by J. Dorothy
I reach home still in a bit of a daze. I assume Tanning will be late home as usual. I don’t see much of him in the evenings, we haven’t had dinner together since that first night. His classes run late, and it's an hour and a half drive for him to get home. I think he said something about going out for drinks with his college buddies, so I figure it’ll be a night at home in front of the TV with some snacks for me. Tanning might even crash in one of their rooms, he's pretty sensible when it comes to drinking and driving.
We’ve settled into a kind of routine over the past three weeks. I tend to do the cooking and leave his dinner in the fridge for him, which he either eats when he gets in or takes for lunch the next day. I also do the washing and iron his clothes. He tells me not to, but I don’t mind. I’m so happy to be living here, it’s only a little thing and it makes me happy to know I’m helping him out. No other ulterior motives, which is unusual for me. My life has been spent only doing things for others, if I get something in return. I don’t feel that way with Tanning. Everything is so different with him.
I know I’m falling hard for him. I can’t help it. Each day it gets that little bit worse, but I continue to ignore it. For my own sanity and for Treasure Pot, I can’t afford to mess this arrangement up. The closer I get to my due date, the more urgent that is. I can’t be stranded with nowhere to live when I have the baby. I have to have some security.
Taking the groceries from the bags I put them away in the fridge. Tanning told me not to worry about dinner, so I decide on some cheese sandwiches with a jar of peanut butter. It’s a craving, what can I say. I have no idea why that is appealing, but it is.
After delivering my snack to the living room, I grab the picture of Treasure Pot, out of my purse and set myself up on the couch and turn on the TV. We’re all hooked up to the latest and greatest technology, so I’ve got movie select. I decide on an oldie but a goodie. Can’t get enough of Bridget Jones. I’ve discovered a great respect for her. And it’s my new favorite classic movie.
I eat my sandwiches and spoon in the peanut butter, mixing the two. Yummo. I finish eating and hold Treasure Pot to my chest giving him a little kiss every now and again. Half way through the movie, the air has turned a little chilly, so I reach up and chuck my new blanket over my legs and settle back into the snug contours of the soft couch. Man, I’m so comfortable, and so cosy ... mmmmmm
His fingers trail over my cheek, and his soft breath is close to my ear. Oh, goodie I love these dreams about Tanning. This one is so real. I can smell mint on his breath and his musk cologne envelopes me, the combination is intoxicating. I don’t want to move, I just want to feel his touch. Then I’m being lifted and I snap to, and realise this is no dream. Tanning is actually carrying me, and now there is no way I’m moving. His strong arms holding me close to that gorgeous chest, yep, definitely no way. I want to savour this moment. Let him think I’m asleep. There are a few stairs, and I’m much heavier now with Treasure Pot … maybe I should tell him I’m awake ...
Then he kisses my forehead. Okay, now there is no way. He might kiss me again, and I’m not missing out on that. Absolutely no way.
He doesn’t seem to be struggling as he carries me up the stairs, his breathing is even and I can feel his hot breath tickling my ear as he lifts me closer. Then I hear my door open and he flicks on the hall light, but I keep my eyes shut tight. He walks over to the bed and lowers me down gently, then I feel a tug as he pulls something out of my hands. What the hell is that? Then I remember and want to pull it right back. He’s taking the photo of Treasure Pot. I must have fallen asleep holding it.
He gives a huge sigh, as he pulls the covers back and tucks me into bed. He doesn’t leave though and I wait wondering what he’s doing. Then his fingers trail over my hair as he pushes it from my face. “Sweet Cheeks, you’re really breaking my heart, you know that,” he whispers before he sighs again and then I hear light footsteps and the door closes.
Breaking my heart? What is that supposed to mean?
Now I’m all kinds of confused. I’m here, I’m not going anywhere, and honestly he’d just have to give me one little sign he wanted more than friendship, and I’d be up in that action.
What else could that mean?
Then it clicks, the photo. I’m breaking his heart because he feels sorry for me. The poor, about to be, single mum, who has no prospects, and whose child is going to be fatherless. Well, Treasure Pot doesn’t need a useless father like Travis. When he’s got me, he won’t need or want anyone else. I’m going to make sure of that. And I don’t need sympathy, especially not from Tanning.
Crap, not sure how to deal with this latest development.
They say ignorance is bliss, and right now, that might be the only sensible advice I can afford to listen to.
eiGHTeen
_________________________
This morning I arrived at work a lot earlier than usual. Mrs Winters has been real accommodating, with me moving from town. But I surprised her, by helping her to set up for the day. I didn't see Tanning, as Friday is his one day off and he usually sleeps in. Which I’m kind of grateful for, seeing as I can't get his words from the other night out of my head. I'm sick of sweating on everything he says to me, and baking is a very welcome distraction.
We are getting inundated with requests for party catering. A suggestion I had, and one that Mrs Winters actually took on board. I had pretty brochures, advertising our cupcakes and birthday cakes, made up, and we are getting more and more orders each week.
Mrs Winters comes out back and smiles.”Well, dear, I think we need to close up a little early today. I'm going away for the weekend, and want to get on the road before it gets too late.”
“Okay, I'll just finish this.”
I'm in the middle of mixing up the last batch of cupcakes for a two year olds birthday party tomorrow. I'm icing them green and making them into cute little frogs. I can't wait to be baking cakes for Treasure Pot one day. I smile at the thought and scoop each of the mixture into the silicon pans.
“They look lovely, dear. I'll go clean up, out front, and I'll drop them off, Lucy’s boy lives in my street, and then you can go home and get some rest, you've worked a long day.
I glance up, and give her a genuine smile. “Thanks. That would be great.” She really is growing on me, and she really is sweet.
An early finish would be just what the doctor ordered, my feet are killing me. I picture the big bathtub in Tanning’s bathroom and I'm already imagining soaking in those lovely bubbles.
The front bell tinkles, and Mrs Winters disappears, then I hear the clicking sound of high heels on the tiled floor and look up to see Candy, standing in the doorway.
“Hey, girl, where you been at?” she says, and puts her hand on her naked hip.
Her pink t-shirt is so short and tight, her cleavage is busting out, not leaving much to the imagination. Matched with a tight fitting, black leather skirt, and black high heels, she wouldn't look out of place on some dodgy street corners. Huh, funny I've never really spent any time with her in the daylight hours, so her dress never bothered me before. I'm a little shocked to be honest. I mean I like tiny and tight clothing, but I never thought it looked sluttish, only cute. Maybe I was wrong. Or maybe I'm too in love with my tent dresses, as Tanning likes to call them. They are so comfortable, though, and now with my belly being bigger than Homer Simpson's I like the loose fitting airy outfits.
“Hey, yourself, “ I reply.
“So, you up for a night out tonight, we've missed you.”
My bubbly bath, and my pyjamas are so much more appealing right now. I haven't been out in an age. And I don't really miss it. It's been a bit of a relief to be away from that scene.
“Um ... I have plans.”
“Yeah. You got a hot date?”
I haven't seen Candy to tell her I've moved in with Tanning. And I don't particularly want to, so I decide on a tiny white lie, seeing as that's probably the only way she'll leave me alone.
/> “Yeah. I do actually.”
“Oooohhhh ...” she squeals, and I want to cup my hands over my ears. “Who is it? Do I know him?”
“Ah ... no I don't think so. I just met him a few weeks ago.”
“Mystery man. I like. So where you going?”
“Ah, not sure. It's a surprise.”
“You, go girl. We're all up for it tonight. The Brew's got another dance night, so come party later, and bring this new man of yours.” She flicks her blonde hair extensions and flutters her large fake eyelashes. I bet she'd be all up in Tanning's face if she ever got near him.
Ah, yeah. Like hell I'd be doing that.
“Maybe, see what happens ...” and I give a hint of a smile.
“Oh, you should definitely tap into that,” Candy says and winks at me, her heavily made up eyes shining.
I let out a fake laugh, and Candy giggles, then air blows me a kiss and sways her hips as she walks out.
Blah! I feel like sticking my fingers down my throat. Bailey is certainly getting more and more appealing as my next bestie. I can kind of see where Cam is coming from now.
So I'm in the bath, have been for the past two hours, and the water is getting way too cold, my feet are like wrinkled prunes, but I'm so relaxed.
Giving a hefty sigh, I force myself out and wrap a big fluffy white towel around my middle. Tanning goes to the library in Forest to study on a Friday, he won't be home for ages, so I know it's okay to walk from the main bathroom to my bedroom. My bathroom only has a shower, so I sometimes use his, for baths. I often fantasise about running into him, just like the first time we met, but I don't want to give the impression I'm trying to hit on him. I've been very good, and we've kept our relationship very much under the friendship radar. Frustrating as hell, and so not in my nature, but I've kept flirty JJ under wraps. She is not given permission to come out to play. Not in this house anyway.
I'm just about to open my bedroom door, when I hear the front door open and voices.
Tanning must be home, but he isn't alone. I'm curious, he never brings anyone here, and I wonder if I'll have to act like his girlfriend for the first time.
This could be a bit of fun.
Or so I think, until I hear a female voice say, “So, where's the charity case?”
O.M.G. she did not just say that. I inch forward so I can listen to what else this bitch is saying about me.
“Leave it alone,” Tanning says. “And she isn’t home yet.”
He mustn’t have realised I actually put my car in the garage for the first time. I normally leave it in the driveway.
“Honestly, Tanning, you're so hopeless. I still don't understand why you took her in and why you’re helping her. She'll just use you. For god sake, she's knocked up with some other loser's kid. Didn't you say he was some homeless, druggo.”
How dare she!
Travis was not into drugs, well not when I slept with him. And sure, he lived with me and Cam for a few weeks, but he had a job. I want to run down there and slap her so hard. She has no clue about me. And who the hell does she think she is anyway?
“Donna, I said leave it.”
“I just don't get it. When you said you had a friend you wanted to help out, I thought it was one of your other friends from school. Not Jennifer Jaimeson. You always hated her, she messed with your head for years, and now you're helping her. Once a bitch, always a bitch. She'll just use you, Tanning.”
“Enough.”
“And what about Ally, she’s still devastated. She wants you back. She still rings me crying over you.”
Who the hell is Ally?
I don't want to hear anymore, but I can't seem to drag my sorry ass away.
“We're over. I made that perfectly clear.” Tanning sounds thoroughly pissed.
“Yeah, well, you can do so much better. I know Ally’s my best friend, but she loved you, and you just dumped her. And for what, Miss Charity Case who works in a bakery? Talk about white trash.”
White trash? Who the hell says that? This is some piece of work. How the hell does Tanning know this woman?
“Don't say that, and I've told you we're just friends. I need a break from relationships. Ally and I didn’t work. End of story.”
“Ugh. You haven't even told your parents. They're going to freak.”
“Look, this isn't any of your business. Hell, I only told you, so you wouldn't find out and tell your dad. I need to live here, Donna. It's perfect and it works for both of us ...”
Oh, shit, this must be the supermodel cousin. Oh just great. And he hasn't mentioned this arrangement to his parents, super great. I'm like some dirty little secret. God, I knew this would come back to bite me.
I can't listen to anymore, but I don't want them to know I'm here, so I very carefully open the door and tiptoe into my room. I dress in my pajamas, slip into bed and pull the covers over my head. My safe place. I close my eyes, and I take deep breaths. It hurts. It really hurts. But what hurts most, is seeing the truth in what the supermodel cousin is saying. Hell, if I was in her position I'd be saying the same thing.
Trouble is, I can't leave. Not yet. I truly have nowhere to go. I'm just going to have to suck it up. Once Treasure Pot is born, then I can look for my own place. Give Tanning an out. So he doesn't have to lie to his parents or have his cousin continually harassing him. Then he can look for a more suitable girl, someone who isn’t me.
Whoa, I must have fallen asleep. The room is dark and I turn to check the clock. It’s just gone seven. I slept for three hours. Now I’m wide awake, and my head is still spinning. I’m restless, and I don’t know what to do. I can’t really face Tanning at the moment. Then I remember Candy and her invitation. I could go dancing. Might help take my mind off of everything. I’m getting so tired of being everyone’s burden. I didn’t ask Tanning to take me in. He offered, and it was supposed to be mutually agreeable. Doesn’t seem like it now. Seems completely one sided.
I pull back the covers and get out of bed. I open my wardrobe and look at my meagre few offerings. I still have a few things that might be okay. I pull out a backless black satin halter neck swing top, that would cover my belly, or most of it. I can’t fit into any of my jeans, but I do have a pull on short denim skirt I could stretch enough to fit okay. My cowgirl boots are comfortable even with a bit of a heel, and I tie up my hair in a messy bun, then apply some black eye liner, pink lip gloss and blush over my cheeks. Not exactly supermodel material, but for a dance in a dark bar, it’ll do.
The lights are not on downstairs, so I figure Tanning must have left with his cousin, or went out somewhere else, and I’m relieved.
I go into the kitchen and take a swig from my water bottle, then grab an apple off the counter. I’m not really hungry, but need to keep eating for Treasure Pot. I grab my keys and bag off the counter top, then lock the door behind me.
I drive into town and pull up outside the Brew. There are a heap of cars here. The dance nights are gathering momentum with the solid tourist trade, and it’s becoming a hotspot on a Friday night. I’ve already text Candy to let her know I’ve had a change of plan and will be joining her and the girls. I rub over my large bump and get out of my car, making my way into the bar. The music is so loud. Louder than I’m used to, that, or I’ve aged a decade since coming here last month.
The bar is pumping with people grinding on the dance floor. Guess Friday night has that appeal. And once I was all up in that action. Not so much now, but I can pretend. I spy my girls at a table in the corner. It’s only eight thirty but they already look like they’re half way to being drunken messes. Candy is standing clinking her glass around the table and swaying to the music.
I’m just about to go over and say hi, when I’m grabbed from behind and pulled into a dark corner of the dance floor. Two hands are holding my hips tight, and I wrangle to get myself free.
“Not so fast, little Jen, Jen. I was hoping you’d show up tonight.”
Jesus, its Jason. God I forgot he was i
n town. I shiver at his voice and the way his hands are gripping me in a possessive hold.
“You’re looking smoking hot, babe.”
“What do you want?”
“Oh, you know what I want. Been wanting it for a very long time. The wet dreams I used to have about you, sweetheart...”
Ew ... he is so gross. I was only thirteen.
“Let me go.”
“Nah, I don’t think so. Been wanting to have a little chat with you.”
This day just keeps going from bad to worse.
“I don’t want to chat, let me go,” I bite out through clenched teeth.
Then he’s breathing in my ear, and I nearly hurl. “Oh, but you will, when you find out what I have to tell you.”
I close my eyes. “I’m sure I have no interest in anything you have to say.”
He grinds into me from behind and leans over my shoulder, holding my hips even firmer. To anyone else, it must look like we’re dancing along with all these other hot bodies.
“You interested in your baby, and keeping it.”
What the hell!
I spin around so fast, I nearly trip over. “What did you just say?”
“Oh, now the mama cat has claws. Settle down, kitten.”
I am so close to slapping his face right now, that or ripping his throat out. He pats my head and I shirk away from him.
“Stop that. I am not your kitten.”
“You wanted to be once, do you remember little Jen, Jen.”
God, I do, and my face flames with embarrassment. How does this guy still get to me after all these years?
“I was a stupid kid. One that you had no trouble taking advantage of, and tormenting the shit out of.”
“You asked for it, I just gave it to you.”
I clench my fists, there is no point dredging up old history with this loser. I can’t go back there.
“Tell me what you meant about my baby. Tell me now.”
