“Baby, I’m still not sure about myself. Sometimes, I swear I want to destroy everything in my path.”
I pressed my lips to his chest, laying a series of open-mouthed kisses up his sternum, to his neck.
“I’m sure of you,” I told him, meeting his eyes.
“Pretty sure you’re the only one,” he said, his voice a low growl.
“I’m sure enough for both of us. Of the two of us, I’m more likely to lose it and destroy shit. You’re the most controlled person I know.”
He pulled me on top of him, and I followed his lead, straddling his hips. He hooked his fingers inside my panties and gave a hard tug. The fabric ripped and fell away. “Not always,” he said.
The next second, he was inside me, and neither of us were worried about trying to stay in control. Nain and I were like two crazed people when we fucked. There was no sweetness, no patience, no subtlety. He held my hips tightly, thrusting up into me hard as he caught one of my nipples between his teeth. I dug my fingernails into his shoulders and slammed myself down onto him, harder, harder, until the only sound in the room were the sound of our bodies slapping together, my cries, his grunts.
In one smooth move, he turned us over so he was on top. His eyes were glowing blood red, his skin becoming that scarlet shade it turns when he’s in full demon mode.
“Come on, demon. Give it to me,” I said. The words ended on a cry as he pushed into me roughly.
“I can’t believe you like this,” he growled, pushing into me so hard it lifted my hips off of the mattress. I cried out again. So close. Oh gods…
“Harder,” I managed, and he obliged. Harder, faster, so deep I knew I’d feel it for days. It had been too long, and we both needed this, often.
My fingernails clawed at his back, and I knew I was leaving long, jagged scratches down his flesh. He loved it. I rose up a little and bit the side of his neck, and it earned me another brutal thrust, his mouth on mine, his tongue invading my mouth, pulsing in rhythm with his cock deep inside me. His hands were tangled in my hair, and the added sensation of my hair being pulled only pushed me closer to the edge.
“Fuck,” I screamed as I started to lose control. Nain took me faster, placing one hand between us, massaging between my thighs as he pounded into me. I came on a scream that he smothered with his mouth, and soon I felt his release pumping into me.
“Mine,” he growled, and all I could do was nod, breathless and dizzy, aching from everything he’d done to me. When he was finally spent, he stayed on top of me, inside me, the solid weight of his muscled body pushing me into the mattress.
I loved it.
His breathing slowed, his heart settled down, and his skin lost its reddish tone. He usually didn’t go that far when we were together like this. He was usually afraid of hurting me, of going too far. And the truth is, he’s a little scary when he’s in demon form, but damn, I like it. I know I can stop him if I want to. I never want to.
“I lost it,” he said. “Did I hurt you?” he asked, as if he’d been reading my mind.
I shook my head. “It was amazing.”
He stayed quiet for a while, and I thought maybe he’d drifted off to sleep. “Remember way back when we started? That time on the roof? I told you the choice was fight or fuck,” he said.
I ran my hands down his back. “Some things never change, I guess,” I said, aware of the satisfied smile on my lips. “I’m glad, in this case,” I added.
“One of these times, I’m gonna go too far.”
“Never,” I told him. “I wouldn’t let you. I trust you, and I wish to hell you’d trust me to know what I want and what I don’t.”
“I know you do,” he said, rolling off of me. I immediately missed his weight, the sense of being filled by him. He rested his hands on his chest and looked up at the ceiling. “But you love me and you want to give me what you think I need.”
“What I know you need,” I said, pulling the covers up over my breasts. At some point, he’d ripped my t-shirt off as well. He pulled the blankets back down, then leaned over and took one of my nipples between his lips, sucking hard. I gasped and arched my chest toward him, seeking relief or more or… something.
He released it with a pop. “You think I need to let go, that it’ll make me feel better. Less on edge all the time. But if the price of doing that is going too far with you, of hurting you, I’m never going to forgive myself. Don’t fucking sacrifice yourself for me, in any way. You do that enough for everyone else.”
“It’s hardly a sacrifice when I’m coming so hard I can’t see straight,” I said wryly.
“You know what I mean,” he said irritably.
I blew out a breath and climbed on top of him again. “I am the motherfucking goddess of Death. I can take care of myself. I am so goddamned attuned to you I know when you’re about to lose it completely and when you’re not. The only time I’ve ever seen you go full demon was when Hades was taken. And yeah, that was fucking scary and I knew you weren’t all there. I was with you the whole time, making sure you didn’t do anything you’d regret later, because I love you, you stubborn son of a bitch. I’ll do the same even when we’re the only ones affected. I’m not a martyr. Not for them, and not for you, either.”
He looked up at me, his gaze seeking mine. The red glow had subsided, and now they were that deep blue that had first made me unable to forget him. “You’re crazy. You know that, right?”
“So I’ve heard. I know I’m out of my mind. You are, too. But together…” I trailed off, shrugging.
“Together, we work,” he finished. “Your crazy works well with my crazy,” he said.
“Trust me,” I said again, and he nodded, but I knew he’d be holding himself back next time we were together. It always scared him when he lost control, at least since it had happened when Hades had been taken. He’d drifted into demon form a time or two before then, but it hadn’t worried him the same way it has since Hades’ kidnapping. He’d lost control completely then, and I’d had to rein him in. He’d rampaged for two days, unable to revert to his more human, more reasonable form. Since then, he’d fought even harder to stay in control, to avoid even the slightest shift into his natural form. It reminded him too much of his early days, back when he did what comes to demons naturally: killing, torturing. Destroying in every and any way he could. He walked that razor edge every day. Losing his more human appearance was always a sign that he’d gone over the edge, and he hated doing it.
And I pushed him to it. I knew I did. It was shitty, but I did it anyway.
He was right. We were a mess.
Nain held onto me and settled onto his side, facing me. “I love you,” I told him, feeling guilty now that I could sense how worried, how tense he was.
“I love you too,” he said, his voice hoarse.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered.
He didn’t answer, and we held each other in silence.
Chapter Two
The next morning, I woke alone in our bed. That was nothing unusual. Nain needed even less sleep than I did, and I usually only needed a couple hours each night. I could hear my mother somewhere in our private quarters, sense her swirl of power, along with Zoe’s frenzied energy, Hades’ strong, dark power that already felt so much like what I remembered feeling when my father had been around.
One day, he would replace me. I’ve known, since the moment I first felt his power stirring in my womb, that the throne had been meant for him. I was just holding it until he was ready. If he even wanted it. I hoped he wouldn’t, not because I especially wanted to hold onto the responsibility, but because I didn’t want my son to have to see the shit I’ve seen, what I see, every single day of my life. I guess, maybe, I want him to retain some of the humanity we’re trying to raise him with.
Yes, I know he’s not even remotely human. Not even close. Still… I’d rather he be like Sean, Brennan’s son. Even though he’s being raised by gods and demigods, Sean seems like any other little boy… if a little
hyper. Carefree. He doesn’t think the dark thoughts I already see in Zoe’s mind.
This is a shitty place to raise kids.
The thought came to me the way it does every time I think about my kids. Which is pretty much hourly.
I pulled myself out of bed, jumped into the shower, and pulled on my typical uniform: the black pants, black tunic and corset, and tall black boots the Furies all wore. I supposed that, someday, if Hades took over as God of Death, I’d go back to being a Fury. Honestly, I preferred that. I’d much rather punish those who had done evil than sift through their thoughts and carefully weigh how much punishment they needed.
When I walked into the kitchen, I was greeted with Hades sitting in his high chair gnawing a teething ring with a furious look that made him seem more like a wild animal than a baby. And Zoe… well. Zoe was calling her grandmother a word she probably shouldn’t even know at that age.
“Hey,” I said. I’ve found that I use the same tone when my kids piss me off that I use when dealing with vampires and other assholes. But seriously? Kids are assholes sometimes. And I know it’s not totally her fault, but it’s still my job to make sure she knows when she’s not behaving as she should. “Was that a nice thing to say?”
“She’s being a bitch, though,” Zoe said, and my mother gave me a withering look.
“You can’t call people bitches,” I told Zoe, pouring a cup of coffee and flooding it with plenty of half and half and sugar. “Especially not your grandma.”
“You call people bitches all the time,” Zoe said. I turned around and saw her morosely stirring the oatmeal in her favorite My Little Pony bowl.
“It’s not nice when I do it, either,” I said. Which was bullshit. When I called people bitches, it was generally because they were. Usually.
“Then why do you do it?” she asked. I sat at the table across from her, and she studied me with her wide, dark eyes. She was sitting with her legs crossed primly, still stirring her cereal. She seemed way too mature for her age, and I wondered again if I should try harder to find friends her own age for her to play with.
“Sometimes I forget that it’s not nice,” I said, taking a gulp of my coffee. I caught my mom rolling her eyes as she bent down and wiped Hades’ chin of slobber.
“So do I,” Zoe said matter of factly. “And sometimes, people are just b—”
“Don’t. Say. It,” I said, forcing myself to keep my tone calm and non-threatening. “Your grandma is definitely not a… one of those,” I said.
“She’s making me play with Sean today,” Zoe said.
I glanced at my mom.
“I thought we’d spend the day in Paris. Meaghan is bringing Michael and Quinn, too.” She paused. “I should have mentioned it before. Did you have other plans for today?”
I shook my head. “No, I didn’t. It’s fine. Give E a hug for me, okay?”
“I like E,” Zoe put in.
“Well, E’s pretty great,” I said. And I hated that I felt a little spike of jealousy, which was stupid. I haven’t heard anything but how awful I am from Zoe in months. But it’s fine. Totally fine.
“She told me I don’t have to play with Sean if I don’t want to,” Zoe said. “And I don’t want to.”
“Why not?”
“He’s bossy and he’s always trying to help me,” she said, rolling her eyes. “I don’t need his help.”
“I know you don’t,” I said, hiding a grin. It sounded like Sean took after his father in more than a few ways. “Just tell him that, then. You don’t have to go along with anything. You don’t have to pretend to be helpless. And if he annoys you, yeah, you don’t have to play with him. But you like Hephaestus’s kids, right?”
“They’re babies, like him,” she said, shooting a glare at Hades, who gave her a drooly grin.
Yeah. I definitely had to find this kid other friends. Shit. How the hell am I even supposed to do that? It’s not like she can just go to the park and find friends like a Normal kid can.
“I have to get to work,” I said, standing up. “Be good for grandma. Have fun.” I put my cup in the sink. “Thanks, mother,” I said, quickly kissing her cheek.
“Anytime. You need a vacation,” she said.
“Duh.”
I bent down and hugged and kissed and tickled Hades for a moment, then I went to Zoe, who gave me that eyeroll again and ducked away, taking her bowl to the sink. I exchanged a look with my mom, who just shook her head.
I walked out, quickly stalking down the corridor that would take me to my throne room, where I’d judge souls until I felt like puking, and then I’d keep going even after that.
I guess at least I’m good at that?
Wife? Failure.
Mom? Dismal failure.
Friend/daughter/protector of a city? Don’t even get me started.
“Vacation, right,” I muttered as I reached the doors to my throne room. The demon guards there opened them, and I walked through, wishing I was just about anywhere else.
Chapter Three
My mom ended up deciding on taking a mini-vacation in Paris with my kids, sending my pictures of their adventures on my phone. Nain and I, as usual, usually missed one another, one of us home when the other was stuck dealing with something, gone by the time there was a break.
I was sprawled on the couch in the living room of our quarters, my uniform still splattered with the blood of a soul I’d decided to punish myself. I stared up at the ceiling.
“Mistress,” one of my imps said, stepping into the room apologetically. He was tense, worried. I sat up.
“What is it?”
“Demon’s hurt,” he said, and I sprang up.
“Where?”
“Just got to the Netherwoods. Vampires brought him,” the imp said, hurrying along next to me. I stormed out the front door of the palace to see Nain being supported by Ronan, who is Queen Rayna’s brother, and Zero, who was married to my friend Shanti. I ran to him.
“What the hell happened?” I asked, running my hands over him. Blood drenched his clothing, and it was still seeping from a deep cut across his throat.
“We got word of a cell of demons that recently moved into the city, causing trouble,” Ronan said. The huge vampire maneuvered Nain and Zero toward my office, and I shoved stuff out of the way so he could lay Nain on the sofa. Nain was conscious, but had a faraway, not-all-there look in his eyes. “We faced off against them. We had them in a corner. It was easy,” he said, clearly frustrated. “And then a bunch of werewolves came out of nowhere. They distracted us just long enough that the demons had a chance to surprise us. Nain took the worst of it.”
“He should be healing,” I growled as I ripped his shirt away, exposing the rest of the cuts on his chest, shoulders, and arms. “What the hell could do this?”
Zero was about to say something.
“Knife,” I said, and Ronan handed a small dagger over. I sliced my wrist and let the blood drip over the cut on Nain’s throat. At first, nothing happened and I started panicking. I could feel my breath, shallow, as if I was struggling, as if I was back where I’d been years ago, buried alive, incapable of getting enough air.
“Easy, Molly,” Ronan said. My gaze shot up to him. The fact that he used my actual name, instead of one of my honorifics, The Angel, or Goddess, or whatever the fuck they all called me, was enough of a surprise to pull me out of my panic. More than anyone I knew, Ronan stood on ceremony and manners. He was ineffably courteous and proper. “It looked like any other blade,” he said once he saw that I was calm. “Zero grabbed one once we ran them off if you want to have one of your people look at it and see what they can find out.”
I didn’t answer, staring at the cut on my husband’s neck.
“Come on. Heal, you bastard,” I murmured. Another few, torturous moments, and I saw the edges of his flesh starting to knit together again, the blood stopped pooling, and I felt like I was able to breathe.
“You can give the blade to one of the demon guards. Tell the
m to get it to Hephaestus. Please,” I added, still staring at Nain’s injuries. As the one on his throat finished closing up, I slit my wrist again and let my blood flow over the next-worst injury. Healing blood. He hated it when I did this. Hated taking anything from me, even when it was freely given. Even when not giving it would hurt me more than anything else.
“Thanks for bringing him back,” I said to Ronan and Zero, hoping they would see it for the “okay, you can go now” I meant it to be. They seemed to get it, each bowing to me and walking out. Ronan closed my office doors behind them.
I went back to focusing on Nain. Another cut, another slice to my wrist. “You are such an asshole,” I muttered. “Such an absolute asshole. As if the vampires needed you to protect them. Like you always have to be the one to take the brunt of this shit,” I said as I watched the final cut close. Those small ones, especially, should have closed up on their own long ago.
I sat back, looking at his face. He was pale. He was breathing, his chest rising and falling regularly. His eyes were closed now. The fact that he hadn’t woken up was another thing to worry about. From all I’ve heard, my blood burns like a bitch when it’s healing. Both he and Shanti had been healed by my blood. It wasn’t a nice experience, from their reactions. Not a movement from him this time, though.
I frowned, keeping my eyes on him.
“Dahael,” I said, knowing my top imp officer would be hovering nearby as always.
“Mistress. Demon okay?”
“I’m not sure,” I said quietly. “He should have woken up by now. Find Asclepius for me and bring him here as quickly as possible, please.”
“Yes, Mistress. He’ll be okay,” she said, and then she was gone. I sensed her pain. Too many memories, the loss of a mate… she hadn’t been right in months, since she’d lost her mate, Bashiok, in the attack on the Netherwoods.
“Shit,” I muttered, still watching Nain. He stayed pale, but his chest continued to rise and fall evenly. I kept my hand on his chest, needing the constant assurance that his heart still beat as strongly as ever, that his body was still warm.
Demons of Christmas Past: A Hidden Novella Page 2
