Only Love
Atonement Duet #2
Selene Chardou
Only Love
Copyright © 2017 by Selene Chardou.
All rights reserved.
First Print Edition: February 2017
Limitless Publishing, LLC
Kailua, HI 96734
www.limitlesspublishing.com
Formatting: Limitless Publishing
ISBN-13: 978-1-68058-987-0
ISBN-10: 1-68058-987-3
No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned, or distributed in any printed or electronic form without permission. Please do not participate in or encourage piracy of copyrighted materials in violation of the author’s rights. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to locales, events, business establishments, or actual persons—living or dead—is entirely coincidental.
Dedication
This novel is dedicated to my daughters and my favorite fangirls and best friends, Laura M. and Lisa W. Love you so much and thank you for pimping me when no one else would. xoxo
Table of Contents
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Twenty
Chapter Twenty-One
Chapter Twenty-Two
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Part One
Freedom
Chapter One
The day started like any other but by that evening, something inside me inwardly panicked. I needed to run, and although I would hate myself in the morning, I kept telling myself it was for the best.
My day at work had been calm, yet once I received a call from Dr. Grant, my OB-GYN, everything went from sugar to shit. It was a routine call like any other but it was what she told me that ripped my world apart and nothing would ever be the same again.
The funny part about the whole situation was nothing had really changed because when I looked in the mirror, I was still the same person. I was just shy of five feet nine inches, and slim at one hundred and twenty-nine pounds. My skin was a silky olive tone and I had great cheekbones and a patrician nose, with slightly full lips.
My hair was still dark brown with deep auburn lowlights, and wavy if I didn’t flatiron it, but since I hadn’t cut it in a while, it was wavy more often than not. My hazel-green eyes were my best feature, and though I wore very little makeup, my skin had a natural inner glow from pregnancy.
I don’t remember the rest of my day at work, nor do I remember the commute home. The elevator ride to the outrageously expensive condo I shared with Colin seemed like my own personal jail cell. I knew he wouldn’t be home because the bar didn’t close until the wee hours of the morning and while the place was still brand new, both Colin and Drew were putting in a lot of hours to make it the success they wanted it to be.
Our relationship had never been conventional. Colin and I were in love, that was true, but it didn’t erase the horrible secret that bound us together. It also didn’t stop my sister from asking so many questions about what was going on and why I still spent so much time with Liam if I was in love with Colin and he was my fiancé.
I couldn’t trust my sister with the truth, or any truths. What could she possibly say and how would she feel about the situation? I knew how good I was at keeping secrets and the one I knew about Colin and Liam would be taken to the grave.
Who could I really tell my secrets to when I thought about it other than the parties involved? If I couldn’t trust Caitlyn, I sure as hell wouldn’t tell Aubrey. I knew she could keep a secret and that certainly wasn’t the problem that existed between us, but how would she view Colin and Liam again knowing what they’d done to my family? She’d grown up in a chaotic home and though her life had not been perfect, she was a huge believer in justice. It was the same reason why she wouldn’t give her mother the time of day after what she had put her through during the years she’d lived in Quebec with her.
I had to be honest with myself and admit it had been sheer lunacy to forgive him so easily. Maybe it was the pregnancy hormones. I knew we had more on the line than our relationship. We were now expecting a baby, an innocent child who had no idea what his or her parents were going through.
The decision wasn’t an easy one for me to make, mostly because more than my life was at stake. However, my present lifestyle was starting to strangle me. I felt lost and like I was spiraling even further out of control. Furthermore, the hurt surrounding the situation seemed to grow each day and now that I knew such an overwhelming truth that marred our situation all the more, how could I live with myself? I could barely keep what I knew contained; it would only be a matter of time before I blurted the truth to Colin and he would hate me.
It was funny how there were people who existed and always thought of themselves as worthy of forgiveness, but they were unable to extend that way of thinking to other people. Colin felt that way about me, as if I was above sin, and I would never do anything to hurt him. I also knew he would never accept the present situation. Sure, he would lie and smile and say it was okay, all the while thinking I was a hypocritical bitch who’d ruined his life because what I did went way beyond the pale.
I pulled out my bag and that was as far as I got before the tears overwhelmed me and I began to sob like a baby. I didn’t want to end it like this and I wouldn’t leave that night. I had to see him to say goodbye. It was the only way. I’d never been a coward and I wouldn’t become one at this point in my life.
The plan was already hatched in my head and refused to leave me no matter how many alternative situations entered my brain. I stashed my bag in the guest bedroom closet behind my clothes and that night when Colin came home, it was pleasantries all around. I never gave him not one hint anything was wrong with me, with us, and how much our lives were about to change.
We talked a bit over an Evian for me (I wanted to keep a clear head) and a bottle of Beck’s for him. Then he wrapped his arms around my body and kissed me with an intensity that made me shake all over and I knew I wanted to make love to my fiancé one last time before I left for good.
Our lovemaking had always been exciting, intense, Earth-shattering, and soul shaking. I fell asleep in his arms, though I woke up alone. He left before me in the mornings and I always stayed up for him to get home despite not getting nearly the amount of rest I needed. However, I did learn to powernap in the evenings, usually wedged between Pilates and dinner by myself.
The following morning shortly after breakfast, I decided to walk away from everything in my life. I called Liam at uConnect and complained of morning sickness. He told me it would be prudent for me to stay home and he would let the HR Manager know not to expect me. I was only in the first trimester of my pregnancy, therefore it certainly wasn’t unheard of, and it was quite easy to perpetuate the lie.
I finished packing, though this time I didn’t cry at all. My whole body felt numb and the only thought I could contemplate were all of the different possibilities and exciting opportunities that existed in front of me. It was going to
be a wonderful feeling not to live without any deception or secrets. I’d miss Colin, I really would, but it wasn’t enough to make me want to stay, and that was an awful feeling to give in to and an even worse thought to admit.
I left a note on the table and my engagement ring beside it. Hopefully that was an action that could not be misconstrued as a simple break or perhaps “pause” of our relationship, but what the hell did I know? I couldn’t even properly end my relationship with my first love, Drew. Instead, I’d used him for booty calls when he was “in between” relationships and pawned him off on my cousin Aubrey when I’d finally had enough.
Great track record there in the “breaking up” department, if I didn’t say so myself.
Of course, this was a completely different situation. This wasn’t just a breakup because Colin and I weren’t merely going out or dating, we were engaged. Or had been engaged, and now we weren’t because I’d ended it and I didn’t even have the nerve to tell him to his face. I might as well have broken off our engagement by email because a handwritten letter couldn’t be too far above a text or a Post-It note.
It was easy to load up my vehicle with all the personal belongings I’d decided to take with me. Due to the pregnancy, Colin had upgraded me from a Smart Car to a 2013 Ford Edge Sport and I loved it. It only had two hundred miles on it and I knew it would easily make the drive I had in mind.
My biggest decision was how long should I wait after I left to contact Colin? He would have more questions and I could wait a week to let him blow off some steam. Hopefully he would be calm enough for us to have civil conversation. I had no illusions about staying gone forever. Even now, I felt like I couldn’t breathe without going through heart palpitations that drove me around the bend. The anxiety attack had me clutching my chest every few moments as if that would clear my airway and allow more oxygen to get through. I couldn’t exactly pop a Xanax and count to ten to feel better; I had to actually deal with my problems and breathe through them.
This was how I felt when I loaded the last of my two roll-on suitcases and dumped them in the trunk. I turned off my Samsung Galaxy S III and turned on the black iPhone I’d purchased with a contract through T-Mobile. Colin had no idea about the account and therefore the phone would be completely untraceable when I called home to talk to Colin.
While it was only love which had caused me to forgive him for his shocking revelation in the first place, love alone couldn’t keep us together and I innately knew that. I hated how cynical I’d become after the wonderful European trip we’d spent together, but I realized it’d always been there.
I had lost myself for the moment when Colin and I were in Europe. However, once we came back to Seattle, real life came crashing in and like a cat afraid of its own shadow I found myself on the run yet again like a goddamn fugitive.
This time the decision was less severe. I wouldn’t run as far, and I planned to settle somewhere warm and near the beach. As I turned on to Interstate 5 knowing it would take me all the way to my destination, I plugged in my iPod and pushed the shuffle button.
The first song to come on, ironically, was Rihanna’s “Man Down.” By the time I’d left the city limits, I’d also listened to Thirty Seconds to Mars’ “Attack,” Ellie Goulding’s “Hanging On,” Esmée Denters’ “Outta Here,” Pink’s “Blow Me (One Last Kiss),” and Maroon Five’s “Payphone.”
It helped pass the time and the miles. By the time I reached the border between Washington and Oregon, I wanted to hear one fun song as opposed to all these cynical “love gone wrong” songs that kept playing. I would have to put quite a bit of distance between myself, Seattle, Colin, and the life I had decided was better off without me before I would even think about changing the play list. Until then, I was stuck with my current one and a heart that felt like I’d never made a better decision in my life. I instinctively knew I was doing the right thing although that meant leaving everything and everyone I knew behind.
This was the way it should be and at this time, I needed to be alone and away from the heartache, away from Colin, and on my own.
For now.
Chapter Two
Before I had decided to make my grand exit from Seattle and out of the lives of everyone I knew I’d made provisions, though at the time, I didn’t even know it. I’d purchased a two bedroom, two and a half bathroom beachside condo in my name and paid for the transaction in cash thanks to the money my father had left me in a trust. No one knew about it, not even my sister or my mother, and I was very careful in how I dealt with the transaction.
While property in La Jolla wasn’t cheap and rivaled prices in Seattle, I looked at the place as an investment and I could always sell it if I needed to. The place was stocked with furniture from IKEA and I’d had a handyman assemble it all, including the furniture for the second room which would eventually belong to the baby. I hadn’t bothered with any sort of baby furniture because I wasn’t sure whether it was a boy or a girl.
On a whim, I purchased a small coffee shop in downtown La Jolla from an owner who was underwater and merely wanted to free herself from her losses. It was difficult to control employees when I wasn’t in the same city, therefore I’d kept the owner on as a salaried employee to manage the workers. I wasn’t looking to get rich but I did want a business of my own where I could call the shots and knew it was mine whether it was successful or not.
Ground Beans was perfect and extremely bohemian with a chic atmosphere and enough existing baristas that I didn’t have to worry about hiring. I installed Wi-Fi and added a few oversized chairs, tables perfect for computer use, and comfortable sofas. The menu was diverse enough with muffins, scones, cookies, brownies, sandwiches, and paninis that I could have flexible operating hours of six in the morning to eight in the evening.
There was also a drive-thru, which made it possible for us to compete with a Starbucks only two blocks away.
***
The first morning I was able to introduce myself to the staff was a whole week after I’d arrived in La Jolla because I needed the time just to recover from the drive. The owner submitted her resignation after she showed me the ropes and after that, I proceeded to run a business that was fun and very much me because I loved working with people and owning Ground Beans fit my personality.
My hours were long and arduous. By the end of the day, I was so tired I could barely park my car in the garage and drag myself to my condo. This continued for several days before I finally called Liam and officially gave my resignation from uConnect.
“What the hell is going on, Deirdre? Where the hell are you? Colin is sick with worry,” he said with genuine concern.
“I am somewhere safe, that’s all you need to know,” I responded before I collapsed on the sofa in exhaustion.
Liam clucked his tongue. “That’s not good enough. Tell me why you have felt the need to leave if everything between Colin and you is so peachy keen? He told me you’d forgiven him and now comes the disappearing act. What the hell is this about, Deidre? And just who the hell do you think you’re playing?”
I stood again and began to pace if only to steady my nerves despite my aching feet. “Liam, I need time to myself. I forgave him but that doesn’t mean I have undergone a goddamn lobotomy. I know what you two did to my father and it doesn’t exactly fill me with elation that the man I love had something to do with the death of the man who meant everything to me. Call it a delayed reaction if you want. Everything is hitting me at once and it doesn’t help I’m pregnant. Everything—my emotions and my feelings—is magnified and I’m sorry I can’t be my usual calm self. I felt like I was under water and I couldn’t breathe.”
“Sounds like the usual female problems to me, but running away is something you do when you are nineteen. It isn’t the action of a grown woman. You need to come back here and tell Colin how you are feeling. He isn’t going to take it easier just because it is coming from me,” Liam explained.
“I don’t expect you to tell him. I will call him
myself.” The doorbell rang and I sighed softly to myself. “I have to go.”
“When do you plan to call Colin if I may ask? You do understand you need to speak to him as soon as poss—”
“Whenever I get good and goddamn ready,” I snapped and ended the call.
I set the iPhone on the coffee table and rushed to the front door. I swung open the door and stood facing one of the most handsome men I’d ever seen.
Hair the color of chocolate with burnished blond-auburn highlights and pale greenish blue eyes stood before me in absolute perfection. His looks were finished off with a perfect Roman-shaped nose, high cheekbones, sensually full lips, a creamy complexion with just a hint of color, and a build that was tall though far from imposing. At approximately six feet three inches and a slim one hundred and eighty pounds, everything about him was just perfect.
“Hey,” I said lamely, feeling like a bit of an idiot.
I had no idea who the hell this man was nor what he was doing on my doorstep.
“Hello,” he said, sliding his tongue over those perfectly soft looking lips. “I’m your next-door neighbor. Drake. I am a chef at Rouge, an upscale restaurant on the beach, and I am trying out a new recipe. I know it’s a terrible cliché but do you have any Sugar in the Raw? The recipe calls for it and I could have sworn I picked some up but I can’t find it.”
I raised a perfectly shaped eyebrow sarcastically. “You’re joking, right?”
His pale aquamarine eyes lit up in faint amusement. “About what exactly? Being a chef or needing to borrow sugar?”
“I’m not sure…both? And are you really my neighbor?”
He nodded, fingering a hint of stubble along his jawline. “I know I sound like a walking cliché. Welcome to my life. Yes, I am your neighbor and I am indeed pathetic enough to need sugar for a recipe despite being a chef at Rouge, an obnoxiously expensive seafood and steak restaurant with a location literally on the beach.”
Only Love (The Atonement Duet Book 2) Page 1
