by Stacey Lynn
And every time those steely eyes of his landed on me, I couldn’t stop the tremble it sent down my spine. And it was then it hit me. Perhaps it should have been last night when his hands were on my breasts, and his tongue was in my mouth.
Perhaps it was when he said he’d get there when it came to forgiving me.
But those were words. Anyone could say them. His actions, watching me, checking on me, giving me my space and ensuring I was safe at the same time…that said everything. It proved he meant everything he said.
My gaze drifted through the crowd until I landed on one person. The only person who hadn’t come over to Jordan and me when we were together. The only woman at the entire party who had avoided me.
Last night I’d screwed up. I’d been rude to her, and Jordan had given me another perspective.
Tonight, it was time to finally begin putting the past behind me, exactly where it belonged.
I dumped my sangria into the trashcan. I’d had three glasses and while I’d felt the need for liquid courage earlier, it was more than I usually had. When I finally gathered the courage to talk to a girl who had helped make my life hell for years, level-headedness was key.
She was sitting with Kelly and a man and woman I’d been introduced to earlier but whose names I couldn’t remember. I weaved through the tables, dodged stumbling toddlers and stepped over a baseball here and there on my way through the yard, lit up by decorative lights from tree to tree for the evening.
I took the longest route possible. What in the hell would I say to her? What would she say to me? Apologize? Brush it off?
Worse…attack and throw everything back at me?
Avoidance couldn’t happen any longer. I had to do this.
Move on. Grow a backbone. Grow up.
I’d come up behind her, the couple I didn’t know laughing at something Christa had said and as much as I hated interrupting, I didn’t want to wait for a more polite time.
My hands trembled. My knees shook from the force of my thundering pulse.
I settled my hot, trembling palm onto her shoulder. “Hey, Christa? Can we talk for a minute?”
Beautiful, light green eyes whipped in my direction and the smile she’d clearly given toward the people she was with turned tremulous. “Hey, Destiny. Everything okay?”
“Yeah.” I pressed my hand to my thigh. God, the sweaty palms were unreal. “But can we talk?”
Her blonde brows pulled together, and she nodded. “Sure. Excuse me,” she said to the people at her table and pushed back in her chair.
Kelly winked at me, her grin knowing and encouraging. I nodded and hoped my expression was filled with thanks.
I attempted to smile politely at the couple I didn’t know but knew I failed. Everything felt strung tense, even the muscles on my face. I imagined a clown smile and grimaced, turning from the table and surveying where we could go for some privacy.
“This way,” Christa said, her hand went to my back and she pointed in the direction of the guesthouse. It was far enough away from the party where we could have privacy. Far enough away that if this went bad, no one would hear us. “They usually keep the guesthouse unlocked and we can have privacy. I imagine you’d like that?”
Her question was said kindly, still, I turned and caught the hint of worry in her eyes. Also something that looked mildly apologetic. Uncanny how she seemed to know exactly what I wanted to talk about.
We reached the guesthouse in silence and my nerves were a frazzled mess as Christa opened the door to the small house that was exactly the same as I remembered. More than once Jordan and I snuck out here and fooled around on the small, but comfortable full-sized bed in the tiny bedroom. It was drafty, musty from being closed up all summer and I jumped as the wood screen door closed behind me.
She appeared more composed than me, as if she’d had a decade to prepare for this moment. Her serene expression rattled me further. When she spoke first, she almost knocked me on my ass. “Your boy is really cute. It’s amazing how much he looks like Jordan.”
“Toby’s great. But that’s not why I wanted to talk to you.”
“I assumed. But listen, before you say anything, you have to know I’ve grown up a lot since you left—”
“Why?” I blurted the question, the one burning the tip of my tongue since I saw her. “You were cruel to me. You were so mean to me and I never did anything to you, Christa, and you and Jenni and your pack of Spirit Girls made my life hell. Why would you do that?”
My body trembled like I’d stuck my finger in a socket. It was insane. As I spoke, all those memories rushed through me. All of them. Every single tortuous memory I had connected to Carlton and my time here before, pummeled me like a boxer on a mission to knock out his opponent.
“I know.” Christa licked her lips and raised her hands. It was meant to placate me. It only fueled all my anger.
“You were horrible to me.” Emotion burned in my gut. All that rot that had festered, that I’d run from for so damn long, all the unnecessary bullying that had even Tillie finally understanding my need to flee. “I left this town. I left the only family I had and the only dreams I had in my life because you and Jenni and all of you girls thought it was so funny to make my life miserable. What would possess you to do something like that?”
“I’m sorry. It’s not enough, I know,” she rushed to say as I opened my mouth to stop her. “And I can’t apologize enough. I can’t, Destiny. We were everything you’ve said, but—”
“But nothing.”
“I know. And I don’t have a good explanation, but listen, Destiny. Listen to me. I hated myself for doing those things. And this isn’t a reason, it’s an excuse and a lame one, but it’s the only one I have. I was a sophomore, Jenni was the leader of the Spirit Girls. I’d wanted to be one since I was a little girl. Get the jock, have the kickass short skirt, get invited to all the cool parties, and it was high school and looking back it might have been stupid, but I was a girl whose parents ran a diner. They weren’t the doctor in town or the lawyer. Jenni’s dad was the mayor and she made us all feel like if we didn’t do what she wanted because she was the captain, she’d kick us off the team. I was just the diner girl who wanted to be popular.” She shook her head and swiped beneath her eyes. “I’m sorry. It was wrong, but we were all girls in school who wanted to fit in and be liked, and even as much as I hated doing some of the things I did, and I did. I swear it. It felt like at the time, it was the only choice to get what I wanted, too.”
I was gaping at her. My mouth hit the floor.
“It was wrong,” she continued before I gathered words. A mixture of understanding and anger and fury and hatred and goddamn it, I got her. Who didn’t want to belong in high school, a small town filled with cliques and brattiness. The problem was in my need to belong, I was never given the chance. “It was so wrong, Destiny, and as soon as we graduated, I knew that. I knew it before, but I changed. I swear it. And we’ll probably never be friends, but I do want you to know how horribly sorry I am.”
“You went along with it because you wanted Jordan.” The accusation slid from my tongue so quickly I didn’t have time to process her sincerity. Or her apology. “You went along with everything willingly because you wanted him for yourself, didn’t you?”
Her shoulders shook. With embarrassment, I hoped. All of that because she wanted a boy she didn’t have?
“Yeah, partly. I did. All he ever talked about was you, and I was a girl with a really huge crush and I wanted him to see me. And every time he came to the diner for dinner, I’d ask him if he had plans and it was always you. So I was young and stupid, and jealous and so yeah, it made it easier to do Jenni’s bidding, but it’s still on me for participating, and I take ownership of that.”
“Do you—”
“I don’t like him like that anymore, Destiny. I swear to you. That crush died years ago.”
I wanted to believe her. I truly, truly did. I wanted to believe everything Jordan said to me last n
ight. That those girls were mean to me because they were jealous of me and found my one opened wound and picked it until I bled so harshly I’d never heal from it.
A better person might have ended it there. Walked away. Taken the high road. It was ten years ago. I could forgive and forget. Screw that.
“You dipped hundreds of tampons in red paint and littered them all over my yard and hung them from my trees.”
God. The humiliation of that night. The night before prom. I’d woken up that morning, intending to get my hair done, throw on a sexy dress and instead, I’d spent hours picking up wet, soppy red tampons all over Tillie’s yard, crying so hard I called Jordan and canceled.
It’d been the final straw. Their last act that had me giving in. Their last attack that made me realize if I stayed with Jordan, this was what our lives would always be like.
Two weeks later I learned I was pregnant and that choice I’d waffled on was cemented.
“That was you?”
Both of us whipped toward the door. Jordan stood there, a fury rolling off of him so palpable I stepped back. His eyes were venomous, steely and narrowed on Christa. “You did that to her?”
Oh God.
As if this conversation couldn’t have gone any worse.
Twenty-Two
Jordan
* * *
I’d kept my eye on Destiny all night. Even when she didn’t realize I was looking at her, I knew exactly where she was. I’d gotten shit from both Shawn and Ryan for being a lovesick fool over her.
I didn’t care what they thought, although I suspected their ribbing wasn’t as good-natured as they tried to make it. They were worried she’d take off and rip me up all over again.
I wasn’t all too sure yet they were wrong, so when I saw her gather her nerve and go to Christa and they disappeared, it had taken everything in me not to go to her then, to be with her when I suspected the conversation she was about to have would be difficult. One wrong move, one explosion she couldn’t handle, and she still had a home waiting for her back in Texas.
Like hell that was going to happen.
So I gave them a few minutes, then I followed.
And I’d listened outside, so damn proud of Destiny for confronting Christa, for not giving in and accepting her apology too easy. But never, never in a million years would I have guessed I’d have heard what she threw down.
“Are you shitting me?” I crossed my arms over my chest to prevent myself from grabbing Christa. A weak man put his hands on a woman in anger, and that wasn’t me. But I remembered that day. The day of prom when I’d been at the florist picking up Destiny’s corsage, fighting against my teenage dick going hard all day at the anticipation of how slamming hot she’d look in whatever dress she was going to wear when she called me, sobbing so loud I couldn’t understand her.
Until she’d told me she wasn’t going to prom with me.
“You did that shit?”
“I’m sorry, Jordan. I’m really sorry.” Christa’s voice wavered, shook like branches in a thunderstorm. I couldn’t find an ounce of sympathy for her. She turned back to Destiny. “I’m so sorry. I understand if you’re so mad you can’t forgive me, but I want you to know that if I could go back and do it all again, I would never treat someone like that. I’m sorry I wasn’t strong enough to do it then.”
Tears rolled down Destiny’s cheeks. Christa sniffed back some of her own and swiped her cheeks. I quit paying attention to her and went to Destiny, pulled her to my side. She collapsed into me like it’d taken all of her strength to stand up for herself.
Outside of being so damn pissed at a girl I never knew had a crush on me, I was so damn proud of the girl in my arms for finally doing this.
“I should go,” Christa said. Her gaze flickered between both of us, standing against her. “But really, I’m sorry. I hope you can forgive me. Both of you.”
She licked her lips and hurried out of the guesthouse.
I turned and wrapped both my arms around Destiny. “I’d ask if you’re okay, but I imagine you’re not.”
Her hands slid from my chest where they’d been captured when I hugged her and slid to my sides, down to my hips, around to my back. She dug her fingers into my shirt, tightening them into fists and held on to me for dear life. “I hated her. I hated her so much.”
“I don’t blame you.” I smoothed down her hair at the top of her head, pressed my lips to that same spot. “I never knew it was her, or that she was involved. Why didn’t you tell me?”
“What good would it have done, Jordan?”
Maybe you wouldn’t have left.
After that day, I’d finally convinced her to go to prom, but the night hadn’t been enjoyable. I’d spent half the night trying to make her smile and wipe that nasty memory and event from her brain, I’d spent the rest of the night trying to figure out who would pull such a shitty move. That very night was when she started pulling away from me. She’d told me she was nervous about graduating, a lot on her mind with getting ready to leave Tillie. But she grew distant, a vacancy appeared in her eyes and often I caught her staring off into space with fear.
“You learned you were pregnant shortly after that, didn’t you?” I asked. Pieces I hadn’t yet put together flashed in my mind. The day we’d fought, while she screamed she’d drag me down. Then how she’d avoided me until I showed up at Tillie’s, demanding to see her. The pitiful look in Tillie’s eyes. Destiny’s red-rimmed eyes when I went to her room. She’d claimed she had the flu but would be better soon.
I saw her twice more, stilted conversations, awkward laughs, her refusing to hold my hand in public and she’d barely even kiss me.
“I couldn’t take it anymore.” She choked over her cries and I squeezed her tighter. As if I could squeeze the memories and her pain out of her. “I just couldn’t. What would they have said? What would they have done?”
I’d always thought it was some assholes on the football team being dicks to her. Or Gavin Thompson because he and I had always hated each other. I’d never considered Christa. Jenni, sure. And yeah, they’d been friends, but I always assumed Christa had more sense.
“I get it,” I finally said. I hated it. I hated what she’d done. I still hated she kept my kid from me. I at least understood the fear she had that made running seem like a good idea. “I know you’re hurting, sweetheart. I know that was really hard for you, but I also want you to know I’m so damn proud of you.”
She sniffed, and her cries turned silent. “Yeah?”
“Yeah. It’s been a long time. And I’m not standing up for Christa, but I suspect she’s regretted that for a long time, too. Still, you earned that conversation and I’m really proud of you for standing up for yourself. You did good, honey.”
A shiver rolled through her body and her fingers dug into the small of my back. “She looked like she felt really bad.”
I’d known Christa a long time. Knew her well enough to know she definitely wasn’t the girl she’d been in high school. Still, there was no way in hell I was defending her.
“Want to get Toby and get out of here?”
She nodded against my chest. “I think I’m all partied out.”
“Know it’s been a long night. Know Toby hasn’t slept in his bed for a night. But I want you both to come home with me. My home.”
“Jordan—”
“I want to show him the room I fixed up for him this week. And I want you in my bed.” I’d spent all day thinking of tonight, when I could get her into my bed, touching her more than we did last night. That wasn’t going to happen, now, but I wasn’t leaving her. And I wanted them in my home. “Nothing has to happen, but I want to hold you.”
She sniffed and tilted her head back, shimmering eyes filled with tears and a wicked little gleam in them peered up at me. “Well, maybe a little bit could happen?”
* * *
***
“So I take it you like it?”
Toby’s eyes scanned his room again, settled on t
he life-size cut out of his favorite basketball player for the Houston Rockets. Other than that, I hadn’t done much to the room but throw a navy-blue comforter on the bed with some matching sheets. I’d also bought a bookshelf and a dresser for him to hopefully, fill someday.
“You have James Hardin on my wall.”
The thing had been a pain in the ass to install, and I’d wanted it to be perfect. All the cussing I’d done the other night putting it up after hating watching them leave my house was now worth it. Seeing his face light up with joy, and Destiny’s matching one after the night she’d had made every cuss word, every frustrating minute, absolutely worth it.
“How about we hit the hay,” Destiny said, moving toward her son.
I gestured toward the hall bath. “I’ve got the bathroom stocked with everything you should need.”
Destiny’s stuff was in my bathroom. I’d gone to the store and stocked up on items I’d seen in her bathroom the other night. Yeah, I’d snooped. Wouldn’t apologize for it, either.
If Toby thought anything of them spending the night at my place, he didn’t show it. He grabbed his overnight bag he’d packed for Rebecca’s the night before and took it with him to the hall. “Thanks, Jordan. I’m good, though.”
I waited until the door closed in the hallway and turned to Destiny. Before I could say anything, she had her hands at my cheeks, pulling me down, and planting her lips right on mine.
“Thank you.” She yanked back and grinned up at me. A smile so large and free I didn’t think I’d see that after what happened earlier. “Thank you. You’re the best man I’ve met. You know that, Jordan?”
My jaw clenched tight. “I’m glad you think so.”
“I do. I always have.”
I slid my mouth over hers, softly, slowly, soaking in the silky feel of her lips, the quickening of her breath, but pulled back without taking it further. The last thing Toby needed was the visual of me and his mom making out in his bedroom right before he went to bed.
