by Brooks, Tori
Dev paused and Lindsay felt the weight of his silence. She felt like she should be struck down for doing this to someone so sweet and wonderful.
“Dev,” she said, wondering what she was going to say but knowing she had to say something. “I wish I could think of some way to make this easier. You deserve better.”
“You’re not going to change your mind.”
“No.”
He nodded. “Okay.”
“I’m sorry.” Lindsay shifted to the edge of the couch and Dev stood, offering her his hand. It was a familiar gesture, but one that seemed to belong to a different time now, different people. After just a moment’s hesitation, Lindsay took his hand anyway and Dev helped her to her feet like he’d done so many times before. She dropped his hand, already missing the warmth of his fingers in hers, and he let her.
Lindsay walked to the door and Dev shadowed her. She opened the door to go, then stopped and turned. Without even realizing it before the words left her mouth, Lindsay faced Dev and answered the one question she shouldn’t have.
“I do love you. I probably always will deep inside of me.” Lindsay felt the warmth creeping into her cheeks as she realized what she just said. “But it doesn’t change anything,” she added before she turned and walked to her car, leaving Dev’s beautiful grass-green eyes stunned as she felt them watching her drive away.
Chapter Eleven
Dev felt Jess’s eyes on him as he slid the strap of his guitar over his head. In theory, Dev flew in last night and Bryan picked him up at the airport and dropped him off at home, already exhausted from finals. Bryan was the only other person in the house who knew that was a complete work of fiction. Brenda couldn’t hold it together, so she wasn’t here. Dev didn’t have a choice. They had the North American tour to support their third album starting soon. There wasn’t time for him to break down. Bryan swore he’d help Dev hold it together, but Dev wasn’t sure how. Jess and Kenny were going to find out about Lindsay eventually. He’d have to tell them. It’d be better if he told them.
With a sigh, Dev turned to face Jess. Jess stood in the middle of stage, already waiting. It was disturbingly like he was waiting for Dev to make a statement. Like he knew something was up. Bryan certainly didn’t tip him off.
Dev looked past the tall trouble-maker to where Kenny bent over an amp, fiddling with the settings. He seriously doubted the amp required the amount of attention Kenny was devoting to it and Dev resigned himself to the realization that they already knew about Lindsay leaving him. At least in part.
Walking over to sit on an empty electronics case still littering the area, Dev wasn’t surprised when he looked back and Jess was still watching him.
“So how much do you know?” Dev asked.
“About what?” Jess asked, in his annoying, overly-innocent way that told Dev he was irritated he wasn’t told outright.
“Just don’t. That’s the reason I didn’t tell you before.”
“I might have been able to help,” Jess answered.
“Doubt it. She was pretty determined.”
“Delusional too.”
Dev wasn’t going to start slamming Lindsay just because he didn’t agree with her, although he had a difficult time disagreeing with Jess’s assessment. Not sure what to say, he just nodded.
“How did you find out?” Dev asked.
“Your breakup songs are pretty transparent. Then I ran into Lindsay. We had a little chat.”
It would have hurt less if Jess had just hit him. Dev stared at his shoes, trying to catch his breath and find the strength to answer his friend. All the time Dev was trying desperately to get Lindsay to talk to him, find any way to engage her in conversation, and instead she talked to Jess?
Lindsay hated Jess. She mentioned wanting to switch his cologne with barbecue sauce and push him into an ant hill. She wanted Dev to teach Jess how to surf in the hopes he’d be eaten by a shark. Lindsay cited Jess as the reason she might be willing to give lesbianism a chance. Dev always thought that was an odd thing to say to her boyfriend, but he let it go as part of her excitable nature. It was the exclamation point at the end of the sentence Lindsay passed on Jess. And she preferred to talk to Jess over him.
“What did she say?” Dev asked softly.
Jess hesitated and looked back over his shoulder at Kenny. Kenny nodded, and Jess walked over to loiter by Dev, hovering over him, but still staying just out of range. Dev was moderately concerned about that.
“She assumed you were having an affair with Erika. Now, I’d like you to listen for a minute. I don’t say many things worth listening to, but occasionally there is a gem and you need to pay attention. She’s a dividing factor in the band. But you love her and you’re innocent of the, in my opinion, relatively minor charge you’re accused of, so I gave you a hand. Lindsay knows very well I hate her. She knows I want her gone. I confirmed that, and that I’d love dearly for her to realize her mistake and for you to come to your senses and not to take her back. Regardless, I told her she knew you better than this. She was wrong.
“That being said, Dev, let her go.”
“Jess –”
“I’m serious. You’re twenty-one, you’re rich, you have a ton of women who want to get to know you. She’s your first girlfriend and the only girl you’ve spent any quiet time with. Open your eyes. Don’t marry the first girl you kiss. There are other women out there. Some of them you will love and will also not divide the band. You can have it all.”
“It isn’t about the band,” Dev said.
“Okay, let me rephrase that then. How about do you want to have a girlfriend that you can bring with you when you hang out with your friends? Other than Bryan and Brenda, who did Lindsay get along with? I didn’t see you inviting her to Boston. The theory was she wouldn’t be happy there. Why? I wonder.” Jess made a show of thinking over the idea. “Would it be because she didn’t get along with the brainiacs you hung with there? They weren’t that bad. Why not have Lindsay just move in?”
“I made a mistake, okay?” Dev stood and walked back over to his place in front of Bryan’s drums. Bryan stood watching the exchange and motioned to Jess. Dev didn’t recognize the gesture, but Jess followed Dev and took his place between Dev and Kenny.
Dev expected some sort of acidic comeback from Jess, something more on the subject of Lindsay. Jess clearly had more to say, he was seething from the look of him, but he remained silent.
Looking back to Bryan, the drummer simply took his seat.
“Okay, we all know the drill,” Kenny said. “We’ve done tours. We know the songs, we know the order. Let’s make sure we have all the cues. Practice, practice, practice. If it’s perfect now, it’ll be presentable later. The backup singers know their routines, they’ll join us tomorrow. We have two weeks. Bryan, when you’re ready.”
Dev couldn’t believe it. Just like that, it was over. A month ago, Lindsay left him. Last night, she twisted the knife that cut out his heart. He expected drama over it with Jess and Kenny, but the coffin was hammered shut in record time. Kenny didn’t even say a word.
Bryan’s first beat drove his despondency to the background and he forced himself to concentrate. Kenny kept him focused and Dev decided he’d survive the tour, on stage at least. Now if he could only figure out how to survive the nights he’d planned on having Lindsay sleeping beside him.
○ ○ ○
They kicked off the tour in Seattle two weeks later. Leaving felt like giving up. Dev sat in the tour bus and stared out the window as the view of the city gave way to rows of airplanes, hope faded with the scenery he loved. He didn’t realize until that moment that he still harbored some vain dream that Lindsay would call. Dev didn’t want to give up on Lindsay, but he didn’t have a choice. It was such a slim chance. She said she still loved him. Surely that meant she was thinking of him.
Dev had Brenda offer her tickets to the concert. He had no idea if she accepted or not. Dev didn’t want to know. He didn’t ask, and Brenda didn�
�t offer any details about how her lunch with Lindsay went.
Bryan sensed Dev’s reluctance to let go and gave him some line about absence making the heart grow fonder. He said Lindsay knew him. She’d eventually realize she made a mistake, and hopefully, be willing to own up to it. Dev just had to make himself available and approachable. Be forgiving.
Brenda echoed that with something about Lindsay needing time. The problem was, as Dev saw it, they’d been apart already and she’d had time. It hadn’t solved anything.
Flynn looked like he had something to say every time they crossed paths, but Dev’s stepfather wisely kept whatever it was to himself. Almost as important, Flynn kept sending Sophie on errands after she learned of the breakup and repeatedly threw herself at Dev in tears.
Kenny was supposed to be the psychologist, the understanding one. But he quoted stats: something like ninety-eight percent of high school and college relationships didn’t last and then there was a fifty percent divorce rate among the few that did. Dev almost felt sorry for Kenny when Bryan and Brenda took offense to his tactic.
Their manager, Alec, told him not to take it too hard and there would be others, but maybe give it a little time. Something about rebound relationships being a bad idea. Dev wasn’t paying attention by that point. He was wondering if Flynn was going to pull him aside for a pep talk too, and trying to figure out how to avoid it. He needn’t have worried. Flynn still seemed to be playing it safe and determined not to piss him off.
Other than his initial advice to let it go, Jess didn’t say anything. Dev figured it was only a matter of time and started avoiding Jess as much as Kenny once they were on the road.
Backstage after the show in Seattle wasn’t a problem. Dev hoped to see Lindsay, but didn’t really expect her. They had fans, a lot of friends, and more than a few people invited back as favors.
Dev was trying to avoid a group of hopeful-looking girls when Miss Northwest caught his eye. He knew Kenny mentioned something about her and Jess having something in the past, but he couldn’t remember what. It didn’t matter, she was safe. He meandered casually over to say hello.
“I didn’t expect to see you here,” Dev smiled.
“You remember me this time?” Rene asked with a brilliant smile.
“Kenny told me you graduated with Bryan. And something else that I can’t remember and probably shouldn’t.” He smiled back and took a drink of his Diet Coke.
“Rumor has it you finally figured out what girls are for,” Rene said, stepping closer and taking Dev’s tie in her hand.
Dev choked on his cola and backed away.
“And I don’t see the pretty blond that was holding your reins at the pageant.” She stepped forward again. This time when she took Dev’s tie, it was near the knot, so he couldn’t back away without strangling himself.
“Um ...”
“Leave him alone, Rene,” Jess stepped up beside Dev. He had a tall brunette on his arm who eyed Rene with barely restrained hostility. Jess reached over and removed Rene’s hand from Dev’s tie. “Dev’s not going to demonstrate any of his off-stage skills for you. I’d kill him.”
Dev looked at Jess in surprise.
“Seriously. I’d rather have Lindsay back, and that’s a hell of a concession,” Jess told her then turned to Dev. “Run for it.”
Dev didn’t need to be told twice. He turned, looked for Bryan in the crowd, found Kenny, and headed over to join him.
“You look panicked,” Kenny whispered when Dev found his way to his side.
“Rene Golden,” Dev said. “Jess just rescued me. I thought if they wore a sash they were safe.”
“She’s not wearing a sash. Her reign is over. Also, don’t you remember me telling you she hit on you in high school?”
“No. Forgot that part.” Dev felt color erupt in his cheeks.
“What did she say?” Kenny asked. Dev heard the amusement in his friend’s voice, so he just shook his head. He wasn’t going to make this night even worse.
As Dev sat on the bus watching home and his girlfriend disappear, and remembering last night, it was as if Kenny could read his mind.
“Jess, so what was the deal with Rene Golden cornering Dev?” Kenny asked.
In the seat across the aisle, Bryan and Brenda turned to look at him. Dev let his forehead rest against the cool glass of the window when Jess started laughing in the seat in front of him.
“Yeah. She had him by the tie so he couldn’t get away. I’m surprised she’s the first groupie to either think of it or manage it,” Jess started.
“Who says she’s the first?” Brenda challenged.
“He’s still wearing them knotted around his neck, ready to be led off to the slaughter isn’t he?” Jess reasoned.
“She’s the first,” Dev said.
“See? He’s not an idiot. Now, are you going to continue wearing a leash?” Jess asked.
“Yes.”
“You’re an idiot.”
“That’s based on experience, I assume?” Dev asked.
“Go to hell. I should have let Rene have you.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t remember her even wanting me the first time.”
“That’s because you were trying very hard to ignore everything in a skirt. I explained it to her the first time, then again last night,” Jess said.
“That’s right. I remember Kenny saying something like that at the Miss North America thing. You comforted her when I didn’t pay her any attention. I asked if she was mad at you, he said you were mad at her. And it looked like that hasn’t changed.” Dev stood and looked over the seat at his friend. “Jess, what gives? Kenny didn’t say she was a nut-job. Why the bad blood?”
Jess looked at him, then at Kenny. He sighed. “She’s not a nice person. Just steer clear of her, Dev. No matter what.”
“You’d honestly rather have me with Lindsay than Rene?” Dev pushed. Across the aisle, Kenny sat up at this news.
“Yeah, no question,” Jess answered.
“Interesting,” Dev said, sitting back down. Jess’s dislike of Lindsay was, he thought, unparalleled. It seems he was wrong. Was this useful though?
“Jess,” Kenny’s voice was low and soft, almost dangerously intense, and it caught Dev’s attention.
“Yeah?”
“You’ve got his attention. Tell him.”
Dev stood up and looked over the seat at Jess again. He didn’t look happy. In fact, he looked as miserable as Dev had ever seen him.
“Fine,” Jess said, then looked at Dev. “Listen, we were a band already and we already had a bit of a name for ourselves at your school. Also, I already had a reputation. So did you.”
“What? I did?”
“The girls thought you were cute and sweet. Rene’s beautiful, you saw her. She’s smart too, a real overachiever. She could give Cassie a run if she put her mind to it, but she isn’t interested in academics. She wants social standing. And it just so happened there was a band with talent in her very high school. How handy.
“She has the necessary equipment, I mean look at Kenny and Paige. She just chose wrong. She looked at Kenny and shrugged him off. He wasn’t in high school anymore –”
“Neither were you.”
“I was still accessible, but I also bounced around. I wasn’t ready to settle down. Bryan was already hooked, whereas you – you were the perfect target.”
Dev swallowed. “What?”
“Oh, come on. Smart but naïve, cute, talented, sweet, a year younger and ripe for the picking. So she tried to become friends with Cassie and Tiffany. They didn’t really have anything in common with Rene; they tolerated her, but just barely. Not enough to invite her home or let her get close enough to you.
“Dev, you met Rene repeatedly and never actually saw her. She was beautiful then too, but you were just that uncomfortable with girls. She never got close enough to figure out to ditch the makeup and pick up a book.
“When Cass and Tiff didn’t get her close enough to have regu
lar conversations with you, she tried getting close to Brenda. Bryan tipped off me and he introduced us. I took her out, spelled it out, we had some fun.”
“So problem solved?”
“Problem escalated. I thought she’d just trade her focus on you for me, then I’d let her down and she’d go her own way. That wasn’t it at all. We dated for a week, but she was only dating me to get to you.”
“No.” Dev shook his head. That was insane.
“Yes. Rene knew better than to ask me about you. She asked about the band as a whole because that was safe. She didn’t even ask to come watch us practice, I think she was waiting for me to offer. Brenda caught her listening outside once. She said she was waiting for me, although she shouldn’t have been. I started to get a feeling about her.”
“You know he’s good about sensing the crazies,” Kenny said.
“I know,” Dev answered.
“It’s too bad I didn’t catch it earlier. I think,” Jess said. “Of course if I had, maybe I wouldn’t have gotten involved at all and she’d still be stalking you.”
“So you broke up with her, but she didn’t go back to chasing me,” Dev confirmed.
“I confronted her,” Jess said, “but I did it in front of her father. He was a little upset his little angel was trying to sleep her way through the band to get to a specific player. I might have dramatized it a bit. I was pissed. I’m not accustomed to being used. Well, not like that.”
“I get what you mean.” Dev nodded. “Thanks. Rene’s off limits, no doubt about it.”
Dev turned to sit down then stopped. “Wait, she didn’t come near me at the pageant.”
“Her coach was there, and he’d probably report it to her father,” Jess shrugged. “Her dad knew who she was obsessed with. Sorry, but I gave him your name. It seemed the best way to keep her away from you. In theory he was going to put her in therapy. We thought about telling you, but you were freaked about the girls that were just glancing at you. Kenny and I couldn’t imagine what knowing about Rene would have done.”
