Bleidd nodded trying to ignore the nagging feeling that he was making a mistake.
***********************************
If Allie was totally honest with herself it had hurt her feelings that Bleidd had decided to go out, and particularly that he hadn’t asked her to go too. Jason had dropped her off after giving her a ride home from work and then headed out for a night with Tony, and Shawn was at the theater working so Allie found herself alone and brooding. She tried reading and watching a movie by herself but her mind kept going back to Bleidd.
She stubbornly refused to reach out to him, even though she knew that she could project herself into his mind fairly easily. Instead when the temptation grew too strong she turned to Jess, carefully easing into his consciousness to be sure she wasn’t intruding. While Bleidd jealously guarded his mental privacy, Jess had told her more times than she could count that he not only didn’t mind but enjoyed her visiting him this way, especially when they had to be physically apart. It still seemed overly intrusive to her, but it helped to know that he enjoyed it. In the month he’d been gone she’d gotten more comfortable with it and it was like second nature now.
She had a vague impression of a steering wheel and car interior, and her own heart lifted with the sudden hope that he was on his way back home. Aware that he was driving she was extra careful in speaking to him, waiting to be sure he’d become subconsciously aware of her first. “Jess?”
“Ah, my love, I had hoped to surprise you,” he thought back his happiness at hearing her voice soothing her mood.
“Are you coming home?” she asked eagerly.
“I am on my way now,” he said, clearly pleased at her excitement. “I have arraigned to have several days off, and I am not expected back at the Outpost until Tuesday afternoon. I had thought we three could celebrate my return together.”
Allie’s joy at this news was immediately dimmed by his last statement. “I am very much looking forward to seeing you my love and I’m sure we will celebrate your return until I can’t walk properly, but Bleidd isn’t here. He went out tonight with some friends from work.”
She felt his surprise at this news and then felt him reaching out to Bleidd through their bond and encountering the walls he had put up around himself. She knew she could push through them if she tried, although she chose to respect his privacy, but she wasn’t sure if Jess could or if they appeared as impenetrable barriers to him. His emotions shifted from surprise to distress. “Why is he shutting us out?”
“I don’t know,” she answered honestly. “It’s been a stressful week, but he was in a good mood this morning.”
“Odd,” Jess thought back, “But perhaps he merely wants a sense of privacy. It is an adjustment after all, and he has had less time than we to get used to it.”
“Perhaps,” she agreed reluctantly.
“Well, do not fret my heart, I will be there soon and as much as I would like to see you both I have no complaints at getting time alone with you either.”
Allie pulled herself back out of his mind, still worrying about Bleidd. Why is he blocking us? She wondered, unable to leave the thought alone. Why would he suddenly decide to go out alone and then put so much effort into shutting us out?
When did I become the clingy girlfriend? she thought unhappily, ashamed that she could not let him have a night out by himself without obsessing over what he was doing. I should be glad that he’s out having some fun. Its not like he needs to take me everywhere with him. She shook her head slightly. Ugh am I just jealous that I’m the only one home alone on a Saturday night? Well I’ve had enough of this pity party, time to go to bed alone and mope there until Jess gets here to cheer me up.
She stood up and the strangest feeling came over her, not dizziness exactly but almost giddiness. She could feel Bleidd’s presence in her mind then, his emotions intense in a way she’d never felt before; it was as overwhelming as suddenly being pulled under water. She heard a car door and stumbled down the hall, unable to walk straight without leaning against the wall. She mumbled to herself as she went “Well this is weird.”
She was standing at the end of the hallway, waiting, when Bleidd sailed in and her heart sank to see him. She’d dealt with him drunk often enough to recognize it immediately. Before she knew what she was going to say she blurted out, “Oh what did you do?”
He looked at her and started laughing and she heard herself laughing too, even though she didn’t think any of this was at all funny. “You’re so beautiful Allie, do you know that?”
He crossed the space between them and pushed her up against the wall, his mouth hard against hers, the smell of liquor a cloud around them both. Her head swam and for an instant nothing mattered to her but the feel of his mouth on hers. She tried to twist her head away, tried to think straight, but she couldn’t get her eyes to focus. His hands groped under her shirt, and she was lost in how nice that felt. What is going on here? She thought feeling his lust washing over her along with something else, something she’d never experienced before. He pulled her shirt off and threw it down the hall, then tossed his own jacket and shirt after it.
“You’re drunk,” she muttered into his hair as he kissed along her shoulder.
“I love you Allie,” he said, entirely serious. “I love you and the thought of losing you terrifies me. I can’t bear it. I can’t.”
“Where am I going?” she asked, unable to follow the conversation, but certain she was forgetting something important.
“I don’t know,” he said, laying her down on the floor and tugging her pants off. “I don’t know. But something bad is in the air. I can feel it. The bad luck, the notes, the everything. And everyone has their limits. I have my limits.”
“What notes?” she asked, and then as she realized she was laying mostly undressed on the downstairs hallway floor, “Wait! No. No,no,no. We are not having sex in the downstairs hallway.”
“Why not?”
“Because no. Bedroom. Must go to the bedroom,” she said, scrambling up and all but crawling towards the stairs. “Why can’t I walk right?”
“Is it your ankle?”
“No, I feel like everything is spinning.”
“Are you drunk?” he asked her calmly as he practically dragged her up the stairs and down the upstairs hallway.
“What no…I don’t….oh Gods…you’re drunk, and I’m pulling from you and so I’m drunk too. Oh fuck,” she groaned.
“That’s the idea,” he agreed, lifting her up so that they fell on the bed together.
“Bleidd!”
“What?” he mumbled, pinning her down and pushing her legs apart.
“This is not good,” she said, shifting to try to help him find a better position, already having a hard time remembering why she was upset. Everything felt good. Why had she said it wasn’t good? She couldn’t focus and everything started to blur into everything else.
“Should I stop?” he said, freezing above her.
“No, don’t stop,” she groaned into his shoulder, already unable to remember why he was asking. As his emotions, intense and overwhelming, flooded into her, she stopped caring about anything but the euphoria that came with the emotional high. Without thought she opened herself to it and amplified it, until everything fell away in an ecstasy of sensation.
Chapter 4 - Sunday
Allie woke feeling disoriented, vaguely annoyed, and so over-charged with power she was practically buzzing. She was squished in the middle of the bed, with her face pressed against Bleidd’s back, his hair tangled over and under her so that she opened her eyes to a mesh of black. After a moment she realized that while she was pressed hard against Bleidd’s back someone else was curled tightly against hers. She immediately panicked, struggling to free herself, and naturally woke both Bleidd, who she kneed in the thigh, and Jess who was sleeping behind her and who she managed to elbow repeatedly in the ribs.
“Allie, what is it?” Jess asked, rubbing his side where she’d hit him.
; “Jess!” she thought her fear melting under her joy at seeing him. “You’re back!”
He gave her a puzzled look. “Of course my heart, I arrived back last night.”
Allie looked down, trying to hide her face behind her hair. “I don’t remember that.”
Bleidd reached out, moving her hair out of her face, his feelings a tangle of remorse and defensiveness. From Jess there was only concern and surprise. “Do you not?”
Flustered she tried to piece together what had happened the night before. “Well, I remember talking to you,” she said out loud, trying to get some distance from both of them. “I remember you saying you were coming home…and then…Bleidd came home. And then things get a little fuzzy.”
She tried to ignore the wave of self-loathing that flowed from Bleidd at her words, knowing that she should try to reassure him, but upset that he’d been drinking again. She let the petty part of herself win out. Jess reached over, rubbing her shoulders, his fingers deftly working the tension out of her muscles. “Yes, when I arrived the two of you were quite…entangled. It was an entirely pleasant situation to walk into.”
“Oh I’m sure,” she said, unable to resist a small smile. “Since that was how you wanted to celebrate your return anyway.”
She felt Bleidd relaxing slightly, no longer perched on the edge of the bed as if he were getting ready to jump up and leave. His emotions were still a roil of unpleasant things though, and with Jess’s pure happiness on her other side the contrast made her head ache. She relented and reached out to grab his hand, pulling him closer. Jess, so far oblivious to this interplay, continued, “I had forgotten how it was, what it felt like when you join all our emotions together when we are physically loving each other. There is nothing the match of that.”
“No there isn’t,” Bleidd agreed, his voice husky.
For a moment Allie shared in Bleidd’s self-loathing, feeling like nothing so much as an addiction to be fed. Then she pushed the feeling away, refusing to let herself be influenced by him. “Well, I’m glad you both enjoyed it. I think I maybe enjoyed it too much, and I’m going to have to be more careful in the future.”
“What do you mean?” Jess asked, his fingers still working the muscles of her shoulders. He seemed unable to stop touching her, but she didn’t mind, and it was hardly a surprise after a month’s celibacy, something that no elf would normally choose willingly. For a culture that was in many ways very formal and bound in etiquette they were also extraordinarily tactile, and Allie knew that although he might never admit it spending so much time without that sensory input was very hard on Jess.
“I mean that I think….maybe…the reason that I can’t remember what happened is that I let myself get too, I don’t know, swept up in the emotions,” she looked up locking eyes with Bleidd. “I’ve never felt anything that intense before. That…pure, I guess you could say. I think I lost control of myself.”
She watched understanding dawn in his eyes, the leaf green seeming to change to a dark emerald with his sorrow. She squeezed his hand. “I enjoyed it. I mean what I do remember, I remember I enjoyed very, very much. But I have so much energy in my system right now I think I might glow in the dark – metaphorically speaking – and I think, maybe, the energy overload is what made me blackout.”
“Ah,” Bleidd said slowly, looking thoughtful. “Yes. I have seen mages have something similar happen, if they tap into a strong energy source without adequate preparation. The sheer joy of the experience and the amount of pure power overwhelms them and produces an intoxicating effect.”
Jess laughed, leaning forward to kiss her back, “You mean that Allie was literally drunk on our love for her?”
Allie felt herself blushing, and knowing that Jess was delighted by this thought didn’t lessen her embarrassment. Bleidd winced slightly, his eyes searching her face, trying to read how upset she was with him. “In a way. The physical response is different of course, at least with mages, but the behavioral effect would be similar.”
“And is this something that you think might happen any time I’m around very intense emotions, and open to them, or was it…unusual circumstances?” she said, trying to phrase it so that Jess wouldn’t wonder what she was really asking, but Bleidd would understand.
He stiffened, clearly grasping her meaning. “That is difficult to say.”
“Well,” she said, trying to choose her words very carefully, “We’ll have to make sure it doesn’t happen again. I don’t like feeling out of control, and I really don’t like blacking out.”
Bleidd flushed then winced before nodding. “No I don’t suppose we can allow such a thing to occur again.”
Before she could get too annoyed by his choice of words, Jess leaned forward, resting his chin on her shoulder, “Why do I feel as if there is some subtext here I am missing?”
She turned her head towards his, until her breath was warm against his cheek, “I didn’t hurt you did I? When I woke up?”
He smiled and turned to kiss her, “Nothing serious my heart, although it is not the way I would have chosen to wake up this morning.”
“Sorry about that,” she said, embarrassed all over again.
“Perhaps you can make it up to me?” he said grinning wickedly.
She glanced at the clock and then gently moved his hands away, “It will have to wait, love, I’m sorry. I told Rose I’d go visit her at the co-op this morning. And this afternoon we have a potential new roommate stopping by. But tonight we can really celebrate your return, and this time I’ll remember it.”
“I shall never forget last night,” Jess said, “and I suppose that memory can hold me until tonight. And what of you Bleidd, are you home today, or working?”
Bleidd sighed, stretching slowly before answering. “There was a fire at the lot yesterday, and several other issues. Today should be my day off, but I’ll have to call Henry and be certain that after all the chaos yesterday he doesn’t need me for an extra shift.”
Allie looked at him wide eyed, his drinking binge the night before suddenly making a lot more sense. Until he had stopped drinking the previous spring his response to pretty much anything upsetting or unpleasant had been a bottle. She bit her lip, wrestling with herself as she tried to decide whether she should be sympathetic that he was upset or cling to her own anger that he’d been drinking again, and this time his drinking had directly impacted her.
Jess, who clearly didn’t realize that alcohol had been a factor the night before – not terribly surprising as elves did not generally drink to excess – lay back down and said, “Well if you are home today perhaps we could spend some time together, just you and I, while Allie runs her errands.”
Bleidd’s expression softened a bit, and Allie would have sworn he actually looked flattered. “I would not be opposed to that Commander. I can’t deny that it pleases me to have you back with us again.”
Jess smiled widely, “I will take that as high praise indeed, coming from you.”
Before she could stop herself, Allie said, “Well I don’t suppose you two can get into too much trouble without me today if you’re planning to stay together.”
Bleidd slid off the edge of the bed then, standing up and looking away uncomfortably. Allie could sense his uncertainty, and she wished she’d kept her mouth shut, but it was too late to take the comment back. “I am going to take a shower,” he said quietly, “Would you like to use the bathroom first Allie?”
She thawed a bit at this unexpected bit of consideration, since she wanted to use the bathroom very much and would rather not have to deal with the communal bathroom down the hall. “Yeah, thanks. I’m sorry, by the way, I forgot to ask when we could pick the car up from your friend. Somehow today ended up getting really hectic.”
“That’s alright. I can ask him to drop it off here,” Bleidd said as Allie stood up and walked towards the bathroom.
She hesitated, her eyes meeting his again, “Well…Okay. If he can drop it off around one, I can check it out before
Hannah comes over. But make sure he knows that my budget is pretty small.”
“Don’t worry about the cost,” Bleidd said, looking away.
She was ready to argue, not in the mood to let him appease his conscious about what had happened the night before by buying her a car, but Jess was nodding in agreement. If there was one thing she’d learned in the four months they’d all been together it was that she almost never won an argument when they were both against her. Still it hurt her pride to feel like she was taking any kind of handout, even from them. “Well, I got $500 for my old car, so hopefully he doesn’t want much more than that. You know more about cars than I do anyway so I’ll give you the money and – if you don’t mind – if you look the car over and it seems good you can work out the details?”
Jess, who had stretched out on the bed now that it was empty, sighed in a long suffering way at her stubbornness. She shot him an annoyed look, even though she knew she was being difficult. Bleidd hesitated a moment, reaching up and pinching the bridge of his nose, then walked over to Allie. She tensed, half expecting him to shake her and tell her to stop being ridiculous, but instead he pulled her into a hug, kissing the top of her head. “I am glad you trust me to evaluate the quality of the vehicle,” he said, his voice only slightly sarcastic. “Don’t worry about the cost, in all seriousness Daniel owes me a favor and this is his way of paying me back. All that matters is whether you like the car or don’t like the car, and please, for once, don’t let your obsessive need to feel self-sufficient interfere.”
Her annoyance surged at that but she throttled down the response that immediately sprang to her lips. Instead she pressed her head over his heart, reaching up to trace her fingers along the web of scar tissue on the right side of his chest. Why do I keep trying to pick fights over stupid things today? she thought as her fingers followed the pattern of pale lines that marked the place where he had been shot. If I didn’t know better I’d think we really had been hexed or something with all this bad luck, all this tension. I was just thinking that I can’t win an argument about this car, and then what do I do but start arguing about who’s paying for the car. Which I need to get. It’s not like I can really function without a car indefinitely just getting rides from everyone.
Heart of Thorns: a Between the Worlds novel Page 8
