too distracted by Travis and the fact he was leaving. He looks even better today. Or maybe I just forgot how good he looks. Although that's impossible, I've pretty well ingrained his flawless image in my brain. Still, he's looking mighty fine, dressed in a tight fitting white polo shirt and black canvas shorts, his hair looks like it's grown darker and spikier and I want to run my fingers through it and kiss him senseless.
I can't believe he's still here.
He hops in and looks to me, then reaches across and presses his thumb to my forehead and rubs across my wrinkled brow.
“Don't frown. I'll explain on the way. I have something to show you.”
I swallow and keep looking at him with wide eyes. “But, I thought you were leaving.”
Tanning gives a small chuckle. “I am.”
I shake my head. Not getting this at all. “Okay.”
I'm guessing he wants to show me something before he leaves. Well, if that's all the time I'm going to have with him I'm going to make the most of it. I'm just so happy right now. I give him a big grin and settle back into the comfort of the leather seats.
Tanning switches on the engine and reverses onto the main street. The stereo comes on and Beyonce pumps out. I let out a small laugh.
Tanning grins. “What can I say, you inspired me,” he says and shrugs.
I bite my lip, remembering that first morning a week ago, when he caught me baking, while shaking my ass to Bootylicious. God, a week. I honestly can't believe I've only been Tanning's friend for one week. Feels like I don't remember my life before him, which is ridiculous. Then I remember the emptiness. I remember the spite I felt toward everyone. Well everyone except Cam. And then, I only wanted him to serve a purpose. To be a good daddy to Treasure Pot and to provide for us both. I'm not sure that would be enough now. Tanning has taught me, I should wait for more. That I'm worth and deserve more.
We've reached the end of town and Tanning pulls out onto the highway. I frown again, unsure why he's taking me so far away.
“Stop frowning. We'll be there in about forty minutes, so relax. Then I'll explain,” Tanning says, grinning at me again.
I can't help it. I'm really not sure I'm going to like this surprise. Maybe he's going to introduce me to his girlfriend, or maybe he's searching for a house and he's looking for a woman's opinion. Oh, god I hope not. I don't want him to have a house with her, and their stupid dinner sets.
“I, ah can't be late home, I've got a date tonight,” I tell him, hoping he might turn around and I don't have to face the horror of seeing his love nest with Mrs Supermodel.
“Yeah. Who with?” he asks tapping his finger on the steering wheel.
“Um ... well, it's not really a date, just dinner.”
I don't want to tell him I'm going out with Cam and Bailey. That just sounds pathetic.
He continues to tap his fingers to the music and a smile twitches at his lips. I'm not sure what he finds amusing.
Then he glances at me. “I'm sure Cam and Bailey won't mind if we're late.”
What the heck? How the hell did he know that?
I cross my arms over my big belly and look out the window, my face is flushing all kinds of red, which I'm not giving him the satisfaction of seeing. He
might be a hot ass, but he's also a smug ass.
The paddocks of green and brown crops are boring as hell, but I make it seem like they're the most interesting things I've ever seen, as I continue to gaze at them without so much as a glance in Tanning's direction.
My heart is racing again as we get closer to the time he said it would take. A few houses come into view and I see a turn off advertizing a new housing estate. We must be a few miles from Forest, the next biggest town to ours. This could be my worst nightmare come true, and my heart rate escalates again. I really don't want to know. I don't want to see.
Why is he doing this? ... Because he thinks you’re his friend ... Yeah, well that's just frigging great!
I'm pretty sure I'm losing it, answering my own questions in my head.
I paste on a smile and decide to act all happy and giggly, when I really want a big bucket to throw up in.
Then he slows down and turns off, where the new estate, Grandville, is advertised in bold white letters attached to a rock wall. Normally I'd be excited to go and have a look, but not now. A little bit of bile rises in my throat. Okay, keep your cool, Jen, you can do this. I repeat that mantra as my fists clench at my sides and my toes curl in my shoes. Streets of brand new houses rush past the window. Some look big and others average sizes, but they are all new and pretty. Shit, I don't want him to be in some pretty house with her. That would just finish off the perfect scene. And if the house has a white picket fence, I really am going to throw up.
Tanning turns down another street. This one is even prettier and seems quieter. Young trees line the pavement and each of these houses are double storey with large surrounding porches. Oh my. I could picture living here. I imagine Treasure Pot running around my feet, while I sit on my porch swing, mulling over which recipe to bake for dinner. Tears are burning my eyes now. I want to go home. Well, back to Cam's. I don't have a home. And I'll never have a home like this. Talk about rubbing salt into my wounds. Wounds that have been gaping open all day.
I force the waterworks to stop by pinching my arms as Tanning pulls up into the driveway of a gorgeous two storey white painted house, with big windows and a green lawn. No picket fence, so I guess that's something to be grateful for, although I bet he builds one. Tanning out in the yard building a fence is a hot image and my palms get all sweaty at the thought. Then a certain supermodel, who isn't me, comes into the picture, and hands him a big glass of lemonade which he gulps down, then drags her into his arms and kisses the life out of her.
Shit. I want to scream and run away. I don’t want those images in my head. Not today. I've had too much to deal with today.
“So, what do you think?” Tanning asks me, and I almost don't hear him over my ringing ears and thumping heart beat.
“Um ... it's nice,” I manage to grind out.
“Nice, huh?”
“Yeah, um ... I mean, it's great.”
“You want to look inside.”
Hell no. No. No. NO. “Sure.”
Tanning grins wide like he's just been given the best Christmas present. And I'm kind of happy for him even though it's nearly killing me.
He opens my door and helps me out of the car. The touch of his hand zings me like usual but I try to keep my face blank as I let his hand go and look up to the house. It really is magnificent. As a little girl I always imagined living in one of these types of country cottages. Never really thought about mansions till I was in my shallow teenage years, then it all became about how much bigger and better everything should be. Not so much now, it's like I've reverted. Or rather, had a life kick me in the ass. Whatever!!
I walk behind Tanning as he pulls some keys from his pocket and hurries up the front steps onto the wooden porch. Oh and look, it has a white swing suspended from the roof. Great, just great. This gets better and better. And it truly does.
Tanning leads me through the big open planned living and kitchen area along with a huge study, which is on the ground floor, then shows me the three large bedrooms and two bathrooms upstairs. It's perfect. Too perfect.
I've been oohing and aahing in all the right places, and nodding my approval like a good friend each time he opens the door to a new room. There isn't any furniture, but I suppose he has that all planned, or she does. I bet she's a great decorator. Figures. I really hope he doesn't bring me back here when it's all done and she's moved in. She's probably really nice and educated too. Double grrr...
Tanning leads me back downstairs, and I want to sigh in relief, hoping we're leaving, so the torture can end. But, no, he pulls out a bar stool from the huge kitchen counter top and gestures for me to sit down. I didn't notice the chairs before, they must be the first of the furniture. And guess what, they're just like the ones I'd pick. Steel framed with white padded leather seats, to match the white and stainless steel theme for the kitchen.
I look up to the ceiling for a moment and roll my eyes. I can't help it.
“So, um... you still think its ... nice?” Tanning asks, bites his lip, and looks at me, like my opinion matters.
Lustful thoughts fill my brain, as I imagine me biting his lip. Christ, I need to stop that.
I turn from him, and pretend like I'm still deciding. “Yeah. Yeah. It's really great Tanning. So ... can we go now? I really don't want to be late home.”
I sound like a bitch again. The only way I can cope with this. Except Tanning starts to laugh.
Now I'm just getting mad. This is far from funny. I think I've been a good friend. Boy I'm beginning to hate that word. “Why do you keep laughing at me?” I ask and fold my arms.
“Because, you still have no idea why I brought you here, do you?”
I don't want to say it. I don't want to tell him I saw him with his girlfriend. I'm a coward, I know.
I shrug. “Um ... not really.”
He moves closer and passes over a piece of paper. “I've been given this place to live while I go back to college, my ah ... uncle owns it,” he says.
I give a small nod. Okay, so that explains how he got this place so quickly. I don't even bother looking at the paperwork, can't see the point really.
“And...” he continues, “As it says right here...” and he points to a clause in what looks like some kind of contract. “I’m living here with my girlfriend.”
Shit. Here it comes.
I nod some more. That’s about all I can do. He sure is finding pleasure in prolonging the moment.
“Jen ...”
“Hmmm,” I give him a quick glance, like I'm really not interested. Which I'm not.
“I want you to be that girlfriend.”
Huh? Hang on, rewind.What the hell did he just say?
I blink a lot, in between looking at him like he's on crack or something.
He blows out a big breath, and leans on the counter. “I mean, I want you to pretend to be my girlfriend.”
Oh, okay, like that makes much more sense. Holy smokes, what the hell is he talking about?
I frown deep this time, I really don't know what to say.
He rubs his forehead. “Okay. Sorry, that came out wrong.”
Yeah, you think!
He keeps rubbing his forehead. “So, what I should have said is … I want to offer you a place to live. You can live with me. I ah, kind of lied to my uncle and told him I had a new girlfriend who needed a place to live, and asked if he'd rent me out this house. If I wasn't seeing someone, he probably would have told me to live on campus. His company just built this one, and he's happy to rent it for a year, some kind of tax break for the business. And I know we’re just friends, but I figured I could help you out, and you could help me out.”
Whoa, this is all a bit much. My head is spinning and I can't seem to focus. This is not how I envisaged this conversation going. And what about his actual girlfriend? Though I still don't want to ask about her. God, this is such a colossal mess.
“Um ...” is all I can manage to say.
Tanning moves even closer and looks me squarely in t
he eyes. I want to look away, but I can't, he has the best green, smouldering eyes in the world, and I really love them.
“Jen, I heard.”
Heard what?
But I don't get chance to ask as Tanning continues, “I was all ready to walk out this morning, but then I came back to get the bag of cookies you forgot to give me. I wanted them.” He gives a wry grin. “Not sure why, it just seemed important somehow.”
Okay. I don't want to analyze that one right now.
“I heard Travis and what he said to you. I heard it all Jen. I know he has no intention of sticking around and that he took your money.”
My face flushes red. “Damn it,” I blurt out and swallow down the tears that are still threatening. I did not want anyone to know about that. Least of all Tanning.
Tanning moves even closer and I suck in a breath. Oh, he's going to give me sympathy. Great, just great. And he's doing all this because he feels sorry for me. Triple fantastic. Just what I need Tanning, being all knight in shining armour. Then an image of him as an actual knight comes to mind, and I sigh again. He'd be a hot knight.
Stop that!!
I keep my arms enclosed around my stomach and look down at my shoes. I can't look at him.
“You really would be helping me out, Jen. I've only got classes for four days, and I'm going to commute each day. I'll get a lot more study done in the peace and quiet around here, and um ... I kind of don't want to be in a relationship right now, so I wouldn't have to be bothered with other women ... you know ...”
Not in a relationship, is the first thing that registers. So he's not with Mrs Supermodel. Thank god. I let out a small laugh in relief and finally look at him. “You mean women actually hit on you?”
He rolls his eyes, at my obvious sarcasm. “Yeah. I know. I sound conceited, but it happens.”
I give him a small smile. He is so adorable. “Oh, I'm sure it does.”
He flushes pink and I want to grab him and kiss him so bad. He shakes his head. “So ... what do you say?”
Pretending might be a bit of fun. And I'd get to live in my dream house. I'd have a place for me and Treasure Pot, and I'd be helping him out. Oh, this all sounds way too good to be true. And from my experience it usually is. But I'm an idiot and a glutton for punishment.
